Conrad, Atypically, Being Good

Because I Like To Mix It Up Sometimes
After all, if I were horrid always, then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?
     My work colleague and friend Shelli - you know, the one with the cello* - is one of those girls who has a pash about unicorns, and he strongly suspects she sits around during lockdown doing her electronic admin in a unicorn onesie.
     Rather bizarrely, she rescued a dumped unicorn found near her home, and whilst she is willing to offer it temporary accomodation, she's looking for a full-time rescue home.  Art?

What?  You surely weren't expecting a real one, were you?

     As she and your sharp eyes have both noted, it lacks  - a horn.  It's so cruel - puppies get dumped when they turn into dogs, and unicorns are hurled aside the moment their horn comes off - and yet it offered so many opportunities for tasteless jokes on Facebook.
     Which I proudly avoided!
     Reverting to type, if it were a real unicorn one possibility would be to make soup from it, but as it's a soft toy, perhaps a nice rug?

Egad.  Once again the internet surprises me.

     Okay, motley, one of these water-park attractions has had the water replaced with sulphuric acid - time for you to see which one!

One For The FiveGees
Conrad is coming to the end of Adam Tooze's epic "The Wages Of Destruction" and is currently on the chapter about Albert Speer's part in the Nazi economy.  Ol' Al, it seems, was far from "an apolitical technocrat who radically improved the Third Reich's economy and industry after taking over from Fritz Todt."  Art?
                 
                                                          Speery and Toddy
     The thing is, Ol' Al only got his crack at being top tier management because the plane carrying Toddy blew up shortly after take-off.
     This, of course, has been seized upon by conspiranoid loonwaffles at the time and ever since, as evidence of an assassination attempt that succeeded.  There is no solid reason for having to destroy an aircraft and flight crew in order to get rid of matey; all Herr Schickelgruber needed to do was frown a bit and his faithful minions would have vanished whomsoever he was frowning at; they'd never have made it to the foyer after sitting down to dinner.

How to scare cats the Schikelgruber way!

     I couldn't find any photos of the crash, you ghouls, and can only note that the air crash investigation found no evidence of sabotage, which of course to the loonwaffles and FiveGees is cast-iron proof that there was sabotage.  Conrad, were he an ACI, would first check on the stats for the aircraft involved, a Heinkel 111, and it's safety record.  Did that particular plane have any history of issues?  Had the crew been fatigued by long flying?  What were the weather conditions?  One should also note that it was due to fly from East Prussia to Berlin, a long haul, and would have been chock-full of aviation fuel; thus a fire on crashing is to be expected.
     There is actually a seam of material to be made use of here, so believe me, we shall be returning here, O yes Vulnavia!

A downed He 111.  "Obviously sabotaged!" shriek the FiveGees.

     There will now be a short pause as I go to refill my teacup.  Thank you for your patience, gentle reader.

Conrad Went Shopping
I needed a couple of baguettes in order to be able to do Zapiekanka, not to mention some margarine and most especially SOME LOOSE LEAF TEA! for my stocks of all teas are getting dangerously low.  This is no minor problem, given how many litres of the stuff I down per day.
     "Big-toe joint problem"? - sorry, musing over the Skeleton crossword in the Oldham Times, which I've not purchased in over a month.
     It's a good six weeks since I last travelled on a bus - or a bad six weeks, your mileage may vary - and to my stunned amazement First Bus have actually stepped up and managed something positive!  Hang on, I'll let you sit down at the sheer outraged surprise at FB getting a compliment in BOOJUM!  Art?

Obviously NOT JUST THIS SEAT.  So we're clear.

     They've reduced the carrying capacity by half, and the 409 only runs every 20 minutes, and we'll see if that changes when things return to normal**.

     Hallux Limitus?  Osteoarthritis?  Hallux Rigidus?  Gout? - ooops, sorry, musing aloud

Both A What On Earth? And Did They Not Test It First? Moment
Conrad likes to watch the "Forgotten Weapons" Youtube channel, because let's face it, nobody is going to allow Your Modest Artisan to get his huge sweaty hands on a Vickers machine gun or a Webley Mk. VI revolver <makes sad weepy face>.
     The chap behind the channel, Ian McCollum, is always extremely polite in his presentation, to the extent that one is pretty certain he never says anything stronger than "Gosh darn it!" at home.
     Most recently he was test-firing a First Unpleasantness era French Hotchkiss machine gun, and if Art can put down his bowl of coal -

     That peculiar thing attached to the muzzle is a flash-deflector, which was used in the first days of the war, and we might be able to bring you a clearer, larger picture.  Art?

CAUTION!  Do not try this at home

     As Ian proved, this bizarre and needlessly complex attachment was worse than useless; if you look at his photo you can see the large cicular area where the diverted muzzle blast has thrown up an array of dust and grit.   This would give your position away immediately and probably foul the gun's working mechanism, too.  So they were rapidly discarded. 
     So, there's that question in the title: did the bafoons who created this oddment ever test it in real life?

     Right, that's enough typing, I've got Zapiekanka to make!


*  Hence, occasionally, "Shello".  Just never to her face.
**  2027, give or take a year or two.