Bake Off

No!  Nothing To Do With Noel Fielding And Cakes
Conrad, being something of an amateur baker, used to watch "The Great British Bake-Off" with a certain degree of near-religious fervour, and used to react with horror to those at work who suggested he apply for it.
     "In competition?  Against the clock?  With an audience of millions watching?  And having borderline anarchists Mel and Sue sticking a microphone under your nose?"

Unbeknown to all, Noel has a giant twin brother

     Anyway, that's what this Intro's not about.  No, instead I refer to another Polish recipe that I've recently dug out of teh Interwebz, "Zapiekanka", which is a variety of Pizza-on-a-baguette, and if Art can - 

Zapakienka, after getting Zapped

     These things have a cultural history, apparently.  They began to appear in the dog days of the Communist regime and tended to be zapped in a microwave.  They usually consisted of grilled mushrooms, cheese and an unhealthy drizzle of ketchup, and their name is Polish for "Baked", because to be done properly you toast them in an oven at Gas Mark 4 until the cheese has melted.
     That's the "Baked" part.  The "Off"?  Well, last week if not the week before Your Modest Artisan bought a couple of Panini rolls, and since there were no handy baguettes, they were going to get Zapped and baked as Zapiekanka -

Or not.

     O well.  I had to make do with grilled Bratwurst.  And I'd bothered to get extra mushrooms and Red Leicester cheese.
     I've warned you before, motley, you do NOT throw out the Stilton "Because it's mouldy", that's how it's supposed to be.
     The best laid plans of mice and men "gang aft agley*", hmmmmm?

Hum.  I Googled "Cybernetic Zombie Mutant Mouse" and what do you know.
(This is basically the poster animal for "agley*")

Back To That "Rolling Stone" List
You know, the "Top 50 Sci-Fi Shows On Television Evah".  We have now reached Number 33 and "Life On Mars".  Art?

Conrad was very disappointed.

     You can see where this is going already, can't you?  Not so much as a sniff of the red sandy soil of our neighbouring planet as an anachronistic thriller.  There's this police detective from Right Now who is in a car crash, and then wakes up in 1973 (I think and we're not looking for accuracy with dates here, matey), David Bowie's "Life On Mars" being the song playing on the radio at the time the accident occurred.

Gene and John busy being polar opposites

     The title is also a sly allusion to the generation gap between the protagonist and the antediluvian era he finds himself in.  Plus, is he dreaming?  Is he dead?  In a coma?  Travelling through time?

Er -

     Your Humble Scribe has seen some of an episode and it didn't fill his flinty heart with joy.  Perhaps I should give it another chance?  I can then rant about it In An Informed Fashion.

     Sorry about the delay, I went and had a look at the series' description on the internet, and do you know what?  This idea has legs <an audience groans in dislike at lazy artists not using their imagination>.

A Beer For Sissies!
It must be, I mean, look at the labelling - 

WOLFROCK

     What self-respecting man would dare to drink an ale that is named after a piece of female apparel?  They ought to call it "WOLF PACK" or even"WOLF PACK!", much more manly - 
     Hey, this slipping into a 1973 persona is pretty easy!  I shall now go off and smoke a pack - see what I did there? - of twenty cigarettes, one after the other, and then have some lard fritters deep fried in melted blubber**, whilst watching The Manchester United play ballfoot on "Grandstand", just before "Doctor Who" starts.

"The Doctor intervened, threatening to sonic Conrad if he didn't stop it."

     Here an aside.  Listening to Owl City's "The Midsummer Station" all the way through for the first time, and it's like me a normal human being eating 144 fondant cupcakes.  Nice enough to begin with, ending up rather cloying by the end.

Add caption

     O well.  Not everything can be searing rock and roll, I suppose.
     Next!

Another Fruitful Reddit Question on Youtube
This one was "What did you think was cool but turned out to be horrible when you tried it?"
     One of the earlier answers was an activity that Conrad is quite happy to never, ever undertake himself: caving.  Or spelunking, as I think our South Canadian cousins call it.  Art?

Nope.  

     If anyone had been potentially interested, they would have been unpleasantly educated.  Our poster said that you are knee deep in bat guano, then face down thanks to low ceilings, in dirty, smelly water, getting scampered over by miscellaneous vermin, IN THE DARK, with potentially lethal drops coming at any point, and it's cold, too.

Cave diving: Nope squared

     Conrad has been to Whitescar Caves in Yorkshire a couple of times, back when Darling Daughter was young and wanted to venture there, and they are very people-friendly, all walkways and handrails and safety barriers, and the worst of it is having to bend down at points.  If they were an unexplored subterranean system, can you really see a 6'1" individual massing 200 lbs (with a big head) contorting himself into knots in complete darkness?  Nope cubed.

Nutty Putty Cave - now sealed with, and because of, the dead caver inside.
Nope to the tenth power.

Finally -
Conrad was initially rather amused by this news item, before reconsidering as Darling Daughter and Tom, The Quiet One, are avid LARP fans and now that the weather is improving and an end to lockdown in sight (if you have a Schmidt 8" reflector, anyway) they may well be planning some hack-and-slash event in a muddy field.  Art?

    Ah, they're all smiles now ...  Our hero was walking around in public to get used to the weight of his new armour, whilst carrying a toy sword, getting in shape for his next LARP event, for nobody likes a pudgy nerd.  Or is it a nerdy pudge?  Anyway, armed police were summoned, and ended up having a jolly good laugh; perhaps at Lennon, rather than with him. Anyway, everyone went home happy and whole and alive.  As Lennon joked, a tad tastelessly, if this had been in South Canada ...

Yes, well - good point, actually.

     And with that we are O! so very done.  Done, I tell you!
*  Scottish dialect for "completely up the spout"
**  Conrad is guessing at unhealthy early Seventies cuisine.