Jon Snow

O Boy Have You Ever Been Clickbaited!
For I refer to none other than Jon Pertwee, he whom adopted the mantle of "Doctor" for the third season of The BBC's Premier Dramamentary series "Doctor Who".  Jon - Art, can you indulge us?

Jon

     It is a matter of record that the planet Mars hosts a dwindling race of aliens who would very much like to, you know, take over Planet Earth, rather than becoming extinct.  This would be bad for Hom. Sap. as these Martian incumbents are not bothered at all about the extinction status of you us.  These, then, are the Ice Warriors - Art?

Ice, and lots of it.

     What has struck Your Humble Scribe for Lo! these many years, is that these "Ice Warriors" are never actually described as being "Martian".  It's true, go back and check for yourself if you don't believe me;  avoid those Peppa Pig clips with egregious swearing, though.  This raises a whole lot of questions, however: if they aren't native to Mars, then where do they come from?  Are they native to Mars?  If they aren't native to Mars, then why did they choose to colonise a nasty frigid iron-infested waterless rock when there was Earth, all blue and well-watered, absent any owners?

The sands of Mars

     So there is Jon, and there is snow, except not the two together at the same time, and nothing whatsoever to do with any current television programs. O sorry - were you expecting a cross between  dragons, swords and warts?



          Time, methinks, for buttered pancakes (Hellboy has good taste).      Okay, motley, these squirt guns are loaded with molten jam - how fast can you run?


Films!  Let's Review Films!
We haven't done this for some time, and there's a bit of a backlog.  Let me acquaint you with the rules: 1) There aren't any AND 2) We make it all up.*
"Hanna":  A poster with a face on it.  Not exactly being communicative, are they?  Let me guess - "The touching tale of a Finnish arboriculturist who discovers a nest full of baby trolls, and who takes them home and eats them".  How's that?  Next!

Delicious when grilled

"Missing Link":  Shouldn't there be a question mark there?  Regardless, Conrad is incandescently cross at this blatant example of South Canadian presumption!  Very cross indeed!  In reply to the title, no, I am not missing Link, not one bit.  You can, in fact, take Linc and - ah, someone beat me to it.

That hat!

"Hellboy":Conrad is - apprehensive.  If you follow BOOJUM! with any regularity, then you know Your Humble Scribe loves Hellboy.  I have a Hellboy tee-shirt; I've met Mike Mignola**; I have all the trade paperbacks; I have both films and the animated ones, too.  So I am worried about this reboot/remake/reinvention, and the trailers didn't really convince me, either - a touch too jokey.  I remain to be convinced.
     Wow.  Conrad being serious about a film <thinks - we need to divert the audience's attention> -

O noes!

     How fortunate and timely - an uninvited interruption by another 4-6-2 steam locomotive, who thinks that, because they revolutionised transport and logistics, they can barge into the blog whenever.  Get lost, steam locomotive!  Also, electric trains totally kicked your bottom.
"Pet Sematary":  Another remake, eh?  I'm not really surprised, because Hollywood if they can get away with it, or think they can.  What Conrad finds most repellent about this cinematic excursion is the DREADFUL SPELLING!  Not only was this inflicted on us back in the Whatevers, it now comes slouching out again, like some rough beast.  I think I saw the original, and all I recall is Fred Gwynne getting hamstrung, which isn't a lot to take away.

This is not going to end well, is it?

     Right, that's enough films for one post, and we've gotten rid of some backlog there.


Back To Ol' Pat
 - and his Youtube presentation "Patrick Answers Questions No One Asked".  Jumping around the order in which he presents things, because once again, whose blog is it? - we shall look at "Eerie, Indiana", which I saw most of when it came out, and liked.  Mostly.  Some episodes were more miss than hit, but overall it was an interesting series.  It only ran for one season, which is actually a good thing, since one of the worst entertainment experiences is watching a program you love gradually become a zombie, both jumping the shark and barrel-scraping at the same time.

Our hero and protagonist

     Oh - the premise?  New Jersey family moves from inner city to isolated town in the outback, in the middle of the middle of nowhere, where all sorts of weird and inexplicable things happen.  A bit like "Eureka" for a slightly younger demographic.

SCARY DENTISTS!

     Here an aside.  I loved "Spaced", and would be delighted to see a third series - but only if they can maintain the quality of the first two, and if that's not possible, then just don't bother.  I doubt it's a possibility, Simon Pegg being a big film star now and all that.


I Beg Your Buzzing Pardon
I went and used slang that you might not be aware of without an explanation, for which Your Humble Scribe apologises, since he dislikes it being done to him.  The title "Bonkers Ballistic Back-engineered Buzz Bombs" made reference to the sinister V1 robot flying bombs as deployed by the Teutons during the Second Unpleasantness.

One V1

     For these engines of unpleasantness were nicknamed "Buzz bombs" due to the distinctive droning sound their engines made.  As long as the engine was making a noise, you were safe.  Once it cut out - time to take cover, chaps.
     And of course, since we are dealing with Perfidious Albion, reports sent back to Germany all misled them about where these missiles were really landing, because the German agents were actually working for Perfidious Albion.  And, given Allied total control of the air, there was absolutely 0% chance of any Luftwaffe reconnaissance aircraft getting through.
     Now - buzz off!

A V1, making a racket***

*  Yes, "We".  Conrad likes to spread the blame.



**  The creator and artist for Hellboy, not someone encountered randomly.
***  See?  See how artfully crafty I am?  Also, never play me at "Trivial Pursuit".