Conrad: Middle-Aged Bore Who Knows The Score

As You Can See, I Am Not Overly Precious
Certainly not about myself.  Of course, if you care to jump in and defend me, that will count in your favour when I take over the world.
     You may wonder what I am drivelling on about.  Well, it's too soon in the day for me to have been at the sherry bottle (and besides, I loathe sherry: I once made a milkshake flavoured with sherry and the horror still lingers).  So, let me reassert an aphorism that I came up with a few years ago:  it is compulsory, when you become middle-aged, to also become a consumer of murder mysteries.  Art?

<gags>
Murder mysteries, Art, not sherries!

     I came up with this sad fact/unpleasant truth/positive revelation (delete where relevant) a few years ago, when I conceived a pash for the Lord Peter Wimsey novels, and the television series, too.  Not to mention watching "Hercule Poirot", about which I used to post on BOOJUM! - you know, continuity and how difficult it is to film scenes in the later twentieth century that have to masquerade for early twentieth century.  
     Here an aside.  When "Poirot" was filmed the technology to use CGI to augment or alter scenes did not exist.  So, you can't film a London skyline bristling with modern aerials.  Art?

Or, indeed, the London skyline

     You have to be careful where you film, and the angles you use.  Not only that, you have to hire in various motor vehicles, steam trains, period clothing.  AND you need to edit out or loop anachronistic sounds, like aircraft flying overhead, traffic, car horns and mobile phone ringtones.
     Where were we?  Sorry, this party going on in my head can be a bit distracting at times - chaps?  I say, chaps, can you keep it down?  Thanks ever so.
     Ah!  Yes, I happen to be watching an episode of "Poirot", the 2001 adaptation of "Evil Under The Sun", and O my!  I think the adverts are aimed at a particular demographic.  For what do we have but one for Stairlift.  You know, those things that help the aged and infirm get upstairs without having to use their legs.

ART!

     I do apologise, gentle readers.  Let me just fire up the Atomic Tazer -

<sounds of flesh frying>

Thus

     Ah, yes, going for the Middle-Aged Audience, eh?  <mutters darkly under breath>.
     Next up, an advert for a Wonder Walking Stick.  It practically dances and makes a pot of tea for you, besides being able to fold up handily and sustain you over any kind of terrain.  Art?

The <shudder> Hurrycane

     Note that it also has a handy carrying strap!  Hip hooray for the Hurrycane!
     Once again I can guess what audience they are aiming for.  My aphorism has now come true.*
     Okay, motley, I am now going to pour a bucket of aftershave over your naked body and thrash you with NETTLES!

Talking Of Hurricanes -
What a wild coincidence!  I am at present watching a film on Netflix of that very same name.  "Hurricane" spelled the correct British way, of course.  No!  It's not about the weather phenomenon; rather, I speak of the Hawker Hurricane fighter of the Second Unpleasantness, which a still-smoking Art will now illustrate -

The beast in question

     The film is about the Polish pilots of 303 Squadron RAF, and it lays the "Insular Brits Do Not Take To Uppity Forriners" layer on a bit thick, but then it is entertainment not a documentary.  And the RAF's upper echelons were, initially, very suspicious of letting a load of foreigners who didn't speak English, who didn't understand Imperial measures and who'd not flown a magnificent aerial steed like the Hurricane before, into battle.

Star Iwan Rheon, with his "Canadian" commanding officer

     The film does refer to the very cosmopolitan nature of the RAF at this time, since 303 had a Czechoslovak pilot flying for them.  The squadron CO is an American masquerading as Canadian, because Americans were not allowed to serve in the armed forces of other countries at that time; this again is realistic because there were a lot of "Canadians" who stood at the back of the room and kept their heads and arms down when the oath of allegiance to the King was taken in Winnipeg or Ontario.
     One thing they do not stint on is the incandescent, implacable hatred the Poles felt towards the Teutons, because this was a very real thing at the time, and congrats! for not being all PC and glossing it over.  

Killers in the skies, readers: killers in the skies

     Now, once I get back to work I shall have to ask Konrad or Mariusz or Ania to have a listen to Iwan's speeches in Polish and see how polishedly Polish his Polish is.

     Blimey, I'm kind of half-watching and quarter-listening to "Midsomer Murders" and this humble English village has such a high death-rate I'm surprised any inhabitants survive.  I wonder how many people would die if Charlie Chan turned up to <ahem> "See an old friend"?

Finally -
I know, I know, I've only posted two-and-a-half articles.  Yes, but they're quality articles - hang on, an advert for buying into a community of holiday homes featuring OLD PEOPLE?  <short pause to allow blood pressure to re-set> YES I see what demographic you're going for there -
     Dammit, now I've lost my train of thought.  

Insane in the brain with a train

     Nope, gone completely.  Okay, let's have proof that, in the future, Health and Safety will have been dismissed as the chimerae that they are, thus allowing entrepreneurs to entrepren without all that silly red tape!

The Fireflash

     Capable of Mach 28 (or something) and travelling to Australia in 23 minutes, you'd better not be aboard this plane for more than 90 minutes or you'll pick up a fatal dose of radiation.  One wonders what the crew do on round trips of 46 minutes each leg ...**




*  Sorry, can't help being so clever.
**  The Future - where life is cheap.