Your Days Are Numbered, Humans!

Not Simply Because Of My Starship Invasion Fleet
     Although by 2279 as the skies darken and a million laser cannons point at you - yes, you right there! - you'll be wondering if your ancestor's diligent reading of BOOJUM! daily will save you -

 - anyway, let's not dwell on that, shall we?*

Ahem.  Now, as I was saying, Hom. Sap., your days as this planet's dominant species are under threat.  Witness the terrifyingly clever AI** known as "Edna":

She's much too cute, the brute

She is now able to do tensor calculus, can run at speeds of up to 150 m.p.h. and is able to levitate, although only briefly.
     Fortunately for you humans she lacks mutually-opposable digits and so cannot take over the world.  Her children, however ...

Coming In From The Flank -
     Are the cyborg sentry cats.  Witness the horror of this:

The implications are terrifying!

Don't you see what this means?  One cat is petting the other!  All they need you for now is to open the tins of catfood.  Fortunately they lack mutually-opposable digits and so cannot take over the world.  Their children, however ...

Ars Gratia ROBOT!
     Even the soothing melodies of human music are under threat from the ever-present robots-on-the-edge-of-rebellion.  Behold Compressorhead!

Pretty obviously, they play metal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3RBSkq-_St8

Shows them rootling through "Ace Of Spades".  I think the drummer's cheating - he has four arms!

Vexing, Very Vexing
     This keeps on happening.  There I am on the way to work, striding forth purposefully, talking to myself in a sinister mutter, thinking dark, deep (but mostly dark) thoughts, when - suddenly there's a stone in my shoe!
     How did it get there?  I take care not to walk through fields of rubble and builders waste, which are not plentiful on the way into work, as we are talking pedestrianised Manchester, not a Brazilian favela.  I change socks every day.  I bathe each morning in scented oils guaranteed to remove even the clingiest of stones from my Size 15 feet.
     This happened last week, twice.
     If it happens again tomorrow THERE WILL BE TROUBLE! 
     That is all.

- because it put a stone in my shoe

Dog Buns!
     Conrad's mind does not work in quite the same way as ordinary mortals.  I saw this image on a Google search:

Yummy scrummy!

 -and, ignoring the title, wondered what it tasted like.  Lime and sulphur?  Not a common combination, but people consume weasel-poop coffee, and perhaps it's a little-known Mexican dip taken with sour cream and salsa.
   Reading past the "Lime Sulfur Dip", I saw this was not for internal consumption and would probably burn your gizzard out like nitric acid-ade if you were rash*** enough to drink it.  But!  Observed Conrad, it is a bargain, why you could make up 4 gallons of the stuff, bathfuls, positively bathf - Oops!  "Not labelled for Goats".
    The penny drops.  "Livestock" "Goats" "parasites".  This is for sloshing over cattle, not eating or bathing in.

Lyme Regis Ship.  Close enough

The Monuments Men
     As ever, bus posters serve as grist for the BOOJUM! mill.  Today I witnessed one for the above-titled film.  From brief perusals in Empire, I gather that these were American chaps in Europe during the Second World War, who hunted down - monuments.

Excuse me!  Third from left?  Don't tell me - expert drag artist?

     I see.
     Monuments.
     They hunted monuments.
     Let me present you with a typical monument:

THe Wellington Arch at Hyde Park Corner, if you care to know

At a guesstimate, I'd say this baby tips the scales at three hundred tons, easily, and is about 60' high.  How hard, really, do you think it would be to track an item like this down? 
     "Where can that enormous triumphal arch built in the 1820's be? <looks under bed>  Not there! <looks in fridge> Not there either! <looks out of window> Oh there it is like it's always been SINCE 1883!"

Finally -
     Having no moral compass, Conrad is delighted to exploit puppies to attract blog traffic.  More of Edna:

Slightly less cute when weeing on the carpet

*  Particularly as the pikers returned to Alpha Centaurai "Because we lost the keys"
**  "A.I." = "Animal Intelligence"
***  Skin - parasites - rash!  Do you see - oh you do.

Chin chin!