State Of Mild Panic Over

My Diary Was At Work - Not Lost
     Plus I didn't have to be in until 9:15, though I took the precaution of leaving the house at 7:50 just in case.
     Good job too, because that malicious deity Hermes had arranged for traffic to be backed up all the way into Royton.  Here's a photo that doesn't show anything.

What a perspective!

 Consequently Conrad only just got in on time <shakes fist at Hermes>

Now A Little Pertinent Music Criticism
     Yes, by Jove!  I have been using that excellent streaming resource "Grooveshark" to play Simon and Garfunkel, and I was struck by the opening lines of "The Boxer"

                     "I am just a poor boy, and my story's seldom told"

Paul Simon you big fat liar!  You are a millionaire many times over - okay, a small, slim liar - and couldn't ever be called a poor boy, not least because you have certainly attained your majority.  As for "seldom told"?  I played this track at least once a night last week and in the Seventies it infested the airwaves like a disease-with-a-melody.
     Simon and Garfunkel - masterful tunesmiths but only distantly acquainted with the truth.

Pall Bearer and Garfield.  Close enough.

Today's Dual Nod To John Carpenter
     Director of some of the most audacious documentaries ever seen, John's cutting and perceptive deconstruction of politics, advertising and the media that was "They Live" has finally resulted in a similarly epic reveal.  Now it can be told:

Barney.  Playground Prince Of Evil!
     You might not be familiar with "Barney", a cuddly purple dinosaur, unless you have kids.  Kids love Barney.  Barney, apparently, loves kids. Big, small, black, white, day-glo, hearing-impaired, irritating or saccharine-sweet, he loves them.

Barney's public face.  O thou deceiver!

The reason Barney loves kids is - No!  He isn't going to eat them.  That would be comparatively merciful.  No, he wants to induct them into his CRUSADE OF EVIL!  Yes, the - hang on, that needs a bit more vim - his CRUSADE OF EEEVILLL!!! - ah, much better.  You see, once you don those special sunglasses or contact lenses that were left over as props from "They Live", you see Barney - you see him as he really is!





Run!  Flee!  Get away while you can!  No, don't stop to pick up the kids - they belong to Barney now!

Today's Second Nod to John
     You may, if you are old enough, or keen enough on John's cutting-edge cinema verite, remember the entirely excellent "Escape From New York", an hilarious satire on the conceit of New-York-as-gaol.

How wrong could they be!  No!  Not the date. You never see the SoL's head lying on the ground.  

     Rather less successful was a sequel, "Escape From LA", although again it hit all the satirical coconuts with it's merciless lampooning of West Coast life.

"Snake" is right.  The man has NO redeeming features!

     Since "EFLA" was not a commercial success, the third film in this trilogy didn't get made, although Conrad (thanks to contacts and alien orbital satellite technology) can confirm a script exists for "Escape From Planet Earth".  This - bear with me, I'm trying to be concise - involves humans transmogrified by contact with dark matter spreading across the planet, converting anyone they touch into similar dark matter-men, possessed of immense strength.  It's only a matter of time before they destroy all humanity - which is where Snake comes in, trying to "Escape From Planet Earth".

Okay, have I worked you up into a state of eager frothing anticipation?  Only a bit?  Right.

That's ten minutes wait - oh, now you're ready!  yes, today as Conrad strode purposefully with a manly step, a set jaw and steely eyes <Mr Hand requests the blog move on from this narcissistic nonsense> he caught a bus poster from the corner of his eye.
     "Escape From Planet Earth", it proclaimed, moving past at speed, preventing any lingering look.
     Conrad was so stunned he sat down in a convenient bus shelter and breathed into a brown paper bag.  Could it be?  Someone rich, tasteful and absolutely bonkers had given John $100 million and told him "Do what you like!"  And he'd finished the "Escape" trilogy, most especially because Conrad would breathe happier if he had.
     Then another bus came by and Conrad saw with crushing disappointment that the background was bright and cheery, and that it was animated, and it looked to be a comedy, and lo, Conrad's heart sank lower than the belly of a  - no, I can't say it, it hurts too much ...

The horror!  The horror!

Angry Cats
     Yes, apparently our cyborg sentry cats are unhappy at being displaced in the Authorities hearts by that rascal Edna.  Jenny would be happy to get along with the pup if she wasn't so damned active; Beej, on the other hand, warms up his laser eyes and tracks Edna across the floor - although he knows not to fire, or he'd get disassembled.
     Anyway, two placatory shots of the Cyborg Sentry Cats

Jenny in Idle Layabout mode

Beej in "I'm Going To Fry You Alive With My Hex Vision*" mode

*  Red Dwarf in-joke