Feb The First Is, Simply, The Worst

February You Painted Strumpet!
     I mean, first we get a splendid display of blue skies, sunshine and crisp air.  For a couple of hours, until the totally overcast skies, gale-force winds, rain and general dampness arrive.
     "This is what you can't have!" taunts February, the Jezebel of all months.
     Well <rude hand gesture> to you February!  At least we only have you for 28 days - ah, yes, that hit home, didn't it?  February, the runt of the litter.

Edna's rubber-centipede slaying skills were coming on in leaps and bounds

Let me introduce you to a genuine runt of the litter, except she's a whole lot more charming than you, February.  Yes, go away and sulk why don't you <does that mean more rain?>

Fun With The Elements!
     No, not the weather*.  Earlier in the week we had the Periodic Table, all 117 elements of it.  I say that total but it tends to creep up every decade as some new, incredibly short-lived element is created in a nuclear reactor.
     So - Tungsten!  
     Chemical symbol is of course "W".  Say what?  The "W" is for "Wolfram"** which is Swedish, in order to differentiate Tungsten ("Heavy Stone" in Swedish) from Steelite.  Is this all clear?  It will be if you're reading by the light of an incandescent bulb, because the filament of same is made of - tungsten.  As are/were the core of high-velocity anti-tank rounds.  No, this isn't the "So  -Tanks?" for today.
     So - Antimony!
     Yes, I know it sounds like something the Occupy movement would chant as they smash windows on Wall Street  however - look at the spelling - chemical symbol "Sb".  Derived via Arabic and Greek and Latin, "Stibium".  Used in cosmetics since classical times, since you ask.

Grond.  A wolf ram.  Close enough

Cold War Cars
     Yesterday I mentioned the Skoda, the Trabant, the Moskvitch and the Lada Riva.  Oddly enough during the Cold War, our Communist enemies, who thirsted for Capitalist blood with the longing of the most deprived vampire evah, managed to sell their cars in the West.  Hard currency comes before political purity, one feels.
     Anyway, the Lada.

Optional colour scheme: Capitalist Blood, Triumphant Bolshevik or Worker's Victory (all as above)

This car took an old Italian design and made it much, much worse. For some reason unfathomable to the rational mind, it was made to resist close-range detonation of megatonne nuclear warheads, a design feature not noted in any other car in the world.  Allow me to link you to Top Gear's hilarious demonstration of how cr@p Cold War Communist cars really were

http://www.topgear.com/uk/videos/communist-cars-1

So - Tanks?
     In the spirit of Commie-bashing** once again, may I introduce the T-62.

It's laying a smokescreen!  Not exploding!

Inspired by the same design rationale as behind the Lada, this progression in Soviet tank design emerged in 1962.  For positive points, as with it's predecessor, the T-55, it was compact and lightweight compared to it's Western opponents.  Not only that, it had a smoothbore gun that generated incredibly high velocity for it's anti-tank rounds.
     There were other points about the T-62, however, which we might call, for a better word, "bad" points.  The gun, although mighty beyond compare, rarely hit anything.  Russian crews dubbed it "The Almighty Tank That Always Missed".  The tank was just as cramped and uncomfortable and horrid to work in as the T-55, with the additional bother of an automatic ejector.  This was supposed to eject the used shells outside the turret but it more usually sent them bouncing around the tank's interior, interacting with the crew, i.e. bruising them black and blue.  The tank was slower than the other military vehicles it was supposed to be protecting, and it was expensive.
     Say what you like about the Lada, it wasn't expensive!

Scheduling Conrad's Weekend Tasks
     As my regular readers - both of them! - know, I occasionally put down in written form what I plan to do over the weekend, since this will impel my idle arse into action.  Today I have decided to get all the books hidden up here

Most but by no means all of the papyrus rascals

 onto the floor in order to organise them properly, since they went up into the cupboard in the order I bought them.  Here they are in a slightly more dispersed form:

Yes that is the "Golden Turkey Awards"

The idea is to get them back up there in size order.  I confidently expect this to take easily three or four days as I come across a book and pronounce "Wow I don't remember buying/reading/taking notes from this one, I'll just crack the cover open for a second or two ..."

Abstemious
     Nothing daunted, once again Conrad ventures forth into the English language so that you, dear reader, can come away better educated for it.
     "Abstemious", as pronounced, cannot be anything other than a verb derived from the early to mid-nineteenth century, when Western Europe saw an asymptotic rise in the type and number of machineries that replaced hitherto-irreplacable skilled tradesmen.  Luddites (named after the mythical "Ned Ludd") would destroy the steam engines, weaving looms and carding machines that threatened their way of life.
     What's that?
     It's not?  
     It just means "sober"?
     <sigh> I preferred BOOJUM!'s version of reality.

If this is "abstemious" - BEER! bring me BEER!

Coincidence?  Only You Can Tell!
     During my manhandling of several hundred books from the high cupboard to ground level, I re-discovered my "Dictionary of Phrase and Fable".  I flicked over a few pages and what did I come across?  "Fretful porpentine".
     I've just been reading "Jeeves in the Offing" and what does Bertie Wooster mention at length?  Yes, the "fretful porpentine".  Bertie?  Any opinions?

"Aliens are subverting your reality, Conrad.  It's the only reason that makes sense."

In Finis
     We usually end up with a cuddly animal here, don't we?  Let us gaze upon the walrus -

O bloody hell no!  Quick, get a plush version -

- not the Greater Vampire Walrus - 

Slightly better .....

Oh I give up - let me get that liniment and I'll be off polishing my brass hand.

* But let's pretend it is the weather, just to mess with February
**  Let us be clear - it is the stupid political system BOOJUM! is mocking.  Not Russians.  Russians are cool.  They have Tolstoy and Tchaikovsky.  Also vodka.