Aspidistra

First, What It Is Not
     No, not the Geroge Orwell* novel "Keep The Aspidistra Flying".
     Nor is it Gracie Field's performance of "The Biggest Aspidistra In The World"

The rare but dangerous "Hunting Aspidistra"

     It is the RCA-built medium-wave transmitter bought by the British Secret Service for £165,000, at that time the most powerful radio transmitter in the world.  Hence the name "Aspidistra".
     It began causing mischief in 1942, broadcasting on the same frequencies as German anti-aircraft measures, sending Luftwaffe pilots in the wrong direction or back to their airfields.  Later it broadcast with German-speaking refugees, pretending to be an official German Army station located in the Calais area, railing about the traitors and perverts who were deceiving the Fuhrer.  It also used to broadcast on the same frequencies as German radio stations, coming in after they had finished and pretending to be that same broadcaster, using subtle but depressing stories.  This last tactic apparently sent the German Propaganda Minister into fits of rage.Tee hee!

Aspic dish, A.  Close enough

"Compact Catheter"
     In lieu of bus posters, Conrad is keeping an eye on Facebook sidebar adverts.  Don't sneer, a chap's got to get his muse from somewhere.  And this one turned up.

No, not e-cigs - catheters

It's not explicit but I think the sidebar assumes I have bladder problems and need a bit of help, since another sidebar advert is quite blunt about it.  "Incontinent?"  No. I live in the UK.
     Besides, what about all those "50+? She don't care!" sidebar adverts - surely they imply I'm studly and hale, kind of?

Conrad - Able To Fake Human Joke
   I present a bit of Facebook banter between self and the entirely delectable Katie:

• Katie Wood Do you like The Moldy Peaches Rob?

  19 hours ago · Like
• 

  Rob Connolly Not really I prefer Wholesome Nectarines.

  19 hours ago · Like
• 

  Rob Connolly Sorry you probably wanted a serious answer! Not heard of them - presumably a band? Hmmmm. "Moldy" without a "u" implies American.

  19 hours ago · Like
• 

  Katie Wood LOL! That's nearly as good as the Brownies joke haha!

  19 hours ago · Like

Boom**.

Fun With The Periodic Table
     No, really, it will be amusing!
     Praseodymium.  There's a name to conjure with,eh?

Good PR

     The name means "Green Twin" because it goes green if left out in the air, and the twin is Neodymium.  A hundred-and-one uses, including arc lights, aircraft engines and getting to within 0.001 Degrees of Absolute Zero.  Also used to colour glass yellow.

Greedy Ytterby
     I am talking - obviously! - of the village in Sweden.  Yes, yes, yes, we're still having tremendous fun with the periodic table, don't worry, this is just a little geography intruding.
     Anyway, Ytterby.  Four of the elements in the periodic table are named after this one village: Ytterbium - okay, fair enough; Yttrium - e b gum; Terbium - reaching a bit there aren't we; and Erbium - sounds like a hippy nickname, not impressed.
     In contrast, look at Strontian in Scotland.  How many elements are named after it?  Only one - Strontium.

Battery.  Close enough

It's Official - Dogs ARE Planning To Take Over The World
     As proof that the canine nation are indeed plotting to establish a One World Government, I present Auntie Beeb on dog's ability to think like a human!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26276660

All it will take now is for some fool to breed a dog with mutually-opposable digits and then we'll all be in trouble!

The shape of things to come.  And no, Anna, it is not good!

Oh Well If It's Inevitable
     Perhaps a bit of flattery will get BOOJUM! in good with our future leaders

Edna.  Acronym of "Evil Dog Nabob Apprentice"

Sorry, Jenny, it'll take more than a cardboard box to stave the dogs off

*  At one point George's landlords were members of the Esperanto Society.  Fact.
**  And indeed, Boom.