What Would The Brain Do?

The Same Thing He Does Every Night, Pinky -
     Try to take over the world!
     Conrad would have to intervene; after all I want this world and I don't want any competitors getting in the way.  This is why you can trust me to prevent the forthcoming zombie apocalypse, avoid robotic rebellions and guarantee no grey-goo ghastliness.

My hero!

Revelations
     Yes, Conrad's zombie novel.  That ought to be "methodology-of-defeating-zombie-apocalypse-thinly-disguised-as-a-novel".  Once it's published, translated and filmed you won't need Max Brook's "Zombie Survival Guide" any longer, which is a good thing because the volumes knocking around now must be a bit dog-eared.
     Anyway, we are now well into Year Four of The Crisis.  Project Pitch is clearing and rendering livable proper housing stock, so people can move out of their squalid caravan/tent parks and into accomodation with running water (some of the time), electricity (some of the times that don't necessarily overlap with the water), and special anti-zombie fencing.
     Meanwhile, a convoy is outbound from the USA, carrying what they call "Hunter Seeker Technologies".  The plan is for a massive UK commitment to the Cotentin Peninsula, focussing on the port of -
     Well, that's enough!  Can't give away too many plot secrets.

"The Army's zombie-intervention force had suffered a few budget cuts ..."

BUS POSTER SECTION
     If you aren't interested in films, buses or random musings by Conrad, then you are tired of life and need to retire to Brighton to live in a home on unsalted gruel for the rest of your long grey days, and can miss this bit.  The rest of us cool groovy people can carry on.

     "Need For Speed"
     10 out of 10 if you recognised the "Top Gun" origin of this title*!  Yes, this particular poster features cars, pretty young men and a moody blue background.  There might have been a woman on the poster, unless it was one of the pretty young men with long blonde hair - not an impossibility.  It went by too quickly for Conrad's aged eyes to take it all in.

Still can't tell.  I bet the character's name is "Anne Drogynous"

     So.  "Need For Speed".  I can tell you exactly why this film was made.  It was made because a bunch of accountants totted up how much money the "Fast And Furious" franchise had made, before nudging awake one of the studio suits and running the pages of giant dollar signs in front of their blearily focussing lizard eyes**.

Dollar Giant.  Close enough.

     "Freebirds"
     Grrrr.  This mocks the memory of the Lynyrd Skynrd classic without watching a single frame of film <takes hands away from eyes>

Take it away!  TAKE IT AWAY!

     Conrad has decided he hates this film without watching it, knowing anything about it or even bothering to look it up on IMDB.  Hate hate hate!
     Heck, a man's got to have something to get his dander up about.

     "Create ... Success .. Blah Blah Blah"
     This was a tiresome, dull, text-heavy advert that contained entirely too much text and not enough funny pictures, so I don't know what it was supposed to be selling and I'm someone keeping any eye out for bus posters so I don't know what the target audience will be thinking - 

Instead have a picture of Blini, Russian yeasted pancakes

     "Want More Great Taste?"
     No.  Yesterday I couldn't remember if this was Pepsi, Coca-Cola or Bob's Septic-Spring Water and I still can't remember.  Clearly the ad agency - obviously! - need to re-think their campaign.

Bob's Septic Springwater.  Available in Radioactive Red or Biodeath Blue

BUS POSTER SECTION OVER
     You can come out now bustrophobes

So - Tanks?
     Well why not.  You've behaved yourselves.  What shall we have today?

"Honey I junk the kids"

The caption here is "A captured  Honey M3 in Hungarian use". So this is an American tank sent to Russia for the Red Army, captured by the Germans and given to the Hungarians, and it appears to be towing a Czech Pz38t.  International!

Domesticated Wolf - Cat Magnet***
     Surely by now you know of Edna, latest addition to the Mansion.

Indoor mode; static and silent

When allowed outdoors she got followed by Jenny, the non-cowardly cat.

Outdoor mode: bouncy and flouncy

Beej, the utter coward, was probably hiding inside the Ultimate Defence Bunker in the darkest depths of the Lower Dungeon.

Yup.  There he is

*  "I feel the need!" "The need for SPEED!"
**  All Hollywood suits are spawn of Satan; he even has occasional visting rights there.
*** Do not go there!  The word "pussy" is not going to adorn this article!

Today Has A Theme - "Patience"

It Isn't Often BOOJUM! Tries To Be Clever
     - mostly because Conrad doesn't need to try.  He just is.
     All modesty aside, today I was inspired by -

Patience In Traffic
     That bugger Hermes* is still annoyed with me, I can tell, because each day he adds more traffic to the existing jams and creates more where there were none before.

It was like this for 25 miles.  No, 50 miles.  No, 150.  No - okay it was an infinitely long traffic jam.

Sitting and seething with rage, Conrad had to remember not to use the murder-mobile's various deadly armaments because these are only to be used "in case of capture by Hom. Sap".  It was close though, it was close - my finger was hovering over the 150 Tera-Watt Gamma Ray Laser firing button.  Using that would have blasted a geodesic line of death across Greater Manchester, out to the horizon, creating a land-tsunami of destruction hundreds of metres wide.
     It would also have got me to work on time, but never mind ...

Patience - The Derivation
     From whence does it come?  Latin, of course.  "Patientia", meaning "endurance, forberance, ability to withstand suffering".  I SUFFERED IN THAT TRAFFIC THIS MORNING! 
     Patience is one of the Seven Virtues, and it's Sinful counterpart is "Wrath", Latin "Ira" (as in " I IS WRATHFUL AN IRA GONNA BLOW ALL YOUSE UP!"). Patience is typified by THAT'S FORTY FIVE MINUTES I'LL NOT GET BACK YOU KNOW!  - sorry, is typified by peace, mercy and sufferance.
     <Mr Hand hastily moves the blog on before things start to get broken>

Conrad sitting patiently, waiting for his invasion fleet to arrive in 2279

Patience - The Card Game
     Everyone will be familiar with one variation of Patience.  Behold Freecell:

Not quite sure what the King, Queen and Jack are meant to be

That's enough Windows.  They're trying to take over the world**.

Patience - The Name
     Firstly, if you are a male with this forename, your parents are utter swine.  It is a feminine name!  Ha ha.  Dating from the 17th Century, invented by Puritans and in 2011 it soared to the dizzy heights of 843rd most popular girl's name in the USA, being narrowly pipped by Moon Unit at 842nd but coming one higher than Colitis at 844th.
     Famous Patience's:

There aren't any.  Here's some gooseberries instead.

Patients - The Halt And The Lame
     In the medical sense, a patient is anyone who receives medical care or treatment.  The derivation is from the Middle French "patient", derived from the Latin for suffering. 
Recall what you know of medieval surgery, dear reader, and you will instantly see the connection -

"Yup, lump hammer and steel chisel.  All you need for brain surgery.  Sorry, did you whimper something?"

Impatience - The Polar Opposite
     You can invert the positive values of Patience and call the results Impatience - intolerance, restlessness and a boorish disregard for anyone who gets in the way LIKE THOSE BLOODY DRIVERS EARLIER TODAY! - <ahem!> yes, sorry about that.

In-patients.  Close enough.

Ultra-Soft Luxury Tissues
     I won't mention the manufacturer of these, but I did a double-take at the till today when I saw the person behind me had a box of these, in a nice pale yellow design.
     And what do you think the photographic overlay was?  That's right,  one of these!

Too spiney spiney, hush hush -

 - because nothing says "soft", "gentle" and "soothing to the skin" like a set of cactus spines.
Humans.  Sometimes, you worry me.

Aaaaaaaaaand Here's Edna!

Blatant attempt to boost traffic -

* Hermes, Greek God Of Travel.  Also has a long memory and bears grudges.
** Which is MY job!