A Bit Mediterranean Today

Not, Of Course, In Terms Of Weather
It is snowing again tonight in the cold bleak hinterland of Royton.  The flakes stop for a while and then return thicker than ever, which makes the 24 bus's performance this evening rather surprising.  It turned up on time, wasn't too crowded, didn't get rammed and - this is the strange bit - kept on schedule even when struggling into the snowstorms.  Clearly First Bus have miscalculated drastically if this happened, as compared to normal.

First Bus management take it out on the driver ...

The First Mediterranean Touch
I am, as you are no doubt aware, reading "Thirst" by Steven Mithen at the moment, a very interesting work that details water management in ancient times.

Say "Hi!" to Steve - give him a wave ...

     And here we come across the term "Chrismon", a portmanteau version of "Christ's Monogram", which imposes the Greek* letter Chi over the Greek letter Rho, thus:

     Conrad has seen this symbol before and never knew what it was.  Now we all do.
     Oh, it was inscribed and enamelled onto a huge acquaduct, as it was -

"Apotropic"
Which means an artwork or artefact intended to fend off evil spirits or bad luck.  It comes from the Greek word "Apotropion", which means "To turn away".
     What kind of bad luck?  Well, the Balkans are so-named after volcanoes and they also have an unpleasantly high rate of earthquakes.  Not the kind that Conrad mentioned yesterday in connection with Winchester - earthquakes in Greece** can level towns.
     So.  The chrismon may not work, but it can't do any harm.

Ape. Tropic.  Close enough

"Basil"
Not the herb, nor yet the harrassed hotelier of "Fawlty Towers" but the name.  It comes from ancient Greek*** and the term "Basileus", which means "king".
     A pronunciation tip for any eager South Canadians present:  you say "Ba-Zill". Not - NOT! - as in your version of the herb "Bay-Zul".  
     Just don't get me started on Oregano ...


                                             Clearly a king.
"Submarine"
The 2010 film directed by that talented chap Richard Ayoade.
     THERE ARE NO SUBMARINES!
     Conrad intended to enjoy what must be a film about the Royal Navy.  NOT AT ALL!
     That is all.

Oh look, Richard, you're getting an award for "Submarine!"
Can you tell I'm fibbing?

The UNIT UK Hypothesis
Like Conrad, you must have spent many hours pondering why UNIT in the Seventies encountered so many madmen, monsters, hideous alien invaders, and renegade traffic wardens as featured in that classic documentary series "Doctor Who".
     Well, I believe I have at least a partial explanation.
     Firstly, Britain is an island.
     I realise this might come as a surprise to some readers, and some residents, as we frequently appear to be under the water rather than on top of it^.
     Nor can you mention the Channel Tunnel - in UNIT's glory days it didn't exist.

Channel tunnel entrance circa 1972

     So, if old Leo the Lord of the Leopard-Lice manages to take over the whole country, the only way that NATO can retake it is by a large-scale airborne or amphibious invasion.  Neither of these are easy things to pull off and would require a lot of planning and preparation.  Plus you can never tell which way the French will jump - they didn't want us in the Common Market and might see the rule of Leo as getting their own way by the back door.
     Secondly, the British army is relatively small.  The UK doesn't have conscription, and in the Seventies was practically unique in this way, as every other army in Europe was bloated to the gills with millions of conscripts.  The Russian army, for example, was bigger than the population of small European states, although it was rubbish at doing anything more martial than drinking vodka^^.
     So, a small army - which had substantial commitments to Ulster and the British Army of the Rhine in Germany, meaning not a lot of uniformed chaps left at home to fend off Snotula and his Cyber-Sandwich Army of Sausages.

Closest I could get ...

     Thirdly, a network of road and rail links that would enable an invading force of were-mushrooms^^^ to spread rapidly across the country, spreading fear and loathing everywhere.
     Of course, I could be over-thinking this a bit ....

"Accione Mutante"
Finished watching this last night, and it really doesn't have a PC bone in it's celluloid carcass.  How to define it?  Bonkers tasteless gory Spanish science-fiction comedy, which is a bit of a mouthful yet hits the nail squarely on the head.

Oh, and lots of guns as well.

* The Mediterranean link.
** Still with the Med links.
*** You can almost see the blue waters, can't you?
^ "Thirst" doesn't mention the UK in connection with water shortages.
^^ But if you wan't a huge force of hardened vodka-swillers, the Russians are your man.
^^^ These are a real thing.

The Curse Of Cocoa!

Yes Indeedy Ally Sheedy*
As you surely know by now, Conrad is not over-fond of chocolate.  You should know this because you should have been reading the blog.  You have been, haven't you**?
     Anyway: chocolate.  If it's wrapped around caramel or honeycomb or mint fondant, all very well, that's tolerable.  A bar not nothing but chocolate through-and-through - no.  Conrad draws the line.  There's some chocolate bars still knocking about the Upstair Lair after several months, because they were purchased as visual puns.  Not to eat.
     Conrad recalls seeing "Chocolat au Pain" on sale at the Co-Op and thinking "Yes it does pain me, a waste of good bread".  One of his more horrid gustatorial events was necking a miniature Christmas pudding bought cheap at Asda.
     Dog Buns!  It wasn't just a mini Christmas pudding, it was a chocolate Christmas pudding.  No, hang on, chocolate.  That's better.
     WHO THE HELL PUTS CHOCOLATE IN A CHRISTMAS PUDDING!

Yeah, except for the "Kill" bit.  Misprint.  Should read "Bill".

     This is all brought about by the eminently sensible decision of a French court to stop cruel parents naming their child "Nutella".  The French are far too fond of this stuff - a few years ago Conrad had to put Parisian crepe vendors in their place when they asked if he wanted Nutella on his pancake.  It was all the rage.
     "You want RAGE?" roared Conrad.  "Sugar and lemon RIGHT NOW!"

Small Earthquake In Winchester
Er - that's about it, really.  Just to say that Conrad remembers a small earthquake in Salford several years ago.  It felt as if a truck had hit the building, except it hadn't.  
     There you go.

Small earthquake in Winchester, bit of snowfall in Royton

Coincidence, Welcome Back
Just happened to come across the word for "Public baths" in Greek - "Balaneieion" - in my reading matter "Thirst" - about water management in the ancient world.
     Well well well^, what had I just been reading in the Notebook dating back several months? "Balneomaniac" from Mr Pynchon's "Against The Day", meaning "one obsessed with bathing".

Bath.  Well named!

     
" - And Through The Round Window -"
Only people of a certain age will remember "Playschool", a television program for very small children or students with a low attention span.  Imagine The Muppets without any muppets, and a collection of tatty old dolls instead.     One of their regular diversions was to show three blank windows - a round one, a square one, and another that Conrad can't be bothered to recall. Then one of the presenters stated "And through the Dodecacosehedral^^ Window -" and a bland little film of gambolling lambs or tulip fields or a baker would play.
     Of course, if things were run by Conrad, matters would be a little more exciting.

"And today, through the Round Window, we see -"

"UNRESTRAINED NUCLEAR WARFARE!"
"Thanks for watching, children."

Rejected Doctor Who Titles
Ah, once again Conrad resorts to crude mockery and japes.  Well, it's his blog and he can do what he likes with it.  If you don't like it you can always Comment.

"The Doctor's Fife"  ("The Doctor's Wife")

"A Good Man Goes To Bar" ("A Good Man Goes To War")

"The Girl Who Wailed" ("The Girl Who Waited")

"The Dog Complex" ("The God Complex")

"Closing Tim" ("Closing Time")

"The Wadding of River Song" ("The Wedding of River Song")

"A Town Called Percy" ("A Town Called Mercy")

Ho ho ho.  Conrad declares himself amused.  Your mileage probably varies.

The First Upload
As you no doubt recall, Conrad gloated at the weekend about getting dozens of classical CD's for a fiver.  That's the good news.  The slightly less good news is how long it will take to upload these to I-tunes and then sync to my i-pod^^^.

     I only managed these five last night.
     This process may take a while.  I'll let you know.


* She has nothing to do with this, it's just that she rhymes
** There will be a test later.
*** Nothing under this supernumerary today.  Just testing.
^ See?  See what I did there?  Water and - o you do.
^^ This may not exist, actually, but it sounds impressive, doesn't it?
^^^ Conrad, he's so technically sophisticated, innit.