Following The Money Train

Greetings, Pilgrims!

As you should surely know by now, Conrad loves him a good few Youtube channels, quite a few of which have been covering the war in Ukraine.  Not all of them, Adam Savage's "Tested" is one such, usually going on about the background to 'Mythbusters', and there's also 'Legal Eagle' with the extremely droll attorney Devin Stone, and 'The Critical Drinker', whose on-line persona is that of a sardonic, drunken Scot who reviews and hates all films and television series.

     Here an aside.  TCD - usually Drinker for short - hang on, Art?

Drinker in typical pose

     His real name is Will Jordan, and his YT channel originally started off as a side-gig, because in real life he's an author who writes spy thrillers.

     ANYWAY one of the go-to YT channels about the war in Ukraine is 'Jake Bro', whom I've mentioned several times in the blog.  Jake originally started his YT channel in 2019 and back then he was giving financial advice.  Here's an illustration of his metrics back when he was a humble newb.  Art!

     Back then he had 75,000 subscribers.  In early 2023 he's got 323,000 subscribers, so he has grown the channel.  Back then he said it was rather demotivating putting up a video only for YT's algorithm to ignore it and only get 12 views.  Viewers, I know how he feels.  Come November he hit YT's monetization criteria, which is 1,000 subscribers/4,000 views - a fact I never knew before.  Having done that, he accrued all of $687 in December, which is nice as pocket-money, not anywhere near enough to retire on.  Art!

     You can see his annual total for the next year, 2020 - $23,683 - which is a respectable side-gig yet still not enough to retire on.  At this point Jake was still an officer in the South Canadian Air Force (more accurately, a Nuclear Missile Operations Officer) and only doing YT financial presentations on the side.  He realised if he quit his job and went full-time on YT, he'd be able to generate a really serious income.

     So he did.  Art!

     His annual YT income for 2021 was just shy of $80,000, which is a very respectable chunk of change and if you can maintain that balance, you might indeed be able to retire on it.  However, doing this was quite a gamble and it would make anyone's stomach flip a little if you're giving up a guaranteed salary of about $90,000 per annum.  It also means that you need to adhere strictly to YouTube's content policy, which means you can't show things like a tank on fire, nor use words like 'kill' or 'death', otherwise your vid will get de-monetized.

     Jake further broke down this income with the 'CPM', which is the amount of revenue generated by adverts - again, new concept to Conrad.  This stood at $36.67.  However, this isn't what he sees as revenue, as YT take a 45% cut of the CPM.  What he ends up with is the 'RPM' left over, in this case $19.57.  This is a very high rate, thanks to his primary audience, which is South Canadian, the audience that most advertisers are trying to reach, and also because his videos are over 8 minutes long, meaning he can add another advert half-way through the video.  Again, not info Your Humble Scribe was privy to.  Art!

     Audience by location.  The totals only add up to 90% so there must be another 10% scattered  between low take-up in other audiences.  Jake also posted a list of his most popular videos, which, if Art will put down his bowl of coal -

     To his surprise, non-financial stuff was up near the top of the list.  This became critically important in 2022, because, yes, you guessed it, Bloaty Gas Tout invaded Ukraine.  Jake promptly switched to doing videos analysing on and reporting about the conflict.  I'd love to see what his metrics and numbers were for 2022.

     So there we have it, an inside look at how YouTube's algorithms work in real life.

Snow And Sand

Conrad read with a sense of disbelief that a collection of reptiles in human form were descending on the beaches of Northern France, along the Normandy coastline.  No, they are not souvenir hunters.  Art!

     They are there because approximately two tons of cocaine have been washed ashore, of which 850 kilos have been recovered by police.  Just picking up one of these packets will earn you 10 years in jail.  Not only that, the stuff is about four times more potent than the extensively adulterated stuff sold by drug dealers, and it's very easy to overdose on it.

     One wonders what happened to the hapless gang trying to smuggle the stuff.  'Lost at sea' or 'fell out of a window' distinct possibilities.

TEA!

Here's a little 70-ton something that'll have Ruffian tank crews needing new underwear.  Art!

     In the Comments section someone added: "A recent newspaper report about the Ukrainians training on Challengers said one thing that impressed them was that each tank comes with a kettle for making tea."

     Of course - obviously! - some gobby rascal had to add their bit.

Rob Connolly

21 hours ago

It's called a 'Boiling Vessel' and has been standard kit on British tanks going back to

WW2. You can make tea or coffee or boil-in-the bag rations and is, apparently, the one

piece of British armoured technology that Yank tank crews are envious of

     I was once in conversation with a chap who'd been a crewman in a Centurion tank during National Service.  One of the other crewmen hated doing NS, hated authority and hated the Redcaps (military police).  They were driving down a long road, with Redcaps stationed every so often to keep them on course.  This chap emptied the dregs of the crew brew from the Boiling Vessel over one of the Redcaps as his protest at being conscripted.  Art!

TEA!

"The Sea Of Sand"

Sarah has had the ghastly experience of having a wounded Free French pilot literally die in her arms.  Is she going to turn into a snivelling wench?

That was the last sound he made, and they buried him alongside the recently-dug grave of Sergente Capriccio.  Sarah wept openly at the grave, crying into a grubby handkerchief Roger offered her.  When her tears finally stopped she felt hollow yet steeled by a bitter determination.

‘That’s it!’ she hissed, after a long series of curses.

‘Miss Smith!’ exclaimed Albert.

‘There were a few words I’ve never heard in there,’ muttered Davey to Tam.

‘We get ready to defeat those monsters while the Doctor is gone!’

‘He warned us not to attack them,’ said Dominione when she translated.  He stood in shirtsleeves, having discarded his uniform jacket, stained with the pilot’s blood.

          ‘Not attacking.  Defending!  Lieutenant, I want that tank dragged to face eastwards, with plenty of shells for it.’

          Roger considered telling her that the A13 still weighed a hell of a lot even with the engine gone, and with the engine gone you couldn’t drive it – he considered, and decided not to.  That Miss Smith was a most determined gal when she put her mind to it!

          ‘Then we need a barrier, a method of concealing ourselves.  A smokescreen, for instance.’

          Davey paged through the collection of flimsies left to them by the Doctor.

          ‘Here we go – smoke candles.  Stack E3.’

     I think that would be an emphatic NO.  Bio-vores beware.

Finally -

In appreciation at the books I got from Emmaus Mosley yesteryon - which I still haven't detailed yet but don't doubt you'll get a description O yes indeed - let me put up their website link.

Emmaus UK | the charity working to end homelessness

And with that, Vulnavia, we are done.  Done!  Also it's time for tea.

Sea Here

Once Again -

That is not a typo, it's an hilarious pun HILARIOUS I TELL YOU.  

     And, once again, we are back to Ol' Tolky and, not so much architecture but rather a lack of it, because - well, a picture is more informative.  Allow me to prod Art awake with this trident I just happened to have lying around.

     Actually this is one of Ol' Tolky's originals, with his additional annotations and those of illustrator Pauline Baynes, and you too can own it if you have at least £60,000 lying around.  

     Here an aside.  I can't make out the writing, but the BBC article I copied this from stated that Hobbiton is at the same latitude as Oxford, which was Ol' Tolky's hometown.  More in keeping with today's theme, the city of Minas Tirith was inspired by the Italian city of Ravenna.  Art!

The city of rave

     Okay, back to the map.  Allow Your Humble Scribe to illustrate a couple of places on the overall map.  Art!

The Grey Havens, a.k.a. Mithlond

Umbar, bottom centre 

      I can see you sucking your teeth and muttering that 'Pointless*' is on soon so you'd appreciate me getting to the point.

    Check out the big map.  Do you see any other ports or harbours or even coastal cities?  No, you do not.

     Now, there are sound reasons for both Mithlond and Umbar being sited where they are, because both are natural harbours protected from the open sea thanks to geography.  However, why are there no other ports at the estuaries of the numerous rivers in Middle-Earth?   Such locations are typically where towns and cities are first established, and it's a truism that, if lost in the wilds and you find a river, follow it to the sea in order to rediscover civilisation.  Art!

Case in point

     We know from Ol' Tolky himself that Middle-Earth had ships that could cross the ocean, because the refugees from Numenor came to Middle-Earth from there via the same.  Shipping can also manage tonnages that would be difficult or impossible to move by road, where movement would be limited to wagons and affected by seasonal weather.  Don't forget that horse-drawn wagons need water and fodder for the horses, too; all a ship needs is a sail.  Art!

     You could ship large quantities of freight between ports and harbours, and do it a lot quicker by sea, especially if you send the freight downstream in the first place.

     One reason might be the Corsairs of Umbar, who, not to put too fine a point upon it, were pirates.  Okay, then you ensure your ports have defences and cannot be simply stormed from the sea.  What about a navy?  Gondor could knock up a few warships to patrol the seas, or keep the pirates penned up at home.  Or the ports could strike up a mercantile league and fund their own navy.  So, I don't think that one will fly.

     Perhaps there had been such ports in earlier Ages, established by the elves, which fell into ruin when they left Middle-Earth?  In which case why weren't these locations renovated by Men? because the reasons for trade would still remain.

     Okay, I am now going to take Edna for a walk and will ponder possible reasons whilst doing so.

     Well, we're back from walkies and the only thing I could conceive was that the various different nations of M-E don't actually trade with each other.  This would require that I analyse the economy of M-E, which is a rabbit-hole best left alone.

Thanks But No Thanks

Okay, time for all you out there who are unfortunate enough to live beyond the shores of This Sceptred Isle to learn a little colloquial English.  'Loo', pronounced exactly as it's spelled, is a slight euphemism for the word 'toilet'.  Art!

One of these

    Conrad has been seeing adverts on Youtube for a French biscuit of late.  Art!

     Not likely, matey.

     The howling irony is that 'loo' is an Anglicization of the French slang for a toilet - 'Gardez L'eau' or 'Beware - Water!'.   There, now we're all better educated than we were five minutes ago, including me.  That's what you call flushed with success.

Emmaus

Yesteryon The Family took an excursion to Emmaus in Mosley, that being a charity that helps the homeless, and the first visit there by yours truly.  Art!

     Of course Conrad gravitated to the books section.  The whole place is freaking massive, with the whole lower floor dedicated to furniture, in the second photo.  From that and the exterior you can see it used to be a factory.  Sheesh, buying books to help the homeless, what a burden.

"The Sea Of Sand"

A mysterious and badly-damaged aircraft has landed in the desert just outside the depot at Mersa Martuba, and one of the Italian survivors has driven out to see what's going on.

Even though the plane had landed, the pilot didn’t stop the engine, which continued to send volumes of stinging grit and sand into Dominione’s face.  Finally the engine coughed violently and died, visibility cleared and the officer drew level with the cockpit.

          ‘Ah!  The devil take it!’ he muttered, seeing the pilot lying face-down over the controls.  ‘Those monsters have killed another.’

          Not quite, or not yet.  The pilot groaned when the cockpit door grated open.  Shards of shattered glass, edged like razors, lay on the cockpit floor.

          Being as careful as he could, Dominione managed to get the dying man into the Sahariana, getting liberally doused with blood.  Sarah and Lieutenant Llewellyn met him at the entrance to the depot, where he stopped.

          ‘The pilot.  He was injured by the monsters, and I fear he is dying,’ explained the Italian.

Climbing into the Sahariana, Sarah found a canteen of water and tried to wet the pilot’s mouth.  He was young, handsome and dying in front of her.  Blood oozed out of a dozen puncture wounds that ripped holes in his tunic.

‘Drink this,’ she murmured, biting her lip.

‘Une femme?’ he whispered, opening his eyes.  ‘Oui!  C’est une bonne femme,’ he said, closing his eyes and smiling a little, before gasping once. 

Follow The Money Trial

No!  That is not a typo, it's a horribly amusing pun.  Because, once again, we are referring to Professor Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, whose surname is Teuton for 'Sun Field' and we all know whose flag displays just that ...

     ANYWAY the Prof was having a look at Ruffian gas exports to the EU.  Art!

Norway being a bit snobby, I fear

     In 2022 the Sinister Union 2.0 exported 86% of the EU's gas.  Now, in 2023, it exports 7%, or one-twelfth of last years total.  The Prof confidently predicted that by the end of this year that figure will have dropped to 0%.

     It's never going to increase again, either.  As an example, the Prof said that the Teutons, ever the thorough people, have built six Liquid Natural Gas plants over the past year - and he burst into laughter at this, saying the Teutons were looking like the Chinese for efficiency.  This means that LNG from sources not Sinister Union 2.0 can be processed, re-gasified and used.  No pipelines involved.  O, and the price of LNG has dropped by 70%, so what little Ruffian production there is of LNG won't be earning them much.

     By the way, there are no gas pipelines to either China or India, and building them would take six years and cost tens of billions, time and money Peter The Average doesn't have.  There is a reason some of Bloaty Gas Tout's billionaire mates are saying the country will be broke by the end of this year.  Art!

Dimya doesn't need salt in his soup, his tears are enough

*  Known to be more addictive than heroin or Quora.

I, Robot - You John

OR: A Tale Of Two Johns

To begin this Intro - no, don't worry, it's not about 'The Architecture In Lord Of The Rings' at least not this time - we need to refer to one of the most famous and influential South Canadian sci-fi writers ever, one Isaac Asimov.  Even people who don't read sci-fi will be aware of him thanks to the 'Foundation' television series, not to mention films like 'Bicentennial Man', which Conrad hasn't seen and has no plans to remedy this deficiency, and 'I, Robot', which I may have seen, but if so it was so bland that I remember nothing.   Art!

Eye eye, robot

     Besides his 'Foundation' trilogy I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY MORE THAN THREE NOVELS he was also famous within sci-fi for his depiction of robots with positronic brains.  Now, Ol' Ize was a very clever chap, he had qualified with a BSc, an MA and a PhD, so he knew his science stuff.  He was also rather fed up with the trope of Robot Rebellion, for which we can all blame Carl Kapek and his play 'R.U.R.' (although his robots are more clones than machines).  Art!

Killer Klones From Inner Space

     For twenty years science fiction had been plagued by robots that became self-aware and inevitably rose against their human masters, leading to the collapse of civilisation, no tea imports from India and a lack of Marmite.

     Okay, so Ol' Ize had the novel idea of core programming a robot, which led to his famous Three Laws Of Robotics:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

     As others have pointed out, and as the collections of short stories Ol' Ize published attest, these laws are not bulletproof and are put forward in English, leaving plenty of wiggle-room.

     The thing that always bothered Conrad about these Three Laws was that the blurb on the back cover always claimed that Ol' Ize 'almost single-handedly' created them, which to a pedantic hair-splitter like myself is a challenge.  Art!

     Enter the other part of the equation: editor John W. Campbell, who managed 'Astounding'.  He quantified and compiled the Three Laws, stating that he was only making explicit what was implicit in Ol' Ize's stories.  Campbell was a remarkable editor who had a way of throwing out ideas or challenges to authors, to see what kind of stories they came up with.  He had a only minor career within the sci-fi genre as an author himself, apart from one work, the short story "Who Goes There?" which is a terrifying piece of sci-fi horror that has inspired three different films.  Art!

     The second one, from 1982, is definitely the best.

     Campbell was editor of 'Astounding' for 34 years and helped start the careers of not only Ol' Ize, but Robert Heinlein, Theodore Sturgeon and Arthur C. Clark.  Ol' Ize, who fell out with him thanks to JWC's personal beliefs, nevertheless acknowledged him as 'The most powerful force in science fiction ever.'  Art!

The 1982 version

     I was going to cover John Peel, a.k.a. John Ravenscroft, except it's getting late thanks to being out at Emmaus this afternoon, not to mention First Bus living down to their usual standards of punctuality, so we shall move on.  You'll get pictures of The Haul tomorrow.
     Hmmmm, Conrad wonders if the motley has a positronic brain?

"Johnny English Reborn"

Conrad is no doubt going to be castigated for purchasing this, probably far more than for getting "Zombie Holocaust", but at 33p you can't fault it.  I was surprised to see a fresh-faced  20-year old Daniel Kaluuya in it, because he's British yet managed a South Canadian accent so convincingly in "Sicario" that I had no idea.  Art!

Dan the man

     ANYWAY what struck me was a post-credits scene where Johnny English is preparing a meal.  Art!

     He's doing all this chopping and slicing in rhythm to "Hall Of The Mountain King", a tune that clips along at a pretty fair rate.  How was this chopping and slicing done?  Is it all CGI?  Were the blades blunt?  Made out of rubber?  Because I simply cannot see the director or the insurance company cheerfully agreeing to a scene where Rowan Atkinson might lose fingers if not an entire hand.  Nothing online to explain how it was done.  Colour me baffled.

Dog Daze

Another recounting by a passenger of a Lady Of Enormous Entitlement aboard a South Canadian airliner.  LOEE had her pet dog, a snappy, aggressive toy breed that had already attempted to bite another passenger, in her lap.  The flight attendant told her to replace the dog in the under-seat animal box, otherwise the plane would divert to have her removed.

     LOEE insisted that Fluffy wasn't bothering anyone (LIES!) and refused to secure the annoying biting bundle of bother.  The Air Marshall came up to try and persuade her, to no avail.

     LOEE and behold, the plane diverted to Denver Airport, where police boarded and took her away in handcuffs.  Fluffy was impounded by Animal Control.  Art!

"Fluffy?  O Fluffy!"

"The Sea Of Sand"

Sarah and Doretti are aware of a high-pitched buzzing noise that has the latter puzzled and the former worried that the bio-vores have discovered the Doctor.

She swept the sands with the telescope, whilst Doretti used binoculars, neither being able to spot aliens. 

          ‘Hey!’ called Albert from below.  ‘There’s an aircraft!’  He pointed out to the east.

          A mosquito-like blob rapidly resolved itself into an airplane, a high-wing monoplane that flew low and slow, getting lower by the second.  Sliding rapidly down the crude ladder and collecting splinters, Sarah raced over to Albert.  The engine sounded ragged and uneven.

          Dominione had thought faster than anyone, revving up one of the desert cars and moving across the main route in the depot, throwing up a cloud of dust.

          The oncoming plane flew lower and lower, eventually rebounding high into the air several times in false landings before settling into a long, slow taxi amidst huge dust clouds, engine revving and misfiring intermittently.  Dominione raced over the gravel after the still-moving aircraft, vanishing into the obscuring cloud.  The closer he got, the more obvious signs of damage became; several of the windscreen panels were shattered, the fuselage was rent and both wings sported narrow holes.

     Ooops.  Something has clearly gone wrong.  The question is, how wrong?

Ice Ice Baby

When one thinks of the South Canadian state of California, one associates it with beaches and sunshine, surfers, hotdogs on a stick, 'Baywatch' and James Rockford in his somewhat seedy beachfront trailer.  

     However ... Art!

     This is a shopping centre whose roof collapsed due to the weight of snow upon it.  You can't blame the architects for not taking this into consideration when they designed it.  'Able to withstand 20 tonnes of snow' doubtless not part of the specifications.

Finally -

I only need a few words here to reach the Adjusted Compositional Ton, and now I have done.

Tally-ho!

Pre-Eminent Domain

No!  Not The Legal Principle

Which is the right of the state to confiscate private property for public use, usually for road or rail construction but sometimes for building purposes.  What, you think all the land that HS2 will cover didn't belong to someone?  They do get paid compensation, mind, unless we're talking about Ruffia, where they get vanished if they look like protesting.  Art!

     This is the Teuton 'IRIS-T' anti-aircraft missile system, and these here vehicles cost £150 million.  The aircraft-mounted version is capable of shooting down missiles behind the aircraft, which you have to admit is pretty cool.  Why is it here?  Because 'eminent domain' is a Dog Buns! boring term with an even more boring image attached t

     ANYWAY, this is another cautionary tale from Youtube, both about revenge and Malicious Compliance.  Original Poster was brought in at an engineering company by the owners, reporting in to the plant's General Manager.  The two of them did not get on, the GM always trying to put OP down and steal their credits and achievements.  Art!

Big industrial thing

     OP then decides that the business needs a website presence and goes to GM to get permission, getting the GM's standard dismissive response: "It's your division, do what you want."  OP does some research and creates multiple web domain names, to prevent anyone else from cyber-squatting on them.  When it came to paying, GM told OP to use his credit card and get the money back via expenses.

     'Are you sure you want to do that?' asks OP - which is  A GIANT RED FLAG to anyone paying attention.  Translated, it means THIS IS A REALLY BAD IDEA.

     GM tells him to do it and get out of his office, he has a business to run, yadda yadda Black Adder.

     Unfortunately for OP, his division is too successful.  In the space of four years it turns $3 million in profit, so GM decides he's going to take it over and bask in the glory, because the green-eyed monster was strong in this one.  To do this he needs to fire OP - who beats him to it and resigns.  Art!

Re: signs

     The kicker comes three years later, when the company OP worked for had sunk serious money into building an internet business website.

     That they couldn't use.  The web domain names were all held by OP, thanks to his using his own credit card in the first place.  The company rang non-stop for a week before OP responded.

     Signing off on their domain names was simple enough, but OP wanted revenge - and reimbursement.  They had to pay his running costs for the domain names, plus a finder's fee, made out in a cheque, and -

     Said cheque had to be hand-delivered to him by the GM.

     They were a bit leery on that point but OP had all the power here and they eventually caved.  The bottomhole GM did meet with OP in a coffee-shop, handed over the cheque and barked that he wanted the domain names released right then.

     "No," replied OP.  "They get released when the cheque clears."

     GM is livid and simmering with impotent rage.  I can imagine OP snapping his fingers under GM's nose, and he got further insulted with OP's riposte as he walked out "I'm just doing what I wanted."

     Tee hee!

     The GM got off lightly, in the Comments people were saying if it were them getting barked at in a coffee shop they'd have torn up the cheque, rung the company and informed them the price had doubled and why.

"All Quiet On The Western Front"

Conrad, because he is a Very Sad Man, has a comment on the end text that comes up at the end of the film, where they say the front lines hardly moved since trenches were initially dug in late 1914.

     Hmmmm this is being 'economical with the truth'.  Art!

     Once the big Allied counter-offensives began in August 1918, the front lines moved back a considerable distance, up to 100 miles in cases, and in fact one reason the Teutons negotiated an Armistice was because Germany itself was going to be invaded.

     ANYWAY props to actor Felix Kammerer who played Paul, the lead character.  He is constantly covered in filth once he arrives in the trenches.  Art!

     Poor bloke.

     Also, a little background.  The French 'Marechal' in the railway carriage at Compiegne was Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch, head of the Allied Armies, who was about as far from the 'Donkey' stereotype as possible.  Art!

Follow The Money Pit

Yes, once again we are gloatingly recounting the financial woes being piled upon Ruffia and the Bloaty Gas Tout.  Back in February the Ruffians declared an intent to cut oil production by 500,000 barrels per day (hereafter BPD).  This was a 5% cut in daily production, forced on them because they couldn't find anyone to sell to.  Art!

So many potential calypso bands ...

     Now they are saying that they'll be cutting production by 650,000 BPD later in March.  Thus the daily BPD will be down to 8.85 million, which is a reduction of 11.5%.  Again, because they cannot simply pivot and sell to India and China.

     Ah, but it gets worse!  You see, China and India have been buying all that crude oil at a whacking discount, then refining it and selling it.  This is in direct competition with Ruffia's trying to sell it's own refined fuel products.

     Ah, but it gets even worse!  Cutting production means closing down oil wells, and as we've said before, doing this is not like turning a tap on and off.  Because most of Ruffia's oil wells are in the inhospitable Arctic, turning one off for any length of time means the oil gels and clogs the wellhead and pipeline.  At that point it's cheaper to drill a new well.  Art!

     If this is 'all going according to plan' Conrad shudders at what things might look like if they went off the rails.

"The Sea Of Sand"

When last we left him, the Doctor was plotting how to get back into the bio-vore complex at Makin Al-Jinee.  Without being killed, preferably.

Sheer inevitability, as the Doctor knew.  The bio-vores came from a metal-deficient environment.  Those Sahariana’s represented an incredible free mineral bounty, too much temptation to resist.

          Which was why, an hour later, he hung underneath the hot, rusty, oily undercarriage of a Sahariana, roped securely to the exhaust system.  The plan was to sneak in, get the TARDIS and sneak out back to Mersa Martuba.  Simple, and no need to use the atom bomb just yet.  Simple if everything went smoothly.

 

Sarah joined Doretti on the viewing platform, using the Doctor’s own telescope to check on his situation.  The car he chose lay almost beyond view from Mersa Martuba, a static speck on the shimmering, baking gravel.

          Phew!  If I get home safe from this I promise never to moan about a London summer again! she promised herself.  Doretti took pity on her and offered his fatigue cap to shade her head.  Sarah regarded the dirty, greasy article with misgivings, but felt relieved when the Italian insisted she take it and put it on.

          Is it making my head buzz? she wondered.  There aren’t any flies out here.  So what is making that noise?

          Doretti, however, manifested an air of confused attention, casting around for the source of the noise Sarah could hear.

          ‘What could that be?’ he asked.  Sarah shrugged. 

          ‘Oh no!  It’s coming from the dig – have those monsters discovered the Doctor?’

     Tune in tomorrow, Bat fans!

Finally -

I did mention digging out my copy of "2017 War With Russia", and have re-read the Foreword by the author, General Sir Richard Shirref.  There's a fair bit to discuss about it, both where he was right and where he was wrong, which is far too large a topic to summarise in 'Finally -', so expect further pontificating.

White City

No!  Nothing To Do With London

Nor the borough of Fulham, nor indeed Shepherd's Bush.  The area is known as 'White City' because the exterior cladding of white stone and whitewashed exteriors for the exhibitions that were held here, incl

     ANYWAY we are holding forth on another Intro about 'Lord Of The Rings' and Ol' Tolky's architecture, and today the subject is the city of Minas Tirith, the 'Tower of Guard'.  Art!

You can see where 'White City' comes from

     Ol' Tolky gives a fairly detailed description of the city, which has seven levels.  The picture above, and indeed most depictions, neglect to reflect that the lowest level is protected by the City Wall, made of the same substance as the Tower Of Orthanc.  In other words, proof against anything short of an earthquake or a tactical nuclear weapon, both of which are wondrous rare in Middle-Earth.  Plus, it was black in colour.  Which would mar the overall image, one supposes.  Art!

     You can see a couple of salient features here.  There is a sheet of rock projecting outwards, through which tunnels were built to allow both halves of the city to communicate with each other.  Secondly, you can see the Citadel and Tower of Ecthelion, which commanded fantastic views of the lands about.  There were seven levels in all, which, if Art will get off his waffle-patterned behind ...

     It's not readily apparent here, but the city's designers were a canny bunch and none of the gates in each level face each other, meaning that any attacker cannot simply march boldly onward after storming one gateway.  The advantage of height cannot be understated either, with the seventh level standing at the 700 foot mark.  This means any artillery weapons (mangonels or trebuchets) set up on the higher levels have a reach and range and impact advantage denied to a ground-level siege force.  Heck, people on that rock 'keel' could throw hand-sized rocks that would kill or cripple anyone they hit.

     One obvious deficiency is a lack of defensive ditches or moats around the City Wall, because that allowed the battering-ram Grond to get right up to the main gate.  Conrad, had time permitted, would have dug a giant pit underneath the gateway and used the spoil to erect an inner barrier, aided by demolising nearby buildings -

     But I digress.  Art!

     Gondor's getting weaker, with a falling population, is a blessing in disguise for Minas Tirith, because how on earth can it accommodate an increasing population?  "O I'll just go chisel a house out of the mountainside, shouldn't take more than four or five years," doesn't really cut it.

     Where was all the stone for the city quarried?  I cannot say for certain, but - look!  There's a whole mountain made of stone behind Minas Tirith.  Who knew!

The Prof Fires Off

Professor Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, an economist working at Yale University and specialising on the Ruffian economy since Peter The Average invaded Ukraine.  He noted that the Ruffians are getting around sanctions by smuggling in chips that they cannot make themselves.  You cannot, however, plan and execute a nation's  technological development based on intermittent and inadequate supplies of chips at three times the market price.  Art!

     He also, stingingly, said that the Ruffian economy is now about the size of Chile's when it used to be similar to that of Italy.  In other words, a contraction from $1.5 trillion to $300 billion, or one-fifth of what it used to be.

     The Prof also explained that unemployment figures are being massaged, with  jobless people being put on the Government payroll, which looks good for employment statistics but which is also eating into the National Wealth Fund.  Art!

Meet Yuri.  Yuri used to be a mechanical engineer in a car factory ...

"Zombie Holocaust"

You can't blame me for purchasing this DVD, it was only £0.33 and I've never seen it.  It came out in 1980 in order to cash in on the Italian craze for zombie flicks.  Conrad cannot find out what the budget was, but they had enough to shoot in New York, and I presume that an Italian location stood in for the Moluccan islands.  There's a few Extras on the DVD that I'll check out, they may have more info.  Art!

     In fact there aren't that many zombies, and they are far outnumbered by cannibals.  There is an interesting use of an outboard motor to take out one of the walking dead, mind.  Not sure how they got Brit actor Ian McCulloch onboard, unless it was with a big pile of lira.  Art!

"They brought in a dustbin stuffed full of cash and I was weak"

"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor and Sarah are trying to explain to their incredulous fellow-survivors that they are what they say they are, travellers in time.  The Doctor is trying to explain about the TARDIS.

Albert and the Professor were still arguing, intensity undimmed.

          ‘Then we have the matter of my transport.  My time-machine, you might call it.’  Sarah translated for the Italians and Dominione perked up.

          ‘As in the romance by Hubert George Wells?’ he asked.

          ‘Mine is considerably more secure, Tenente.  Which is a good thing, as I am fairly certain the bio-vores have captured it.’

          ‘Bit careless, that,’ said Roger in an undertone.  Sarah caught the tone of the words, if not their content, and glared at the officer.

          ‘You said your transport was destroyed,’ recalled Davey.  ‘Back when we found you in the desert.’

          ‘Misplaced, yes, but not destroyed.  Attacking the TARDIS does that.  Transposes her, I mean.’

          The conversation led to a logical conclusion: that the Doctor needed to get his transport back from the bio-vores.  He couldn’t do this openly, since the aliens might very well kill him on sight.  The human – or, as in his case, humanoid – form differed from the bio-vores so much that he couldn’t move around openly.

          That left sneaking in, which would be equally difficult, except in the case of potential Trojan Horses left out on the sands – the abandoned Sahariana’s.  Doretti, the Italian radio operator acting as sentry atop the wooden platform, reported that parties of bio-vores would venture from their desert fastness to drag away the desert cars one at a time.

     You can probably guess where this one is going.

Behold, The Entitled Plonker

Some people are convinced that They Are Above The Law as well as You Should Be Grateful To Kiss My Shoes.  Sadly for them, real life can be a bit of an education in how neither were true.  Here's one from Quora, about an international flight from South Canada to This Sceptred Isle.  Art!

Wheeeeeee

     The EP in this case had stripped down to his boxer shorts and t-shirt, because "That's how I sleep at home and I plan on getting a bit of shut-eye".  He ignored the flight attendant telling him to put his clothes back on, and argued about his rights with the Air Marshall - this chap turning up ought to have clued him in that things are going to go pear-shaped.  But no.

     The Air Marshall then takes the seat next to matey, and handcuffs him to the seat.

     Ooops.  Art!

A little more professionally than this

     Surprise!  When they land at Heathrow the police arrest him, cuff him and immediately deport him back to South Canada.  Where he is arrested upon landing.

     He was also very likely permanently banned from air travel anywhere.  Hope he got a good kip out of it in the cells.

Finally -

Finished watching "All Quiet On The Western Front" and "The Making Of AQOTWF" this morning and will get back to you about both.

Pip pip!