If I Were To Say "Mosaic" ...

You'd Probably Expect A Decorative Tiled Array 

Unless you're Jewish, in which case you're probably ahead of the curve at this point.  For Lo! this Intro has to do with both Codeword solutions and yet another attack of the Coincidence Hydra, which seems to have been fasting of late.  Okay, we need a suitable clickbaity picture, so let me just turn on the electric pitchfork and gently rouse Art from his slumbers -

     You see, Art, you can do it whilst still spasming.  Well done!

     Okay, let us now prove that either the Codeword compilers have a sense of irony, or they got bitten by the Coincidence Hydra, too.  Art!

     Yes yes yes, I know this is bordering on Religion, which we are careful to avoid, but <thinks> the Jews have been around for millenia, so we can call this Historical!  Okay, this is a pretty sneaky solution, because how many words have three "O"s and end in an "X"?  And then we have -

     Three "O"s, an "X" and a "Y".  Hmmmm pondered Your Humble Scribe.  Okay, where does the word 'Orthodox' come from?  It has a feel of Greek about it.  And indeed that's where the word comes from: "Ortho" from the Greek for "Correct" and "Doxa" for "Thought".  

     We've thus established the background, and my Collins Concise informs me that Orthodox Jews follow a very traditional lifestyle with strict observation of the Mosaic law.  Note the capitalisation, because (yes yes yes I cheated in the title, sue me if you want) this word is derived from 'Moses', and the mosaic, absent capitalisation, is ultimately derived from the Greek 'Mousa', meaning 'Muses'.  You know, those femmes of variable number who inspire artists.  Art!

     

CAUTION!  May not be 100% waterproof

     Well, no doubt having offended someone, I shall now go and sort out my laundry.  Truly my rock and roll lifestyle knows no boundaries.

Rock Folly

Ha!  No, nothing to do with that television series from the Seventies, rather a sly pun on the subject of - lighthouses.  Yes I say, Hastings Ismay.  I am still ploughing through "Seashaken Houses" by Tom Nancollas, and jolly interesting it is, too.  He has by now visited three of these sites, and mentions in passing "Kilwarlin", which is also known as "South Rock Lighhouse".  That's the only mention it gets, with a condemnatory description of it not being in the right place and being eventually abandoned, replaced by a lightship*.  Art!

     It's not easy to find out much about Kilwarlin/South Rock.  It's light first shone in 1797, and it continued in service for 80 years, which seems a long time for an inappropriately-placed lighthouse.  The lantern, which used to stand atop the structure seen above, was stolen in 1977 (by whom for what purpose?), lending the whole thing a rather hangdog air.  I have another photograph of it from a distance, which if Art -

     Clearly, it is sitting on a whole lot of rock at what appears to be low tide.  The lightship was positioned two miles east of this position, a certain amount of which distance would have to be for safety reasons.  That's about all I can determine about this rather enigmatic structure, as teh Interwebz are deficient in content.  Conrad suspects another lighthouse book might have to be bought**.

Ginger

No!  Nothing to do with 'Ginger' Hebblethwaite, that youthful protege of Captain James Bigglesworth, introduced to us the reading public in "Biggles And The Black Peril" if I recall correctly.  Art!

     The 'Black Peril' of the title consists of hostile foreign seaplanes, painted black for camouflage at night, which were to commence a campaign of sabotage around the coastlines of This Sceptred Isle.  Neither they nor their country of origin are named, except it's the Ruffians/Sinisters.  Yes, Dimya, you were the bad guys even back in the Thirties, when

     ANYWAY that's nothing to do with Ginger, the plant from which we derive the spice, the crystallised chunks, the chunks in syrup and the pickled pink version used in sushi <damn my mouth is watering>.  Art!

The ugliness of the rhizome

     You have to admit it looks ugly; like a potato that got stuck in the ugly washing machine on full cycle.  So, given it's looks, whose bright idea was it to try eating it in the first place?  "I know, I'll just dig up this utterly unremarkable plant, then I'll chop the roots off, then I'll scrape the skin off and eat it!"

     Hmmm no.  The person who did this would eventually encounter something like Calotropis and die on the spot.

     So - once again - which enterprising person discovered ginger?  I think we should be told!

"Bring me ten plates of this for starters!" ordered Conrad.

     Sadly Yo! Sushi in the Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell Arndale has permanently closed down thanks to Covid, so Your Hungry Scribe can no longer slake his un-natural greed for the above <sad face>.

Venus And Mars

No!  Nothing to do with the Wings record.  Good lord aloft, you should know us better than that by now; when does BOOJUM! ever do the normal, sensible or expected thing, when it can do the odd, perverse or tangential?  That time back in 2017 doesn't count, it was the gin speaking and as

     ANYWAY what I refer to is NASA's announcement that they plan two missions to Venus in the near future, which comes to those interested in Venus as a pleasant alternative to the usual priority of Mars.  We have seen a lot of recent activity on the Martian surface, so perhaps NASA felt a bit churlish in not paying more attention to the Big V.  Art!

An artist's impression.  I really shouldn't have to state that.

     FYI, don't forget that Venus is one of the more extreme and unpleasant planets in the Solar System, with an atmosphere that consists of corrosive acid, and a temperature at ground zero that will melt lead and also any puny human technology not specially protected.  It will also crush puny humans to pulp, given that atmospheric pressure is over 1,000 pounds per square inch.  It will be interesting to see how NASA proposes to investigate this hellish place.

And with that we are done!

     

*  Completely different subject that we're not going into right now.

**  Wallet squeaks in terror!

If I Were To Say "Bison"

You Would Probably Suspect A Verbal Trap

"Surely he cannot be referring to that mighty yet peculiar-looking quadruped that roams the plains of South Canada?" you would probably reason.  

     Wellllll as an aside (and tacit admission you are correct), let's have a bison up on the blog.  Art!

Known across the pond as a 'Buffalo', because it's South Canada

     You cannot deny that they look oddly unbalanced, a great muscled forequarters and a spindly hindquarters, which probably makes them feel fearfully self-conscious.  This may be why their behaviour is so unpredictable, as they are known to go from placidly chewing the cud to full-on murderous assault.  Since a big daddy bison can weight over a ton, and travel at 35 m.p.h., only people who are not Mean Machine Angel would survive a head-on collision.

It's a long story

     ANYWAY, the Bison I refer to today is not the creature, as you so sagely guessed, although it is a massive and unwieldy beast in it's own right, weighing many tons and also capable of 35 m.p.h.  It lacks horns or other innate weapons - but let us get on with the Intro instead of trying to be clever.  You see, the mighty David Fletcher has just completed one of his 'Tank Talks' about the Thornycroft 'Bison' over on Youtube and Your Humble Scribe is well-known for being unable to resist anything with 'Tank' in the title.  Art!

With mighty David Fletcher for scale

     Here is a stalwart of what one author called "British Impoverished" vehicles, rushed into production with dizzying speed after Dunkirk, when kit was needed urgently, almost regardless of quality as long as there was quantity.  Art!

     This vehicle in Bovington Tank Museum is in fact a hybrid; the rear pillbox is authentic but the 'cab' is a fibreglass replica and the whole thing is supported by axle stands to prevent it's mass from creating flat tyres.  Conrad is certain he's seen a photo - perhaps even taken one himself - of this vehicle with very flat front tyres.

     As David points out, these things were massive.  I cannot find a description of exactly how much they weighed, although the pillbox walls were six inches thick and proof against anything bar armour-piercing artillery.  The consensus is that they were well over the three-ton payload limit, making movement difficult at best.  Hence their use solely as airfield defences, because airfields are mostly flat expanses.  Art!

The even heavier Mark III version

     Their purpose was to engage Teuton paratroopers or glider troops from a fixed position, not to drive up and down the runways.  Mind you, if they mimicked the animal and charged a stationary Teuton aircraft such as an uninvited Ju52 bringing in supplies or heavier weapons onto a British airfield, there wouldn't be much left afterwards.

     Motley!  Do you think we can finish off that animatronic bull and dress it as a bison?  Give Stan a call about it, see if he's got any advice, he owes me a favour or two.  Stan Winston, you bafoon, that's who*!

It's a work in progress

How Absurd - An Easy Codeword!

Yes indeed, Apollo Creed.  I was prepared to be terminally truculent last night, since I'd discovered a Codeword in the MEN that had a target time of 20 minutes and 21 seconds to complete.  Art!

     Of course you will just have to accept that Your Modest Artisan managed this in less than 18 minutes.  I have an honest face.  Notice that I do not quibble or quail about the solutions here, because I am of course modest and retiring.

"Flageolet"

This answer was a Cryptic Crossword solution rather than an explosion-of-rage-triggering Codeword answer.  It was an anagram of "Tell age of flute (9)" and, rather to my surprise, I got it straight away.  That, naturally, meant a nosy into what a flageolet was, precisely, besides being a woodwind instrument.  Art!

Doubtless a riveting read for some.

     'A high-pitched instrument of the recorder family' - and no, we're not going off on a tangent as to why the recorder is thus named - deriving it's name from French and 'flajolet' or 'little flute', which in turn derives from Latin <hack spit> and 'flabeolum', meaning something you blow.

     But wait!  There is also a flageolet bean, which bears not the slightest resemblance to a member of the recorder family.  Art!

May have something to do with wind, though ...

     Hmmmm no.  My Collins Concise says it's name comes from 'fageolet', which in turn comes from Latin again - sorry about that - and 'phaseolus', which means 'bean'.

     There.  We are all better informed than we were five minutes ago.

Plasticine

I did threaten to come back to this, so you have no excuse.  I'm sure you are all familiar with this iconic modelling material, yet I'm equally sure you've no idea what it's made of.  I can't claim any special knowledge, either, and resorted to Wiki last night to find out.  NOW THE TRUTH CAN BE REVEALED!  Art!

     Er, quite.  Okay, it is composed of 65% gypsum, 10% Vaseline, 10% lanolin, 10% stearic acid and 5% lime - the chemical compound not the fruit.  This makes it malleable, stable and completely resistant to desiccation.  Whilst generation upon generation of schoolchildren have bashed it into various shapes and colours, it is also a medium of choice for stop-motion animators, since it doesn't dry out either over time or under studio lighting.  Art!

     There you go, a whole lot less frightening that Jan Svankmajer**.

    Conrad has to also jingoistically append that it was invented by a Briton, one William Harbutt way way back in 1899, so it's been around for a lot longer than you imagined.   

Finally -

Payday tomorrow, hurray!  In other good news, the Chalke Valley History Festival is go for later this summer, as notified by James Holland, who is heavily involved in organising and running the event.  It never happened last year, of course THANK YOU COVID so it will be interesting to see what turns up in 2021, not to mention who.  As I cautioned Ol' Jim yesteryon, one can only keep one's fingers crossed for the weather.

In times gone by

     On that note, I declare us DONE!

*  You heard he was dead?  Well did you see his body?  Did you?  Then be quiet.

**  Pretty much everything is less frightening than that Czech wierdo.

The Stars And Gripes

Bear With Me

First of all, Your Humble Scribe is typing this out at lunchtime, because he's on a late shift and doesn't finish until 18:00, and also because it's the Big Shop Day, and I won't get to sit down until 20:00 at the earliest.  So, a little pre-amble helps.  There is an up-side to this, because by the time I get to Morrison's all the remaindered food is on display, doing it's best to crawl off the shelves.

Or out of the tin

     The struggle then is to keep it hidden away at the back of the fridge so it doesn't get 'tidied away' when it's actually - hmmmm - 'maturing', shall we say.  Yeah, maturing so it tastes even better a few days later.

     ANYWAY that, of course - obviously! - has nothing to do with Camille Flamarrion.  I know you're thinking "Who?" because I did, too.  Another of those occasions when a word pops up in the old mental flotsam, unbidden.  Camille, it turns out, was a French astronomer, and if Art doesn't want the electric pitchfork again ...

Cammy looking Flammy

     Flammy had impeccable astronomical chops, being an astronomer, which is one of the basic requirements of having impeccable astronomical chops.  He also possessed a bushy beard and effulgent hair, which admittedly have little to do with astronomy but are great for that 'slightly demented scientist' look. Art!

"No time for haircuts!"

     What makes him more interesting is not his works of popular science, nor his occasional ventures into science-fiction, but his interest in and practice of spiritualism, which is about the diametrical opposite of having impeccable scientific chops, and an unusual stance then and since.  There is a famous engraving associated with him (I say 'famous' yet I've never seen it before) - Art!

"The Mirror Of Erised Life"

     The real question here, as it so often is, has to be why this character, who has been dead for 96 years, suddenly decided to make an appearance in my head.  Answers on a postcard please.

     Motley!  I wish to indulge in my appreciation of the spirit world.  Another bottle of Grey Goose!

O You Don't Get Away That Easily

Ringo and Macca were doubtless heaving a sigh of relief UNTIL SUDDENLY THE DREAD WORDS 'A LITTLE MUSICAL CRITIQUE' appeared as if from nowhere, man.  Because there's another verse of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" that we have yet to pummel plentifully.  Let the excoriation begin!

Picture yourself on a train in a station

Which station?  Where?  How did we get here from the beach?  Do we have first-class tickets?  Tell me!

Careful, you can't trust steam trains.

With plasticine porters with looking-glass ties

Excuse me, a  porter made of plasticine would be structurally unable to carry out any carriage of heavy luggage.  And the ties are a breakable safety hazard.

Unless he means this?

Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile

I HAVE A VALID TICKET AND AN HONEST FACE

The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

Her again?  This is clearly a case of stalking, sir, and I shall seek an injunction!

     There, I can hear muted weeping in the background, so we shall call a stop here.  This is all the verses dealt with, anyway, since there's only endless repetition of the chorus.  See how I can be merciful in my judgements?

Harping and Carping

After all, we need to back up that "Gripes" part of today's blog, don't we?

     Yes we do, no arguing.  The Remote Nuclear Detonator returns from it's servicing tomorrow, which ends any arguments as of now.  So, from the latest annoying Codeword I have selected the following:

"Bonhomie": From the French, don't you know, "Bonn" meaning 'good' and "Homme" meaning 'man', the whole typifying exuberant friendliness.  REALLY IS THIS FAIR? 18TH CENTURY FRENCH?  I would suggest not, and that "IE" ending really threw me, so Your Humble Scribe was far from a picture of bonhomie when he solved that one.  Art!

He's even gooder-er - he's the best man.

"LARYNX": Conrad has a feeling he's fulminated about this solution in the past few months, so I really shouldn't bother complaining EXCEPT I WILL.  Because who expects one of the least-used letters of the alphabet in conjunction with another rarely-used one, in a six-letter word with only one vowel.  I bet it comes from the Greek, too, which I am too annoyed to bother looking up.

"Arrrr, close enough, Jim lad."

"APISH": YOU WHAT!  "Resembling an ape" says my Collins Concise.  Yes, well, if that was the case then you WOULD DOG BUNS WELL USE 'APELIKE' not this stupid manufactured word.  Resembling an ape?  These compilers resemble one of the demons from the middle circles of Hades!  Art!

It makes more sense to South Canadians

     We shall move on before my blood pressure causes my eyeballs to erupt from my cranium*.

Portrait Of The Artist As A Diligent Dog

Yes, not only have I been working until 18:00, Your Modest Artisan has done the weekly shop, brought it in, put it away, made his lunch for tomorrow, got the breakfast things ready and had a substantial meal as well.  There were four remaindered rib-eye steaks, and now there's only three.  Edna was hovering for a while, then gave up.  I feel I've achieved a little tonight.

Happy Conrad**

Only One Art-Themed Post Tonight

So nothing to do with either Blue Oyster Cult, nor W. Heath Robinson, tonight we deal with Mohammad Jilani, another artist on the roster for the 'Printed In Blood' event later this year.  This is an interesting introduction to a varied group of artists that Conrad had never heard of before, and might never have, were it not for our mutual interest in "The Thing".  Art!

CAUTION!  Not a comedy.

     He seems to do a lot of work on collectible cards, as well as what appear to be either commissioned art or stuff done just for his own enjoyment.  Art!

Time for bullets!

     He states he's a freelance-artist, so probably not working on any comic titles, at least none I could see in my brief sojourn around teh Interwebz.  Art!

How many can you identify?  I got all of them, of course.  Obviously.

Finally -

I think we shall come back to both plasticine and Terry Talks Movies, as there is mileage in both, even if I've not mentioned TTM today - look, I made notes last night about it and everything!

     But for now, we are most certainly done.  Chin chin!

*  A neat trick at parties, though it smarts a bit.

**  Marginally less scary than Angry Conrad

O Frabjous Dey

Stick With Me For This One

For, as is quite common with Intros, this one meanders a tad.  Nor is that title a typo - you are only alive at this moment because my Remote Nuclear Detonator is getting it's fifty-thousand victim service - as we shall see shortly.  Or maybe longly. It depends how voluble I feel.

The Jabberwocky gets scragged.  Not a very frabjous day for it.

     You ought to know that there is that line in Carroll's "Jabberwocky" when an elderly lunatic enthuses about the extinction of said creature, "Oh Frabjous day!  Callooh!  Callay!"  This seems to mark 'frabjous' as having the same meaning as 'A red letter day', if in slightly more succinct form.

     Now, I have been educating you of late about the artwork gracing the early to mid-term albums of Blue Oyster Cult, while they were still creatively hot.  What does this have to do with Mister Dodgson and his nonsense verse?  Art!

CAUTION! Does note make a good domestic pet

     Conrad was always impressed by this picture, which turns out to be a detail from another artwork that had nothing to do with BOC.  Art!

     "Behemoth's World" is the title of this artwork, and it was painted by the prolific British artist Richard Clifton-Dey, from whence today's intercostal pain caused by the hilarity comes from.  Richard painted covers for innumerable sci-fi paperbacks back in the Seventies, lots of which Your Humble Scribe recognised.   Art!

     Let us see the original artwork, unsullied by any intrusive texts.  Art!

     I have no idea, before you crowd around and ask questions.  Hang on - okay, that character above is 'Scully', who grew up in an orbital environment, which explains why he is so etiolated and why he needs an exo-skeleton to survive.  You can't deny it's an intriguing picture, one which would pique the interest of casual browsers, and yet the publishers 95% probably didn't credit Richard, because that's how they behaved in those days.  The dirty curs.  Let's have another.  Art!

     This is one of Asimov's 'juveniles', written under a pseudonym: Paul French.  He adopted this as the novels were going to be adapted into a television series, which he suspected would be dire, and he didn't want his real name associated with them.  One last one!

     I actually owned this edition, which had some rather macabre short stories within, and once again I bet they never credited Richard.  Let us in recompense have the full, unexpurgated version.  Art!

     As you can see, details are less pronounced near the top of the picture, since that's where the publishers stick both title and author.  You can't always be certain they'll actually do this, nor be sensible about font sizes, as you can see in ASIHT.
     Right!  I think we've gotten enough out of a tangent that sprang from a tangent, let's throw Art some coal and get back to BOOJUM!  Motley, break out the porcupines and chainsaws, we're going to practice juggling - right after I finish this bucket of gin.

Point, Click And Laugh

I am sure you are all well aware of those repellent Indian call centres that try to scam the elderly and technically-unaware.  As we have mentioned on a few past occasions, there are some keyboard warriors out there who endeavour to turn the tables on these repulsive people and organisations, at the very least outing them and destroying their anonymity, and at times deleting tens of thousands of the scammer's files.  Art!

Enter - PIEROGI!

     This chap is quite infamous on teh Interwebz for trolling or emasculating scam call centres.  He uses a voice-altering microphone so he sounds both elderly and female, which are big tick marks in the scammer's mind.  However, he is also an internet and computer whiz, far more adept with IT than the script-following scammers.  The most recent of his Youtube uploads showed his dark satanic skill at back-tracking a scam caller to their location in Kolkata, indeed to their precise address, then in asking if they wanted to chat with him.  Art!

     Wicked Pierogi is actually able to speak and understand Hindi, which is why we have this translation of what the unfortunate scammer, his colleagues and his boss were saying.  Pierogi also promised to send their details to the Lucknow cyber-police, since the scammers were incautious enough to let slip that's where they were.

     O those files that get deleted?  These will have been obtained via the dark web from criminal gangs, and to get that list back, or a new one - they will have to pay.  It's also deliciously hilarious to hear a scammer, who has spent ninety minutes on the phone with whom he thinks is a feeble-minded old woman, eventually realising he's been scammed himself and that no gift cards or wire transfers or simple cash are coming.   They get so angry!

There's a story there

     Go and check out his Youtube Channel, ScammerPayback, which does exactly what it says on the tin.

"Seashaken Houses" By Tom Nancollas

As you ought to know by now, Your Humble Scribe has a modest interest in marine lighthouses, as opposed to the ones that sit politely and safely ashore.  We have covered them sporadically, and Conrad is now beginning Tom's more experience-based work, which is definitely not simply an engineering treatise.  One would hope not, as such would be exceedingly dull.  He anticipates a journey around This Sceptred Isle visiting seven totemic lighthouses, beginning, of course - obviously! - with the Eddystone.  Art!

Eddystone as is

Finally -

That volcano in Iceland?  Since it erupted in March it has become a popular tourist attraction, with music videos and weddings being recorded against it's pyroclastic posturings.  All this may have rendered people a tad complacent, as in the case of a Youtuber called Joey Helms, whose surname proved to be utterly false.  Joey, you see, was flying a camera-drone over the volcano, when he swung the helm about and headed into the erupting geyser of magma at the very heart of Fagradalfjall.  Art!

FAIL

     One hopes it wasn't his very bestest drone, as there are now only vapours remaining.  Iceland - for a nation with a name like that, it has some very, very hot spots.

     And with that I think we are done <checks> Yes we are!