Roast Turkey

Except Not How You Imagined It ...
For we are not talking about the hapless, stupid, black-feathered bird that the South Canadians raise and gorge upon in astronomical numbers, especially about this time of year when they have both Thanksgiving and Christmas as reasons.  Art?
           
                                  Before and after                                                Look away Anna!
     Okay, as we frequently do, BOOJUM! has showed what we're not on about.  I suppose you'd like to know what we do mean?  O very well.  Art?

You can see the pun coming

     That, ladies, gentlemen, those unsure and any visiting aliens, is Incirlik Airbase, in the land of Turkey, where the aerial forces of South Canada exist in a somewhat strained relationship with their host country's armed forces.  This is because Incirlik is home to simply dozens of nuclear bombs, stored in the South Canadian's secure underground bunkers, which the Turks may be eyeing with proprietal interest.  
     Here we acknowledge the input of that splendidly analytical South Canadian rag, "Popular Mechanics", which used Incirlik as the hangar on which to hang an article.  Art?

Step One: Do NOT employ a bunch of b****y musicians to do it!

     As you ought to know by now, Your Humble Scribe has an unhealthy fascination with nuclear weapons, which he has to be careful about, as MI5 will be at your door whilst the SAS abseil down your chimney if you Google things like "How to build an atom bomb from handy household objects".  One of the things about nukes is that all the nations that possess them remain very, very tight-lipped about how they work, for which The Only Fat Man In Korea is very sad, and it's difficult to find accurate open-source information about them.
     Enter PM, and the B61 variable-yield nuclear bomb.  Art?

Neither neat nor sweet, and certainly not petite

     PM have collected various sources and try to answer the question "Could someone steal a nuke, especially from Inci - er - from a South Canadian bunker?"
     The short answer is - perhaps.  A slightly longer answer is - if they did, then what?  Well, the B61 and other nuclear ordnance is built with components that will fail if improperly exposed to the environment, so anyone trying to dissassemble it will also disable it.  Then there is the Environmental Sensing System, which monitors the real-world status of the weapon.  You can't just hijack one of these things and drop it from the back of a bus; the internal sensors expect certain inputs that are only achieved by lofting this thing on an aircraft, and if these inputs don't happen, your bucket of instant sunshine won't go off.

This puppy will pop at the end of the drop

     So, you can't take it apart, and you have to carry it on an aircraft to use it.
     I think that's enough thermonuclear terror for one day, we don't want the milk to curdle, do we?  Okay, motley, I challenge you to a duel with baguettes!

The Bokebags Are Back!
Conrad is not entirely sure what a "bokebag" is, apart from it being an Irish insult.  Hang on <Googles> ah, a sick-bag.  Apt.
     If you possess a memory only slightly better than that of a goldfish, then you recall that yesteryon Conrad was chuckling at another bunch of Pyramid Scheme scammers getting into trouble: Fortune Hi-Tech Marketing.  Art?

From a website not updated since 2010, and that date is important

     You see, in 2010 the Montana State Securities Commission got it's teeth into FHTM, making them pay a big fine and admit how only 5% at most of their members made any money.  They also had to drop the entry fee for entering their scam, down to £66 from £188, meaning they had to scramble harder to fleece more.  The only positive thing FTHM came out with was not having to admit or deny that they were a pyramid scheme.
     However, the sharks were circling, and these ones weren't smiling.  In 2013 the hammer dropped - don't you love all these metaphors I'm using? - and the FTC* sued, raided and liquidated them, just like that.  They had to cough up £5 million in repayments to victi - <ahem> 'distributors', and were forbidden from ever touching a pyramid scam/Multi-level-marketing scheme ever again.
     2013 was also a very bad year for FTHM head honcho Paul Oberson.  He died.

Another FTC

     Well, that's enough grimness and criminality.  Let's wheel on the Fun Cannon and unleash a bombardment of Glee**!

Er -

Ah -

     Okay, I confess, Conrad lacks the ability to be gleeful, chirpy, upbeat and optimistic.  Let us return to more familiar turf - LITHIUM WAFER BATTERY DE - on second thoughts, perhaps not. 

You What?
Conrad cannot put up the banner about how we're going to review films, nor even stretch this to television shows, as a couple of bus posters of late have been advertising "Shows", which - I didn't pay too much attention to the small print as it was whizzing past at thirty miles per hour - seem to be live entertainments in front of a paying audience.  Conrad is not sure if this ground-breaking idea has legs; I suppose time will tell.  Art?

Really?  I like this guy already

     I hadn't realised it was a musical, either.  The perils of thirty-miles-per-hour billboards, don't you know <sighs> I suppose you want a picture of the cast now, don't you?

Too many primary colours

     Conrad has never read HTGSC, nor does he ever intend to, and has certainly not seen the film, and you have to know he will only ever see the musical if towed into the venue by a couple of Challenger tanks. Nevertheless, I HATE IT ALREADY.  Just so you know; remember an old, old title of the blog from years ago - "Conrad - Hates All Musicals".  The only way they can make this experience worse is by putting the whole thing on ice.  Don't try to protect it either, by whining "But it's for the children!"  NO IT ISN'T!  It's to make money by crowbarring money out of the pockets of weak-willed parents, The End.

I still like The Grinch, though.

     Bah!

Finally -
I shall try to be brief here, as I've rather blathered on about the other stuff above.  It would help if I could load up pictures from my phone, as I've got an item all figured out - but no.
     Anyway, I Googled for "Lego sculpture", and found a story that's rather heart-breaking, concerning a Chinese chap who spent three hours and thousands of bricks to create a replica of some cartoon character.  Art?

Until -

     - some under-watched vandalistic child pushed the whole thing over.  Hubris.

     And with that, we are done!


*  The Federal Trade Commission.  If these guys affix their beady eyes upon you, then the jig is up.
**  Schmaltzy enough to bring on a diabetic coma, eh?