Kill Thy Neighbour

No!  This Is Not A Suggestion, Recommendation Or Proposal
For we are back to discussing the life and times of Judge Dredd and Mega-City One, where 400 million people are crammed into all the available space, meaning a vertical conurbation, composed largely of enormous tower blocks.  These are self-sufficient communities in their own right, where it is possible (and frequent) to live an entire lifetime without venturing outside.

An example

     Remember my description of all the Big Meg's citizens as bonkers?  I was being a little unkind; say 95% are bonkers, 4% are homicidal raving nutters and 1% are as normal as you and I.  
     Okay, take this dangerously over-crowded, madcap city and - add guns.  Lots of guns.  In fact, a gun for every healthy adult, and by "gun" I include mobile artillery and missiles, for these are what equip each block's "Citi-Def".   These are the city's Citizen Defence Groups, who are liable to be activated in time of disaster or war.
    That's the plan.  In reality - 

Things sometimes go awry.

     The Chief Judge is extremely wary of activating the Citi-Def units, given their propensity for shooting each other, thanks to innate block rivalries, not to mention wildly-different levels of training and competence.  Weaponry is a function of how well-off the block is, with more affluent blocks technically able to possess their own nuclear arsenal -which is very definitely not a good thing, since a dispute between two blocks over how to pronounce "Tomato" can easily escalate into all-out war.  Not that many citizens will know what a tomato is.

Very awry.

     The Citi-Def can occasionally do the right thing - a stopped clock and all that - as when they fought back against the East-Meg One invasion, and helped during Chaos Day.  All told, however, they are far too likely to enact today's title to be trusted.
     There you go, more vital background information ahead of the television series.  BOOJUM! - helping you live in the world of tomorrow!

A little stroll in the countryside, a few years hence

     Okay, time to set this pack of hunting weasels loose in the maze.  Did I mention the motley was in there, too?

More Landships
As the prototype TANK was originally known.  Of course we in Perfidious Albion loudly proclaim that we invented TANK, which is true and a badge of honour, but we were not the only ones mucking about with armour-plate and engines.  Our allies the M8s also came up with ideas, one of which was the "Rouleau Frot-Laffly".  Art?

Conrad not sure which direction it's heading.

     This was an armoured canal-roller of which I cannot find a picture, and that above is one of the few of the RFL that exist.  Essentially it was a steam-roller with an armoured hull placed upon it, which the French army rather sniffily rejected.  They said it "lacked mobility" and from what Conrad can see, it seems to have had difficulty doing anything but driving in a straight line.  It could crush barbed wire, yes, and was bulletproof, but it couldn't cross a trench.
 

Found one - a Laffly LT road roller.

     File under "Bin"

Meanwhile, At The Bookshop -
Goodness me, my hobby collection of "Official History of the War: Military Operations" has taken a turn for the expensive.  I still need one text volume to complete the original line-up from the Twenties and Thirties, and another 9 map sets.  These mapsets are uncommon, and usually pricey - which, because I won't pay more than £40 for them, has slowed the old collecting down rather.  Art

<Conrad's palms get hot and sweaty>

     This above is the second map set for the year 1918, which I haven't got.  Going for the relatively modest price of £135 (plus postage), I can but yearn for it.  Still, the mapsets for the Western Front will turn up for a suitable price eventually.  For those outside France and Flanders, forget it!  The prices start at a couple of hundred pounds, and go on up to £Ridiculous.  Some people seem to think they can retire on the proceeds of selling a mapset or two.
     Bah!

Enough wibble of warfare and woe!  Let us change the subject and instead stentorianly sermon on <thinks>
     VEGETABLES!

Damon Runyon
It is a sad fact that most of you out there will only know DR because of a <shudders> musical - "Guys and Dolls", which was adapted from some of his short stories.  Conrad possessed his combined short stories and read and re-read them until he lost the books in a house move whenever.

A sad loss

     "Yes but - where are the vegetables?" I hear you quibble.
     Patience!
     One thing that puzzled your humble scribe was DR's describing something called a "Rutabaga", which from the sound of things was a vegetable.  A person has a face like a rutabaga, and at one point our narrator is hit in the head by one - yet Ol' DR is careful never to explain what one is.
     So what is a Rutabaga?  Art!  Enlighten us -

Thus.

     So.  A turnip.  Now I know.

Speaking of which -

     In the 2000AD strip "Bad Company", the titular military misfits disparagingly refer to regular soldiers as "Turnipheads" because of their helmets.  I bet you didn't know that, eh?  Not sure how it went down with South Canadian readers.
     And whilst on the subject of root vegetables, Conrad has just looked up that comedy staple, the "Mangel Wurzel".  Yes, this is a real thing: a root vegetable of the beet family which is grown in order to feed livestock, rather than you us hungry Hom. Sap.

Attack of the mutant vampire veg!

     Ware the wicked Wurzels, spawn of the irradiated rad-lands of Lincolnshire (okay, this is poetic licence and I'm allowed it).  Only one person can save us now!

"Person" might be going a bit too far ...

     Later, fellow humans.

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

No!  Nothing To Do With The U2 Album
Although I bet there were some worried expressions at Strategic Air Command and the Strategic Rocket Forces when it came out, before it got parsed and analysed to bits, and was revealed to be merely a line from that song about Fast Cars.

Looking all nonchalant and bomb-dismantley

     Although, when you stop to think about it, what an excellent skill-set to have!  To the authorities, however, it would still be a worry, since part of knowing how to dismantle an atomic bomb lies in knowing how to mantle* one in the first place.  

Oops.

     First, you'd need to ensure that the Permissive Action Links do not engage; they are designed and intended to prevent an accidental detonation, but since you're sitting on top  of an atomic bomb, it pays to be thorough.

CAUTION!  Do not hit with hammers

     Second, ensure there are no tripwired booby-traps present.  National governments are really, really keen not to have people nicking their Big Bang Bombs to set 'em off.
     Third, ensure you are wearing a hazmat suit with a built-in Geiger counter, because - uranium 235!  
     Fourth, I hope those metal tools are non-sparking and bronze, so that they won't conduct current.  A short circuit here and Hey Pesto! you're a cloud of rapidly expanding vapour.
     Now to get to the >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
THIS SECTION REDACTED UNDER ADVISEMENT M.O.D. 27TH INST.  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

     - and there you are, one completely dismantled atomic bomb.  A productive morning's work!
     Typically, I cannot find the illustration that sparked all this invaluable instruction.  Yes, we are back to Judge Dredd, Mega-City One and the Apocalypse War.  Art?

From 1982

     All those triangles represent a saturation nuclear attack on the Big Meg by those eeeevil Sov-Blockers, and my point is that, with so many missiles being launched, and Sinister technology being notably unreliable, there are going to be a significant number of undetonated warheads afterwards.  
     This is where your atomic bomb dismantling skills come in.  In the collected 'Daily Star' strips there is an example of the hazards of using robots for such work: "Stupid humes!" froths a robot as it attempts to work loose an undetonated nuclear warhead.  By hitting it with a steel bar.

It did not end well.

     What I really wanted to talk about was the Big Meg's 'Citi-Def' - which will have to wait for another day.

Sad - Or In Fact Awesomely Impressive?
As always, Conrad has a mountain of military history books to get through, which is because he never stops buying them, hah-hah!  Take that, Kindle.  One of my foibles/oddities/worrying signs (delete where applicable) is selecting a volume, then flipping to the Bibliography - no self-respecting military history work lacks a Bib - and ticking off the works I already have which are there mentioned.**Art?

     In this particular case, I've ticked off 38 works.  That's not what's so impressive (although it kind of is).  No, I was reading the Introduction where Mister Simkins lists his friends, colleagues and fellow experts, and your humble scribe was going "Yep, know of him", "Yep, him too", "Oh another familiar name".  In fact of about two dozen names, I was already familiar with fifteen of them.

Before We Got To TANK
There were quite a few prototypes, and BOOJUM! has covered some of them.  Let us now take a look at the Killen-Strait Tractor, made by South Canadians and displayed for the 'landship' crowd in Perfidious Albion.  Art?

Note helpful weather-vane

     I know what you're thinking - yes, those are railway sleepers.  That above is the tractor in original form, with what Conrad thinks is a prototype barbed-wire cutter on the prow, put there by someone who thought barbed-wire comes in single strands.

The Killen, all tinned-up and ready for Killin'

     The Killen-Strait turned out to be quite mobile, yet not powerful enough to rip through barbed wire, which, as alluded to above, came in dense thickets frequently yards deep.

Thus

     So it wasn't persisted with.  Sorry, Mister Killen.

Success!
NASA's Insight Lander has landed on Mars.  This is quite easy to manage, actually; the tricky bit is landing in one piece after travelling at several miles per second.  Insight managed this by virtue of trajectory, a heat-shield, parachutes and rocket braking.  Art?

Hideous experiments to be performed

     Of course they sensibly chose to land on the Elysium Planitia, which is a vast open plain.  There have been unsuccessful landings in the Martian Highlands before, after which NASA learned to keep clear of the Martian Rock Snake's natural habitat, for it is a grumpy, territorial creature.

An artist's impression

Finally - 
On a rare serious note for BOOJUM! I would like to mourn the passing of Stephen Hillenburg, a (marine) biology teacher.  Art?

Requisat in pacem

     He was also the creator of "Spongebob Squarepants", which is an excellent cartoon series, especially Squidward, who is a grumpy old curmudgeon and therefore an outstanding role model.
     I remember taking Darling Daughter to see the first film, because Wonder Wifey thought it would be too childish.  Ha!  The joke was on her, it was hilarious, and David Hasselhoff took the mickey out of himself relentlessly.

There, there, Bob.  Be strong.

*  If this wasn't a word before, it is now.
**  It's not bothering anyone, is it?  So don't make trouble.