If I Were To Say 'Bridge'

I Can Guess Exactly Where Your Minds Would Go

So I'm not going there.  I'm horrid that way.  

     Amongst the well-mannered and cultured, whom are unlikely to ever see these pages, the word is linked with a card game, based on 'whisk', whatever that is, for four players.  "One hand (the dummy) is exposed and the trump suit decided by bidding between players".  I'm glad we got that cleared up, then.  Art!

     Because it was either this or four old people sat round a table, sucking their teeth and Werner's pastilles, clutching a set of cards.

     Incidentally, 'Operation Market Garden', which is what ABTF is about, came very close to success, which is surprising  given that everything in seizing 11 bridges had to go right.  

     ANYWAY given the blog's bent for narrating military matters, you might expect us to go whanging on about Pegasus Bridge, and it's capture on D-Day by British paratroops.  Art!

'Peggy' with the guilty gliders in the background.  Not far to commute.

     That's Peggy in her 'Down' position.  The operation to capture it was a bit dog-in-the-manger, as the Brits didn't need or want it themselves, but it was essential to thwart any Teuton counterattack.

     That's as much as you're going to get about Pegasus Bridge.  Art!

     For those unaware, this is the Corinth Canal Bridge, before, during and after the Teuton oaratrooper attack in 1941.  They actually managed to capture the bridge and what happened next is still obscure.  Some Wehraboos insist the paratroopers themselves blew it up, on a dare, or because it affected the view and thus impacted property prices, or some such shizzle.  The Ockers insist it was demolished by a group of Australian sappers, because Ockers are such modest and self-effacing people.  Perfidious Albion insists it was a British officer (probably carrying either a swagger stick or umbrella) who shot the demolition charges.

     All a touch academic, because when a bridge is down, it's down, and all the blame or praise in the world won't re-erect it.  NO SNIGGERING AT THE BACK!

     Why all this yarking on about bridges in wartime?  Well, for one thing, river obstacles are a serious impediment to military operations, and have been since military operations existed.  Art!

     That's a Roman pontoon bridge, so about two thousand years ago, which is why it's a painting not a photograph.  What you  don't see are all the logistics needed to supply an army on the march, as well as heavy weaponry, none of which can sail across open waters.  Multiply that transport 'tail' a hundred times to imagine the amount of kit a modern army needs, which is why all modern armies worth their salt have pontoon trains for making rapid bridges.  You cannot count on your opponent kindly leaving their bridges intact when you are operating in their territory, after all.  Art!

     That, gentle reader, is the incredibly sturdy and much-battered Antonovsky road bridge, which spans the Dnipro in Ukraine.  As is clearly the case, the Dnipro is a very wide river.  What you can't see is the very rapid current, which makes it tricky even for powered boats to cross safely, and hopeless for anyone trying to row.

     The Ruffians seized the bridge at the very beginning of the Special Idiotic Operation, very likely thanks to treachery, but regardless of how they got it, they got it.  Then they had to defend it, because it was a HIMARS magnet.  Finally, when the orcs were 'advancing to the rear' in one of their very rare well-planned and executed operations, they demolished the bridge, leaving it as you see above.  This was to prevent the Ukes from following hot on their heels.  Art!

Pre-demolition

     This is how the Ruffians wish they'd left it, because Gerasimov The Zombie (really, he looks as if he's being operated by remote control) has decided the orcs are going to cross the Dnipro and create a bridgehead on the right bank.  Except they demolished the only bridge.  Ooops.  Art!

     Yes, Conrad is yarking on about the Crecy campaign again, because I got this from the Oxfam shop.  Less detail than "The Road To Crecy" because it covers 116 years.  Still, it mentions that the French destroyed all the bridges along the Seine, hoping to trap the English (plus a lot of Welsh) and bring them to battle.  Mention is made of the bridge at Poissy that was incompletely destroyed, and which the English (with their salting of Welsh) were able to re-bridge and cross, tearing it up afterwards.

     Then there was the ford at Abbeville - which is a tale for another day, mayhaps.

     Thus: bridges.  Just not the one you were expecting.

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

More from the centre-pages retrospective montage, which has just gone past the fall of France.  Art!

     Hmmmmm NO.  As is well known by now, both sides over-claimed wildly during the air combat in what was subsequently known as the 'Battle of Britain'.  As Conrad recalls, one divides what was claimed by a factor of three to get a more realistic total.  Doing a bit of digging, on September 15th the Luftwaffe really lost 56 aircraft, against RAF losses of 40, and the mathematics is even more lopsided when one realises that the RAF's loss in pilots was but 13, whereas all the Teuton aircrew were permanently lost, whether they survived or not.  If they survived it was heigh-ho hello British America for the duration.  

You What?

Conrad actively avoids computer games, as they are incredibly time-wasting, far more than the perils of procrastination, which word leads me to ask where is anticrastination? be

     ANYWAY ANYWAY I think what I'm about to show is to do with gaming.  Art!

     Is 'PIGS' an acronym?  Why only 'Western'?  What are 'PC Mods'? and do you call them on 999 in an emergency?  Is 'Chud' a reference to the low-budget horror film 'C.H.U.D.'?  Which defined the acronym as 'Contaminaion Hazard Urban Disposal' OR 'Cannibal Humanoid Underground Dweller', neither of which seem to fit the bill here.  Let me know in the Comments, as I don't think I fancy watching a whole Youtube vlog about a computer game, as that's procrastination merely one step removed.

Thank Heavens For Armoured Underwear

One never knows when the Coincidence Hydra will strike, and when it strikes, forsooth, has not Conrad's tender and delicious backside been it's favourite fanged resting-place?  Yes it has, I was waxing rhetorical.  

     Whilst scrolling through a Youtube Reddit relating Revenge, what did I espy?  Art!

     By the sainted tash of Sean Connery, what a turn up.  Art!

     Made from titanium, with a mesh lining to prevent chafing.  Proof against all talons and fangs of up to 12" in length.

     In case you were wondering, Rude Lady got hit with a $200 fine for using a handicapped parking space when manifestly un-handicapped.  

The Bread Bombed

Your Modest Artisan was busy in the kitchen last night, having a crack at the Ukrainian bread known as 'Palianitsya', which differs from other bread recipes by using kefir in the dough.  Art!

     Before and After.  It wasn't a success, since the dough didn't rise and the centre was undercooked, which latter I suspect is down to the recipe not having the temperature either high or long enough.  Also, Conrad checked the Allinson's yeast tin for 'Best Before End Of' and <ahem> 'twas a date in 2023.  I have binned it and now have an unopened tin to use in future.  Possibly not tonight,for the Weekly Shop needs doing, and this recipe needs lots of proving times.  Art!

     A 'Palianitsya' drone.  Apparently, Ruffians cannot pronounce this word correctly, so in Ukraine it's used as a litmus test of where you're from, if there's any suspicion of you having a touch of orcishness about you.  Like, being caught stealing your neighbour's toilet ...

     

Finally -

Got nothing more to add, CYA!

Silence Ia Gold

Time To Address The Herd Of Elephants In The Room

So, if everything goes according to plan, you'll be reading these lines as of Wednesday 4th June, which, historically, is when 'Operation Dynamo' ended.  You know, the evacuation of the BEF and assorted French from Dunkirk.  Art!

     Time to address another operation, this one more recent and which goes by the name of 'Operation Spiderweb'.  The Ukrainian drone strikes on multiple Ruffian airfields, in case you were asleep for four days.

     Conrad does not propose to go into any detail about the planning and execution of this operation, as there are other people better-qualified than I who can do that.  Rather, BOOJUM! will look at the aftermath, which is telling.  Art!

The howling irony of a newspaper title

     From a long-time observer of the Ruffian media, one can tell that this strike has gobsmacked and horrified the orcs in charge, who have been uncharacteristically silent about what happened.  Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks, for one, has been utterly absent from media since Sunday.  Not a word on what happened.  None of his minions have been holding forth about it, either, which is a sure sign that they're all waiting to see what line to take, as is Ruffian state media.  There was an official Telegram post blaming Ukrainian terrorists, saying that all drones had been intercepted, and doubtless we'll be told that 'debris caused grass fires'.  Art!

     

'Grass' burning like aircraft

     Pro-Ruffian bots on teh Interwebz have also gone very quiet.  A few have been mainlining copium, saying that 'Ruffia was looking to retire it's Tu-95 fleet', or fantasising about the nuclear response to come, and yes, the fables about grass fires were trotted out again.

     Here's the thing.  Allow me to introduce a chart from Bluesky, created by the inimitable 'Prune60'.  Art!

     Ooops.  Going into the why and wherefores of this chart would take up the whole of today's blog; suffice it to say that Mordorvia's national logistics are based on rail transport, and it's dying on it's bottom.
     More directly associated with June 1st is another consequence of Ukraine using a set of 'Trojan Horses' to smuggle the drones into deepest Mordorvia.  Art!

     Mile after mile of 18-wheelers, stuck in a queue in order that they can be checked and found drone-free, which of course they are.  The Ukes only outfitted 5 artics but inevitably the orcs need to check the other 500,000, just to be on the safe side, and because Cover Your Bottom is a holy principle there.  Expect a clutch of Ruffian generals to try flying out of seventh floor windows.

     Another facet of silence is that the Tangerine Toad and his lickers-of-boots were not informed about this operation by the Ukes, which is verrrry wise.  Mopey Dick, senile as he is, would either have promptly warned Putin, or boasted about it on social media, probably both.

     Where does the 'Gold' come from, I hear you ask, and NO! it shouldn't be 'Golden'.  Conrad means what he types.  Art!

     From Prune60 on Bluesky to 'Joe Blogs' on Youtube via Twitter, how eclectic are we.

    ANYWAY the grimness of Joe's vlog is inversely proportional to how cheerful his greeting is.  Except perhaps for this vlog, as he looks rather mournful here and the news for Mordorvia isn't especially pleasant, either.  You see, one of the two sources of liquid funds for Modern-day Mordor is gold, the other one being Chinese Yuan.  The dollars, pounds and euros have long since been spent.  Art!

     From the illuminating bar chart at bottom you can see that Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks was hoarding gold before the start of his Special Idiotic Operation, to the amount of 700 tons of the stuff.  By the beginning of 2024 this had been reduced to 500 tons, and is now down to 200 tons.  Conrad notes a particularly large drop at year's end, and suspects this is gold being sold to pay off the December deficit, which is always huge compared to the other months of the year.

     Now, Conrad is not an economist, yet even I am aware that, if you dump large amounts of a commodity on the market, you will drive the price down, and I've mentioned this risk on a few blogs already.

     What has Ruffian dumping gold done to the market value?  Why, it has dropped from ₽1.7 trillion per ton to ₽1.2 trillion per ton, a drop of 30% over the space of two years.  Told you so!  From the looks of it, there won't be any gold left by the end of 2025.  Imagine that, burning through 700 tons of the stuff with absolutely nothing to show for it bar a gigantic scrap heap of rusting metal.  What d'you think of that, Puffy-Phaced Petrol Pimp?

     <silence>

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown

A Matter Of Pronunciation

You may be aware, as I've yarked on about it a few times, that Conrad decides how stupid products that try to use gimmicky names are pronounced.  If your advertising agency comes up with a nonsense name, it shall be pronounced nonsensically as rebuttal and revenge for crimes against the language.  Art!

     Take this brand of bafunes.  Conrad has christened them "Reeeve - Oh- Lutt" instead of their pronunciation, which I'm not even going to put up here, because I'm horrid that way.

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

We continue with TWI's chronological trip of pictures dating from the start of the war, in their central pages montage.  We have gone from September 1939 to mid-1940, when things were not going well for the Allied powers of that time.  Art!

     You can't really put a positive gloss on this one, can you?  The Teutons entering Paris, whose government had fled to the spa town of Vichy.  Probably the high-water mark of the Third Reich, when Herr Schickelgruber expected Britain to capitulate, too.  However -

Here's One Conrad Can Get Behind

I stumbled across an interesting item on my news feed, which, if Art will put down his bowl of coal -

     That grotesque little dummy is apparently linked with the 'Saw' franchise, and the article details how we'll never get to see 'Saw 11', which is no great loss to Your Humble Scribe, who has managed to avoid seeing any of these films.  Some of YOU are guilty of seeing them, mind, because you don't trot out 10 films if they make a loss.

     ANYWAY here's the item that made me pause for thought.  Art!

     For those of you unaware, that's Guillermo Del Toro, an excellent director with real flair.  For those of you also unaware, "At The Mountains Of Madness" is a novella by H P Lovecraft.  GDT confessed back in 2011 that any film of it was unlikely to be made, as it 'has a tough ending with no love story'.  Also, it's set in Antarctica, which probably means filming in Alaska in wintertime, not a fun experience; ask anyone involved in filming "The Thing".  GDT was still mildly optimistic as of 2022, so perhaps it's more 'if ever' rather than simply 'never'.

Rara Avis Gets Rarer

Sorry for referencing Operation Spiderweb again.  You see, one of the aircraft destroyed was an Antonov A-50, possibly the last working one the Ruffians had.  Art!

     These things cost $350 million each and cannot be manufactured any longer.  Reportedly, Putinpot soiled himself with rage after the Ukrainians shot one down last year in an 'air ambush', because they lost not only the airframe but the crew as well, who are an elite amongst Ruffian aircrews, and so important that they are commanded by a general aboard the plane.

     Well, an incautious widow has just confirmed what many suspected, and which Ruffia denied - thanks to complete silence about it, surprise surprise - at the time and afterwards: Ukraine shot down an A-50 over the Black Sea in January, killing all the crew.

     These things were like gold dust, if you'll pardon the phrase, and since Mordorvia was reduced to a single one, the Ukrainian air force has gotten a lot cheekier.

Qui Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

We Don't Often Begin BOOJUM! With A Latin Quote

Don't think I'm going to trawl thousands of blog titles just to see if this statement is correct, just take it as read.

     So, one of the more annoying trends amongst authors that Conrad has noted is giving a quote in a foreign tongue - and not translating it.  One can make a fair stab at French or even Latin, but when it's in Greek? <loud harrumphing noise>.  Thus: "Who watches the watchmen?"  Art!

     Not a bad film, actually, considering the original graphic novel - very definitely not a mere comic book - was considered unfilmable.  Alan Moore and David Gibbons take on who watches the watchmen? (also the motto of the Watergate enquiry).  Who guards the guards?  Who polices the police?  Who traffics the traffic wardens? we ask.

     For Lo! we have a tale of malicious compliance, once again from South Canada, and rather then being a tale of office or industrial plant woes, this one concerns the Police.  The Sly Uniformed Narrator, hereafter SUN, was careful not to identify which state, city or precinct he worked in, just that the station housed 240 police in three 8-hour shifts.  Art!

     Trouble arrived in the form of a new Inspector, who was stricken with New Broom Syndrome, so we shall dub him Brushy Bafune, or BB.  BB insisted that his police officers all fill out detailed daily diaries of all the acts they performed, no exceptions or excuses permitted and his wrath would befall anyone not conforming.

     Got it, internalised SUN.  Everything as by book as possible.  Art!

  BB's first clash came with lunches.  This proves he was a moron because only a manager deficient in brain cells interferes with his staff's meals, as Jeremy Clarkson proved.  BB tried to force the officers to have their meals on his roster, disregarding their legal requirement - surprisingly, police officers are quite up to the minute on legal requirements - to have a lunch break after 5 hours.  All in the name of efficiency, with write-ups threatened if they dared to disobey him, etcetera.  This was stopped dead by the officer's union - ah, now we know who watches the watchmen! - and BB lost this round.

     But was he disheartened?  No!  Instead he doubled down on the diary sheets, punishing those who didn't comply.  SUN simply annotated everything, turning what had been a single sheet into 4, and informed his colleagues of his actions.  Which then became their actions.  Instead of a somewhat spotty return of forms, all 240 officers began turning in 4 diary sheets each, making 720 forms.

     BB ran into trouble about lunches again, because one of the legal requirements was the word 'Uninterrupted', and he constantly interrupted lunches to rant and tant.  This meant the officers were entitled to monetary compensation, which he blocked and refused to pay, so once again here comes the union.  They took legal action against him, for several hundred instances of Interrupted Lunch, the case went to court, he lost every single one and had to spend his whole weekend up to 21:00 hours Sunday processing them.  Unpaid.  Tee hee!  Art?

     Then he tried to reduce the avalanche of paperwork he received daily, unsuccessfully, because the officer's argument was that they'd been told to document absolutely everything and if they disobeyed they'd be punished, and he tried to triple down and threaten with charges of disobedience.

     Enter that dragon the union, again.  They sent all BB's blustering bloviating to the District Commanders, and to the Police Commissioner, warning that the legal consequences of BB's inanity would continue, unless -

     The Commissioner had a reputation for not tolerating manglement in the force.  BB was instantly switched to a desk job doing admin with no staff involvement, and was quietly 'let go' eight months later.  His daily diary drudge went out of the window as soon as he moved on.

     I think I answered my own question there.  Clearly, police unions have a lot of clout in checking mis-behaving superiors, and Commissioners have a lot of clout in getting rid of incompetent minions.  Art!

Commissioner Gordon.  Not a man to cross.

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

The more perceptive of you may have noticed that the quote marks are now in Taupe, which is indicative, not of any great conspiracy theorem, but of Conrad being deliberately idle.  Now, on to the montage.  Art!

     Of whom 123,000 were French, and when the Armistice came into being with France later submitting to Teuton occupation, guess what?  Nearly all those French troops went right back to France, with a mere rump backing a chancer of an officer named 'De Gaulle'.  Well well, who was laughing just over 4 years later?

     ANYWAY 'Operation Dynamo' was an unparalleled success and both the Royal Navy and the 'Little Ships' deserve every plaudit laden upon them.  However - O that word again! - as Winnie observed, "Wars are not won by evacuations".  Absolutely correct, but they are lost when there's no evacuations.

Conrad Cavils Cowardly

There are a few hobbies that are so dangerous anyone participating must be tired of life or an adrenaline junkie, or both.  This is why Your Humble Scribe, an utter coward from way back, cannot understand the appeal of bungee jumping, alligator wrestling or catching a cricket ball in your mouth.  Art!

     " - the lower circles of Hades", perhaps?

     No.  Art!

"If you cave dive without the right training, equipment and mindset, it can be a very dangerous place. "

     Here's the rub.  Even if you dive with the right training, equipment and mindset, it's still a very dangerous place.  Conrad has read enough Youtube horror stories about cave divers who died to have less than zero per cent interest in this sport.  Art!

Imagine one of these, smack in the kisser at 45 m.p.h.

     I wonder if this is the source of that expression 'Corking!' meaning excellent or very good?

Introducing The Hard Rock Punk Metal-Heads, Mosquito Destroy Lantern!

Or not.  
     You see, one of the people I follow on Twitter is Shaun Pinner whose name you ought to Google, especially in conjunction with that ballfoot chap Abramovich.  He recently posted an example of what I think is caustically called 'Chinglish', where the valiant scribes of the exotic East demonstrate how little they understand the Mother Of Languages.  Art!

     "Put the power line to insert the power line."  You can't get more Zen that that.  Well, Shaun, old chap, you have discovered a mighty source of inspiration for band names.

"We're Mosquito Destroy Lantern

And we come from Xanten

We kill the evil Anophalese

Without even saying please!"

     With heartfelt apologies to The Skreeming Voles, who were here at the establishment of BOOJUM! and look where we've ended up now.  'Anophalese', for your information, is a species of mosquito, and Xanten is a real town in Germany.

An Unprecedented Moment Of Ballfoot Indulgence

Conrad guessed there was a ballfoot event going on tonight as I wandered into and around Lesser Sodom this evening, for there were young chaps walking around looking ten feet tall, shouting "OLDHAM!", and what's this, a family of five, all wearing 'Oldham Athletic' shirts, and occasionally a passing car would toot it's horn.  Art!

     Conrad is quietly chuffed that his local town's ballfoot team have done well enough to get promoted.  Oldham Athletic seem to be more about the game and sport than the English Primary Logue (sp?), which is instead all about their share price, television income negotiations and how to fleece fans with iteration number #223 of their shirt.
     

Finally -

Having been holding forth about the ballfoot game, I shall dunk myself in cold hard reality by going and sorting out the tumble drier.

Look Back In Hangar

If What I'm Reading On Twitter Is True

Then the Ruffians will be rueing the day they parked their largest and most expensive aircraft outside and not in a hangar.  

Right! instead of me droning on - Ha! Do you se  O you do - let's get straight to the click-baity picture after I rouse Art to consciousness with a set of bamboo skewers.

     Conrad is prettttty sure this is Photoshopped.  However, there is no exposed skin, nor swear words, so it can stand.

2024

BOOJUM!: A Popular History Of ROBOT WARFARE!

2023

BOOJUM!: Flashy

2022

BOOJUM!: The Moon In June

2021

BOOJUM!: O Frabjous Dey

2020

BOOJUM!: Sitting On A Volcano

2019

BOOJUM!: Transports Of Delight

2018

BOOJUM!: From Dead Dog To Red Dog

2017

BOOJUM!: It's Curtain For Certain

2016

BOOJUM!: Noughts And Crosses And Podcast Bosses

2015

BOOJUM!: Bat-mobile, -channel, -copter, Masterson & Mitzvah

2014

BOOJUM!: BOOJUM! Visits Bowlee

How Close Can I Skate To Tastelessness?

Pretty Close, I Dare Say

This is the Intro I was going to write, before catching up with Pink Floyd and 'Interstellar Overdrive', amid questions about gender equality aboard United Planet's spacecraft, which is a rabbit hole for another day.  Art!

     Up until 10 minutes ago Your Humble Scribe knew nothing about this song and cares less than I did 11 minutes ago, except it might attract a few curious visitors.  What I was going to lead with was a film.  Art!

     As you may guess from the poster, it's a horror film, made in 1982 on a budget of $35,000, which would possibly cover the catering budget on a film nowadays.  The Monster Of The Piece, Belial, is carried around in a (locked) wicker basket, hence the title.  'Basket Case' was successful enough to spawn - apt noun there, Conrad - not one but two sequels.  So some of you are still human - no, sorry, that's 'The Thing', isn't it?  So some of you went to see it.

     I am now going to quote from my 'Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable' for two reasons.  Firstly, it ups the Word Count.  Secondly, it defines the term and where it comes from.

"Basket Case, A.  Originally, a soldier who had lost all four limbs.  Hence, generally, a person who is mentally unstable or unable to cope emotionally.  By extension, the phrase is also sometimes used of a bankrupt country.  The image is of someone unable to support themself physically."  Art!

     Taken from the Coen brothers cruel comic Western montage, "The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs", and yes, you have seen that actor before, as the hoggish Dudley Dursley in an obscure series of films about 'Larry The Potter' or somesuch.  No, he didn't make the near-ultimate sacrifice in Method Acting, it's all done with CGI.

     ANYWAY that definition about 'bankrupt countries' is the lead into what I really wanted to go into in this Intro.  When Joe Blogs lists countries in the G20 with the worst economies, Argentina and Turkey usually top the list, especially when it comes to inflation.  Of course - obviously! - now that I need a chart, I cannot find it, so allow me to put up a extract.  Art!

     Bear in mind that the average for the G20 is around 4% and in Perfidious Albion it's all of 3.5%, which figure has a few pundits wearing sackcloth and ashes because of how devastating it is <amused snort>.

     You might well regard both the countries above as economic basket cases, which is fair comment - except their inflation rate is going down, not up.  Argentina's rate has dropped by 8%, and Turkey's by 0.25%.  So, what of Modern-day Mordor?  You have to look at their statistics in the G20 classification, as they have now long dropped out of the G8, which is now the G7, a fate so bad it has Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks weeping into his pillow nightly.  Art!

     The Thing is, bo- sorry, I'm doing it again, aren't I?

     The thing is, both Argentina and Turkey have hidden assets, as explicated by Jason Jay Smart.  Argentina has an annual subsidy from the International Monetary Fund of $2 billion.  Turkey rakes in a combined $50 billion per annum from tourism and remittances from the Turkish diaspora abroad.  Ruffia has neither.

     The reason I put up the inflation data for Ruffia and Italy is because 1) the Ruffians are lying about their inflation rate and 2) Their self-proclaimed target is 4% and 3) Pre-Special Idiotic Operation, the two countries economies were on par with each other.  The real Ruffian inflation rate is at least 20% and possibly as high as 40%.  Art!

Ruffian economy now on a par with Sicily

     What's that, Mister Budanov?  You have a comment to make?  Go ahead!

     You may be wondering how.  Well, if Lindsey Graham, South Canadian senator, gets his bill approved, then any nation trading in oil or gas with Mordorvia will be hit with 500% tariffs.  This would immediately result in India and China cutting all imports from Ruffia, and bang goes 80% of Mordorvia's export market, which would cancel out a quarter of their entire GDP.  Art!

Lindsey combines a slavish devotion to the Tangerine Toad and being pro-Ukraine

     Then we come to Big K of 'Inside Russia', and his detailing of prices used to calculate the Ruffian inflation rate, the so-called 'Borscht Basket'.  Art!

Now a luxury item

     The price of cabbages has increased by 57% and they now demand ₽75 per kilo; onions are up 87% and potatoes, the primary food for most Ruffians, have now trebled in price to ₽100 per kilo, thanks to both inflation and poor harvest yields.  The Kremlin is now blaming Ruffians for not having allotments and growing their own crops.  Art!

     Kind of hard to have an allotment bigger than a flower pot here, doncha think?

"No Man's Land" By John Toland

I have finished this, which was a worthy effort by Ol' John, BUT and you knew that word was coming, Conrad does have a few reservations.  Art!

     Except it's not the definitive version of 1918.  Fair play, he does go into the utter chaos and anarchy reigning on the Eastern Front as the Bolsheviks came into power.  You don't get more than a few paragraphs about the Italian Front, the Salonika Front and the Allied advance into Syria, where the Ottoman forces were routed.  Also, accounts of combat on the Western Front abruptly end in early October, and the last quarter of the work is taken up with the political events, which are deeply, profoundly boring.  

     Consequently I have dug out Peter Hart's "The Last Battle", which focusses exclusively on the Western Front.  It's also some two hundred pages shorter than Ol' John's book and in his Preface he warns that he will largely omit all that tedious politicking.

"The War Illustrated Edition 209 22nd June 1945"

More of montage.  Art!

     Blatant terrorism, which the Teutons enacted to make the Dutch hurry up and  surrender.  They had carried out the same tactics versus Warsaw in September 1939, again to speed up the surrendering process.  What lovely folks they were.  Art!

     Opinions differ as to whether the five-day delay helped the BEF firm-up their perimeter at Dunkirk; it certainly didn't harm it.  There is an excellent photo of the aftermath, when the garrison had surrendered, which I cannot find, so this next will have to do.  Art!

Ugh

Conrad passed a bus shelter advert on his way into Lesser Sodom a couple of hours ago, and had time enough to think "That sounds disgusting".  Art!

     As you may be aware, Conrad is not a fan of adding chocolate to anything in order to make it more palatable.  Chocolate-flavoured Christmas pudding?  No thanks.  Nutella on a crepe?  Get out of here!  Chocolate-chipped croissants?  Just let me get my gun.

     The business entity that thought it a good idea to use 'Shaken Udder' as their brand name also needs a wake-up call, because, again, it sounds disgusting.  Don't worry, I have taken notes and when I take over they'll bitterly regret creating anything so vile.

They Still Stand

This list goes back a full 10 years and is still valid today.  I came across it whilst looking for Wally the Weasel.  Art!

Blog Rules
Since there seem to be more people than normal reading BOOJUM!, I would just like to re-iterate a few of the rules in force here.  These are not up for negotiation.

1. The films of John Carpenter are documentaries, apart from "Dark Star"
2. Doctor Who is a re-enactment of things that have really happened.
3. America does not exist.  Instead there is only South Canada
4. Vulnavia is occasionally mentioned
5. Film reviews are plunged into with reckless ignorance
6. No swearing; "Dog Buns" is the official BOOJUM! swear
7. No politics, religion and most especially no sport.
8. The Metro is a lying chip shop wrapper
9. First Bus are easily the most evil entity on the planet in the galaxy

     Number 9 needs to be updated with "Bee Network" but as for the rest?  They still stand.