It's (Nearly) The End Of The World

Don't Worry, I Don't Know More Than You Do -
Actually I do, come to think about it, although only on esoteric subjects like LITHIUM WAFER BATTERY DESIGN! and how to survive an attack by KILLER EELS! or the Table of Organisation and Equipment of a Perfidious Albion infantry division of late 1916 -
     Which has nothing to do with the end of the world, although those eels are a definite warning sign.  I meant, don't worry about the world ending shortly, your humble scribe most emphatically does not have inside information about it.*

He does.

     Which has only a tangential relationship with what I really wanted to inform you about, namely a couple of films mentioned here at the blog on Tuesday: "City Beneath the Sea" and "Atragon".  Neither is available on Youtube, to my mild disappointment; as consolation they do have trailers, which I have surveilled and will recap for your viewing delectation.
     Okay, CBTS is a kind of two-for-one Deadly Peril scenario set in an underwater city that calls itself "Pacifica", doubtless because it's at the bottom of: the Atlantic Ocean and the scriptwriters were being ironic/the Paficic Ocean because the scriptwriters were lazy rascals (delete where appropriate).  Art?

Peril the First

      This consists of Sinister Radioactive McGuffin, which is only safely contained by - er - stacking billions of pounds-worth of gold ingots around it.  Altogether now -

 WHAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG HERE!

     And if I can cattle-prod Art into action again for the next picture -

Peril the Second (upper port)

     That glowing coal is a 'rogue planetoid' that is going to smash into planet Earth and destroy it, or at least send property values into a trough.  Sadly you can't hear the soundtrack here, where the RP is accompanied by a muted yet strident howling noise, because the silent vacuum of space is - is - er - not dramatic enough?  This, then, is The End Of The World bit alluded to in today's title.

     You're probably wondering what trigger'ed this retrospective look at aquatic nonsense.  I'm not going to tell you; go back and read previous blog entries.**

"There were giants in the sea -"
(From a poem or something)

     I was going to blather on about "Atragon" but have decided to be merciful and move on.  You can have that unalloyed pleasure tomorrow.  In the meantime, let us put the motley in a car with no brakes and roll it over the cliff edge!*

That'll Teach Me
In a flight of fancy, I was wondering what you'd get if you crossed a blaster with a laser, giving you a weapon that could shoot to the horizon and would vapourise anyone or anything it hit, instead of merely making a neat cauterised hole.  Given 'Because Science''s warnings about a blaster turning anything organic into a giant cloud of overpressure-propelled offal, not a weapon to be used at close range.***

Summat like this

     "O what shall we call it?" I pondered, already seeing units rolling off the production line, a snip at £15,000,000 each with a 7500% profit margin.  "Aha!  A 'Blaser', that being a portmanteau combination of 'blaster' and 'laser'.  Oho."
     Ah, except not so fast, o humble scribe, for what is this arms manufacturer from the land of the Teutons?

Curses!  Foiled.

     Conrad has been beaten to it.  Hang on - how about a "Blazer"?

Also no.

"Succumb"
Another of those words that kinda pop up in my head from who knows where.  The "b" is silent, for your information.  Yesterday I was doing a crossword when - yes, of course it was a Cryptic one! - when this word popped up into the forefront of my consicousness.  I know what it means, in the sense of being done in by illness or injury:  "the evil Tussigonian invaders succumbed to the effects of Conrad's blaser and expired in an enormous cloud of virulent gore and innards"

Yeah!

     Of course the word has it's roots in Latin, the swine.  From "Sub" meaning "Under" and "Cubare" meaning "To lie down", thus we get "Succumbere" and eventually "Succumb".

This sub succumbed

Finally -
With all this guff about voyaging to the bottom of the ocean (Hey! Is there a song title in there somewhere?) I thought it apt to do a little more mucking about with words.  Hence we have -

"VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEE!!"

A terrifying tour of the bloodthirsty Bishop of Chiltern's evil, episcopalian, gore-soaked parish, home to horrors unimaginable!!"

"You insult my hat, sir?  Do you want to succumb to my red-hot poker?"

Or, on a lighter note - 

"VOYAGE TO SEE OF THE BOTTOM!"

Go look it up - it's Shakespeare so I'm not helping you.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll believe a man can become an hideous were-donkey hybrid affront against nature.  Plus fairies.

     I think that's enough of our daily battle against the forces of Sensible.  Don't forget to check under the bed tonight for any sign of those treacherous KILLER EELS! (and stray socks).

*  Mind you, would I share it if I did?   Hmmm.  One to ponder on.
**  Heh.
***  Perhaps this is why you see all those fantasy players with ray guns and swords?

How To Put It?

Catching Someone Out In Being Deceitful
More an entity than a person, to be honest (a word some folks would do well to look up in a dictionary).
     As you should surely know by now, Conrad is a flinty-hearted cynical swine, always wondering what the catch is, which occasionally does mean his false positives are actually true.  The issue is today's arrival of 'Empire', the film magazine, an a full-page advert for a fillum called "Mandy", which that underemployed oaf Art can illustrate -

Featuring Nick Cage going full NICK CAGE!!

     Okay, let that one sink in.  Appreciate the full milieu <going for Undergraduate Level in Word Count, are we? - the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand> for a couple of minutes before I prod our resident Neanderthal with a red-hot pitchfork -

Starboard

      Robbie Collin, of the Daily Telegraph, is printed twice.  It's not deathless prose to be savoured in small doses like Stilton cheese, is it?  Look at the two other sources quoted - "The London Economic" and "Culture Whisper".  Never heard of them, and neither have you, I'll bet.  This is what we jaded observers of the human condition call "padding".
     Okay, time to check out the port side of the advert.  Art?  This pitchfork's still glowing and hot!

Port
(Goes well with Stilton, as a matter of fact)

     Again, Jamie Graham of "Total Film" - which I have heard of - gets two quotes.  And we also have two other entities, whom I've never heard of once again, Indiewire and The Upcoming.  I'm not even going to bother putting quote marks around their titles since your humble scribe has no idea what they are.
     There you go, your lesson in Film Studies for today has taught you something: to be cynical and jaded at all times.
     

Conrad:  jaded, cynical and untrustworthy around loose cash

     Okay, time to give the motley a full body-waxing, then force it into a wet-suit lined with Fieriest English Mustard!

You Won't See This Very Often
Criticising sharks?  Being horrid to weasels?  Complimenting First Bus?
     That last one would be very rare indeed.  No, I am referring to your humble scribe breaking out one of his prized and cherished Map Cases from his Official History of the War 1914 - 1918.
     A little background is in order.  I am currently reading the official history of the Seventh Division 1914 - 1918, and am now up to their involvement in the Somme campaign, right at the start on 1st July 1916, through to 5th July 1916.  The book does have an appropriate map, yet it is a small and monochrome thing.
     Okay, Seventh Division was part of XV Corps, and there is a map relevant to that formation for 1/7/16.  Art?

Large, so you can drink in all the details

     I rarely get these maps out, as I don't want to get greasy fingerprints on them, nor have their edges and folds suffer wear and tear.  Not bad for a 1929 publication, are they?  In fact as a library set I don't think they were ever, ever opened or used.
     There is a far larger version of the postage-stamp sized map in the book.  Art?

     Make this glimpse last, because as I say above, you won't see it often.  It does give a sense of the complexity of the tasks facing Perfidious Albion's army from 26/6/16 onwards, and you're welcome.

Watch Out!
We're under attack by the monstrous Broccoloids (from planet Lortab) - quick, boil a kettle and fetch the elite Guard Ranger Goat Battalion!

Egad!

     Also some butter and a fork.

Continuing With A Theme -
That being the one of people living in undersea communities which are larger than a single chamber possessing an airlock, and having more than a handful of inhabitants.  That ought to exclude "Sphere", "Leviathan" and "The Abyss".  I did search for films with such polities, only for most of the hits to belong to various iterations of "20,000 Leagues Beneath The Sea", and Gosh! there have been many such films.
     Which is not what I was looking for.  My inspiration was that news on the Beeb website that some entrepreneurial pioneer is looking to construct such a rig 1,000 metres beneath the waves.  Deep indeed.
     So far I can only find "War Gods of the Deep/City In The Sea", which is a low-budget yet entertaining take on the idea.  Art?

Sorry, one crossbow does not a War make

     There is a rather cheesy Irwin Allen effort from 1971, dubbed "City Beneath the Sea", which I've seen snatches of, but can't find any on-line version thereof, so it will have to remain a poster.  Art?

Doubtless this is much more exciting than the film itself.

    There is a Japanese production entitled "Atragon" but that's also rather hard to get hold of on-line - although I haven't Youtubed it yet.  The only thing I know is that it features a literally screwy-looking submarine and evil underwater citizens plotting to take over the world.*

Blimey!  I think it flies, too.  Who knew?

      I may have to go off and do a lot more research in order to be able to sustain this theme in future.  After all, if those madcap scamps the Japanese can come up with "Atragon", then they may have other such <ahem> treasures in store. O what hardship, watching cheesy old Fifties and Sixties sci-fi flicks.**


Phew!
You'll be glad to know that The Mansion successfully withstood assault by sentient vegetables, thanks to our gallant omnivorous goaty chums, aided by our large-capacity kettle, and a drawerful of sharp knives.  The battlefield is a ghastly sight, full of Broccoloid dead; too many to allow of a decent burial service.  Art?

A moment's silence, please

     Time to put that butter to good use ...


*  Not if I get there first!
**  Once again, feel my pain.