I've Been So Mean - To Astatine

Yes It Does Rhyme
Long "I".  I doubt that there is an Astatine Fan Club out there (although your human nature being what it is, this is perfectly possible) but if there is, I would like to apologise.
     "Egad!" I hear you quake.  "What is the snowy-haired bafoon going on about now?"
     Pausing only to note that I prefer to call them "Cheveux blanc" I shall explicate.

White Hare.  Close enough.

     Yesterday I was holding forth on the various terrifying qualities of Protactinium, it being an element that is both hideously toxic and radioactive - yah booh sucks that it isn't also intensely explosive as well, since that would hit all three tick boxes on BOOJUM!'s list of Things We Like.  In this adulatory process I referred to Astatine as if it were a boring, mundane, unreactive element with all the romance of an acre of asphalt.

At least an acre

    I have clearly forgotten all the details of the Periodic Table that I ever learned, but since that was 97 years ago I have an excuse.  Astatine, it turns out, is not as dull and characterless as a Nineties indie band akin to the Kaiser Chiefs!*
     At85 is EXTREMELY radioactive, so much so that, if it were to be assembled in one place by death-defying physicists (or Colin Furze), it would immediately destroy itself.  That phrase "I won't be a member of any club that would have me as a member" springs to mind.  Thus nobody knows very much about it.  The current estimate is that there is about 1/25 of an ounce of At85 in the entirety of the Earth's crust.

Come on, come on - you were expecting this, weren't you?

     There are medical applications for At85, but you have to be careful about using it, as one of the isotopes decays into Polonium210, which is EXTREMELY radioactive and toxic.
     So!  Astatine - named after the Greek for "Unstable".  Brother, you got it right there.
     Well.  There you are.  I had intended this apologia to be but a brief mention, and instead we're halfway done.  Quickly!  Douse the motley in a bath of molten Tellurium!**

You'll Just Have To Take My Word For It
Since I forgot to take any pictures, and I know what a skeptical bunch you are.  I used that miniature bottle of whisky to make a gluten-free Honey & Whisky Cake, which the ganterpies at work liked - no decorum or politeness about my colleagues in the Dark Tower, they fell on that cake like a wolf on the fold.  Bang!  Gone.  Art?

A reciprocating saw

     No photographs of cake, so have this saw instead, which looks as if it would make a pretty good cake-slicer, as well as being quite handy when the Zombie Apocalypse arrives.

The Most Boring Radio Station In The World
You may not be familiar with the 'numbers stations', which broadcast nothing but numbers to the world at large, acknowledged to be secret messages to spies and agents abroad.  Some stopped after the Cold War thawed out, others still broadcast their quite stunningly dull messages.
     However, that's not what we're on about here.  O no.  This post is about UVB 76.  Art?

Radio SINISTER
(yet dull)

     This is the title given to a station that transmits nothing but a dull buzzing tone, repeated every second or so.  Ruffian, don't you know, so it's undoubtedly for some nefarious purpose.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcv_cGLjxCY

     There's a Youtube link, should you want to be extremely bored for over 6 minutes.
     Nobody outside some secretive Ruffians knows what the station's broadcast is for, as it can hardly be messages for spies abroad.  Proof that people are awake and alert?  The trigger for a dead-man's handle retaliatory weapons system?  A big joke?
     Answers on a postcard, please.

"The Tank Is On Fire"
No, we are not talking about David Render's "Tank Action" again, or only in passing.  No, what we are talking about is The Chieftan's Hatch, that Youtube channel run by Nick Moran, the lanky tankie.*** Since he is forever climbing into and out of tanks, Nick decided to carry out an emergency exit from several different types, calling to camera "the tank is on fire" as he began to contort his way out of it.


The Panther, above, was the worst of all.  First of all the turret hatch had to be hand-cranked upwards, a slow process to begin with, then the periscope had to be swivelled out of the way, and then you could begin to move the hatch open - by which time you were charcoal.




*  Not sure where this crept in from.
**  I'm not sure what this would do, though it can't be good
***  I just made this up.  Aren't I clever?

The Product Of Decay

No!  I Am Not Talking About Compost
Or if I were, it would be the most bizarre, not to say dangerous (always a plus here at BOOJUM!) and toxic (another tick box for the blog) matter to spread on your fields of wheat.  Or barley.  Or mangel-wurzels - which I am not entirely convinced actually exist.
     For what I refer to is, obviously - of course! - nothing but Protactinium.
     Foolish reader!  You did not realise that "Protoactinium" had been rendered into "Protactinium" as of 1949? Ha!* Art?

The stuff itself

     Welcome to element 91, which is spectacularly toxic and radioactive (more tick boxes) and which also has a wonderfully prolonged decay life, as it transitions from one element into another.  Imagine the dull and prosaic life of being an atom of Astatine, for example.  There you are, an atom of Astatine forever.  Astatine, astatine, astatine.  Unlike Protactinium!  How does this go, Art?

Isotope	231Pa	227Ac	227Th	223Ra	219Rn	215Po	211Pb	211Bi	207Tl

     That's decay from Protactinium to Actinium, then Thorium, Radium, Rhenium, Polonium, Lead, Bismuth and Tellurium.  Of course, you would need to stick around for about four times the length of recorded human history to confirm this process, so good luck.     There's not a lot of demand for Protoactinium - those un-PC dastards who agitate against toxicity and radioactivity be damned!! - so it mostly ends up being used experimentally.  As far as I know nobody ever planned or plotted to use a P91 bomb, but I'd better stop here before MI5 arrive to spoil the party.
     Well, time to sit the motley down and feed it tea and cakes!**
Talking Of Nuclear Weapons -
And before the P91arty poopers from MI5 come rapelling in through the windows, here is a little something that I found interesting.  What you think isn't important, because this is MY blog.  Art?

Extra-large so you can see every word!

     This is from the pages of "Dan Dare and the Red Moon Mystery", a stirring tale of derring-do from a man with the world's strangest eyebrows.  It is set in the autumn of 1999, and 'Tim' has just returned from atom-bombing the Red Moon (more tick boxes); not out of pique, but to try and alter it's course.  Unsuccessfully, I'm afraid.

     What you see here is Sir Hubert explaining about Planet Earth's lack of nuclear ordnance, and the inability to create any more in time.  Quite forward-looking for the time, as this was drawn in the days of the Cold War - and there's the publishing date above.
     What your humble scribe finds interesting is that the hydrogen bomb they talk about didn't exist at the time, and wouldn't until a good seven months later, when the South Canadians popped one off in the Pacific.
     If I was a member of something like the CIA, I'd be very interested to hear the "Eagle"'s explanation for this ...
Some People Have Entirely Too Much Time On Their Hands -
And yes, I am aware of the irony inherent in that statement.  Anyway, I'm not here to sell you a self-propelled scouring pipebot that will see off those KILLER EELS once and for all (not today, anyway).
     No, today we revisit that archetypal English eccentric, Colin Furze, who - surprisingly! - is still alive.  How this is still so is rather a mystery, considering this is the man who designed a suit of armour so you can stand inside firework displays.

(Conrad at a loss for words)

     Perhaps he's mellowing in his later years, because rather than build something that risks his life, limbs, sanity and neighbours, he has partnered up to create an item that only threatens other people - a full-scale Hulkbuster suit a la Avengers.  Art?

Thus

     The only thing it can't do is walk, which is a good thing, as this would put Ol' Col on the road to world domination.  It can smash, and burn, and this was demonstrated to a bunch of small children.  They were, it's safe to say, extremely alarmed when that above smashed it's way out of a giant packing crate.  Art?

Hmmmm.

     There he's either lighting the candles on a cake, or beginning to torch London.  Given that it's Ol' Col, probably the latter.

Finally -
I do beg your pardon, I very rudely mentioned Dan Dare in passing, assuming that you callow folk out there knew who he was.  You ought to, given his stature.  Art?

Dan

     I was right about the eyebrows, though, wasn't I?


*  Conrad didn't know until yesterday either, so we wonder why he's boasting <the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand>
**  Toadstool tea and californium cakes

Alas A Lax

And General Woefulness -
I didn't prep any BOOJUM! posts last night, which is dreadfully remiss of me I know, but I'm only human.*  Then this morning, when I went to log in and begin to fruitfully work from home - I couldn't.  So I'm now in work, having wasted 3 hours in not working from home.  Fortunately for you, dear reader, the murderous rage has settled somewhat, but all the same I'd not cross my path for a good few hours yet.
     Now, because I may not get home until nearly 9 o'clock, I shall cheat and merely repost links to old stuff from previous years.  Don't complain - you're not paying to read this, are you?



2013
https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2013/06/books-collected-another-8-books-from.html

2014
https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2014/06/i-say-cabriolet.html

2015
https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2015/06/its-steven-seagal-sipping-chivas-regal.html

2016
https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2016/06/pushing-30000.html

2017
https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2017/06/wonder-womanland.html

Good lord, I've been doing this drivel for nearly 5 years, and haven't run out of things to say yet.  Who knew!



*  Despite what the x-rays show.

A Polish Puzzle

I Was Tempted To Use An Alternate Title -
"The Mystery Erection", before deciding that no, this would attract entirely the wrong sort of audience, because we here at BOOJUM! really do cherish our SFW status.  Yes, we did once display a naked female bottom, except it was on a statue which makes it art, not erotica.
     Now, this afternoon I walked into Royton, because you cannot rely on the buses being on time on Sundays (or any day with a "Y" in it), which allowed me to capture a particular item in photographic form.  Art?

It does have a certain pole-ness about it, don't you think?

      This thing went up in Royton a few weeks ago, hence the "erection" part of the alternative title, and it is kind of Pole-ish in nature.
     The question is, what on earth is it and what does it do?  There's no visible signage explaining that it's the property of the National Mental-Eavesdropping Board, or anyone whomsoever.  

Conrad is - suspicious

Let me know in the Comments.  SFW only, please.

Conrad Shoots Himself In The Behind

Not actually - it's a metaphor, and I couldn't have shot myself in the foot for reasons that will become obvious.
     After taking the above photo, off I waltzed to the Co-Op to get loose leaf tea and a proper sliced brown loaf, because I'm not keen on that Genius stuff.
     Here an aside.  When I went to the Co-Op yesterday, my main intent was to get a copy of Saturday's M.E.N. because they have extra-specially enlarged puzzle pages in that edition.  Sadly it was not to be - all sold out, and at the papershop, too.  So, today I ventured to buy the 'Oldham Times', to see what that had inside.  Art?

Puzzles, yes, but only one page

     Better than nothing.  Oho, and what's this?  A "Battleships" problem puzzle - yes please!  And of course I solved it in short order.  You want proof, you've got it.

     This is the sort of logic puzzle that I had to stop doing a couple of years ago, because being the sad obsessive that I am, I'd just carry on until the small hours of the morning.  There was a logic grid that -
     - anyway, we're getting off-topic.*
     I got to the bus-stop and set to activating the First Bus mticket I had purchased in advance on my mobile, only to find that the display was so dark as to be unreadable.  That's sunlight for you.  I couldn't navigate to the bus ticket I'd bought, and even if I had, the driver would never have been able to see it.
     So, it was a walk home for Conrad, too.  Which is why I didn't shoot my foot.
     The phone went into my bag still live after photographing the Mystery Er - the Puzzle Pole, and it must have jiggled around in such a manner that the display options were activated.  Once indoors it was an easy matter to rejig it.

Your humble scribe, being inept.

     Ned Ludd?  Who's he?

The End Of The World (Again)
Back to that second list of Post-Apocalyptic fiction which I came across on Youtube.  The poster did not speak English as his first language, and his titles could have done with some finesse.  Anyway, here is the second list:

1. "The Swarm" by Frank Schatzing.  Not heard of this one before, with an interesting premise behind a wave of natural disasters which strike from the ocean; a different take on peril from the deep as seen in "The Kraken Wakes".  Given the amount of sea settings, I doubt it will ever make it to the big screen.

Unfortunately, this one did get made.

1.      Just testing.  "War of the Flies" which I didn't bother to note the author of, and I think should have been "Lord of the Flies", because I couldn't find any such title.  We had to read it for English O Level, which was reason enough for me to not like it.
2. "I Am Legend" by Richard Matheson.  Well now, I've read the comic book, and seen both films, of which the first is by far the better, and now I don't need to read the book, do I?
3. "War With The Newts" by Karel Kapek.  This is a science-fiction satire, about an undersea race (Newts) being discovered, enslaved and then rebelling.  Not read it, but it's seems a promising work.



A Newt

5. "Day of the Triffids" by <stands up and salutes> John Wyndham.  Plants with a hive mind threaten the scattered human survivors of a global catastrophe.  One of the grand-daddies of the genre, and far from the 'cosy catastrophe' that Brian Aldiss condemned it as (possibly just feeling a bit liverish on the day)
6. On the Beach - and
7. The Road

         - we covered 6 & 7 last time.  Sorry about the numbers being out of kilter, that's the automatic formatting for you.


*  Occupational hazard.

Misty Watercolours

Or, Less Than Total Recall
I believe that title is from a Barbara Streisand song, "The Way We Were", which belief is not going to get tested because I don't especially like her singing; it was a handy metaphor, for today we are banging on about Memories, again.
     And the title of this post is because I recollected another film that deals with memory manipulation - "Total Recall" in it's 1990 iteration.  If you recall correctly, then Quaid was actually Hauser, except Quaid was a righteous dude and Hauser was a big bag of douche.  And the trouble with loading Hauser up with Quaid was that the latter enjoyed being himself and wasn't about to die (for that's what a return to the original would effectively be).  Art?

Doug did not enjoy his time on the Test-Your-Strength machine

     You see?  You see what trouble you create when you start mucking about with people's memories?  As for tracking down the mutant leader, it would have been far easier to just kidnap a mutant, swap their memories for ones of being slavishly loyal to the Martian regime and - Hay Pesto!*
     There's also that rather obscure but not bad actioner "Timebomb" featuring Michael Biehn, again with the memories.  Check it out.
     I suppose the point I was going to make is that human memory is fallible, capricious, unreliable and most certainly does not record things faithfully like a film sequence - "misty watercolours" rather than "ultra-high definition realism" if you will. That being so, memory manipulation ought to be much, much harder in real life than anything the movies would have you believe.  Art?

This bomb has time!

     Which is good news for you humans.
     Right, time to put the motley in a jet-propelled wheelchair and send it across the firing range!**

No Ned Ludd I!
There were certain aspersions cast yesterday -
     Here an aside.  Why only 'cast' an aspersion?  You could variously hurl, fling, chuck, lob, propel, shoot, loose or catapult an aspersion, quite beside clubbing the subject over their head with it.  I bet it comes from Shakespeare <spits at the mention of the Barb of Avon>.
      - about Conrad's ability to use a mobile phone, or his inability to upload photographs to the Clowned - Ho Ho Ho!  How they laughed.   Hee hee hee!  Then I nuked them Then I displayed my technical wizardry, by having them added to a memory stick and then uploaded to Windows 10.

10 Windows.  Close enough

     Not only that, I've also added Shazam and the First Bus ticket purchasing app to my <thinks hard> Samsung Galaxy J3.  So there!  Although, with working from home, my dependence on Worst Bus has declined dramatically.
     Oh, and here's the first photograph I took with the new phone.  Art?

No, see, that's dramatic angling; dramatic angling, not incompetence

     I hope I don't have to explain who Ned Ludd was.

Okay, I Shall Explain
Back in the late 18th Century, mechanisation was beginning to arrive, in the forms of machines that could control stealth bombers with a zero failure rate carry out tasks previously the domain of skilled manual workers, such as weaving frames.  This made the trade of weaver a threatened occupation, leading to various disgruntled persons smashing up machinery.  Well, we know how that ended.  All such vandalism was blamed on "Ned Ludd" who may not have even existed, as it's a good twenty years between the events taking place and any mention in the press.

The white heat of technology (for 1790)

     Since then, any group who attempts to resist the relentless march of progress have been dubbed "Luddites".  Since you are now reading BOOJUM! you can see how successful they were.     Here another aside.  I recall that splendidly humourous Ulsterman Bob Shaw (sci-fi author don't you know) coming up with a gun called a "Luddite Special", which would electronically scramble a computer's operating systems.
     There's a picture of Bob Shaw.  I couldn't find any representation of a Luddite Special, so here's a picture of a hammer, which will manage the same job, even if it requires more effort.
     Here's more aside.  Bob Shaw was well-known at conventions for delivering what he titled "A Serious Talk About Science Fiction", which were delivered deadpan, and which were extremely amusing.  Actually, looking that up, they were really called "Serious Scientific Talks", which just goes to prove what I said about memory, which is where we came in -


*  Of course, a film only 12 minutes long wouldn't be very entertaining.
**  Don't worry, motleys are bulletproof.  Aren't they?