Sergeant Pepper

Calm Yourselves -
For this is nothing to do with an obscure back-catalogue entry from the discography of a cult band from The Wirral.  No!  It's just that I thought the opening line of "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" had a certain relevance here, in terms of the past.  If we can prod Simon, the rarely-encountered member of the BOOJUM! staff responsible for memory, then we might get - ah!

It was twenty years ago today

     Not very good, Steve, but better than nothing.  You see why we don't often resort to his help?  Piker.

Yes, you!

     Anyway, here are The Beetles ranting on about an event twenty years in the past, which is quite a long time ago by anybody's reckoning. What about an event sixty years in the past?
     That would make it 1958.  Only just, given that 2018 is less than 24 hours old, yet undeniably true.  
     "What can the silly old duffer be yarking on about now?"  I hear you querulously question; quibblingly, mind.
     Well, none other than "Quatermass and the Pit", the original television series broadcast across the tail-end of 1958 and on into 1959, is what.  Ah, that seems to have stopped you in your tracks, eh?

Original VHS cover

     Despite being 60 years old, this series holds up well as one of the most frightening television programs ever made and in terms of technical presentation is still effective.
     This is where Sgt. Pepper comes in.  QATP was made in 1958 and still has the power to chill an audience, which, if you want to stretch a point and extend the distance in time backwards, is like one of the earliest films ever made being still relevant in 1958.

No.  Sorry, but - no.

     One of the things that QATP had going for it was an excellent script, which slooowly revealed the progressively worsening situation for you Hom. Sap. to the point of a self-inflicted Armageddon.  Then, too, the effects were very impressive when most of the series was broadcast live.  And - the thing that resonates with your humble scribe - the extremely eerie sound effects played a major part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2HSbfeXeBs

     That above is a link to the whole thing on Youtube.
     Do NOT watch it alone, in the dark or - oh - what is that strange sound from the upstairs landing, irregular and atonal in nature and which seems to have spooked the cat?
     Well, you'll probably still be here to read the rest of this after investigating!*

It's only a model.  Keep telling yourself - "It's only a model.  It's on - WHAT'S THAT NOISE!"

It Was Thirty-Six Years Ago Today -
More of hideous science-fictional dystopias!  Oh no, wait a minute, that was "The Quatermass Conclusion" wasn't it?  Well, an hideous science-fictional dystopia, then.  You may, or may not, be familiar with Judge Dredd in either comic or film form.  I heartily recommend you familiarise yourself with same, as this is a rather bland and vanilla version of how things will be once I take over the world.

Cue sinister minor chords, played by an oboe

     Okay, let us look back to 1982, which is where the title for today comes from.  Way back then, in 2104 (is this confusing?  get used to it!) there was an apocalyptic war between East-Meg One and Mega-City one.  The Sov-Block lose - big time.  Ol' Stoneyface himself led a retaliation mission that hit EM1 with a multi-gigaton warhead, which turned it into a giant hole in the ground.
     Mind you, they deserved it.  Prior to this, 350 million citizens in the Big Meg had been nuked into vapour by the Sovs (who are Russian and therefore eeeevil to the bone from birth).
     All this because Mister John Wagner, Esq., had decided that Mega City One had become too big to handle, so it was due a bit of - er - culling.  He invented Judge Dredd, so I suppose he has a bit of input.  But there is more to come -
     - we shall come back to this one.  You can only take so much depressing dystopian dialogue after all.

The conclusion?  Hom. Sap. is doomed

Let Them Eat Cake
It has to be 'them' and not me - THANK YOU DIABETES THANK YOU SO MUCH - as I have to think about my slowly expanding waistline.  For the first time in an age, a good 6 months or so, I have baked a cake.  Gluten-free carrot cake.  Art?

     There was a certain amount - okay, a lot - of prodding from other parties, to ensure that we didn't waste any of our rare and precious harvest of carrots.  Carrots.  Rare and precious, don't you know - Gollum was a fool to settle for a ring!
     The old tricks also came back - put the soft brown sugar through a sieve, as it clumps once the packet is opened.  You also end up with soft brown sugar bullets at the bottom of the sieve, which you have to bin, as they're made out of rock.  Also, put the bicarbonate of soda through a tea strainer, as it, too, clumps once out of the packet.  Tent the whole thing with pinholed tinfoil about half way through the baking time and remember to turn it around in the oven.

Usurped!
Usually it is Jenny who assumes the Position of Power on the bed in my Sekrit Layr, delivering the "Yes?  What is it, puny human?" look.  This time it was Edna, who assumed such an air of superiority that she didn't even bother with the contemptuous look. 

     I feel so crushed.

Finally -
Ah, Le Tourneau, a fruitful source of monsters.  Monster machines, that is - you can come out from behind the sofa now.  Allow me to introduce this big beast - Art?


     This is the Sno-Train, a road-train intended for off-road use in Arctic terrain, which is the longest off-road vehicle ever, at 183 yards long (actually the length was given in metres, but we're not having any of that horrid metric nonsense here).

*  A hint:  DON'T GO INVESTIGATING!

The Yellow Submarine

Conrad Is Curious
In nature, that is, although you could extend this to his looks as well.  To this end he has noticed that the Le Tourneau construction plant pictured previously are all completed in a yellow paint scheme; which colour, indeed, seems to be the default colour for heavy construction plant in general.
     Why would this be so?  An investigation may well take place, although perhaps at a later date.  Meanwhile, let us prod that coal-eating sloven subhuman Art into action -

Note ladders for scale

     The usage of a yellow paint scheme does not appear to be limited to terrestrial equipments, either, because - behold!

The titular submarine in question

     This vessel is known as "The Yellow Submarine", which denotes a lack of imagination on the part of it's owners, I feel.  Nowadays it cruises the waters off Thailand; back in the day it used to transport gawping tourists to the bottom of the seabed in the Gulf of Eilat, before bringing them safely to shore again, via transit over a coral reef.
     There's more.  Art?

The C Explorer 3 Submersible

   This is a three-person submersible, as you can see outfitted in a snazzy yellow colour scheme, and one can be yours for only £1.6 million.  I know that sounds a lot, but if the three of you split the cost, it's a little more affordable.
     What's that?  You thought this was going to be about the iconic animated musical feature "Yellow Submarine", featuring some cult band called The Beetles?  Well, I've seen the film, and jolly good it is too - hang on, does this mean Conrad likes a MUSICAL?* - but this alleged band - frankly, I think you're pulling a fast one there.  Art?

The Blue Meanies - not misunderstood, just plain bad

     Now, time to tie the motley to the roofrack and go through a carwash!**

Okay, Here's Conrad Being Curious
In looks, that is.  A modicum of context will allow you to fill in the background.  This was taken at Karen's, where we saw the New Year in, and at the dinner table there were crackers.  Of course your humble scribe could not resist the urge to look moderately ridiculous.  Art?

Ho ho ho.  Three words never ever said by this fellow

     There was an additional, unexpected guest at festivities - Edna.  We couldn't leave her behind at The Mansion because of fireworks; although given how utterly soggy the weather was, I doubt many people dared venture into the vertical ocean falling from the skies to let rip with a sparkler or two.  Art?

Desperate to join in a game of cards.  Sadly, without mutually-opposable digits, not possible.

     She never stopped running round all night, given that there were up to nine people to pester and no dog-bed to settle in, which led her to sleep in late this morning.

<a brief pause now ensues as I nip downstairs to refill my tea-cup>

More Of "Harry's War"
I introduced this work yesterday and I'm not going to repeat myself, so if you're confused, go back and boost my traffic figures <pauses to take a sip of loose-leaf Darjeeling - an appreciative sip, at that> by getting the basic info.
     By late 1916 Harry's battalion, the 15th Royal Warwicks, were holding a sector of line near Gorre, and since he mentions "brickfields" as part of the British sector, I think this is also near Cuinchy, home to the notorious "brickstacks".

Of what I speak

     This has nothing to do with what Harry writes about, which touches on economics.  In order to keep the bally Hun's heads down, on a couple of nights Harry's Lewis gun team and those of his battalion along the front line were ordered to fire 1,000 rounds at the German lines.  This amounted to 16 guns, consuming what Harry calculated to be £128 worth of ammunition each night; for today's value you can multiply by 10.  And this, as Harry presciently observes, is on a quiet sector only 300 yards long.
     Truly, the sinews of war are money, which is probably a quote from the Barf of Avon, so time to move on - 

Harry got through 22 of these per shooty-night

I Am Not Impressed With 2018 - So Far
Not only have I not won the Lottery,*** but the weather is disgustrous.  Cold, windy, wet and - no sooner had I decided to take Edna for a walk whilst it wasn't raining - raining.  Art?

     Here you see Edna, enjoying the fresh air, and a whole host of cars parked all the way down Tandle Hill Road, which means a horde of people decided to go for a New Year's Day stroll in the wind and the rain, under lowering skies.  The fools!

Well, I didn't get to post anything I'd planned to, so look forward to more inspired scrivel tomorrow, because we here at BOOJUM! intend to continue as we have started!

*  I'll get back to you on this.
**  Don't worry, motley's are waterproof.
***  Winning this would be an achievement indeed given that Conrad does not partake in it <the hideous truth courtesy Mister Hand>