Thank You Lady's Norwegian Special Forces!

I Know, I Know
Not a title you ever expected to read in English.  Well then don't be so damned Brittano-centric!  Those Marinenjaegerkommandoen put a lot of work into protecting North Sea oil rigs I'll have you know, and because Norway has Political Correctness pretty much bred into it's bones, they allow ladies to apply for these special forces units.  Art?

Lykke till!

     So the next time you go all Anthony Perkins and, whilst rubbing your hands and snickering in an evil manner, plot to attack an oil rig in the North Sea, bear these ladies in mind.

"Plan's changed.  We go for the Gulf of Mexico instead."

     And, because I'm also able to snicker evilly and rub hands - it being cold in the Upstair Lair tonight - I'm not going to clue you in about Tony Terrorist.

Red Dawn Redux
Yes, your modest artisan has more to say about this film.  Towards the end of this farrago, one feels that the screenwriter had an attack of conscience, realised what a heap of steaming rhubarb-fodder they'd created and tried to make amends.  Not only did they realise that their idol had feet of clay, all the rest of it was clay, too, and badly-cracked clay at that, overbalancing and about to fall over in a matter of minutes.  So they tried to "Retcon" it and change up a gear into a MacGuffin search.

"Conrad!  You're being so - so - harsh!"

     Recall the Nork paratroopers?  They instantly equip themselves with American military vehicles.  Where did they get those?  Are they trained in the use and maintenance of these trucks and armoured vehicles?  
     Where, come to think of it, is the National Guard?  Or the Air Force?  Or even Mister Everyday with his house crammed full of guns?

Hmmmm.

     Then we are informed that the Norks only invaded the Pacific North West.
     Ah, I see.
     No, I'm lying, actually I don't.  What about the rest of the West Coast?  "O noes the mighty fortress bastion citadel town of Spokane has been conquered!" and 100 million people collapse like a souffle in a cyclone.
     Then they start to bang on about Electromagnetic Pulse used as a weapon, at which point my Frothing Nitric Ire boiled over -
     - I shall have to go cool off and get back to you on this one.

"So - reading between the lines - you liked it?"

And Now For Music
Calming the savage breast and all that, and note that the "breast" here is the poetic one so we are still SFW.  Art?

The piano, you fool, not the slutty teen selfie-takers!

     Conrad is intrigued as to why this subject popped up on Facebook. I have nothing against pianos, although my keyboard taste runs more to the organ, harpsichord and mellotron, yet I know nothing of this "Murray Perahia" and although my life has been briefly illuminated by the above, I won't be searching through the Classical music bins at Fopp on his account.

"A Tale Of Two Cities" By Charles Dickens
I started to read this after digging it out and rescuing it from the spiders at the back of the cupboard.  A bit of a struggle; some of those spiders resemble an octopus wearing a fur coat.

If you're under a guillotine blade, "best" is probably not the word you're looking for

     And now I know where that phrase "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" comes from.  Which kind of reminds me of the beginning of "The Stars My Destination" by Alfred Bester.  

     I shall have to get back to you on this, as my copy resides beneath and behind a couple of hundred other books, and digging it out would be a major excavation of an event.  Also, it hasn't been filmed yet, which is a mixed blessing.
     Back to ATOTC, and I think I see where First Bus get their work ethic from, since the novel starts with a coach where the passengers have to get out and walk uphill.  It's a hill, you see, a freak of nature utterly unexpected in it's fantastic rarity.  Today's public transport laughs at the same, or, at the very least, snickers in an evil manner.  Although we don't have to contend with highwaymen, as do Dicken's travellers.  This is because First run such a slapdash and unreliable service that any bandit lying in wait would die of starvation or exposure long before he ever robbed a bus.

Art!  You id - actually, no, this can stay

     And that's it for tonight as I'm off to Pub Quiz shortly.

"Repeat Please"

Whether Wanted Or Not
In that classic war film "Battle Of Britain" there is a scene where a hapless RAF officer is flying alongside a flight of Poles, doing their training.  Up pops the Luftwaffe, full of bratwurst and bad intentions.  The Poles instantly spot the Germans and break out into excitable Polish.
     "Stop that Polish chatter and steer two three zero!" barks the RAF trainer.  

Barry Foster IIRC

     "Repeat please," politely requests the first Pole, completely ignoring his trainer and diving off to attack their Teutonic adversary.
     Cue short rant by RAF trainer.
     "Repeat please."
     "Repeat please."
     "Repeat please."
     "Repeat please."
     And he's alone in the sky.

      Today Conrad felt as if he'd been silently sending out a "Repeat please" request to the heavens, or Fate, or Hermes, because his bus journey today was a mirror image of yesterday's - the 24 stopped to take on all the passengers from the 182 before hitting traffic and more traffic and - do you see a theme developing here? - even more traffic.

Conrad - Braving It So You Don't Have To
Oh my friends - be warned by me. Conrad has been watching the 2012 remake of "Red Dawn" and it really does offend the sensibilities.  I should have left it at having heard the Flophouse podcast review but Oh No!  Not I!  
     What's wrong with the film?  Do you have an hour or so?  Actually I shall be merciful and break up the frothing nitric ire over a few days. 

More like "Red Yawn"

 Firstly, the numbers.  It cost $65 million and only grossed $50 million worldwide, so even ignoring promotion and distribution costs it's already in big trouble.  Then the production company went bust and the film sat on the shelf.  Finally, since the bad guys were Chinese and the Chinese market is Big Business, a suit somewhere decided that the bad guys had to be redone.  So they chose - 
     North Korea.
     This is a nation that still hasn't developed a thermonuclear weapon,  when the South Canadians managed their first one 65 years ago.  Suddenly in RD the Norks  have the capacity to stage an airborne invasion of the Pacific North-West?
     Spokane, specifically, the strategic hub of - well, nowhere, really.  Nor do the Norks bother to air-drop and capture the Air Force Base just outside the city, the one that can be clearly seen on Google Maps.  No, instead they drop into Spokane's suburbs willy-nilly, suburbs chock-full of trees and houses that cause accident and injury to paratroopers. 

Ah, the panty-waist Pacific North West, where nobody has a gun.
If this had been in the South ...

     There will be more on this subject, believe you me.  You're going to learn the real meaning of "Repeat please" by the time I'm done.

More Of Martial Marching
If you don't like the content tonight, go sit in the corner with your eyes shut, fingers firmly fixed in ears and clenching a bamboo skewer between your teeth.
     For the rest of us, I refer you to another classic war film, "In Which We Serve" from 1953, where that effete playboy Noel Coward plays a convincing hard-bitten seadog.  The thing that sticks in Conrad's mind is a scene at the quayside after the destroyer HMS Torrin delivers a load of evacuees from Dunkirk.  The soldiers line up, bedraggled, bloody, limping and halt, looking like human detritus.  Art?

A bunch of scruffs, in fact

     That chap at the front is the Company Sergeant Major, the senior non-commissioned officer in the company.  He barks the command "ATTENTION!" and they do.

Nobody even daring to think "Repeat please" here

     Then they form a column of threes and go marching off with stamping precision, because these are the Guards, and they may be wet, bloodstained and helmetless, but they are the Guards and they don't muck about.

Enough Of War, Let Us Have Cake!
Yes indeed.  Sadly we cannot watch television programmes about baking on a Wednesday evening any longer, since "Bake Off" is now dead.
     YES IT IS DEAD!  DEAD DEAD DEAD!  I will not accept any argument here.
     Pausing only to let my heart-rate to return to normal, I shall merely indicate that Monday was Halloween, where the lovely Anna endeavoured to make the work environment a little more horrid than usual.  Art?

Poison Ivy, before you ask

     Then we had to eat cake for charity.  As I say, a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.  Art?

     You can just see my Halloween Pumpkin Cake peeking out of the small round tin.  The artisan's from O'Rourke's Windows who fitted our new double-glazing on Tuesday apparently loved it, too.

Bat Man!

I May Be Overstating This
I mean, an exclamation mark?  Which thriller writer advised that you limit your exclamation marks to three per novel?  I can't remember.  More honoured in the breach here at BOOJUM! I assure you.
     "What is he going off on one about now?"  I can hear you quote.  "Because Celebrity Pointless is on soon."
     Wellllllll I'm not talking about Dracula -

Good, because he's been done to death - er - so to speak

     - nor am I banging on about Bruce Wayne's alter-egg*, either.  Art?

Yes, he works out a lot

     I am in fact referring to the second part of my John Carpenter gig review, a gig on the "Release The Bats" tour.  So, that's where the title comes from.
     Now that the ice is broken, let's move on with the rotley. Rotley, commence!

Dateline:  Saturday October 29th 2016
It took a long time for the band to arrive on stage, by which time your aged hipster's feet, legs and back were all protesting at such cruel and unusual punishment.  But enough of me, you're not here to read about an old man complaining.  
     The set began with "Escape From New York", and because I was right up at the front I could hear the music perfectly and see all the video clips being shown.

That's John right there

     Followed by "Assault on Precinct 13", which as any fule kno is actually a Western transposed to urban Los Angeles.  Then we had a couple of "Lost Themes" tracks, followed by - can you guess?

I can't see John because of -

     "The Fog", gentle reader.  Choking dry ice fumes provided for punny atmosphere.  Then the lights went down, and when they came back up -

Effective!

     All the band members were wearing sunglasses, in a reference to "They Live", which you can see in the background.  All together now, "I've come to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum."
     I've got one last photo, which can illustrate the "Lost Themes" tracks that got played, which are instantly recognisable as John Carpenter's music:

     Then we got "The Thing", "Big Trouble In Little China", "Halloween", "In The Mouth Of Madness", "Prince of Darkness" and to end, with a cautionary wag of the finger from John, "Christine".  Didn't bother me, I was going back home on the tram and the bus.

The More Things Change -
 - the more I hate First Bus.  This morning the 24 was late, though it was a double-decker and had The Metro, so two tick boxes out of three, which is about the best these bumbletucks can manage.
     For the next bit to make sense, please appreciate that your humble scribe always has his nose either in a book or a crossword whilst on the bus, thus meaning he takes little notice of what's going on around him.  Behaviour as usual, in other words.

Not a lot going on upstairs**, one suspects

     However, when the driver stopped and announced that everyone had to get off and board the 182 behind, my attention was picqued.  The reason is that the 24 was running so late it had broken the time-space continuum, causing matter to implode universally and bringing about the heat death of the universe fifteen billion years early***.
     What really takes the biscuit, however, is this day exactly one year ago, when five 409 buses went sailing past my stop without - o the hilarious irony - stopping.  Art?

What a lovely sunny day it's been! Thanks to First Bus for my walk into Royton today.

http://comsatangel2002.blogspot.co.uk/…/i-can-explain-every…

I may froth about this later.

     These people are going to suffer, and I mean SUFFER, when I take over the world.  "The Hell Of Boiling Oil" from 'Big Trouble' sounds peculiarly appropriate.

Prospects:  Cloudy
I see that the default description of the blog on Facebook mentions 'Astronomy', which we've not featured for a while, so here's a photo of the Magellanic Clouds.  Art?

The Large and the Small

     This might look like an accident with spilled milk, except that it's a photo of the two small, irregular galaxies that orbit our own galaxy.  The Okie city of New York takes up residence in one of them at the end of "Earthman, Come Home", which is an excuse to add in a picture of same -

And we're done for tonight (with only five exclamation marks)


*  Like an alter-ego, except you shell out more for it.
**  Get it?  Upstairs?  On a double-de - O you do.
** I may be exaggerating a little here, yet please note no exclamation marks.