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Monday, 6 July 2015

Went The Day Well?

Yes, It Did, Rather!
Thanks for asking.  To date, no creepy coincidences have struck Conrad, which is a bit of a relief after the causality-hammer hitting me so frequently of late.
     Not only that, I wore a coat and shoes to work today, after having a look at the Beeb's weather advice - "Rain" - early this morning.  So yah booh sucks to those who didn't and consequently got drenched in the vertical rivers falling from the grim grey Manchester skies.  Forward planning!
     Not only that, First Bus made a ghastly mistake and actually had the buses running on time and undercrowded; a double-whammy that I'm sure someone's going to get hauled over the coals about.*
Image result for hot coals
First Bus Management Review Tool #23

"Gravity's Rainbow" By Thomas Pynchon
Ah, now this bit I remember.  Tyrone Slothrop, with his swain, visits an old lady who has jars and bottles and crocks full of home-made sweets, which she forces upon the hapless American.  Mention is made of Slippery Elm, Wine Jellies, unholy combinations like Raspberry Peppers, Gin Marshmallow and something utterly vile called "Meggezone", which Conrad had to look up, as you can't trust Tom not to make up a word or artefact.  And what do you know!
Image result for meggezone
It's real.  Scarily real
    To quote Tom:"The Meggezone is like being belted in the head with a Swiss Alp."
    Chortlesome stuff.  Conrad - if I were to hazard a guess - would say that Mr Pynchon has been on the receiving end of either Extra Strong Mints or Fisherman's Friends, both of which have been described by acquaintances as more akin to medicine than a sweet**.

What?  Still No Love For The Weasel?
We've had cats and dogs, of course, even if the dog was a comment about a reindeer, and orang-utangs, and sloths, and raccoons, and now -
Say hello to Igor
     Why a bear?  I have no idea.  Note that Conrad is far too classy to come up with some ursine pun.
     Will nobody think of the weasels!
Wally the Wide-eyed Wonder Weasel Walking Wearily, Warily, Woefully, Wonderingly Westwards in a Wolverhampton Wonderland, Wednesday
     I don't think I can stretch beyond 13 "W"s there but that's more a challenge than a statement.

Val Doonican
If you keep a weather eye on the obituaries, then you'll know old Val has shuffled off this mortal coil, so a moment's silence in respect for him.
     "What's this!" I hear you goggling.  "Where is the real Conrad!  Bring him back right now!"
     Not at all.  As a youth I got to see and hear Val as mama and papa were passing fond of him; he was part of the media landscape, as it were, and nobody had a bad word to say about him.  His interview on the chatshow-de-rigeur*** "Parkinson" was funny and moving, especially the stuff about his dad.
     What did people say about him in memoriam?  That he really was one of the nicest people going, what you saw was what you got.  In a business full of ego-driven back-stabbing prima donnas, it's a pleasant change to see someone pleasant do well.^

Anita Kunz
Ahem, yes, another thing inspired by "Gravity's Rainbow".  The cover illustration, which Lisa - not that Lisa, this Lisa - declared to be "weird".
Image result for anita kunz gravity's rainbow
 - which is pretty apt
     Conrad has just been looking up Anita and she is a pretty prolific artist and illustrator.  If you are ever challenged to mention a female artist of stature - Colin and Julie you might want to write this down - then Bingo!  Mention Anita.
     I can't post many of her works as a lot of them are NSFW - in an artistic way you dirty-minded lot! - but here's a lot of birds, with their clothes on -
Image result for anita kunz
Ha!  Gotcha!
How Did I Miss The Opportunity?
Moans your humble scribe.  July 4th, Independence Day.
     Who are my favourite band ever ever ever, in the whole space-time universal continuum?  The Comsat Angels.
     What is one of their best-known songs?^^"Independence Day"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSXRwKWJBp0

     Here's a Youtube link.  Oh, this song is just so GOOD!  Even Val Doonican would have liked it.  Heck, even George III would have liked it^^^.
     You're welcome!  Celebrate one of the UK's best ever undiscovered rock bands <old fat man embarrasses self by dancing on his stool>
Image result for the comsat angels 1980


*Not a metaphor.  See picture.
** Which is what makes them so great!
*** "Really Good" - poseur translation courtesy Mister Hand
^ Reputedly one of the reasons Keanu Reeves is never short of work.
^^ Which still makes it very obscure.
^^^ The American Revolution?  

Sunday, 5 July 2015

Are You Kidding? SRSLY!

I Do Apologise For Descending To Text-Talk
As I know my loyal audience of Russian squaddies sitting guarding the Big Red Buttons out under the Mountain of Evil have rather come to expect impeccable Received English in prose form -
Image result for russia evil mountain
My loyal audience
- but that bloody coincidence-hammer is bouncing off my head again.  
     "Yet Conrad!" I hear you cry.  "Aren't you just a fat old man having attacks of premature idiocy?"*
     No, no I am not.  Earlier this afternoon, whilst dog sitting, I decided to flick through one of the books I got at a car boot sale earlier this year: "The Normandy Landings" by Derek Blizard.  What struck my eye near the end?
Presto.
     Go see that rather splendid film "The Longest Day", and the bit featuring actor Richard Todd, who was actually there in real life as soldier Richard Todd, and the capture of Pegasus Bridge.
     This evening I open "Brewer's" and what is there on Page 1048, centre left hand column?
     Yes! "Pegasus"

That Party In Sankey
To celebrate Darling Daughter and Tom Terrific** moving into their Hep Cat Pad, Colin and Julie threw a party at Number 12, probably because they can now get rid of ten metric tonnes of crap that has accumulated over Tom's lifetime.  This, I have to explain, is the Student-Parent Lifestyle Waltz; my parents experienced*** it with me, moving exponentially-increasing amounts of crap between Home and other locations.
     Here we have Darling Daughter, bravely wearing fancy dress that cannot easily be removed:
She-Hulk?
     And here we see some of the liquid refreshment, which was actually quite nice to taste, if not so much to see:
Actually it tasted quite nice.  For poison

So, so alimentary
    Let's see - we met Jeff, Norma, Sue, Ced, Edith, Tina, Sarah, Joe, Karen and Carol, not forgetting Peggy the dog, whom Colin memorably described as "not being biased - she hates you all equally".
     I should point out that Colin paints pictures, which he routinely condemns, the rascal, as your humble scribe has trouble drawing a straight line with a ruler.  I should have taken photos.

A Repost From 2 Years Ago
This is when I had only been in my current employer's pay for 3 months.  

In The Office
At last!  I have landed a desk right beside the window, and can now crank the Victorian windowpanes open in order to let fresh air buffet upon me.  This is no mere frivolity since my ability to fall asleep in hot, airless, stuffy environments was well known at Connexions.  My immediate manager's concern when the Director came to lecture us was to have me concealed out of direct line-of-sight of our Mighty Leader, because after half an hour I would fall asleep.  During more mundane office meetings those staff sat alongside me would be tasked with poking every so often with sharp objects, to ensure I was awake and aware.  In desperation I was selected to minute our meetings, which usually started at 3:30, but by 4:00 the minutes would look as if a dying, ink-stained slug had crawled across the page.
     But not at [Insert name of employer here]!  Not now I can get the temperature down to a comfortable 8 or 9 degrees C.  And yes, I would sit in the fridge if it were big enough.

     Well now, Abi - my manager at the time - is long gone.  She is the one who requested the Gigantic Carrot Cake I mentioned earlier this week.  Since we are now ensconced in the Electric Goldfish Bowl, there are no windows to open, although there is an office-wide air-con system that operates rather subtley in the background.  That it operates is evident when one exits the building, to an atmosphere that feels like standing next to the exhaust of a bus when revving it's engine.

A Legal Precedent
You, the general public and general viewer, might not be aware of "Skeptoid".
     No!  It is not a species of gelatin-free setting agent.  It is one of the social media personae of Brian Dunning.  Brian is one of a network of chaps - and chapesses - who seek to eradicate nonsense via scientific scrutiny, so if you honestly believe that the Arcturan micro-people are influencing human endeavour by way of focussed bursts of superwater coming out of the light sockets - you will probably want to move on.
Look at those numbers - 100. 200 and 300 episodes in the past
     Since Skeptoid has running shoes and a track to run on, let us look at this.  Not only does Skeptoid keep going, it has kept going for years - note please those 100, 200  and 500 historical post addendum.
     So you really shouldn't quibble at BOOJUM! showing you what went on here 230 days ago.

Chin chin!

* Thank you so much.  I'll get back to you on that, oh yes indeed.
** He is a splendid young chap, just possibly not one to want in-laws like us.
** A.k.a. "suffered"