Never Mind Your Actinic Feline Correspondence, Matey
We're not here to expound upon Blake's poem - 'Tiger tiger burning bright' and all that shizzle - but mentioning it does allow me to include an illo of one of the most influential sci-fi novels of all time - Art!
This is the David Pelham (boss artist by the way) cover illo, which is a visual pun in itself that Conrad can only applaud, and -
there's Gully Foyle himself. Bester's novel is widely regarded as being when sci-fi stopped being stories for geeky, acne-ridden nerds and became literature, when instead it had to be called 'science-fiction'.
ANYWAY we are going to be looking at a very specific event in the Second Unpleasantness, which I have threatened you with already, namely 'Operation BATTLEAXE'. Which was a miserably unsuccessful British operation of the desert war in North Africa, the result of Churchill's incessant prodding of the British command in the Middle East. Art!
The 'Tiger' reference here is from the verrrry risky 'Tiger' convoy that the UK ran through the Mediterranean in May of 1941, bringing tanks and other equipment straight to the Middle East instead of the months-long Cape Horn route.
Despite this, 'Battleaxe' is an utter failure. At the time it was dressed-up as an intermediate triumph, along the lines of 'Our Valiant Tank Crews Endure 557 Hits Per Tank But Persist With 17 Brews Per Day!'
Not in reality.
It is extremely illuminating to read the Official History, written 20 years after the event, which explains some of the 'Why's that never occurred at that time, with the official line being that of cheery victory instead of acquainting the British public with the unpalatable truth - as Alan Moorehead, he of the 'Desert Trilogy' acidly commented. Art!
Reason 1: what you see above is one of the new 'Crusader' tanks that were part of the Tiger convoy. They were completely novel and crews needed to be trained in their use, which was tricky for some units as they only got their hands on them a couple of weeks before BATTLEAXE began. Just as you don't get into a brand new car and drive off an instant expert (hello Darling Daughter!), how much less so with a vehicle needing four crewmen. None of the larger armoured formations trained together as a whole, which was very bad form. Art!
Reason 2: " - there was not enough transport to maintain operations of this sort" which is a good enough reason for not mounting any such operation. We here at BOOJUM! have harped on about the primacy of logistics for years and to be curtailed by such a lack indicates that either more supplies are needed or the whole thing is called off. Art!
Reason 3: At this point in the war the Teuton's conception of armoured warfare was that tanks didn't fight other tanks, instead going after soft-skinned vehicles and infantry. It was the job of anti-tank guns to deal with enemy armour, as exemplified by the 88 mm dual-purpose anti-aircraft/anti-tank gun above. These brutes could knock out British armour at ranges of 2,000 yards and there were groups of them deployed at Halfaya Pass and Hafid Ridge, dug in as much as possible, since they were bigger than a barn door. The OH also points out that the much handier Teuton 37 mm and 50 mm anti-tank guns also wrought much execution upon British armour, being handled in a very aggressive manner well forward. It took the British command a depressingly long time to realise that their tank losses were so heavy because their armour was being baited onto a screen of Teuton anti-tank guns. Art!
Reason 4: "The Germans had the great advantage of possessing enough well tested and mobile equipment to recover and repair damaged tanks, and they used it boldly and skillfully." Thus their overall losses post-battle were but a fraction of the British, who had very little recovery equipment and who had to leave behind many tanks that were easily salvageable. One of the less-appreciated aspects of the desert war was keeping possession of the battlefield enabled your damaged vehicles to be recovered and those of the enemy to be destroyed. Art!
Case in point. This is a British A13 cruiser tank which has been recovered by the Teutons and is now being used against it's previous owners.
There you have it, a not-too exhaustive explanation of the reasons BATTLEAXE failed. Too much prodding from Whitehall and No. 10, methinks.
The Trump Factor
The Bloviating Orange Oaf Himself has definitely had an impact on global trade with South Canada, just not in the way he would like, and a way completely divorced from the la-la land in his head that bears no relation to reality. Art!
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| 'Global trade tensions' - the euphemism for 'Trump' |
Sales of spirits from South Canada to British America have collapsed by 85% thanks to BOOH's incredibly offensive behaviour to his northern neighbour. Believe me, you have to work hard to get the Canuckistanians annoyed but BOOH has managed it in spades. The worry for South Canadian distillers is that once the Orange Land Whale shambles off this mortal coil, the British Americans will have gotten used to PROUD COMMONWEALTH spirits enough to spurn inferior southern varieties.
A Update On The Ruffian Budget
With thanks to Jonathan Frink of 'Silicon Curtain', whom you should check out if only to hear how Ruffian towns and cities names are pronounced properly. Ol' Jon came up with a slight detail about the orcses National Wealth Fund, whose status has been mythic for a couple of years now. Art!
He stated that in May of this year, so a good five months ago, the Ruffians used up 14% of their liquid reserves, information coming directly from the Finance Minister Siluanov himself. That totalled ₽447 billion, leaving but ₽2.8 trillion in liquid NWF assets. Five months ago. Today? Who knows. Conrad sincerely doubts the Ruffians are ever going to admit when it's run out, because that would make Putin look bad. Besides which, their deficit for 2025 is on course to be at least ₽6 trillion.
Back To Bovvie Part Umpteen
I know you must be positively thirsting for more tank pictures so here we are, whoopee. Art!
This formidable-looking beast is a Churchill AVRE- Armoured Vehicle Royal Engineers, manned by sappers not tank crewmen, for the purposes of obliterating enemy fortifications and defences. That 'gun' is actually a spigot mortar, which fired a bomb the size of a waste-paper bin, which would crack open whatever it hit. Art!
With puny human for scale
The Churchill was adapted into a wide range of roles as it was such a dependable and robust chassis.
New Broom Sweeps Dirty
Or, 'Manglement Makes Mucky'. Another tale from an engineer working at a huge multi-faceted engineering business, whom were inflicted with a new Vice President, the type of manglement who deems it essential to make their mark as soon as possible. Ego before engineering. Art!
Captain Bungle decided to make his mark by getting rid of the 8 buyers who - you may be ahead of me here - bought and ordered stock from vendors. The reason the business had 8 people in such a specialised role rapidly became clear when Captain Bungle made his intent clear in an e-mail, ordering the engineers to do the purchasing themselves. With no background training or knowledge.
Three months later the business's finances are in an unholy mess, running into tens of millions of dollars and their Chief Financial Officer is having kittens, and upon enquiring why engineers are ordering and purchasing, she's sent Captain Bungle's e-mail.
CB is fired on the spot and marched out of the business, never to be seen again.
Wisely, the 8 sacked buyers were immediately rehired with an increase in salary they were able to negotiate.
Just To Clear This Up
I was reflecting on a war novel that I remember reading back in the Eighties. I couldn't remember either author or title, but I recalled that it was kind of World War 3, was set in China and had a squad of killer chimpanzees.
Well, I found it. Art!
I remember it was an uneven satire - and that's about it. Maybe something about a man dancing with a table in his teeth?
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