Swanning About

Sorry, But We're Going To Be Returning To the "Invincible" Universe

Though not without a long detour first, because when did we ever get straight to the point?  Don't forget, a geodesic is the most boring way between A and B over a curved surface.  

     SO!  We have made occasional reference to that 1987 epic "Swan Song" by Robert McCammon, which will never get made into a film because the paperback is about two-and-a-half inches thick, nor a television series because the over-all theme has too much in common with "The Stand".  Art!

     That's the paperback version I had - twice! - and which you cannot get for love nor anything but vast sums of money nowadays.  I did check it out on Abebooks earlier today and - let Art's picture tell six thousand nine hundred and seventeen words.  

     I think this one cures the common cold, cystitis, hives, fallen arches, lack of moral fibre and male pattern baldness if you merely touch it.  Or it ought to, at that price.  Conrad quietly hopes a new edition from a new publisher comes out and undercuts all the Dog Buns! speculators on the market.  It happened with -

     But no, that's another story for a different kitchen.

     ANYWAY it's a mixture of post-apocalyptic South Canada, after a big nuclear exchange between them and the Sinisters (which instantly dates it), and the supernatural, with an evil entity variously known as "The Man With The Scarlet Eye" and "Friend", although "Fiend" would be more apt in this case, pursuing the titular character Swan across the barren wastelands and barely-surviving townships.  Art!

CAUTION! may change appearance without warning

     Friend is pretty much evil personified, if not quite in the flesh, as he - as it assumes male shapes - is a shapeshifter, able to mimic humans in any number of different guises.  He is also telepathic, and has sinister mind control powers, and has influence over animals.  Predatory animals, it has to be clarified, as his voodoo works on wolves but not horses.  Nor Swans.

     Quite the package, hmmmm?  Yet he proves to be utterly fallible for all his power and ability, chasing after a bauble when Swan was the bigger threat to his existence.  In fact he is diverted from pursuing Swan for years and when he finally catches up with her it's in t

     But, again, that's another tale for a different kitchen.  Art!

     The point I am trying to make here is that Friend is so innately powerful that he never had to develop an intellect, leaving him rather stunted in the field of intelligence, unable to cope with a situation that leavens normality with things supernatural.  Supernatural beyond his very limited ken.  His ability to control others, change appearance like changing a shirt, shucking off bits of himself to go circulate as spy-flies, being able to ignite matter by touch - none of this befits him to track down the real, long-term threat to his existence.

     Now, back to "Invincible".  The Viltrumites are a race of super-powered humanoids, so humanoid they are effectively identical to humans.  In physiology.  They can fly, are super-strong, practically invulnerable, can travel through space absent a space suit, and embody all the very worst politics, behaviour and attitude of the Third Reich crossed with the Sinisters.  Art!

In an act redolent of "Quatermass and the Pit", what you see here is a purge of the native population of Viltrum, by the rest of Vitrum, where anyone unfortunate enough to be dead was obviously undeservingly weak and thus richly deserved it.

     From that beginning, the Viltrumites set out to conquer the galaxy, because they had decided that The End Justifies The Means.  Art!

     They would create a Golden Age, even if it meant killing everyone in their path, because then any other civilisations would bend the knee in order to survive.  The old Roman saying "He made a desert, and called it Peace" comes to mind.

     Now, until Omni-Man was sent to Earth to prep it for Viltrumite conquest and takeover, the Viltrumites entire philosophy and existence was dominated by Punching.  Their strategy was Punching, their tactics were Punching and if they ever attained an operational art, that, too, would have been Punching.  Punch Punch Punch.  After all, if you're a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.  Art!

SPOILERY BIT AHEAD HERE JUST SO YOU KNOW

I DID WARN YOU

     At the crux of a battle between Nolan and his son Mark, which devastates Chicago and kills thousands, Nolan cannot bring himself to do the Viltrumite thing and kill Mark.  In fact he then abandons Earth and his mission of conquest, a thing unheard of in the annals of Viltrum.

     Here's the thing.  The Viltrumites fail to understand that Mark, raised in human society, has all the morals and conscience of a human, regardless of his Viltrumite genes.  His father, despite being thousands of years old, has been so 'corrupted' by just 20 years of living in human society that he, too, now possesses a conscience.  He's gone native.  What you might call 'cultural contamination', which was a real worry for the Sinisters about their sleeper agents in South Canada during the Cold War.

     Sometimes you need a tool more subtle than a hammer.  Try opening a stuck bottle lid with a sledgehammer and see what you get.

    Of course, I could be overthinking this .....

I'm Not One Bit Sorry

Saw this sidebar on the BBC News webpage and couldn't resist coming up with a snarky riposte.  Art!

     Annnnd here is Conrad's response.  Art!

     That's how.

     For those unaware, this is a cod novel written by the Adolf Hitler whose 1923 putsch attempt failed, and who then fled to South Canada, to make a living by writing pulp sci-fi stories and novels.  Pretty obviously Elong Tusk's fave sci-fi novel.

An Unfinished Saga

You may remember that Your Humble Scribe posted a web calculator that worked out the value of black walnut timber, because these trees are verrrrry pricey indeed.  Let us also look at the 'Honey Locust' bush.  Art!

     This is important, as a screen of black walnut and honey locust trees stood between Tree Victim and Evil Neighbour when he moved into the newly-bought property.  EN was disliked up and down the locality, and proved this when they complained about the trees and shrubs, which formed a privacy screen.  O how they complained!  Which TV just ignored.

     Until they came back from a week-long holiday and found that EN had trespassed onto TV's property in order to hack away at the trees, removing any privacy.  They even sent a gloating e-mail to TV about how they'd done them a good turn.

     Yeah right.  Art!

     TV got an arboriculturist out to assess the damage, which just kept climbing in value.  From an initial $12,000, it skyrocketed when it transpired that the injudicious pruning had spread canker amongst all the trees.

     Final total?  $158,000.

     This is as far as the story goes, with TV speculating that the (retired and incomeless EN) damages are high enough that his spiteful and petty neighbour is going to have to sell her house to settle things.

     Tee Hee.  Or should that be Tree Hee?

 

I'd Forgotten About This

You may have, too, given that the Orange Land Whale has been bloviating non-stop since Elong Tusk won the election for him.  Remember that Fatty brought out a crypto-currency, in order to gull the credulous and witless?  Conrad cannot even remember what it was called.  Art!

     For those not gifted with mathematical acumen, this is a 54% drop over a one-month period and as you can see from the graph above, the overall trend is down.  No doubt Donold will blame this on Biden, Ukraine, Covfefe and bot weevils affecting crops in the Sanjak of Novi Pazar, anything but admitting his own piehole-flapping.

     I think another Tee Hee! is in order.  Or should that be Ordure?

Finally -

I shall spare you any pictures, but the dressing is finally off my big toe, revealing a toe now trimmed of hard skin and looking rather pink around the prior gaping hole.  So, I may be venturing for a shower tonight without the faithful (and painfully tight) shower boot.  Wish me luck.