The Bends

I Know What You're Thinking -

And you'd be wrong.  For, no, this Intro is not about aerobullosis or decompression sickness, which are the more formal names for 'The bends'.  What we're going to - sorry?  What's that?

     <sigh>

    Okay, it's what happens if one ascends from diving at depth without stopping along the way to allow the body to adjust.  Gasses that were in the bloodstream come out of solution and form bubbles, that tend to migrate to major joints like the elbows or, especially, the knees.  Depending on the depth and time taken to ascend, the bends may inflict no more than a mere rash, or the rapid onset of death.  Art!

From 1995.  Boy do I feel old.

     This was the album that put Radiohead on the map, after their rather ordinary debut "Pablo Honey".  It contains one of my favourite RH tracks, "Fake Plastic Trees" but today, since I've spent several days setting this up, we're going to look at "PLANET TELEX", which has fantastic phased guitars and reverb upon it, and perform A Little Musical Critique.  There, there, Thom, don't cry.

You can force it but it will not come

Sounds  very dodgy to me.  Probably seedy in intent if it wasn't so obtuse.

You can taste it but it will not form

If you're tasting it, then it's in your gob being masticated.  Of course it won't form!

You can crush it but it's always here

Yes.  Except crushed.  Now, if you were to laser it ...

You can crush it but it's always near

Did it stick to your sole?  That's why.

Chasing you home

Say what?  You've just crushed it!  It's going to be non-ambulatory, matey.

Saying, everything is broken

Make your mind up, Thom!  If - hang on, this 'it' can speak?

Everyone is broken

You have a very bleak worldview

 - but you're right in this case

You can force it but it will stay stung

Nettle?  Bee?  Jellyfish? The details matter, Thom, they matter!

You can crush it as dry as a bone

Ah!  I get it - you're making fertilizer!

You can walk it home straight from school

Are the roles reversed?  Last I heard 'it' was chasing you

You can kiss, you can break all the rules

None of that here, thanks, we're British.

But still, everything is broken

Everyone is broken

Everyone is, everyone is broken

Everyone is, everything is broken

Yes, I think you've made your point.  Things are broken.

Pete Townsend woz 'ere

Why can't you forget?

Why can't you forget?

Why can't you forget?

BECAUSE YOU WON'T STOP HARPING ON, MISTER YORKE!

Thom acts The Bends

     I know it's been months since we last did a Little Musical Critique, and I do get such an unholy delight in my musical slandering.  Not only that, half the word count comes from the copied lyrics, meaning an easy Intro.  Maybe we'll pick on "Fake Plastic Trees" next - after giving Thom time to recover.  Hanky for Mister Yorke!

Phew!

You may be vaguely aware that Darth Marmalade has been indicted again, this time over the official documents he stole and lied about.  A quote from <hack spit> Shakespeare came to mind when I read about it: "To take arms against a sea of troubles".  Except in the case of DJ Satsuma, more like an ocean, and he'll need to use his legs as well.

     Where am I going with this?  Well, the Special Counsel Jack Smith gave a short statement about the indictment.  Art!

     He looks as tender and forgiving as a hatchet.  However! he talks like a perfectly normal human being, when you might expect a sinister robotic cadence.  He comes to the SP gig after trying war criminals in The Hague, so this case is probably a dose of light relief for him by comparison.  Also, according to finer legal minds than mine, going from being appointed SP in November to indictment in June is lightning-fast for the South Canadian judicial system.  This has to be a big disappointment for DJ Tango's lawyers, who probably hoped to get the case kicked down the road for a year at least.  In fact two more of them just quit.  Art!

Don is known for his owl impressions

The Hole

No!  This is not about the thriller from 2001.  Are there any quotation marks around it?  No.  Is it in Fuschia?  No.  Therefore it's not about the film.  But I will throw a picture in anyway, because.  Art!

     Conrad kept his eyes peeled yesteryon for the roadworks on Oldham Road as he bussed it into Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell, only to be almost thwarted by traffic as a large truck overtook us and blocked the view.  So you only have this to go on.  Art!

     As you can see, The Hole has been filled in.  Yet that lane was still coned off.  Your Humble Scribe decided not to risk it and trammed it back to Oldham after work.  The cones will probably be gone by Monday but, once again, I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

"City In The Sky"

Mark and Martin are trying to sell the idea of a space station, literally and metaphorically, to Sir Richard Branson.

‘Martin!  I’m sorry, Sir Richard, we’ve seen so many people and gotten nowhere that we’re – I think we’re probably out of patience.  The Human Salvation Project is only a title.  What our side of the Project really want to create is a Bernal Sphere.’

Here he paused.  This wasn’t a conversational gap rendered in order to sip orange juice, or look over the giant office, or see how Sir Richard was dressed.  He paused because he wanted to know- 

‘Aha.  The original space station, from the nineteen-thirties.’

Martin’s smug expression vanished, replaced by one of surprise and respect. 

‘You’re familiar with the concept?’

‘A little.  Our planning people have come up with ideas involving habitats in outer space.  Very long-term stuff, speculative and not very here-and-now.’

If both scientists hadn’t been taken aback they might have exchanged another glance.  Mark’s briefcase held a centimetre-thick pad of blueprint flimsies that broke down the construction assembly of an orbital Bernal Sphere, from the largest component (laminated Lexan exterior walls) to the smallest (nuts, bolts, screws and trusses).  To them, an orbital environment was merely next-year, or next-decade at the worst. 

‘You’ve put us on the back foot,’ admitted Mark.  ‘Nobody else at your level has ever known what we’re talking about.’

     I think Art can continue to earn his keep.  Art - Bernal Sphere!

Thank Heavens For Armoured Underwear

Although in weather like this, they <lengthy tasteless details redacted> perhaps titanium next time.

     For Lo! I am indeed talking about the Coincidence Hydra.  Your Humble Scribe mentioned a film with a very badly-staged ambush, "Too Late The Hero", only a few blogs ago.  Shall I dig out that one in particular?  O go on.

BOOJUM!: Bratricide (comsatangel2002.blogspot.com)

There's the proof that I', not raving*.  

     Then, what did I discover on Youtube the other day?  NO!  Not 'The Thrilling Life Of A Lithium Wafer Battery Designer".  Art!

     Well there you go.

Finally -

I only need another ten words to hit the Adjusted Compositional Ton, which I've just achieved.  Pip pip!

*  This time.