Settle Down, This May Take A While
Your Humble Scribe is, of course - obviously! - referring to those afflictions upon Nature's Not-Nice-Nocturnals, that is, vampires.
NO! We'll have none of that Anne Rice pilaff puffery or the Super Sexy Young Adult drivel, either. The vampire Conrad is looking at comes in the persona of Christopher Lee. Art!
Unremittingly monstrous, but polite with it
Yes, the ladies may swoon over him, but there's nothing good about Ol' Drac and, no, ladies, you will not be able to change him from being a Bad Boy. It's in the blood (no pun intended).
Here an aside. Yes, already! Conrad was always curious as to why garlic repels vampires, because it's a staple ingredient of Eastern European cookery; the Zharkoe I plan to make later this afternoon has 5 cloves in it. So, it's not exactly rare or difficult to lay one's hands upon, as opposed to, say, the mighty mangosteen. Art!
No resemblance to a mango, either
ANYWAY one can definitely understand holy water being akin to hydrochloric acid to the average vampire, unless they're wearing oilskins. Conrad wonders how effective a hot spray-iron loaded with HH2O would be, as opposed to a Super-Soaker. I mean with the latter you've definitely got range on your side, the average seems to be about ten yards. Or you could use a bait-catapult and ice-cubes, even if that seems a little blasphemous. Art!
DEATH TO DRAC!
Why today's title? O I thought you'd never ask! Because of this - Art!
Okay, get ready to groan. This is the VAMPIRE anti-drone missile system, and yes, they really had to reach to come up with that title. It's the acronym for Vehicle Agnostic Modular Palletised ISR Rocket Equipment, if you must know. Where on earth does 'Agnostic' come into play? I'd like to know.
It's built by L3Harris Technologies, and consists of a WESCAM MX-10 RSTA laser targeting sensor - Art!
- backed up by a <takes deep breath> Advanced Precision Kill Weapons System Rocket - Art!
- fitted with a proximity fuse from L3, meaning that it only has to get near a target before it explodes, relying on blast and spall to inflict damage. It's principal targets will be drones.
Conrad was labouring under a misapprehension, that these things already existed and were being sent to Ukraine, in which case why no mention of them? Because the Ruffians have been nothing but flagrant - nay, even profligate - in their use of Iranian Shahed drones.
Because they are only going to come into service as of mid-2023, is why. Four are slated for delivery in June with a further ten by the end of this year. The whole project was kick-started in January of this year, with L3 getting a $40 million grant from the South Canadian Navy to go live. Art!
Yes, it will transform a humble 4x4 into a lethal killer, which is where we came in.
Motley, knock me up a steak and a stake, we're going a-hunting whilst it's still daylight.
Conrad Moons You
Firstly, may I quietly and respectfully ask you to WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS! No, you are not going to see my pallid, hirsute hindquarters - an image I am afraid you are unable to un-see - but instead a series of photographs of the 'Strawberry Moon' as put up by the BBC, that font of all that's fit to be writ. Art!
Courtesy Tracey1978Tails Courtesy Sue
This one is from Flockton in West Yorkshire. Probably boasting about how much bigger their Strawberry Moon is than any Lanky one.Courtesy Michael Wake
This is Roker Pier in Sunderland. With a moon that bright the lighthouse is a tad redundant.
As Robert Wyatt sang it, "The Moon In June". Art!
Conrad Bites Back
As you should surely know by now, Conrad has a love-hate relationship with First Bus. He loves to hate them. Over on NextDoor there was a comment about the 409 service that I have the sad duty of relying upon, so -
It got a
"City In The Sky"
Or, if you like, "How Richard Branson Saved The Human Race", evil capitalist swine that he is betimes.
He got out a bottle of Tokay and poured them both a glass. Marcie clinked her glass against his and
looked earnestly at him.
‘This job of your is eating you up.’
He nodded in agreement.
‘It won’t last much longer. If
Martin and I can’t get this project off the ground, he goes back to
Marcie privately considered that this might very well be the best
possible outcome, not saying it out loud because she wasn’t stupid.
‘You go and sit down, I’ll put the potatoes on. The roast is already cooking.’
She joined him a minute later.
The big plasma television was already on, Mark flicking it to a news
channel to catch the early evening news.
A bizarre-looking aircraft with twin fuselages was shown being flown
with a voice-over describing the flight of the “White Knight”, a project that
was the personal brainchild of Sir Richard Branson, designed to create and
service the potential market for space tourism –
Mark nearly choked on his glass of wine, sitting up abruptly and
increasing the volume. He turned to look
at Marcie with an expression of incredulity and amazement.
‘That’s it! That’s it! Wait, I have to call Martin.’ He fumbled his mobile open and dialled the
first number that came up on speed-dial.
No, we don't get the cliché of 'Turn the news on'. This is BOOJUM! We do things differently here.
"Die Zauberflote"
Yes, we are back with "The Magic Flute" again. Last time we mentioned this Tamino had been given a magic flute, and his travelling companion Papageno a set of bells, in order to rescue Princess Pamina from the demon Sarastro.
A magic flute and a set of bells. Really.
How about a set of muskets and sabres? Or even a good stout club? <sigh>.
We then jump abruptly to Sarastro's temple, where Pamina has been restrained after trying to escape, threatening to tell Michelin that it's only a one-star accommodation. Perhaps. Art!
Pamina. She's got stamina.
The head slave (can there be such a thing?) informs his minions that he'll be - er - keeping her company on his own. Move along, nothing to see here.
A Bit Of Polish
Long "O", we're talking about Poland here, not glossing up a surface. Yes, let's have another Polish film poster. Art!
Surprisingly restrained, nicht wahr? I bet the artist felt conflicted; the film was made by Ruffians in Ruffia, yet it follows the novel closely. Also the author, Stanislaw Lem, was one of Poland's biggest sci-fi authors; in fact biggest authors full stop, I bet you can't name any other Polish authors off the top of your head, hmmmm? Joseph Conrad doesn't count, he was naturalised British.
Finally -
Better get today's link session sent out and then - Zharkoe!
