This Is Your Army On Drugs

And We're Not Talking Caffeine Or Alcohol Here
I am, at present, reading James Holland's "The Battle of Britain", which is currently moving towards the end of the Battle of France, with the BEF and French soldiers pinned at Dunkirk, everything looking very bleak for the Allies and with the Teutons poised for a smashing success.
     This is partly thanks to the Teuton armed forces in their entirety binge-consuming millions upon millions of doses of crystal meth.  Art?

A gift of a name

     "Pervitin" was the commercial name for Methamphetamine, which was not only legal in Nazi Germany, it was flogged and consumed like sweeties.  You could, in fact, get Pervitin chocolates, at which the mind rather boggles.  The military loved it because it dulled hunger, increased energy, kept sleep at bay and produced euphoria.  This mass consumption had begun with the invasion of Poland in 1939, and, as mentioned above, the invasion of France and the Low Countries in May 1940.
     Now, we here at BOOJUM! do not condone the consumption of illegal drugs, because they are BAD.  They also have DREADFUL SIDE EFFECTS, which the Teutons discovered.  For one thing, if a soldier boosted his performance with Pervitin one day, he needed another day to cope with the comedown, unless he consumed more.

CAUTION!  Can cause war crimes!

     Thus it was that Teuton soldiers under either withdrawal or over-doses started to suffer hallucinations and psychosis, which, given that they were carrying lethal weapons, was a bad combination.  There were murders of civilians, other soldiers and their own officers.  Realising that it had got a tiger by the tale, the enormous pill consumption was ramped sharply down by the Teuton armed forces, though it never went away.
     Panzers - tin powered by Pervitin!
     I say, motley, care for a coke?

Yes?  What did you think we meant?

South Canada, How Could You!
As you ought to know by now, Conrad cordially detests Shakespeare and has never forgiven the Barf of Avon for all that hated English at school and college.  If they discovered a shopping list of his the critics would swoon at all the symbolism and conceits and iambic pentameter -
     <pauses to draw breath and stop that vein in his head from throbbing>
     Anyway, the BBC's Will Gompertz has reviewed a work by a South Canadian academic, the Professor of English at Columbia University, one James Shapiro, who has written a book about Shakespeare and how he influenced South Canada.

Columbia U.

     Really, Mister Shapiro!  First you have Will lauding the Bark of Avon, then this South Canadian academic shows instances of him being an influence at different times in their history.  Art?

The article in question

     It's bad enough that we have this over-egged scribbler being inflicted on students in this country without foreigners putting his name up in lights.  Did Sir Francis Bacon die in vain?  And I thought that people went to South Canada to get away from England?

      Bah!

I Blame You
Yes.  You know whom you are.  And you may very well look guilty.
     "But it was only ten pence in a charity shop!" I hear you bleat.
     THAT IS NO EXCUSE!
     I refer, of course, to that pulpy-horror writer Guy N. Smith, whose oeuvre I checked up on earlier this afternoon.
     Good lord aloft, this chap's been busy!  Originally I was castigating his work "Killer Crabs", but - there's more to the story.  Art?

• Night of the Crabs (1976) ^[8]
• Killer Crabs (1978)
• The Origin of the Crabs (1979)
• Crabs on the Rampage (1981)
• Crabs' Moon (1984)
• Crabs: The Human Sacrifice (1988)
• Crabs' Fury (Graphic Novel) (1992)
• Killer Crabs: The Return (2012)
• Crabs Omnibus (short stories collection) (2015)
• The Charnel Caves (2019)

     So, you see what I mean when I blame you.  Go sit in the corner and be quiet.

Rats, crabs - all edible, eh?

     Oh, speaking of rats, I witnessed one of the cute little chaps scuttling around the side of Tib Street Car Park on Saturday morning.  Just for your info.

I Still Blame You
OR
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
Yes indeedy, matey.  You've got a lot to answer for. 
     Let me recap how we review films here on the blog.  First of all, we just make wild assumptions about films based on the title, so if you want a proper, balanced, sensible review - then you are in the wrong place entirely.  Go see Mark Kermode or Simon Mayo if you're after that kind of thing.  Secondly, and remember this, Conrad HATES ALL MUSICALS.  There will be no budging from this position.  Ever.  Let us begin.
"Frozen II":  YOU SEE!  The only reasons these execrable things get made - it's an animated musical, for your information - is BECAUSE YOU WENT TO SEE THEM.  They don't make sequels if the original lost money.  I hope you feel both guilty and ashamed, because you ought to.  There is an hilarious parody of this farrago on Youtube, a mashup of "The Thing" and "Frozen" that Your Humble Scribe quite approves of.

<rubs hands and cackles*>

"Peter Rabbit II": WHAT DID I HAVE TO SAY ABOVE!  This animated farragit** is a consequence of people watching the first one.  I don't need to watch it to know I will HATE it, just as I know I don't need to eat coal to discover how unpleasant it is (our resident artistic Neanderthal aside). 

Protect your children!  Cover their eyes!

Vapid South Canadian-ised utter guff, full of pantless perverts, and doubtless trying witlessly to be "street" and "hip".  Art?

The result of Conrad's roasting

     Bah!
"Bloodshot":  Conrad came across this one on the Den Of Geek website, whilst he was perusing incredibly complex and expensive Lego builds.  There was a little animated trailer showing for this one, which featured one Vin Diesel.  It's colour palette seemed to be principally crimson, and there was lots of blood and explosions, which is a good start to any trailer.  Art?

Told you so.

     Your Humble Scribe is not certain whether our hero will come back from this one.  Getting your head exploded usually ends badly for those who experience same, except for that villainous astronaut chap in "Species 2", and Jeebs in "Men In Black".
     The reviews seem to imply that it's a bit generic, and it scores but 5.7 over on IMDB, so perhaps it's Meh-plus film.
     Ooops, nearly did a proper review there!  Okay, okay, allow me to attain the nadir again.  Art?

There we go!

       And with that uncomfortable image, we are done.  I say, motley, got any Optrex?

From Bloodshot to head shot.
(Jeebs, FYI)

 *  Your mileage may vary.
**  Like a farrago but worse.