"Rusty Pipes" By Eels

Conrad Is A Little Shocked -
No!  Not an accident with the toaster whilst having a bath.  I mean that Eels, the band led by Mark Everett, have been around for 23 years now.  That's a loooooong time in the world of rock.  Clearly, there is some mileage to be had in Miserablist Music, because cheerful stuff by the band - oh, and NEVER add a definite article to that name - is rare indeed.  That track mentioned in today's title is about ageing and what comes with getting old, which is hardly the stuff of rock 'n' roll parties, hedonism and living in the moment.  Art?

The titular rusty and pipe-y old chap

      Now, this is where I possibly get too clever for my own good and lose you, so let us proceed with baby steps.
      Mark's dad was the theoretical physicist Hugh Everett III, who was as good with maths as Mark is with music, and Hugh came up with a theory about quantum mechanics - let Art fill this bit in.  Art?

There you go.

     So, very briefly put, according to the Many-worlds interpretation, in an infinite universe, there are an infinite number of realities, such as one where Conrad is wise and sensible, or handsome, or a sentient iguana - you get the picture.
     Let us now throw our steamroller of the imagination* into reverse and abruptly change course - as abruptly as a steamroller can, anyway.
     Today is the 6th of June, immortalised as "D-Day" (I am typing this late in the evening of same, even if it appears before your eyes on the 7th).  I believe you may have seen a hint or two about this in the media (which has probably annoyed Tsar Putin no end, as he can't snatch any of the glory).** Okay, here in our reality D-Day was a great big success; however, thanks to Many-worlds quantum theory, there are plenty of realities where it was a soggy flop.
     An interesting premise, nicht war?

Don't get cocky, Schickelgruber, or I'll bitch-slap you into oblivion

     This is where an alternate history timeline gets interesting, since, if the Nazis defeat an Allied landing on 6/6/1944, they have at least 9 months before another amphibious assault can be made.  So, they can railroad everything in the West, which amounts to about 25% of the entire Teuton armed forces, to the Eastern front.  Imagine this enormous strategic reserve arriving, just in time to thwart the Sinister's huge summer offensive of 22/6/1944.  Instead of the Teuton's Army Group Centre being destroyed, they might well fight the Sinisters to a standstill.

"Mannerless, Stalin didn't realise it was rude to point."

     "O joy unabated!" squeal the Wehraboos, those fan-boys who love the Teuton war-machine above all else.  "All the secret wonder-weapons will now win the war for the Third Reich -" <catches sight of normal people staring at them> " - er - unfortunately that is."***
          
     Sadly not, Wehraboos.  The Third Reich would only have a temporary stay of execution, since the Allies had the atomic bomb, which they would have used by August 1945 at the latest.  Imagine a trio of nuclear explosions: one in in Berlin, and two other Teuton cities, resulting in the Third Reich's entire military and political leadership being destroyed.  Once old Shicklgruber is gone, who knows what kind of power-struggle will take place!
     Allow me to introduce the codeword of the Allied project to create a nuclear weapons program -
     Tube Alloys!
     Not exactly the same as today's title, but at least in the same cricket pitch and just about where we came in ...

Sentient iguana: a reality to aspire to

"Apotheosis"
Er - once again Your Humble Scribe has to apologise for one of those words that bob to the surface in the steaming scummy sewage that he calls a mind.  As ever, I have no explanation why this one turned up.

Conrad's mind: a schematic
(BOOJUM! is at upper-mid right)

     Okay, the origin is one of the usual suspects: Greek.  Oh - you do know that it refers to the elevation of someone to actual or near-godhood, don't you?
     Anyway, you have the Greek "Apo" meaning "From" and then "Theos" meaning "God" (this was back in the day when they had scads of them knocking about), from which "Apotheoun" was derived - that is, "Making a god".  Thus to Apotheosis.

Not to be confused with -

     "Apothecary", which you don't see very often nowadays, since "Chemist", or, if you live in the unfortunate lands across the ocean, "Pharmacist", have supplanted it.  This comes from the Greek - AGAIN! - "Apotheke", which means "storehouse".
     Don't mix the two up, okay?

"Porton Man"
To the uninitiated this probably sounds like a mid-Victorian Missing Link hoax.  NO!  You're thinking of Piltdown Man.  Separate issue.  Go look it up.
     No, what I refer to here is within the hallowed/hideous/blandly-scientific (delete where applicable) walls of Porton Down, where scientists get up to all sorts of highly secret fiddle-de-dee.  Art?

Not what you'd call 'welcoming'

     Amongst other briefs, they research and carry out defence against chemical warfare attacks, which, since 1915, has tended to mean protection against gas.
     A BBC camera team and journalist were given access to the site, being shown around various "Levels"; the higher the level, the more dangerous the stuff being worked with.  

Butterfingers not wanted!
(No prospects for Conrad, then)

     Which is where they came across 'Porton Man'.  Art?
                                    
                                              Clad                                                 Unclad
      This is a robot designed to mimic human movements, who can be dressed up in various protective kit and said kit tested to see if it gives the wearer protection, and for how long it's effective.  The sight of the clad Porton Man, mimicking a human running, is pretty eerie and probably falls into the Uncanny Valley as it concerns human locomotion.

Finally -
I go into work late today, as I have an appointment to test my aging eyes - diabetic screening, don't you know.  This means I've been able to get up at a civilised hour, type out these words of wit, wisdom and wonder and am now about to go get some tea and toast.
     Just thought you'd like to know.

Later!




*  Carl Sagan spins in his grave.

**   Tee hee!
***  And do stop clutching yourself, it's demeaning.