Brimming With Mischief!

Not That This Morning Is Any Different
It certainly isn't in terms of weather; once again, if Your Humble Scribe possessed a canoe, I'd have been able to paddle downhill all the way into Gomorrah-in-the-Irwell, so wet has it been today.  Also, I perplexed my fellow keyboard-bunnies by loudly and cheerily greeting them with "Good morning, weenies!" as I strode majestically* into the office.

Perhaps a weenie

     Anyway, that has little or nothing to do with the Pub Quiz that I so gloastingly introduced as a topic on Saturday, which is what I want to lead with as today's Intro.  Without further ado -
     Question 21)  Who was the leader of the rebellious Scots (okay, more rebellious than usual) at Culloden?
     Multiple choice answer, lucky us.  One of either Robert the Bruce, William Wallace or Bonnie Prince Charlie.
     My answer, which was the correct one of course, was BPC.  Art?

The perfumed popinjay himself

     Question 4)  Admiral Horatio Nelson was killed at which battle?
     You can see the hand of Steve the Quizmaster here, as he is a naval history buff.  The answer, of course, is Trafalgar.  He was shot by one of the specially deployed Corsican snipers aboard the French ships; as Steve pointed out, a chap in a big hat with a chestful of medals would be bound to attract hostile attention.  Art?

Nelson croaks

     Question 9)  In which play does the character of Shylock appear in?
     My answer <accompanied by gnashing of teeth and rending of garments>  The Merchant of Venice by that unutterable swine Shakespeare!  I hate Shakespeare for making my English 'O' and 'A' levels miserable!  Thank the lord aloft we didn't have to do his Sonnets or I'd have gone irretrievably insane!

There he is, merchanting, the dirty cur.

     Question 17)  A "Snood" is an erect piece of flesh on the head of which animal?
     My answer - a tad flippantly - was "Human", a snood being a kind of hairnet, until Phil stepped in with a much more sensible suggestion - "Turkey" - which proved to be correct.
     Question 15)  Which author coined the advertising phrase "Naughty but nice"? used to promote cream cakes?
     My answer - I think there might have been more clue here, but since I didn't write it down, it is forever lost, like D-ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion shizzle.  The answer is Salman Rushdie, who had a career in copywriting before he turned to a career in offending people who are fond of chopping heads off.

Head still attached.  So far.

     Question 5)  What is the highest score in darts that can be made with 3 trebles?
     Phil's answer - for Your Humble Scribe knows nothing about the arcane world of darts - was 171, which was correct.  No, I don't know how it was worked out, either.
     Question 18)  Who won the 1990 World Cup?
     Phil's answer again, because Conrad didn't even recognise this as being about the ballfoot game, was Germany.  Correct again.  What teamwork!
     Here an aside.  This would, presumably, be West Germany?  Because the unification of the two separate Deutchlands into one didn't take place until the autumn of that year.

Prosperous, powerful and PEACEFUL.  Apprentice dictators take note.

     Question 10)  Which British character actor played the part of Alfred the butler in the Christopher Nolan "Batman" films?
     Conrad knew this!  Michael Caine, a.k.a. Maurice Micklewhite.  An actor even more in demand in his latter years than ever before.

Everyone else can go home how.

     Okay, motley, you survived the ordeal by poison yesterday.  Now to see how fast you can hot-foot it across this swimming pool filled with molten lead!


The Hood At Gallipoli
NO!  Still your chattering tongues.  Once again nothing to do with that bald villain from 'Thunderbirds'.
     Here an aside.  Why is he called "The Hood"?  It is rare for him to ever descend to the grubby fashions of the street and wear anything that does, indeed, possess a hood.  Nor does he strike me as one who wears garish bling and prates in ghastly 'street' lingo about his neighbour-Hood.
     Anyway, back to the peninsula.  The HOOD BATTALION, lest you misunderstand, were sent ashore at Gallipoli, there to battle away on that unlovely shoreline for many a month.  Art?

     The nature of the beast at the beginning of the campaign was a far cry from flat, wet Flanders, as G. (I'm not going to type that in full all the time) was very mountainous and bakingly hot in summer.  With the added bonus of flies and deadly tropical diseases, notably "Enteric", which was frequently fatal.  Aubrey Smith (of "Four Years On The Western Front" fame) noted the death of a friend from enteric, sagely adding that this was one particular odium the Western Front lacked.
     Let us now look at Lieutenant-Commander Freyberg of the Hood, a scion of New Zealand and one of those men who will travel a long way to find a good scrap, and who needs to look the word "fear" up in a dictionary.  Art?  Picture!

An apt photograph

    Ol' Bernie volunteered to swim ashore at dead of night, alone, painted black and with a protective coat of grease.  His job was to tow a bag of various engines of frightfulness ashore, set these off on the shorelines and generally give the Turks the impression that a large amphibious force was coming ashore.  He did just that, causing varied German and Turkish officers to spontaneously give birth to kittens, then he swam out to sea again, where he was picked up in the nick of time before succumbing to exhaustion and hypothermia.**


     Enough tales of derring do for one day!  let us - hmmm.  We're nearly at count.  What can I finish with?

Aha!

Finally -
It was Shelli's birthday last week, and she hoped to avoid the embarrassment of public gift-giving by staying off.  Alas, her plans have been scuppered.  Also, I did a bit of doggerel for her, one of those things I dub a 'Pome'.


<ahem>

There once was a lady, Shelli.

Who was passing fond of eating jelly.

Come on Shelli and wield your bow -

Were you a Yank it'd be "eating Jello".

This lady - of course! - comes with strings

Attached, plus a cello and some violins.

     All my own work.








*  Allow me this small delusion.
**  Well, a normal person would have.  Ol' Bernie would just have punched the ocean into submission and eaten passing fish, raw, to give him strength.