O Delicious Schadenfreude!

No, It's Not A German Recipe For Ginger Biscuits

You're thinking of Lebkuchen <gazes into the distance and slobbers sadly>.  No, 'Schadenfreude' is defined as 'The deliberate enjoyment of another person's misery and misfortune', which is very efficiently and succinctly put for the Teuton language.  To what do I refer?

     Gosh, I thought you'd never ask!  Art!

"Ouch."

     That's an illustration of schadenfreude at work.  

     ANYWAY I would like to recount a legal case in South Canada, that involved Citizen Trump and his senior lawyer, Alina Habba.  CT's primary criteria for hiring anyone is whether they look good on television, which Alina does.  Her legal background as an attorney is rather less solid.

     So, in 2020 CT tried to sue a tremendously long list of people for $72 million dollars, in a 193-page complaint.  His attorneys tried to 'judge-shop' to get a biased judge on the case, and failed.  Instead they got one Judge Donald Middlebrooks, who is known for not taking idiots under kind consideration.  He was utterly scathing about the original complaint and instructed AH to come up with an Amended Complaint, which he found to be even more bonkers than the first.  Art!

Alina feels sad

     The whole thing was dismissed as a piece of political theatre, with no legal merit, created purely to generate income from CT's loyal fanbase.  The judge was absolutely scathing in his dismissal of the case, including the fact that it was filed in 2020, four years after the alleged plot hatched by Hilary Clinton and thus outside the statute of limitations.  Art!

Someone is a bit biased in photo selection ...

     However, every single one of the people named on the original complaint had to hire attorneys, twice, to testify that it was a load of rubbish.  Art!

     This is expensive, because lawyers work for either blood by the pint or wheelbarrows of cash.

     Now, see that name 'Charles Halliday Dolan'?  Mister Dolan decided to sue, and he managed to obtain a sanction.  The judge fined CT and Habba $50,000 and added on $16,000 in fees and costs.  That's got to hurt.

     He also fined them an additional $938,000 to compensate the other people and entities on the list.  $1,000,400 total.  That's got to hurt 14.182 times worse.

     This sanction has not gone un-noticed.  CT's Florida attorneys were trying to file a complaint against the New York Attorney General, Letitia James.  The case went from State Court to Federal Court, and who do you think it came up in front of?

     Judge Donald Middlebrooks.  The case was instantly dropped.

     So, not only has it put Citizen Trump's legal team on the hook for the money - because he won't pay a cent if he can possibly avoid it - it has established a legal precedent that he files frivolous lawsuits.

     There you go, schadenfreude, entirely calorie-free.

Let's All Gang Up On Ruffia Part 2

Earlier today we mentioned the London street in W2 that's being re-named 'Kyiv Street'.  The Dutch decided on an action that was purely transient.  Art!

     This is the capital of the Netherlands, Den Haag.  That building in the background is the Ruffian embassy, full of staff who have come to appreciate Dutch lager and rollmop herrings.  That artefact in front of it is a barrel organ.  The flag on top is the Ukrainian national flag.

     The tune it played all day long was the Ukrainian national anthem.  Psych!

Here's A Question

One of the best sitcoms ever to come out of This Sceptred Isle was "Yes, Minister" followed by "Yes, Prime Minister".  They were political satire of the highest level, so accurate that leading politicians of the time loved to watch it.  These series encapsulated the endless struggle between the Civil Service and elected politicians, how politics embodies compromise at every level, what bland political pronouncements really mean, and how well-meaning idealist politicians can be stone-walled or diverted by policy, colleagues, the media and Sir Humphrey.  Imagine, if you will, "The Thick Of It" with no swearing.  Art!

The power behind the throne?

     The series came out whilst the Sinister Union was a going concern (if a little shaky on it's legs), and Conrad wonders if it ever got airtime over there?  If so I'm sure they would suck their teeth and nod when the issue of bureaucracy came up.

     Another question is whether Ruffians of today have ever seen it, and, if they have, what would they think of it?  They do have a 'parliament' of sorts in the Duma, but they also have a President, a position utterly alien to British political life.  They certainly have a Civil Service, although I doubt their civil servants are brave enough to challenge the politicians.  Art!

The PM flanked by civil servants

     There's a picture you'll never see Peter The Average staging.

"The Adventure Of The Dancing Men" By Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

One of the short stories in "The Short Stories Of Sherlock Holmes", and one I have absolutely no recollection of.  Art!

     This cipher plays a key role in the story, and Conrad only realised when Sherlock is going through the solution that it's a Codeword, just one with no clues given.  I can solve a Codeword with only one letter identified, but without even that?  Statistically, as Sherlock points out, 'E' is the most common letter of the alphabet, which might have given me a start.  That above is the alphabet so I hope I haven't spoiled it too much for you.

"The Sea Of Sand"

The Doctor and Sarah are being marched at gunpoint to see Lieutenant Llewellyn, as their relations with the British army survivors at Mersa Martuba seem to have undergone a sea-change.

‘Miss Smith, I was working around the supply stacks at the W34 level and happened to discover you and Doctor Smith discussing ways to deliver this depot into enemy hands.’

          Sarah goggled in frank astonishment at this accusation.

          ‘What!  You think we’re a couple of German spies!’  She turned to spur the Doctor into a rebuttal.

          ‘We’re not spies, Lieutenant Llewellyn.  And, historically, this depot did fall into German hands.  We consequently need to make sure that is what happens, to remain historically correct.’

          Oh no! shouted Sarah internally.  He’s gone and blown the whole thing!

          ‘What do you mean, “did”?  “Historically”?’ asked Roger.  ‘Stop talking rubbish!’ 

          ‘I think we need to reveal our secret, Sarah,’ stage-whispered the Doctor.

          The Italians, minus Torrevechio, came to listen to the interesting argument going on between the English.

          ‘What secret!  How much the Huns are paying you?’ snapped Roger, not happy that he wasn’t being taken seriously.  If that woman wasn’t present –

          ‘We come from what you would call the future,’ announced the Doctor cheerily.  Sarah rolled her eyes in exasperation, worried that the Doctor, in his boundless enthusiasm and ingenousness, was going to get them both locked up.

          Roger merely sneered, whilst Davey nodded at Tam and grinned mockingly, tapping the side of his head.

         Don't worry, Sarah will save the day! 

Finally -

Just you wait.  I was sat taking notes about a vlog from 'DW', a Teuton Youtube channel that posts English-language content.  The guest was Professor Jeffrey Sonnenfeld of Yale School Of Management, an economist with a great deal of clout.  The subject matter was how the Ruffian economy is coping with conditions since February 2022 and there are a few rather startling facts that came out of it.  I may not lead with this tomorrow, and will probably do it as an item in two parts because it will be rather long and detailed.  Art!

A Comedy Yesternight

At Least It's Funny For Some

As you must surely know, unless your current domicile is a submarine dwelling-dome under the waters of the Mediterranean, yesteryon marked the anniversary of Peter The Average's invasion of Ukraine.  The Ruffian population FINALLY seem to be comprehending, however dimly, that the 'Special Military Operation' is not very special, has expended most of the military, would be a double testiclectomy were it an operation, nor is it all going according to plan, as the Kremlin's talking heads would have you believe.  Art!

Go on, debate it with him, I dare you

     I know, I know, nothing to do with Bloaty Gas Tout.  Sue me.

     ANYWAY there was a concert thrown in Moscow, at the Luzhniki Stadium, with free food and tea, and musicians performing to celebrate Defending The Fatherland Day.  These events are usually attended by government employees and students, because if they don't attend, their ineligibility to be mobilised might suddenly lapse.  This no longer seems to be working.  Art!

Courtesy Jake Broe and Chris0_wiki

     When Putin turned up, he got close to people and nearly mingled, leading to strong suspicions that 'Putin' was one of his three body doubles, because the real Puny Petroleum Pimp keeps people at a thirty-yard limit.  His anniversary address lasted all of three-and-a-half minutes before he beetled off.  Art!

Courtesy Jake and Anton Geraschenko

     What's wrong with this picture?  You can't tell because you can't hear, but the concert is still going on in the background, and yet people by the hundred are leaving before the musicians stop.  How come?  Well, as the lady who made this clip explains, the free food and tea ran out, plus it was cold, so people went home.  What else is missing?  Ruffian flags.  Nobody bothered to take any of the thousands of flags that were placed at every seat.  They all look pretty drab - no orange and black banners or stickers or chevrons, no 'Z' proudly emblazoned on their clothes; the narrative that 'It's All Going According To Plan' seems to have gone awry in their eyes.  Art!

How very symbolic

     I doubt it will have been broadcast live, given the sparsity of attendance, which will need to be edited out of recordings, or the cameras were placed in order to have full seats in the background.  Or maybe they'll just CGI in a crowd of adoring citizens?  You never know, the next big orchestrated public event to glorify Putin On The Fritz might have the whole crowd CGI'd, rather than depend on apathetic humans.  Art!

This bloke, lest ye be unaware, is a parody

     I can also claim that this Intro has not been about Politics but rather mockery of the Tiny Toxic Terror Toad, who is now the wrong side of 70.  Apparently he no longer feels safe travelling by plane and so, instead, now has a specially-armoured train.  Fair enough, Ruffian aircraft are becoming dangerous to fly - another topic for a different kitchen.

     Motley!  Let's throw flags at each other.  We will need to get the PPE out first, mind.

"Daffodil"

You know Conrad, with an ever-wondering and wandering mind, which is why he wondered where this name came from.  This is where having a Collins Concise Dictionary bears fruit.  Latin taxonomy is 'Narcissus pseudonarcissus' for no reason I can see.  The name itself is derived from Medieval Latin "Affodillus', which was a variant in turn of 'Asphodelus' which you and I know as 'Asphodel'.  Art!

"War With Russia" By Richard Shirref

Art!

     Conrad saw the title in the bookshop, was intrigued by the back-cover blurb and bought it, forgetting who the author was immediately afterwards.  Well, guess whom I've seen several time on Times Radio's Youtube* vlogs?  NO!  Not Lord Lucan - Sir Richard Shirref, that's who, delivering sound analysis of what's going on in Ukraine.

     I shall have to dig it out again and re-read in light of what we now know about the Ruffian military.  Heck, I might even make notes and report back to you.  Art!

"1917"

One hundred years before the above, when the Ruffians were our allies.  I'm about halfway through this film, which doesn't give a date but I suspect it's about the time the Teutons withdrew to the Hinderberg Line, leaving a wasteland behind them.  The scene when our two protagonists encounter a cherry orchard, all the trees therein being deliberately chopped down, rings very true.

     Rather less true is our two protagonists happily chattering away on their journey, because in real life this would give them away.  An hour of complete silence, mind you, would be verrrrrry dull indeed.  Plus, actors like to act.  Art!

Blimey, this is a bit doomy and gloomy, isn't it?  Let's have something light and frothy that involves gin.

Conrad's Ginfusion

I posted a picture of a Ginfusion set that Wonder Wifey got earlier in the week.  On Wednesday I did the weekly shop and purchased a bottle of gin, then Googled a few recipes and this is the result.  Art!

Orange and cardamom

     The thing is it doesn't pour very well and you have to use a wide-mouthed glass to collect the gin.  The cardies flavouring is too subtle for my palate to detect but the oranges give it a nice citrus tang.

"The Sea Of Sand"

Sarah and the Doctor are discussing how to ensure that history follows the correct path, meaning that the bio-vores do not get to interfere any further with history than they already have.

Sarah tutted and folded her arms.

          ‘The Afrika Corps are presumably armed to the teeth?  Surely they’ll manage to cope with our large friends.’

          Her companion shook his head violently.

          ‘No!  That is not what must happen!  The Germans and their allies need to take this depot with no trouble.  Not only that, Sarah, there’s also the matter of our transport.  I don’t know for certain, not yet, but I strongly suspect that Sur has the TARDIS.  An exploitative parasite like him, along with his ruling culture, cannot be allowed access to temporal travel.  Cannot and will not!’

          Those last four word came back to haunt Sarah very quickly indeed.  When she moved back to the heart of the depot, seeking any loose or spare tins of food that might be used to create a giant stew, Davey swiftly moved in alongside her.

          ‘Get you to the Lieutenant,’ growled the Scot, emphasising his order with a bayonet affixed to the end of his rifle.

          Sarah discovered the Doctor at the end of a bayonet, Corporal Mickleborough’s, in attendance on Lieutenant Llewellyn, who cradled a tommy-gun.

          ‘What’s going on!’ she asked, with a plaintive tone that made both Tam and Davey look accusingly at their officer.  Roger looked at Sarah with an unpleasant intensity.

     This is what's called an 'Ooops!' moment.

More London Shenanigans 

Yesteryon we covered the shocking vandalism/hilarious practical joke/political point-scoring <delete where necessary> of activists painting a London road in the Ukrainian colours.  Right outside the Ruffian embassy.  Well, we Brits have not stopped kicking the Ruffians whilst they are down.  Art!

     A typical low-key way of This Sceptred Isle making a rude gesture at Peter The Average.

     Right, I'm going to take a comfort break and then go walkies with Edna whilst it is still not raining.

     I'm back and it's Dog Buns! freezing outside.  I also forgot to put my gloves on and consequently cannot feel my fingers.

Finally -

That's all, now to listen to a couple of Youtube vlogs and pick up my place in "A Very Stable Genius'.

*  It doesn't make sense to me, either.

Feeling Horn-y

 First Of All -

WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS!  For we are back on the subject of architecture and Ol' Tolky's work, and today we are going to be looking at the fortress that the nation of Gondor constructed upon the Hornburg, at Helm's Deep.  The 'Horn' in question NO SNIGGERING AT THE BACK is taken from the noted warrior Helm Hammerhand, and his horn.  Art!

     As you  might expect, the fortress presents all the design aspects of medieval-level technology and design.  Being constructed upon a height gives it an immediate advantage in observation, further enhanced by the tall watchtower, and makes it harder to assault.

     It's not obvious where the stone for the fortress was quarried, but considering it sits in a valley flanked by mountains made of stone, doubtless locally.  Also present, if unseen, are the Glittering Caves, which can be accessed via the Hornburg.  Art!

     Conrad, being sly and canny, would have tunnelled an emergency exit through to the other side of the mountain from these caves, but that's just me.
     The fortress's immediate approach is by a long, narrow and curved causeway.  Long means an attacker is exposed for the full duration of their assault; note in the picture above very few of the attackers have gotten near the gateway.  Curved means an inability to generate any great speed, so an attack is slowed down.  Narrow prevents a mass assault.  Art!

     This ground-level view shows to advantage the Deeping Wall, a defensive wall twenty feet high and about eight feet thick.  Prior to the attack of Saruman's army it was said that no enemy had ever breached this wall.   As is obvious, it prevents an attacker from being able to surround the Hornburg.  It does have a weakness, however: the Deeping Stream runs beneath it.  The stream wasn't diverted or blocked as it supplied fresh water to the garrison.  Art!

     Here you see Saruman's Hail Mary play, because his army of Orcs and Wildmen don't have any siege weapons; thus a resort to black powder.  This is credible in use as a demolition charge, because casting a cannon to fire stone or iron shot would take ages, and why bother when you can use expendable slaves?  Art!

     Spectacular, yes; realistic, no.  The explosion was in an open tunnel without any tamping in place, so most of the blast would have been channelled outwards, and would likely have slain a great swathe of Orcs besides.

     ANYWAY we've gotten a tad awry from architecture.  What I can't find an image for anywhere is Helm's Dike, which was an outlier fortification towards the mouth of the gorge.  I did find a map - Art!

     A small force there would be able to harass and delay any attacking force, giving the main garrison time to organise and prepare, which is exactly what happens in the novel.

     If you want to extend the analysis a little further, curtain wall defences like the Deeping Wall are going to become obsolete once gunpowder is in more common use and cannon are invented - which is another story for a different kitchen.

     Motley!  Let's play Firework Catch.  No, no, gloves are for sissies.

Enter 'Shikari'

No!  Not the band, the word.  That's why it's in quotation marks.  Conrad came across it several times in the Sherlock Holmes story 'The Empty Room', in reference to the villain Colonel Moran.  He was one of Moriarty's gang, and a very senior member at that.  He'd served in India and hunted big game, very successfully, too.  It's seems to be Hindi for 'Hunter'.  Art!

That's 'Shikari' in Hindi.
We're so cultured.

Shocking Vandalism In London

The Ruffians still maintain an embassy in London, possibly because the staff can buy Western goods and food, rather than live on a diet of potatoes and cabbage, since relations with This Sceptred Isle are about as bad as they can get.

     Hmmmmm what's this?  Art!

Note embassy member at port watching what's going on

     Goodness me, whatever can these vandals be doing, and right outside the Ruffian embassy, too?  Don't they know that this is a busy main road and traffic will spread their paint everywhere?  Art!

     Ooooooooo I see.  Of course, law-abiding Conrad cannot possibly condone this sinful contamination of a public thoroughfare.

     No, wait, I absolutely can.

"The Sea Of Sand"

The pompous bio-vore aristocrat Sur and the Doctor are both sharing the same desert on Earth, Sur being gloaty and the Doctor being apprehensive.

Next would come a sweep across the deserts to find more live fodder.  According to the situation reports so far, a storage site existed to the west.  That was the extent of local life-forms.  Clearly the Infiltration Complex was not situated in a viable area, because from listening in to the radio-waves, the alien culture on Target Seventeen was obviously widespread.

          Consider it a challege, the bio-vore aristocrat told himself.  A challenge to be met and overcome!

 

Sarah felt both worried and annoyed at the Doctor’s continued sulking, as she saw it, atop his crate.  The bio-vores must have fixed their matter transmitter by now, and would be arriving by the hundred – and yet the Doctor sat and brooded, doing nothing!

          She tried again to coax him down.

          ‘Not even for a cup of tea?  With extra sugar?’

          All she got in reply was a sigh.

          ‘Oh be like that then!’ she crossly responded, turning to leave.  Jumping down, the Doctor forestalled her with a hand on her shoulder.

          ‘Time is running out, Sarah.  The Germans will be here very soon, and by then we must have resolved the matter of the bio-vores.  I dread to think what would happen if the aliens gain access to several thousand victims.’

     Hmmm yes, one can see that being a bit of a problem, changing the course of history and all that.  Which is a bad thing, before you ask.

Here's One I Did Earlier

Tooting my own horn a little here.  Art!

Castlefield Roman Fort, Gomorrah On The Irwell

From Quora:What are the pros and cons of becoming an archaeologist instead of a doctor or lawyer?

 I worked on an archaeological dig in Manchester at Castlefield, but I’ve never been either a doctor or solicitor (UK version of a lawyer), so I can only inform about the former.

The pros are that you are literally uncovering history that has been hidden, for hundreds if not thousands of years. Mostly we uncovered Roman pottery, including their luxury Samian ware, but occasionally we got things like steel-yard weights or Elizabethan architecture. If you have a painstaking, detail-oriented nature, especially when classifying finds, then it’s the job for you. When making scale drawings of the site on a drawing-board you got to sit in a nice warm cabin.

The cons were what go with outside work: bad weather made the job miserable. It is also verrrry slow work, as the overburden is taken down only gradually as you trowel away the earth, sketch and take photographs. There was also the ever-present threat of treasure-hunters, who turned up to have a nosey once. Glynn, our site manager, went out and bought a couple of pounds of nails and spent the weekend hammering them into the ground across the whole site.

Ah, those happy, happy Chernobyl-era days!

Contemporary dig 

     That's all, pilgrims.  Ta ta!

The 5,000 Foot Terror

No!  I Can Tell What You're Thinking

We are not talking about Godzilla.  In fact Conrad is unsure exactly how tall Godzilla is - let me go check on that for you.  Hmmmm a couple of contrasting figures, so we shall go with an average of 360 feet, which, whilst tall, is a long way short of 5,000.  However, it does give me an excuse to use a picture of the 'King Of Monsters'.  Art!

A four-fer

     Your next guess might well be one of those Fifties Creature-Feature black and white schlockbusters, featuring all manner of insect life.  Now, I know Art is going to put a picture of that sultry temptress Mara Corday here, because I can see his tongue hanging out, so let's get that over with.  Art!

     She starred in several of said critter-picters, is why.  None of them were five thousand feet tall, but (reaching a little here) they might have been a millipede as long as a freight train.  Art!

A narrow-gauge freight train?

     ANYWAY of course none of the - hang on, I forgot to put - obviously! - in there - none of these are anything to do with the real Intro, which is <drum roll> Barad-Dur, the 'Dark Tower' from 'Lord Of The Rings'.  Art!

     Yes, more of Ol' Tolky and the architecture of Middle Earth.  In fact the novel itself gives only a vague description of Barad-Dur's appearance, and the most detailed and thoughtful representation has been by Peter Jackson et al for the films.  Their sculpture and model has been scaled at the very five thousand feet of today's title.  For a better understanding, that's only  one hundred yards shy of a mile, or ten times the height of Orthanc.

     So, here's a couple of shots that illustrate BD a little more clearly.  Art!

     BD was constructed in the Second Age, and unlike other architecture we've mentioned here, was very definitely erected with as much magic as quarried stone.  This meant that when Sauron was initially overthrown and fled to Mirkwood (as it would become), the foundations could not be destroyed, even if the tower aboveground had been shattered apart.
     Going back to it's construction, the quarried stone may have come from the Plateau of Gorgoroth, or the Mountains of Shadow; difficulty in mining or transporting stone would have absolutely no consequence to Sauron, that's what expendable armies of orcs were for.  Art!

     Initially, construction took six hundred years.  I know, I know, stonemasons, hmmm?  The rebuilding of the tower in the Third Age would have been a lot quicker, as the component stones would have remained in that location, so they wouldn't need quarrying or transporting.  Plus, the foundations were still intact because so was the One Ring, which would save fifty years-worth of work at a guess.  Nor is Barad Dur's height a complication or restriction; I bet being a sky-crane isn't in the Nazgul's job description but if the Dark Lord gives them an order to be such, they'd do it.

      Given that orcs had nil regard for each other's lives, and they had the significance of ants to Sauron, one can only guess at how hazardous working conditions were.  If the Health & Safety Executive or Occupational Safety & Health Administration visited they'd close the whole thing down.

     The foundations eventually proved to be a bit of a cowboy job, as you will notice they give way without any shear stress or excess loading the very instant the One Ring is destroyed.  Quality control is clearly not a function that apprentice World Dictators take serious.  Art!

Ooops.

     

A Brave Man

If you recall, Peter The Average was indulging in his Buzz-Word Bingo speech earlier this week.  It turns out that Satanic Neo-Nazi biolabs were using genetically-engineered mosquitoes to build dirty bombs, or something.  Art!

Yes, those are noodles draped over his ear

     This is Mikhail Abdalkin, a deputy in the Ruffian parliament at Samara.  I can hear you quibble now: 'Why is draping pasta over your pinna brave and not silly?'

     Well, as you can see, he's watching Bloaty Gas Tout's speech.  And there is an Ruffian saying, 'Don't put noodles on my ears', which idiom translates into English as 'I can tell you're lying because your lips are moving".

     Misha, STAY AWAY FROM WINDOWS!

"Operator Starsky"

That's his Youtube vlogger name, his parents gave him the name 'Andrii'.

     This item is explicitly about the ongoing war in Ukraine, so you can skip it if you want.  Art!

     OS is fluent in English, and idiom, with a slight accent, he is a sergeant in the Ukrainian army and now works for their Press Office.  I've been following his blog for six months now.  At  no point has he ever mentioned the Battle of Hostomel.

     What was that?  Well, one of the pivotal battles of the war.  The Ruffians planned to carry out assault landings with helicopters, seize the airbase at Hostomel and then use their air-bridge to fly in armour and infantry and storm Kyiv.

   Enter OS and three companies of Ukrainians who were already on-site.  They only had 6 MANPAD systems, so they could only shoot down 6 of about 30 Ruffian troop-carrying helicopters.  That's the Ruffians 120 men short before they even land.  Art!

     Next, they cratered the runways with two howitzers they had.  Suddenly the air-bridge is no longer possible.  Ooops.  

     As I said, this bloke could be boasting about it on YT, and it takes another vlogger to get the tale out of him.

"The Sea Of Sand"

Sarah is worried that the bio-vores might land another trans-mat complex on Planet Earth, to which the Doctor explains that the gravity lens that allowed this has long since vanished.

Twenty Three: Death from above - and below

 Lord Excellency Sur was not given to admitting mistakes.  For one thing, that would make him vulnerable to potential challengers from below.  Secondly, he rarely, if indeed ever, made mistakes.

          Now, having had a dozen Warriors unsuccessfully try to smash the blue cuboid apart with granite hammers and glass hatchets, he felt a touch of ruefulness at having killed Icono so hurriedly.

          The object stood no taller than he did.  From the outside it was composed of “wood”, as the locals termed it.  The most obvious asset was the blue colouration.  

          Except that none of that was accurate.  None of it.  The wooden composition was fake, as was the colour; remote televisual monitoring showed the device in monochrome.  This blue cuboid had no apparent ingress point.  It’s mass had been calculated as being in the kilotonnes, an anachronism to the factor of five hundred.

          ‘Send it back home!’ blustered Sur, wondering what the device was, and how to exploit it’s presence on Homeworld.  Better get rid of it here, since the local aliens were pretty adept at making trouble with nothing in hand.

          The device was placed alongside a series of reports and outputs, then couriered back to Homeworld.

     Ooops.  Now what is the Doctor going to do?

O I See

Your Humble Scribe did the weekly shop last afternoon, and wouldn't you know it, no tomatoes at all at Morrisons.  Hooray!  I rarely eat them, occasionally as part of a sandwich and that's it.  There were only 3 cartons of eggs left, and the pricier ones at that.  I also bought A Cunning Gadget that I may fill you in on later.

Finally -

It's not raining today.  In fact the skies are blue and cloudless, but there's a chill wind, which is why my scuffing-about pants only came on after Edna's walk.  Of course - obviously! - the world and his wife were doing walkies.  Dog Buns sunshine.

Animaniax

I Am Using That Spelling -

To avoid any potential repercussions if Warner Bros find out about BOOJUM! and decide legal sanction is the only way.  I am not talking about their cartoon series, so there, but it does give me an 'in' and allow use of their likenesses.  Art!

Most of the cast

     You will, of course - obviously! - notice that Pinky and The Brain are missing.  I think this is because the studio got a Cease & Desist order from the Attorney General's office, citing concerns about being a bad influence on children; apparently aspiring to World Domination is not a good life-goal*.

     ANYWAY this is, in reality, another story of South Canadian manglement in action, taken from Quora and Original Poster Bruno Garcia.  He worked in a small animation studio with a team of very tight buddies (this is important) doing editing, sub-titling, animating and so forth.  Their boss, who was also the owner, was a typical bottomhole who had no idea what his employees actually did, just assumed that they were a bunch of slackers who were costing him money. Art!

Narf.

     So, in what he undoubtedly thought was a genius move, he informed them that, going forward, the company would not be paying fixed rates, but for each piece of work done.  Everyone sat down and the rates were worked out.

     Surprise!  The wage bill doubled.  Boss tried to backtrack but nobody was having it, this way they all benefited and, as was pointed out to him, he'd better learn to start planning better.  Art!

     Inevitably, being a Bottomhole Boss, his next move was hiring people on a fixed salary so he could lower his wage bill.  The animation team, being close (remember?) and of one mind, all walked out on him.  Doubtless the plan was to get the cheaper staff to shadow the originals, then fire the originals once the newbs were up to speed.  Not only did he end up with both feet in his mouth, he'd shot himself in them already.

     Ooops.

     BB had to beg and grovel to them to return and complete the projects they'd started, or he'd lose contracts that he had no way of fulfilling.  Having him over a barrel they got 2x their previous rates, then, when their projects were completed, walked out on him.

     Ooops again.

     Sixth months later BB's company was out of business.  There you go, from profit to bankruptcy in eight months.  Well done, BB!  Art?

How Not To Read The Room

We shall be skirting close to the poisoned edge of both Politics and Current Affairs, just with a bit of a BOOJUM! edge to both.

     You may be aware that Peter The Average made a signature speech yesteryon, in his Address To The Nation.  It was a two-hour rehash of guff he's brayed about before, and the audience realised it.

     You've heard of 'The Walking Dead'?  This lot were The Sitting Dead.  Art!

     You can clearly see several of these people have given up the will to live.  I wonder how many of them were playing 'Buzz-word Bingo' in their head?

Speaking Of Gin -

Don't quibble, someone somewhere will be talking about gin.

     Okay, Wonder Wifey went off to collect a parcel from the Collect + shop, and then popped into Bethesda church's 'Beehive' sale, and brought back the following for Conrad.  Art!

     This is a 'Ginfusion' jar, along with two small containers of - things.  One is flower petals and the other is an undetermined yet aged-looking berry, both contents of which are going in the bin.  I've already got flower-petal tea to work with, and tonight's the big shop, so I shall be collecting exotic fruits and spices to add to the jar.  The filter on top means that nothing ends up in your snifter.  Conrad, ever the epicurean**, has already sussed that citrus fruit and cardamoms are a suitable flavouring.

"Flamingo"

Conrad read about a character having an embarrassed face as pink as a flamingo recently, and of course - obviously! - because he is a pedantic hair-splitter of the very best kind, wondered where the word came from.  Art!

     Weird design.  Okay, the origin has it's roots in Portuguese, which in turn acquired the word from Provencal (thus French) and before that Latin <spit hack> and 'Flamma' meaning 'Flame' as well as the Germanic suffix '-Ing' meaning 'Descent from.'  You can see their point.  Art!

"The Sea Of Sand"

Our small band of intrepid human survivors have been trying to kit themselves out with lethal weaponry.  Which isn't hard, they're sitting on a supply dump.

‘He just doesn’t like death and killing, Roger.’

          The young officer eyed Sarah, wondering if she was pulling his leg.

          ‘Nor do I, especially as it might be me getting killed to death.’

          This nadir in the conversation ended when Tam came over to ask if the radio was still U/S?  Roger went off with the Geordie NCO to try, once again, to get in touch with a higher formation.

          Sarah climbed up alongside the Doctor.

          ‘Don’t sit in a brown study all day!  What ails you?’

Making a visible effort, her companion and mentor turned his gaze from the horizon, looking sombrely into her eyes.

          ‘I heard your comment about death and killing, Sarah.  It does pain me to resort to violence, all the more when it is so extreme.’

          ‘We don’t have a choice!’ retorted Sarah hotly.  ‘Those bio-vores will wipe us out and go on to infest the whole planet!’

          The Doctor said nothing, merely staring sadly at her.

          ‘Besides which, we still haven’t got a way to get your home-made bomb into the trans-mat site.  And it might not go off if we did get it there.  And there’s still the greedy monsters left on their homeworld, all ready to come back here.’

     Ah, yes, those are a few of the technical problems to hand.  Don't worry, the Doctor is on the case!

Ol' Tolky And Architecture

Rather than focus on enormous statuary or towers or excavations, allow me to pivot and point in quite the opposite direction, to The Shire, where there is a pronounced absence of such architecture.  Art!

     Typically, we see hobbit dwellings as being subterranean, although there are other structures out in the open air, such as mills and public houses.  There are no defensive walls around The Shire, nor forts or watchtowers, as they simply have no need of such constructions.  This is for a couple of reasons: for one, The Shire is perfectly happy existing within it's own borders, not interfering with any other races or territories, and yes they are a bit insular; for a second, it's existence is not well-known.  Even Sauron was unfamiliar with it.  A third reason is that the Rangers, or Dunedaín, are ever watchful upon it's borders, and anything remotely like a threat is gently encouraged to move elsewhere at the point of a sword.  Art!

     A fourth reason is that it's rather off the beaten track.  I challenge you do find it in the picture above.  And lastly, hobbits, much like Conrad, are mostly motivated about the contents of their larders rather than political trouble 'Down South'.

Finally -

I say, it's brightening up a little outside!  It was miserably wet and cold when Edna and I went walkies this morning.  Probably not a good idea to sit and read in the back yard, as hypothermia can be enervating.

*  None of this is remotely true.  Did I get you going, though?

 **  O, okay, greedy then.  There.  Happy now?