No, Really!

I Know What You're Thinking
 - but if they call them "The Palaces of Parliament" it would give the wrong image, because there are other proper palaces that our monarchy sit in, of equal Gothic splendour to those that our splendidly upright political representatives sit in.
     Oh?  That's not what you were thinking?

Splendid, eh?

     You were wondering if - what's that?  If sharks really are our friends?
     But of course they are!  What on earth made you question that fact?
     Oh.  Yes,  "Deep Blue Sea", a film that Conrad classifies as "Anti-shark porn".  Mutatis mutandis, let us consider this film from the shark's point of view.

C

      Note that I did not resort to that desperate Cro-Magnon Art there.
     Anyway!  'Deep Blue Sea'.  If I may recap the plot, there are three super-intelligent sharks that are being kept in captivity, experiencing horrid scientific experimentation upon their good selves, for the purposes of battling dementia amongst humans.

Demented human

    If this research can prevent the above photo from happening, nothing is too much!
    Unless, that is, you're a shark.
     Since these are super-intelligent sharks, one supposes that they have overheard the science staff talking about harvesting their sharky brains in order to come up with the Magic Mind Medicine.  Given that, do you honestly expect them to swim quietly in their giant fish tanks, awaiting the day when they can be chopped apart and pureed into a carcharodon cocktail?

Carcharodon't!

     "In a thrilling suspense ride, our heroes battle against the odds, physiology, hydrology and the horrors of super-science gone made, until <SPOILER ALERT!> they are finally thwarted at the very last hurdle in their bid for freedom."
     There you go, DBS from the shark point of view.
     I think it's time to push the motley out of the airlock in it's leaky suit into a decaying orbit!

Which?  Human or shark?

The Shark Is My Friend, Anyway
Conrad is known for several things: being hot stuff at solving Cryptic Crosswords; being an utter coward where tattoos, spiders and hypodermic syringes are concerned; able to bake a decent fruit cake if given enough warning.
     Also, as we have seen from the above, willing to go out on a limb to try and rehabilitate the shark's reputation in the world at large.  To wit - Art?

Conrad, pens, and SHARK PENDANT!

     As you can see, I am over the moon at finally getting my shark pendant as designed and made by Darling Daughter.  I shall probably post a close-up of the rascal, which is a representation of Carcharodon Carcharias, whom you might know better as the Great White Shark.

My!  Aren't we having fun today, and the safety-wheels aren't even off yet.  Let us continue with the spirited high jinks.


Useful For Depression And Thermonuclear Warheads
Lithium, the versatile element!  The question came up in our Pub Quiz of last week: what is the atomic number of Lithium?
     Three, for your information.  Conrad had to sit and think his way through the beginning of the Periodic Table, mind you, it didn't leap to my tongue unbidden.
     "Hydrogen, Helium, LITHIUM, Boron -"

And also for -

     - it's also essential in LITHIUM-WAFER BATTERY DESIGN!  Kind of obvious, that.


Another Pub Quiz Question
'In the "Pink Panther" film, what was the Pink Panther?
     Here an aside.  The 'Pink Panther' cartoon (original series only) was very amusing indeed, bookending the titular feline with The Inspector, who was an utter dolt with a cool accordion theme.  Art?

A winning partnership

     Far, far funnier than the films, in my opinion, which is the only one that matters, especially when I take over and impose my ineluctable* will upon you all.
     Anyway - another answer that is correct but which the quizmaster wouldn't have given a point for was the answer "an SAS Landrover".  Art?

Thus

     This was not a design flaw, paint mistake or desire to blend in with the Grooveh Sixties (when they were first deployed).  Being painted a muted shade of pink happens to help them blend in fantastically well in the desert, to the extent that people will suddenly cease living thanks to big bullet holes appearing in them, whilst they wonder "Gosh!  Who or what on earth is shooting at me?"
     Oh, the 'correct' answer to the question?
     "A precision-cut piece of allotropic carbon."

Or, a diamond

     Hmmm.  Rather dull, really.  I suppose you can cut glass with it, or wear it, but you can't go tear-arsing across the sandy wastes, brassing the crap out of the bad guys with it, can you?


And with that, we are at count.  Later, humans fellow humans!



*  "Unavoidable"

Suns of The Desert

I Know What You're Thinking -
 - which has nothing at all to do with the mysterious theft of a 'Prototype Cerebral Interpretation Helmet' from DARPA.  You are thinking that the old fool has finally lost the plot, failed to follow his spellchecker's recommendation and has mis-spelled "Sons of the Desert".
     Not a bit of it!

Close enough.

          For those of you who are not familiar with the ouevre of silent/black and white film comedies, I should explain that "Sons of the Desert" is a Laurel and Hardy film, regarded by fans as one of their best.  It is also the name of an international secret paramilitary organisation that defends - no, hang on, that's U.N.I.T isn't it?  I mean, an international organisation of fans who cherish the L & H legacy, organised into chapters named "tents".

Proof I speak troof.
Charley Chase?  Later.

     That they do not take themselves especially seriously is proven by the motto suggested by Stan Laurel*: 'Two minds without a single thought'.
     "Okay, thanks for telling us what this is not about, Conrad.  What is it about?" I hear you thinking saying.
     Star Wars.
     Bear with me on this, it takes a bit of developing.  When the films shifts to Tatooine and the hum-drum farming life of Luke Skywalker, you get the sense that this could be a film shot on location in Omaha or Arizona - until that great shot showing two suns in the sky.  Art?

See?  Suns of the desert

     This is a real "We're not in Kansas anymore" moment, and it definitely brings home the message that this is not Earth, nor anywhere near it.
     Okay, time to let the motley out of the cupboard and proceed with today's dose of daft!

Charley Chase
In case you're curious, and even if you're not, I thought I'd bring up an image of Charley Chase, he who gets second-billing on that L&H poster.  Art?

Well!

     Frankly, he looks like an utter cad and a complete bounder, and if he comes to dinner I'd count the silver cutlery afterwards.  Then change your locks.

You What?
Conrad read with some puzzlement a sidebar article on the Beeb's website, under the title "Is the Snapchat party over?".  Art?

No ghosts?

     Firstly, this is a lazy journalistic trick, because if they'd done their research properly then they ought to be able to tell you, definitively or with a high degree of probability, whether the Snapchat party is over or not.  
     Furthermore, Conrad has no idea what Snapchat is, nor who the supposed celebritute Kylie Jenner is**, who failed to significantly endorse it.  Another wretched social media platform, probably, where people post photos of what they had for lunch, or what they're having for tea, that sort of pointless time-wasting internet babbling.

With No Sense Of Irony -
I had a bash at baking a gluten-free cake this afternoon, which might well end up being taken to Darling Daughter's later this evening, for we are on a visit today.  Sticky Date, Rum and Caramel Cake, and if Art will leave off gnawing his bone -

     The Caramel bit comes after, when a layer of creme de leche gets added onto the warm cake.  Perhaps I ought to take some into work for Teacher, as it always pays to keep one's bosses sweet - literally.

Evil Roots
As far as Conrad is concerned, this means parsnips, or, as I like to call them, The Devil's Carrots.
     However!  For those with a better background in Bible than I, evil derives from Timothy 6:10's saying: "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil", and indeed, one of the Comments on BOOJUM! pulled me up about not getting the quote correct.

Parsnips.  Still evil.

   Well, Conrad was wondering, because the Bible's aphorism clearly derives from A Very Long Time Ago, when money usually came in the form of coins or ingots.  Art?

At left: man being devoured by cannibal cyborg helmet

     Nowadays, we use physical money considerably less often than even ten years ago.  I can obtain a digital bus pass for travel, pay for a coffee in the Dark Tower with my debit card, have wages paid into an account that is detailed via an electronic payslip, and count my ill-gotten gains with an on-line bank account.  
     Given that our notion of money is now mostly rendered via ones and zeroes, where does that leave evil?  Can you get avaricious about a series of numbers on a monitor screen?
     I shall leave you with that to ponder on!

Oh, and there may not be a second post today.  As I said, your modest artisan is off visiting this evening.  We shall see.


*  From Perfidious Albion, actually.
**  No time to Google, Conrad is on a tight schedule today