It's Jean-Luc Picard - Being Dead Hard!

Yes, It Did Happen Occasionally
In the episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" that some wags dubbed "Enterprise Mine"*, and which I can't be bothered to look up on Google or Wiki, JLP took it upon himself to single-handedly prevent some Whoosits from carrying out Whatsit by pirating off with the starship.  Not only that, the Enterprise was being scoured by lethal radiation in order to kill off Space Weevils.  Or something.

JLP and his improvised crossbow

     So JLP had to defeat the space pirates and avoid being fried from the inside out like a marshmallow in the microwave.  I don't think it's any great spoiler to say that he managed both.
     Then there's also "First Contact", which is undeniably the best of the STTNG films and one of my favourite Star Trek films bar none.  Catch the normally pacific and conciliatory Picard blasting a couple of Borg into dog food - 

This man means business!

     That's a 1928 Cutts Compensator Thompson M1 with a fifty-round drum magazine, FYI, and that's not the expression of a man you want to get on the wrong side of.

Okay, I think the motley can begin.  I'm still using up stuff I wrote up yesterday, without getting to Saturday's scrivel yet.  Given the amount of things to post I could - only could, I shan't move onto will! - post three entries today.

The Pub Quiz
This occurred on Thursday, for your information.  I  know, I know, I am rather slow but I do have a life outside BOOJUM! thanks very much.  Anyway, there are four points.
     1)  Answer = "Anny Ondra".  The quizmaster asked who this Czech-born actress who had been the wife of Max Schmelling** was.  NOBODY got the answer.

Anny & Max

     This is the poster child for OBSCURE.
     2)  Answer = "Go".  The question was about a word meaning to move or a board game.  Conrad, and you already knew this, didn't you? has the game and has played it a few times.

Go now

     For a simple grid and basic rules, it is a very complicated game.  Damon Knight, the sci-fi author, postulated a 3D version, which would be mind-bogglingly complex.  "makes 3D chess look like a game for simpletons," said the 22nd Century "Games Review.
     3) Answer =  Crimson.  The colour of the Victoria Cross ribbon.  I got it wrong <hangs head in shame>
     4) Answer = Chalons.  Question was which battle ended the succcessful campaigns of Atilla the Hun in 451 AD, his opponents being the Romans and Visogoths.
     I got the answer for this one, which I preened over for a bit.  Not for long, we still lost.

W.o.E?
This is the official abbreviation at the blog for "What on Earth?" which I think you'll agree is a whole lot Safer For Work than some of the other acronymic expostulations***.

Shades of "The Goodies"

     This particular vehicle graced the atrium at the Electric Goldfish Bowl on Friday, and I never found out what it was for.  We didn't receive any e-mail notifications about it, so you may get together in the corner and come up with an explanation yourselves.

"The Australian Victories In France 1918" By General John Monash
I love this volume on two levels.  Firstly, it is written by an educated man in the language of 95 years ago, and Monash doesn't salt his work with quotations in French, Latin or Greek, which some authors with pretensions do, and which the insufferably pretentious don't bother to translate.  Er - I confess also to reading passages aloud in a hokey Received English Shakespearean accent, which - if you are unfortunate - I might even record and post here^.
     The second reason is that he makes clear the complex and detailed planning, knowledge, liaison, forecasting and preparation that goes with commanding a force of 5 divisions - the Australian Corps.  Reading this is splendid corrective to the woeful "Lions led by donkeys" approach to the First Unpleasantness. As examples I shall provide details that Monash mentions in regards planning and execution.
     First of all, the 17th Armoured Car Battalion.  This was a force of Austin armoured cars - ART! stop chewing coal and get working!

The beast in question.  Go to the head of the traffic jam!

     During the Battle of Amiens, twelve of these 5-ton monsters got well behind the Germans lines, after being towed over broken ground by tanks.  Twelve armoured cars amounts to thirty six men with twenty four machine guns, who caused utter havoc amongst the rearward German formations, headquarters and supply columns.  Their commanding officer came from the cavalry, who - then and after - were criticised for being too fond of "harooshing".  In this instance the Arme Blanche seems to have harooshed with particularly deadly effect.

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                                                             Ha!  Conrad broke the internet!

     Then we have the Australian artillery.  Monash makes the point that the German artillery didn't have to be blown to bits entirely for it to be rendered ineffective - having their gunners hiding from a shrapnel barrage or blinded by combined gas and smoke was just as effective and a lot easier to manage.  The perfidious Ozzies also took verrrrry close notice of where German artillery moved to before the battle, and continued to pound the old positions, so as not to give away the fact that they knew where the guns really were.  Come the day of battle itself, the newly repositioned German guns were treated to a horribly unexpected bombardment.

About to make Herman rueful

     Then there is mention made of maps and mapping.  This is a vital, if rarely mentioned, factor in battles.  The Australian cartography, lithography and topography experts helped to create and run off tens of thousands of maps for the use of the infantry.  Knowing how to get there, after all, is important if you have to set off from here.
     Monash also describes the importance of aerial photography.  Whilst Biggles was throwing his "bus" around the sky in desperate combat with the bally Hun, the recconnaisance aircraft were taking countless photographs of the German lines, which were then distributed all the way down the chain of command.

Our dashing young aviator

     I do apologise for inflicting another condensed degree thesis, but we're nearly done^^!

     Supply tanks - 

As it says on the tin -

these were either obsolete Mks of tanks stripped of guns (as above), or Birch Gun Carriers dedicated to supplies.  Either way Monash states that he reckoned each tank was worth 200 men in terms of the ability to haul supplies.  Not only that, when empty for the return journey they would carry the wounded back.

Like these, except 60 years earlier.

Well gosh - 1200 words and nowhere near all done. I wonder - should I do a third post tonight ...


* After "Enemy Mine" the sci-fi fillum
** No sniggering at the back!
*** "Swearing" - translation courtesy Mister Hand
^ That'll teach you!
^^ For today.  

Walter Koenig As Bester - Do Not Pester!

Ah Yes, Babylon 5
Conrad loved this series as it was the diametric opposite of "Star Trek: The Next Generation".  In STTNG everybody got on with everybody else, even the Klingons and Romulans didn't make waves, there was no poverty or drugs or unemployment, it was simply a lovey-dovey universe.  All a bit sickly, frankly.
     In B5, however, there most definitely were drugs, and crime and unemployment and war and evil aliens - much more dramatic!  Instead of Captain Picard worrying about the Enterprise's radish crop*, you had Commander Sinclair worrying about the destruction of the previous 4 Babylon stations, smuggling, politics, interstellar war and - the sinister black-clad Psi-Corps.

Named after the sci-fi author

     And one of the more sinister Psi-Corp Psi-Cops was Bester, untrustworthy and double-dealing but an ally of B5 because they had a common enemy.  A MUCH more complex character than loveable old Checkov.

I've Got A Lot To Say^
You know Conrad, never at a loss for a bit of nonsense, or even a lot of nonsense.  Since you are a skeptical lot I realise you need proof of this:

This was yesterday.  There's even more today

     The trouble is, the old intellect never stops working.  I've even had bits of dreams used for posts, it's that bad.  Or good.  Your view may vary.

The Day Begins -
For Conrad, with breakfast, thus:

Giant cup of tea, scrambled egg on toast and a couple of Danish

     I know what you're thinking: "Where is the real Conrad and what have you done with him!  There's no -"

Ice Cream

     Just to reassure you.


Poirot - "Triangle on Rhodes"
I did bang on about this rather, and how complicated it must be filming a period drama on location abroad where the natives might - or might not - speak English.  Rhodes being a popular tourist destination they might - or might not - be familiar with our language.  I liked how the Poirot theme was played on a hammer dulcimer throughout.

The instrument in question

     Rather bravely, I thought, the production team emphasised that in 1935 the island was part of the Fascist Italian overseas empire, and you had plenty of strutting little tin Duces.  One wonders what the more elderly locals thought of this!
     Then we get down the mystery itself.  HOW on earth do we, the viewer, deduce that

CAUTION! SPOILERS WITH GREAT BIG TEETH AHEAD!

Commander Chantry and Mrs Gold had been having an affair, as there is not a hint of this on screen?  Also, Mrs Chantry and Mr Gold had been hitting it off in major flirty style, and we know this BECAUSE WE SEE IT! So don't have Poirot believe nothing naughty happened.  Then, too, how did the murderer know 1) About the snake venom poison and 2)  Where to get it?

Speaking of hammers - a couple of the cast getting there -

     What about Major Marsh?  Who or what was he supposed to be?  An idiot?  An idiot abroad? An officer of MI6 pretending to be an idiot abroad?
     As you can tell, I really enjoyed it.  Shouting at the television screen is one of the happiest ways to spend one's hours, non?

The Casual Treachery Of A Sunny Friday Morning
I took this photo as evidence of how utterly unscrupulous the weather here in the UK can be:

A glorious cobalt vault.
Is that poetic?  I do apologise!

     By lunchtime it was raining and Alex got drenched on her way back from the Arndale centre.  The treachery of the weather continued and it's treachery went round the corner and came back round the block and we ended up with skies like this:

The same photo.  I'm allowed.
(Poetic licence)

Coincidence Part 1
Yesterday I included a post about Matthew Wright, whose attitude towards pop music and pop artists ("ego-crazed talentless nerds"**) really hit the spot, and allowed me to post a photo of a Pink Floyd album cover.
     Now, consider that Pink Floyd are not headline news, they don't court the media and never have, in fact Nick Mason has stated that they hated press conferences.  What's on the BBC website that evening?

The left hand side - NOT the cricket story.
"Man alseep in car" is news?  Must be a slow week.

     That's not all, though.  What do I see in the opening pages of "Empire"?  Why, an article on Pink Floyd's Roger Waters and the upcoming film he's making about The Wall.
     
You What?
Once again the Twits are pushing - actually I'm not sure exactly what they are pushing.  I shall let the picture tell at least nine-hundred and ninety-nine words:

Conrad is baffled.

     Dear Twitter Idiots, I think you'll find that I use THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE when in conversations with other people.  
     Get out of here with your "Shstrchssr" whatnot!


Well I've got a lot of stuff left over and we're already over 800 words so it shall just have to come later^^.



* A genuine plot point
** What a word portrait.  Sheer poetry!***
*** Sorry
^ This is not padding!  I took that photo, I am Dog Buns! well going to use it!
^^ Don't cry, it's not dignified

I Say Scotty, You Look A Bit Grotty!

Well He Does!

I think this is mostly because what was in the bottle is now in Mister Scott, and, hardened drinker and possessor of an iron liver, copper stomach and iridium kidneys, even he might fall foul of - SIRIAN BRANDY*!

Superglue?  Or sinful bottle love?  Only you can tell!

     I think it was this terrifying stuff he used to render evil, awful and somewhat naieve aliens unconscious.  Let's face it, if it can immobilise a shapeshifting alien superfiend, what chance has a human?

     Although he was fine the next day without a trace of hangover.

The Metro - A Glorious Target Again!

Yes, I am back in work today, so you only get one post.  Whether this is a good or bad thing is a matter of perspective -

     Actually, no, it's a bad thing as it means lower traffic for BOOJUM!

     Anyway, there I was perusing tomorrow's fish-and-chip wrapper when I caught sight of this perfectly appalling picture:

 

Dammit, Art, NO!  John Peel vouched for her.
So, reluctantly, she is hand's off.

     <short pause as the Tazer is brought out and used, to the sound of shrieking>

     - this perfectly appalling picture -

A penguin.
A PENGUIN!

     So far we've had cats, dogs, sloths, orang-utangs and now penguins.

     When - when, I say, with a catch in my voice - will we ever see a weasel feature in an advert**?

     Moving swiftly on, as I have been on the late shift and it's already nearly 8 p.m., I looked at "60 Seconds" and Matthew  Wright.  Never heard of him - yet what's this?  He hosting the Progressive Music Awards.  I like him already.  What does he say about Prog? 

     "It's music for people who are interested in more than monotonous dance beats and anorexic type people who appear on Saturday night TV all year round.  So if you don't like that, you might like prog.  It's slightly more complicated music for slightly more complicated people."

     I thoroughly like this chap!  In fact I'm going to post bits of his interview on the blog, because I can, and it would annoy the Metro if they ever found out.

     Which gives Conrad - a big fan of prog - an excuse to post a Pink Floyd album cover.

I used to think this was a weird glass engine.

Premier League Football On Television

"WHAT?" I can hear you shriek.  "Take away this alien shapeshifter that has taken over from Conrad this human being that has taken over from Conrad!"

     Don't panic, I merely happened to be watching one of the screens at The Halfway House last night before the Pub Quiz started, noticing a few things about the match being played.

The Germans call it a "Fussball", and, so you know, they're absolutely right

     1)  There are electronic display hoardings that run the entire circumference of the pitch.  They alter their advertising display*** every few seconds.  They are extremely distracting, except apparently to the club accountants, who find that the £££ generated helps keep eyes on the ball.

     2)  The ball was a girly bubblegum pink in colour.

     Really, I know they try to broaden the demographic appeal, but how many teenaged girls are going to - and then the penny dropped when they stopped kicking the ball.  It's a white ball with red patches on - doubtless an advertising marque that the accountants insisted on - and when in motion the optical illusion granted by speed turns it pink.

     3)  The team playing in a green strip vanished against the background of the pitch, which was the same shade of green.  Surely this gives them an advantage?  "There he goes, chasing the long ball, a lovely bit of footwork there - oh - something invisible's tripped him up."

     4)   In fact the colour scheme reminded me of something.  I have no idea who the two teams playing were, but - one was in green, one was in red, the goalies were in purple and the referee was in orange.

     What does this - HA! GOT IT!

The evidence!

     THE PREMIER LEAGUE IS SPONSORED BY STARBURST! 

     You know it makes sense.

Edna's Favourite Game

This is one I can play downstairs when dogsitting, or even reading at the kitchen table, but not really whilst working at my computer.

     I class all the toys she has in this activity as playing "Tuggy Bone".  As you can see I'm using my right hand, which prevents typing anything, so she gets short shrift when BOOJUM! is being created.  Downstairs on the sofa she gets longer shrift but she will continue for up to twenty minutes, by which time this decrepit old man's arm is aching.

And there we have hit the word count for tonight after only 30 minutes.  I sketched all this out in my notebook as I have yet to do the weekly shop at Morrisons, and they shut at 10, and I don't get the car till 8:45^.

 *From Sirius, the solar system, not Syria, the country

** The "Tufty Club" doesn't count

*** Cruelly without weasels

^ O! the woes of a blogger.  I've not had any tea yet, either.