Conrad Feeling Pretty Smug

- Also Still Somewhat Hacky
Which we won't go into detail about.  Okay, only a little.  I'm definitely not suffering from coronavirus as one of the symptoms is a "dry cough", whereas my slime-lined lungs generate enough phlegm that it sounds as if I'm gargling with glue when I cough.  On the more positive side of this, if Edna hears me attempting to expel my lungs, she comes over to sit on my lap and lick my face, to cheer me up.

"Does I get menshun?"

      Yes, Edna, you did.  Okay!  Why am I feeling pretty smug?  Because I've been annoyed that I couldn't identify a bus poster, since this poster is only on the right-hand side of the bus, and thus I only see it for a second or so as the bus heads downhill past my window.  The bit I saw had "Join Our Congregation", which is completely useless when trying to Google for an answer.
     However, about 10 minutes ago I saw that same bus go by, and I looked to the right-hand part of the poster and saw "NOW TV".  This was the vital clue.  Art?

Thus

     As Your Humble Scribe guessed, this is a satirical look at those South Canadian televangelists who manage to make mounds of money, and who pray.  Those who have faith might want to avoid, or it might be worth watching to see how accurate it is.  I leave the decision to you.
     Right, more of Edna.  If you don't like dogs or Border Terriers, you can move on*.  
     First of all, Your Humble Scribe was feeling sufficiently peckish this morning that he made some toast, rather than settling for a packet of Pom Bears, for breakfast.  This naturally interested certain parties, to wit:

The toast

     

The interested party

     Of course she didn't get any toast.  Not one crumb.  That's how strict I am.
     The weather today was deceptively sunny, so we went out for a toddle in the afternoon, when we bumped into the "Greenfingers" landscaping chap, who also has a Border Terrier he takes with him.

Edna, actively sniffing
(She does this a lot)

     He gathered his dog in his arms, as Madam can be very aggressive with dogs she doesn't know, but she only barked once and otherwise had a good sniff.  Then, on our way back down the other side of Tandle Hill Road, another chap crosses the road to say hello, as he has a 10 year-old Border Terrier.  Edna, of course, fawns on him.  He explained that his dog is on gluten-free dog food (Conrad unaware this was a thing) because she has stomach problems, so I mentioned "Rawesome Pets", who retail only fresh food for dogs, all various bits of animals, offal and stuff like that.
     I wish I'd taken my gloves, though: it was cold out there.
     Motley!  Shall we try that extreme sport of diving into frozen-over ponds and lakes?  Get out the goosefat!

Coatesville High School Scandal
I mentioned this in passing yesterday.  The background page I reserved has vanished, so I'm not sure I can do the story justice.  Aha!  Just found the link again.  Okay, the principal villains are the school's principal, Richard Como; the athletics coach, James Donato; and, for extra spice, their School Board's solicitor, James Ellson.
     Richard was up for 51 felonies, including that of setting up an illegal slush fund to help purchase things he should not have, as well as nepotistically hiring unqualified friends, family and ex-students to work at the school.  Art?

Oozing sincerity, hmmm?

     Without spending a whole day tracking down results, it looks like Ol' Dick got himself some years of prison time, until he was released on appeal.
     As for Ol' Jim -

I wonder what's going through his mind?

     He got hit with 136 felony charges, including siphoning off money to pay for his cars and gambling habit.  Though, since he was a first-time offender and paid back £10,000, he only got a few months in prison
     Ah, that slimey lawyer?  He and his law firm agreed to pay back £300,000 that they had wilfully over-charged the School Board, on the grounds that there was no discussion of the case in the media and no admitting guilt.

Ellison, whistling.

     This character has been investigated for all sorts of shady deals, and the law firm he was working for had to cough up £180,000 in a wrongful dismissal case they supplied legal advice for.
     Fascinating, if rather depressing stuff!

Vicarious Schadenfreude
Sounds like an instrumental track by Future Sound Of London, doesn't it?  Well it isn't.
     What I refer to, of course, are the Comments on the BBC's sports pages.  Rather than being a 'Have Your Say', these usually turn out to be torrents of invective, and here is the case in point.  Art?

Apologies for the synchrony bars

     Yes, 1,478 Comments, in a matter of hours.  I did scroll through umpteen pages of them, rather than the whole thing - it would have taken hours - and they are, by and large, all gloating that Chelsea beat Liverpool.  The infrequent Liverpool fans who turned up claimed that the FA Cup is only a minor trophy (it may be, Conrad has no idea), and they didn't want to win it anyway, and my dad is bigger than your dad.  
     For the record, there was another, separate page about this that they'd opened Comments on, and that had over 600 pages on.  Some people have entirely too much time on their hands. 

Conrad's attitude to the ballfoot game

Finally -
I only need about a hundred words to hit the Compositional Ton, so I think I shall now impress you with both my crossword and natural world skills.  The clue was "Wild kids grow into these (6)" and of course I was thinking about feral children, pscyho children, evil children, children raised without knowledge of interpersonal space - all that sort of stuff.  Of course the answer was - 

"Ibexes"

     The Ibex being a species of wild goat, and the young of goats are called kids.
     Thank you for the modest applause.






*  Though we will know who you are.  O yes.

Still Feeling Ruff

At One Point I Was Busy Hacking My Lungs Out
 - and Edna came over to sit on my lap and try to console me with a bit of face-licking.  Ten out of ten for effort, Edna, and five out of ten for the face-licking; Conrad not a fan of dogs slobbering over his face.
     Anyway, I am quite glad that I'm ill whilst being off work, dog-sitting.  Feeling this ill and having to be in the office for 08:00, having to be bright and cheerful and sound comprehensible on the phone - no thanks.
     At the moment I an listening to the "We Have Ways" podcast, featuring special guest Professor Dan Todman, who is a military historian.  I've read his excellent "The First World War: Myth And Memory",though I'm not sure if I actually have a copy.  I shall need to check my Military Book Barn list and see whether it's listed there.  Art?

An excellent read indeed.

     Dan has just had published his second work on Britain in the Second Unpleasantness, which Jim and Al are discussing.  At the moment they are going over British shipping, which was absolutely crucial to merely sustain the war effort, let alone gain victory.  Jim points out that with the convoy system, rather than a string of ships arriving in Liverpool, for example, 42 arrive all at once.  How do you cope with that?  How do you ensure that specialised refrigeration ships are available to carry meat from the Antipodes to This Sceptred Isle?  How do you plan for the liberation of Europe when you can't be certain how many of a convoy's ships will arrive and what cargoes go to the bottom?

The evocative cover of Dan's second volume.

       Now they're going on about how South Canada and Perfidious Albion negotiated, and where the give-and-take was, and how both sides deliberately played the other, which is something you expect from Perfidious Albion because - it's in the name.  Ah! And Dan has just mentioned David Edgerton, whose seminal and very interesting work has a direct bearing on all that's been mentioned so far.

Definitely recommended reading

     Motley, shall we get on our pogo-sticks and make like fleas?

'Threadbanger Versus The Liars'
Or, 'Another Person Busting "5 Minute Crafts" For Specious Duplicity'.  I should point out once again that 5MC are not out to show you how to do something useful or practical; they are out to get clickbait and make money and lie and fake repeatedly to that end.
     Here's how Rob deals with one of their 'life-hacks' that supposedly allows you to brush all the loose fur off your pets.  Art?

It's not that clear -

      - in this shot of "fur" that's come from a cat being stroked (please note it was a black cat).  In fact these are some feathers.  The lies begin!  Right, let's see Rob duplicate their rubber glove-and-hot glue Pet Stroker.  Art?

Daintily dotted

     Rob then selected a - hopefully docile and well-mannered - cat and commenced to stroke it with the glove.  Art?

     The cat enjoyed it's strokey massage.  Not one hair was liberated by the glove, and all the dotted glue pieces fell off when Rob took them off.  So not only was it useless, it can only be done once.   Conrad is angry!
     Bah!

I Did Not Expect That
As you should surely know by now, Your Humble Scribe is binge-watching "Limitless", the television series that followed on from the film.  I haven't yet said that I like the music to it, which is composed by one Paul Leonard Morgan.
     Surprise!  He's a Scottish composer from Glasgow, with a string of impressive achievements.  For one thing, the South Canadians asked him to compose a new Olympic anthem for them.

O, man up you whinging snowflakes!

     He did the soundtrack for the film "Limitless" and has scored both television programs and video games, so a talented all-rounder.  He also did the soundtrack for 2012's "Dredd", which immediately got me on-side and then some as you know I'm a big fan.  A chap to watch for the future.

Ask/Reddit
Conrad has to treat these Youtube channels with caution, as it's ridiculously easy to while away an hour listening to some entertaining and also horrifying theme.  One question asked was "Have you ever been somewhere that didn't feel right, and were proved correct?"
     Well, one respondent brought up the South Canadian burgh of Coatesville, which they said seemed very shifty as they passed through it.  Art?

Coatesville

     It's one of the poorest cities in Pennsylvania, which  overwhelmingly relied on the Lukens steel works for employment.  When the plant closed down, the town's fortunes took a nose dive and anyone who was able to moved out.
     There was also a huge simmering financial scandal about one of the high schools, which is far too juicy to be wasted on a couple of sentences here.  We will be back with that one in the near future!
     Conrad is of the opinion that whoever was driving through was seeing the poorest districts of the poorest city.
     Another respondent told of walking into a Chinese restaurant, where the atmosphere was very strained, although nothing was obviously awry.  Their waiter came to their table, gave them fifty pounds and asked them to leave immediately.  They did, and saw in next day's paper that there had been a battle shortly after, with four people being stabbed. Apparently considerate Chinese gangsters don't like to get bystanders involved in their feuds.

Like this but with meat cleavers.

Finally -
Tomorrow is Thursday and I believe Rosie and Phil are back up from London, so I assume they will be heading for Pub Quiz.
     Your Humble Scribe dares not join them.  The last time I did this, Edna made such a howling fuss while I was gone that the next-door neighbours rang Wonder Wifey - who was off on her cruise - if there was anything wrong.  Conrad got told off.

     And with that we are done!

Badger's Bottom, Say Hello

I Will Probably Have To Explicate That
Since, if you are one of those benighted people who do not hail from the shores of This Sceptred Isle, you may not be familiar with the saying "As rough as a badger's bottom", although the term used for "Bottom" is a little more vulgar.  It means to be in an unfit state, the worse for wear and generally under the weather.

A badger

     This is how Your Humble Scribe is feeling, as he is full of a cold and feels utterly zonked.  Edna's morning walk absolutely washed me -
     What's that?  Why is the posterior of a badger considered to be the epitomy of a gritty consistency?  I have no idea, and my Brewers is upstairs.  Hang on <grits teeth and resorts to Google>  nope, not much there, either.  You'd expect it so be something along the lines of "Rough as shed shark's skin" because you can actually use shark's skin as a crude sandpaper.

Shark skin

     How about "Rough as a shark's bark", which would be hilariously ironic and post-modern (I use that phrase without having the slightest idea of what it means, since nobody else does, either) because of course sharks don't bark, not even dogfish.  Unless - unless we're talking about metaphorical "Bark" as in the bark of a tree, which is the outer epidermis of our leafy friends -
     Sorry, where was I?
     O yes.  Trying to glean some sympathy for feeling mildly ill.  After all, there is nothing more pathetic on this planet than a man with a minor illness.
     Motley!  Motley!  I need a litre of chicken soup, quick as you can, along with ten rounds of toast, dumplings, a pot of Darjeeling and a punnet of strawberries.

A Dumpling.  Just so we're clear

More Of Food
I now have a new phone, which was supplied with a micro-SD card, whatever that is, but no SIM card.  I suspect they put the MSD card in by mistake, when it ought to have been the SIM*.  Regardless, I now have the ability to take and post photographs, which I can demonstrate right now.  Art?

      So, these are only 6 months past their BBE date, and as you can clearly see, they aren't rotten or mouldy so I shall be eating them in the near future.  How remarkable it is to find long-forgotten food at the back of the cupboard!
     CAUTION!  Do not try this at home.  Conrad has a nuclear-powered induction furnace for a stomach; you do not.
     Also, I have made an Italian Pork and Lamb Stew, from the "Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Recipe Book".  Art?

In prep

     It looked rather underwhelming in terms of size when in the slow cooker.  Well, that transpires because it's a freaking enormous pot, and the amount of food that came out would feed four people, or two greedy ones.  And maybe one-and-a-half Conrads.

One For Those Abroad
Edna is cast upon my tender mercies, which variously involve feeding her, walking her, chasing her and her ball, and being the Fifth Sleeping Place in the lower house.  She is currently asleep on the dog bed out in the hallway, where I make a point of giving her a stroke every time I pass her.  Just in case she's feeling any canine angst.  Art?

Subtly different from yesterday

     This position is known as "Trapped By Dog" and means that the human being used as a cushion cannot move.  Apparently this is one of the highest honours it is possible to pay a member of Hom. Sap.  According to the dogs, anyway.

Back To Threadbanger
If you have been up to speed on things then you will recall Conrad mentioning this channel and their debunking some of the visual spew that "5 Minute Crafts" puts out.  However, I didn't have the capacity to take explanatory photographs.  Until now. 

The supposed finished product

      Let me be clear here; the intent of 5MC is not to create anything workable, but merely to make their videos go viral, because that's how they make their money.  Let's look at the utter mess Rob got into trying to copy their instructions.  Art?

A disaster

     This shows the zip coming unstuck, as hot-glue isn't strong enough to adhere it to the plastic.  This is quite apart from the zip not working at a 90 degree corner, of which there are two.  Finally, the supposed 'finished product' is completely different from the one that they would have you build.  Art?

      Neither Rob nor Conrad were impressed.
     Bah!

Back To Book Bucket List
Don't look around nervously like that, we are getting towards the end, I promise.  Only another twenty or so to go**!  Art?
"The Forever War" By Joe Haldeman

Military sci-fi?  Of course I've read it!

      It is variety of space-opera, humanity being at war with the alien Taurans across huge stretches of interstellar space.  Travel between stars is via "Collapsars" that permit instantaneous travel over astronomical distances, with the (very large) proviso that relatavistic and time dilation effects mean two years travel away from the Solar System ends up being 27 years back on Earth.  Mandella, our protagonist and hero, ends up surviving to the war's end - otherwise you wouldn't have a novel - and the background and setting is realistically bleak, Haldeman having been a tank crewman in Vietnam.  So he knows how dehumanising war can be.
     Now, I'm not sure I've still got a copy of the novel, but I do have the three trade paperback comics inked by Marvano.  Art?
                        

     Go me!

Finally -
I am still watching "Limitless" and am now up to Episode 8.  I know that it wasn't renewed after the initial season of 22 episodes, and am okay with that.  I don't think you could have kept the initial concept of a man enhanced by neurotropics beyond one season.  And there is always that nagging feeling that the television suits were very, very uncomfortable with a show where the lead character is only awesome when he's on drugs.

"NZT - is it inherently good?  Inherently bad?  And where can I get some?"

*  MSDs are for data storage, apparently.  So now we all know. 
**  I haven't been counting but we are a lot closer to the end than that.  You may rejoice quietly.