Spring In A Leap Year

Or, Four Seasons In One Day
Maybe five.  It started off with snow this morning, followed by sun, followed by snow, followed by sun, followed by sleet, then it was overcast, then we had hail, more sun, more hail, more sun - it's very confusing.  I tempt Fate by asserting that at least we've not had any gale force winds.  Oh, and there you go - hailstorming again.
    Normally I'd take a photograph for proof.  However, my new phone only arrived just over an hour ago, and the first thing I did was take Edna for a walk, since she'd missed her morning gallivant (this may get me into trouble with Wonder Wifey) as I'd needed to stay in.  It's currently charging up.  I then have to work out how to use it.  Art?

It's a phone.

     Then I need to sort out what the kids on the streets call "Gapps", which is where you make spaces for various bits of software.  Right?
     If I were WW she'd be cooing with delight over all this shizzle.  Me?  A rather dreary chore.  I used my old Galaxy J3 to take pictures, Shazam songs I was interested in, and bought my e-bus tickets with.  Or, occasionally, text people.  I rang my Pub Quiz partners with it once a week and that was about it.

Portrait of a techno-Luddite

     I shall let you know how I get on.  
     Motley!  Let's play a game with these tin cans and a length of string -

"Limitless"
The television series, actually, which I've not come across before.  It is an extension of the film starring Bradley Cooper, and is about a failed musician who is offered a tab of what he later learns is NTZ-48.  Through a chain of events, he ends up becoming a consultant for the FBI, allowed to take one tab of NTZ per day in order to carry out research and evaluation; his effective time whilst boosting on the drug is about 12 hours, and thanks to some background fiddling by Bradley Cooper's character, Brian (our hero) doesn't suffer any side effects - like psychosis, brain damage and death, those sort of things.  Art?

It has a cool opening credits sequence.

     Now, even though the series went out over 4 years ago,  I feel confident that declaring a SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER here is advised, as I'm just so moral.
     In the episode "Badge!  Gun!" Brian is on the trail of a genetics research company, who have attempted to kill a South Canadian general in charge of procurement, using a genetically-tailored virus.  Said general, you see, was going to pull their funding because he was looking to back more heavy-metal solutions.

Brian's 'badge' and 'gun'

     Excuse me, but this makes no sense.  If Eukaryote, the company in question, have developed a genetically-tailored virus, then they are years and years ahead of the rest of the field.  Their procuring general might not have been keen on such a weapon, but the CIA would most certainly be interested, as would Homeland Security, and the FBI, not least because if you have a virus then you can also have a vaccine.  Then there would be sales to foreign countries - all within NATO, of course - and other potential applications that universities and laboratories would all pay for -
     Besides, why not just shoot him*?

Art getting in the mood.

Hammer Scammer
I see that the BBC and their "Panorama" current affairs program have an upcoming documentary "Spying On The Scammers", which focuses on the Indian call centres who do nothing but ring people up on false pretences to extort money from them.  

Your company's Mission Statement could do with a little work, matey

Some of the preview consists of footage of cyber-ace Jim Browning, who we have mentioned on these pages before.  Jim, who knows computers inside out and has likely forgotten more about them than you or I will ever know, has taken the scammers on personally.  He has revealed who they are, where they operate from, how the operate and what kind of money they make.  He has also turned the tables on scammers and locked them out of their own computers, permanently.  The screech of astonished rage when one scammer realised then this had been done to him is a memory I cherish.

Jim on Twitter

     What Jim does is illegal, but Your Humble Scribe is rooting for him all the way.  Go ahead and do your Internet Robin Hooding, Jim!

"Threadbanger"
More of Youtube.  In this case, Threadbanger came up as a suggested link after I'd been looking at Prof. Ann Reardon's "How To Cook That" channel, after she'd roasted "5 Minute Crafts" for being not only liars, but dangerous ones at that.  Threadbanger's channel has two presenters and for this expose it was Rob Czar.

CAUTION!  NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

     Rob swears a lot, and he doesn't get bleeped out all that often.  But his heart's in the right place.  He tore into the initial 5MC piece, which was how to make a backpack out of a plastic petrol can.  Art?

Does not compute

     As Rob demonstrated, cutting into those incised lines on the can in a "C" shape and then hot glue-gunning a zip in DOES NOT WORK.  The zip won't go around 90 degree corners, and it gets gummed up with glue.  He pondered at length why one would ever need or want such a stupid backpack.  Not only that, the final 'backpack' as seen is a completely different design to the one in the video!
     I may come back to this once I get my phone camera in working order**.

Finally -
Yes, I am off dog-sitting for the next two weeks, and no, you're not getting two posts a day every day.  I have a life to live, dammit!

The life of the party.

*  Conrad's trademark bluntness in play
**  So, two or three weeks, then? <the wicked truth courtesy Mister Hand>

The Lack Of A Camera Irks Me

Although My New Phone Arrives Tomorrow
At some point, and delivered by courier, not Royal Mail, so it could be anytime.  This means no morning walkies with Madam, which would disappoint her if she had foresight.  So I cannot post updates on all the care and attention the little domesticated wolf is getting with shots of same for her adoring parents.  Why, I even cleavered a chunk of rather bony chow for her tonight, so that she could relentlessly gnaw it down to nothing.
     Damn it!  Another bus gone by without that "Join Our Congregation" poster on it.  How am I supposed to complete a blog if First Bus won't even co-operate?
     Anyway, I can only tell you about the jar of pickled gherkins I found at the back of the cupboard with a BBE date of 13/09/2019, rather than satisfyingly show you.  Yes, I'll be them tomorrow.  Don't worry about my stomach, on Friday I was eating a chicken sandwich made with chicken slices that expired on 06/02/2020.  Food labelling dates - a challenge not a warning!

What they would have to look like to prevent Conrad from chowing down on them

     Another irksome matter is the ruddy chorus from a Blue Oyster Cult song that keeps winging it's way around my mind.  The chorus from "Mirrors" from the eponymous album, if you must know -
     Ah, the gritters are out.  An irrefutable indication that it's going to be a cold one tonight.
     - widely seen at the time as a disappointment, since the band had gone for a polished pop production instead of their craggy heavy-metal roots.  There are some corkers on there, however, although I'd not rate "Mirrors" as the best track, so WHY "Pretty girls can't look away -" keeps coming back to haunt me is quite the question.  Art?

I'm looking at YOU, Eric Bloom.

     I also need to ensure I don't forget I've got stuff cooking on the hob and in the oven.  You know what I'm like when I get creative.
     Motley!  Went the day well*?

I Spy For The F.B.I.
Perhaps I should have put that in quotes, as it's not me I'm referring to, but a South Canadian F.B.I. agent, Marc Ruskin, who specialised in undercover roles, of which he had 12 over his career with the Feds.  He was over on Reddit and invited people with an "Ask Me Anything" introduction.  One of his guiding principles was "Live the role", which came back to bite him on the bottom once: a person he didn't know rang him, saying that an un-named criminal associate had recommended him.  Except Marc didn't know which of half a dozen undercover personae he needed to be.  There ensued an uneasy back-and-forth until he knew who to "be".

Mark in and out of uniform

     One of the persistent questions was "What did you do if some of your criminal associates wanted you to commit a crime to 'prove' yourself?"
     His answer was quite simple: he told them to eff off, he wasn't going to commit crimes at their behest, and as for killing someone?  Again, eff off even more, he was a thief, not a killer.  This kind of response is actually what would happen in real life, and it persuaded his not-very-nice associates that he really was a career criminal.
     "Live your cover" is the advice adopted by Tom Marcus, an undercover MI5 agent whose work -
     - but that is a story for another day.

Another Reddit Tale
"What slightly illegal life hack have you used?" was the question.  Two responses stuck out in my mind.  One was South Canadian, and stated that if you put the address of the person you wanted to send a letter to in the "Return Address" field and posted it without a stamp, they would get the letter delivered to them.  

CAUTION!  Saving £0.35 may involve serious prison time

     HOWEVER. They also pointed out that this constitutes mail fraud, which comes with a 20 year sentence and a fine of £180,000 in South Canada.  Is not paying for a stamp worth that kind of risk?
     The other one was also South Canadian, though it could be applied anywhere.  If your car has a part that is worn out or near breaking point, they recommended that you rent a car of the same model as yours, then swap out the shortly-to-be-dead dead part into their hire car, using the good one in yours.
     As a commenter posted, this went waaaaaaaaaaaay beyond "Slightly illegal" and once again would probably result in some serious prison time.

This seemed apt.

Korean Definition Of "Rock" Somewhat Suspicious
Because I couldn't find any trace of the artist (or artists) known as "Song Gae-Gwan" - yes, that really is their name - apart from some rather odd Korean instrumental karaoke songs on Spotify, I decided to go with "Cnblue", who had come up on the list of Korean rock bands when I Googled them.  A man can only take so much pop, after all.  Art?

Looking rather formal

     The thing is, they are far more pop than they are rock.  I bet they don't sport one tattoo between them, and that they drink nothing more dangerous than milk.  In fact I suspect that the only thing at all rock about them is their homeland, the Republic Of Korea.  Also known in abbreviated form as "ROK".

Totally ROKing it

Finally -
We only need something short to hit the Compositional Ton, so I can tell you that I've started watching "I Am Not Okay With This", about a 17 year-old South Canadian girl living in a rather grim and dull part of Pennsylvania, living a boring life, not enjoying high school, not getting on with her mother - all those angsty teen things that happen to tens of millions of teenagers.
     Except it seems that Syd - our protagonist's name - may be developing some rather alarming telekinetic abilities out of nowhere, that she can't manifest at will and can't control when they do.

CAUTION!  Has some rude words

     And with that, we are so, so done!



*  A subtle in-joke.

This Will Be A Somewhat Martial Post

So If You Aren't Into TANK -
You may want to skip this bit.  Although it's more to do with air power rather than armour (note the correct spelling, South Canadians), and yes, I am referring back to the podcast "We Have Ways Of Making You Talk", which I would recommend to anyone at all interested in the history of the Second Unpleasantness.  Art?

Jim and Al larging it up in Holland

     They were discussing how disastrous were the Luftwaffe's losses in the Mediterranean, and how this affected the Eastern Front.  Essentially, thousands of planes and aircrew were transferred from Russia to try and turn things around in the Med, unsuccessfully.  Not only did they not stop the rot in Tunisia, they were permanently weakened on the Eastern Front.  As Jim puts it, they lost an average of 20 aircraft a day, every day, for ten months.  And as Al put it, even if Teuton industry could replace the airframes, they couldn't replace dead or captured aircrew; plus the replacements were becoming successively less experienced and able.

Dunno who the artist is, but they nailed it with this one

     Jim then comes up with an explanation why the focus of Teuton histories of the war by this stage (mid-1943) is all on land warfare - "Land-centric", if there is such a word, and if there isn't there is now.  The Luftwaffe was essentially a broken reed, their surface fleet was gone, the U-boats had been defeated, so all they were left with was a very one-dimensional method of waging war.  Hence 'Landcentric'.  Unfortunately for them, the Allies were capable of waging war in three dimensions.
     Right, enough of that, time to move on!
     Motley, fuel up the car with nitromethane and let's breaks some speed limits*!

"An Englishman At War" By Stanley Christopherson
Edited by James Holland - yes that man again - being an account of SC's service in the Sherwood Rangers Yeomanry, from the beginning to the end of the Second Unpleasantness.  It's a remarkable work, first in that SC survived the war unscathed, and that it's an account of a regiment's adaptation to modern warfare.

My edition

     At the war's outbreak the SRY was a yeoman cavalry regiment, most of whose members were wealthy members of the landed gentry, who looked down upon the wartime members who joined.  Art?

From the First Unpleasantness

     They were sent to Palestine via France (before the Teutons invaded it), ending up on garrison, patrol and police duties.  |SC explains how much attention and care horses needed, up to four hours a day.  Then, in 1941, they were sent to Tobruk after being trained as gunners, where they sat out the long and (unsuccessful) first siege, enduring quite awful conditions.  Several batteries were sent to Crete and were mostly captured there, only 50 men of 150 getting back.  They rotated back to Palestine, and traded in horses for tanks, and they remained an armoured regiment for the rest of the war, fighting across the whole of North Africa, and from France on D-Day to Bremen by the end of the war.  They were widely, and justifiably, seen as one of the best British armoured (again, please note correct spelling, South Canadians) formations in the whole of the Anglo-Canadian British Liberation Army.  This was a double-edged sword, as they were frequently requested by divisions to be their supporting armour, which meant getting stuck in sticky situations.

SC with pipe.
(Which he once put into his pocket, not realising it wasn't out, and set fire to his britches)

     I feel I ought to annotate this work; maybe after I've finished "18 Platoon".

That Reddit Revenge Story
You recall that our narrator has refrained from identifying the major star who was playing a concert at the London Docklands, and whom we left having a drink and a laugh at the bar tent with her stage crew.
     In comes the arrogant, ignorant and abusive management liaison whom the stage staff had nicknamed "The Harridan", announcing that The Major Star had to leave now with her,  since she had to attend a VIP function.
     Ten minutes later The Major Star came back into the bar tent, a look like thunder on her face.  It turns out the "VIP function" was two plates of stale sandwiches and couple of boxes of wine.  So she left and came back to the stage crew, as she was having such a good time with them.  In fact she enjoyed herself so much she stood everyone a round and, at the end of the evening, picked up the whole bar tab.
     "But - but - where is the revenge? I hear you ask.  Funny about that.  The Harridan was apparently fired from her five-figure salary job when The Major Star's agent tore into the management company and how it had treated TMS, who hadn't been happy at how the stage crew were treated, either.  Behaving like an entitled bumbletuck can have consequences, it seems, and not pleasant ones, either.
     "Who was that mysterious Major Star?" I and all of you wondered.  One of the commenters revealed it to be -

Kylie Minogue

     This picture is captioned "Kylie Minogue performing at London Docklands" lest you doubt my veracity.

     There you go, a relief from matters military.

Finally -
An Aha! moment hit me earlier this week.  If you recall, I've recently read a work by Professor Robert Citino, who is an acknowledged authority on Teuton military history, and whose works I am liable to acquire in future.
     The titles of some of these works seemed oddly familiar, though I've definitely never read them: "Death of the Wehrmacht", "The Wehrmacht Retreats", all about specific years of the Second Unpleasantness, at which point I realised they are present on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNDhswF1GKk

     There's a link for the first one quoted.  They are long, which is because Ol' Rob' puts a lot into them, and required watching for anyone like Jim or Al, who is interested in the Second Unpleasantness.  Also -

TIK likes

     "A fantastic book for any WW2 enthusiast" is the quote, and if TIK recommends it then it really is something special; he's a very fussy reader.



*  Only in a safe and controlled environtment, of course.