Your Humble Scribe - On A Diatribe!

No!  Nothing To Do With The Family
 - nor 'The Omega Man' except perhaps tangentially.  A "Diatribe", for your edification, is a ranting invective screed of hatred, or what passes for Business As Usual round here at BOOJUM!   From the Greek, don't you know. 

Vangelis Pappathanasiou - a Greek

     "What has set the old fool off now?" I hear you asking, and apart from pulling you up about the 'old' bit, I shall elucidate.
     Just as Amazon seem to rule the planet when it comes to retailing stuff, so does Netflix when it comes to televisual entertainment.  They appear to have at least 25,000 fingers, and each ends in a pie.  One of those pies (I'm not straining analogies too far here, am I?) is labelled 'Denmark'.
     Now, you would have to work hard to get offended by Denmark.  After all, what's not to like about lager and bacon?  Oh, and Mew.

No, Art, no!

     The band, not a furry - bah, never mind, never mind.  Back to Denmark; Netflix are launching a post-apocalyptic thriller set in the land of the Danes, entitled "The Rain".  Art?


     We are told that 99% of the world's population has been wiped out by a rain-borne virus.  Phew!  is that all?  If it had been 99.9% then I'd have been really worried.  Now, take a look at the cast assembled above.
    DO YOU SEE A SINGLE UMBRELLA?
     Well, do you?  These people are just asking for trouble, and I can tell you, because I am typing this from the Pond of Eden where we have regularly scheduled rain.  In fact, if the camera and phone are being co-operative -

     There you go.  Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell, viewed as if from the bottom of a lake.  I know whereof what I speak. 

Speaking Of The End Of The World -
SPOILERS FOLLOW!  Be warned, if you haven't been keeping up with "The Walking Dead" then look away now.

 

I SAID LOOK AWAY!  NOW!  LOOK AWAY FROM THE SPOILERS!

      I do like to be thorough.  Okay, whilst eating my tea, and frowning at the shambling hordes of rotting corpses on-screen,* I did notice that Rick's wife and son didn't appear.  Nor did anyone appear to be wearing a boilersuit, with boots, gloves and a motorcycle helmet.

Well, it's a start

     Why such sartorial selection?  Because then there's no bare skin showing, and because zombies are basically rotting apart, they have far less bite/upper body strength, and will thus protect your sacred skin.

BARE SKIN!  TOO MUCH BARE SKIN!
(Why not just wear a flipping bikini whilst you're at it)

Well, I feel much better now; expelling a little bile always goes down well.

"The Fighting Seabees" Circa 1944
I did mention the laughably bad Japanese 'tanks' that whichever studio responsible for this film gimmicked together from baked beans tins and sellotape.  There is no denying that Japanese tankettes were - er - how can I put this? - rather rubbish.  Art?

The mighty Type 94, propelled by pedals, one suspects

     Apparently they were for reconnaissance only, because they were easily broken, as was their elastic band engine.  A Browning .50 would turn them into a colander at 500 yards, and the South Canadians had an awful lot of .50s.
     Anyway, that's not what I wanted to wibble about today.  Art?

You win the world's most camouflaged helmet award!

     Who are these people?  It's a serious question because a)  they have to look Japanese and b) they can't actually be Japanese - it being 1944 and there's a war on, you know.
     A quick check on IMDB shows some of these actors with European names, and more with Chinese ones.
     So now you know.

Ah, Words
Conrad, as you ought to know by now, cannot resist mucking about with words.  Suduko?  Not so much.  Crosswords?  Yes please!  Word quizzes?  Cannot pass up the chance.  Art?

 
     Of course I knew exactly what 'Schadenfreude' means, because I frequently experience malicious enjoyment of other's suffering.** I live for the day when Russell Brand, Alan Carr and Graham Norton all go for a cruise in a bathysphere.***

Physalis
I got a pack of these yesterday, because they were going cheap, and the lady at the checkout was mystified by them.  They are from the Nightshade family (though not deadly), look like a berry and have a sharp, sweet flavour.  Art?

You peel off the husk

     And thus we are at count.  Later!


*  Which still didn't stop me from scoffing the lot, regardless of rot.
**  Aren't I awful?  Tee Hee!
***   And never come back ...

A Screening Comes Across The Sky

Well Done!
If you recognised that as a reference ("A screaming comes across the sky") to one of the most important and influential novels of the modern era - "Gravity's Rainbow" by Thomas Pynchon, who would surely be an OBE and CBE if he were only a citizen of The Pond Of Eden, rather than being a resident of the benighted South Canadian States*.  Art?

"A screaming comes across the sky -"

     Much to my mixed disgust and annoyance, Ol' Tom has not whipped up another novel of late, which is a bit of a bummer since he is getting on in years and may not have long to go.
     Anyway, let us abruptly change track, for yeah forsooth this is BOOJUM! where we swivel to all points of the compass at entirely no provocation, and what do we have here, but - 
     "The Fighting Seabees"   and several photos thereof, which in this humble scribe's mind amounts to a screening.  You see?  There you have it, a minor epic of the South Canadian Marine Corps' island-hopping campaigns across the waters of the wide blue Pacific.
     Here an aside.  Yes, already - once again, whose blog is it?  Back on the subject of "The Omega Man" -

Is he laughing with me or at me?

     - and The Family, that unlovable bunch of pox-ridden, fashion-deficient psychopaths.  Since they're living on food that comes out of tins, and avoid sunlight, all those horrid sores and skin lesions may be the result of vitamin deficiency - no Vitamin C or D, don't you know.  I mean, that sports stadium they cart Neville off to, in order to murder him to death (and yes literally in a cart that they must have had to put together by hand, o! Family what priorities you have) is prime arable land.  Do they grow food there?  Do they what!

H20 on the go

     Oh yes - water.  Sorry, I get a bit carried away at times.  If we assume an average of 6 3/4 pints of water per person for each Family member, that equals an annual water requirement of 75 tons for them, since we shall assume the disgusting diseased dossbags don't bother to wash.  Don't forget, no technology, so they can't boil that river water I postulated as the solution to their liquid needs.  Can you say Hello Dysentery! Once again, Colonel Neville's nose will lead him to The Family's nest

"The Fighting Seabees"
There we are, back on topic again. 
     Ah, except that I'm listening to "The Race for Space" by Public Service Broadcasting, and "Go" in particular, which features those immortal lines in the background of Apollo 11's powered descent to the lunar regolith 49 years ago - "1202 alarm" and the even more worrying "1201 alarm" - Art?

Anyone mentioning 'hoax' will be INSTANTLY EXTIRPATED!**

      Anyway.  The Fighting Seabees.  Firstly, this film was made with a lot of South Canadian government approval and kit.  All those bulldozers cost money to hire, you know.  Art?

No I don't know what it's called.

      John Wayne's character of "Wedge" Donovan is well-named, because he possesses all the intellect of that piece of door-positioning furniture.  Take a gander at this, as his skilled construction technicians - once again, their words not mine! - storm forward -

Storming if, that is, 4 m.p.h. can be said to be 'storming'

     - against the Japanese, because Ha!  Everyone knows how bullet and bombproof a water tanker or travelling crane is; ha! those foolish Brits, inventing the tank when they could just have crossed No Man's Land on a load of - oh.  Ah.  Yes, how's that storming advance working out, Wedge?


Not too well, one feels.

     Wedge manages to get half his men wiped out, which <thinks> is a really positive outcome because who knows what damage those Japanese bullets would have done if they were left to whiz around unobstructed?.  We are also treated to some laughably botched-up Japanese tanks, which look ridiculous.  Art?


     I believe they were going for - er - the 'tankette' look of genuine Japanese tanks of the time. Instead they end up more like that Timelords video Dalek -

Thus

 

      Don't forget, Conrad would make an exceptionally non-conformist Dalek.***

 


* They've got nuclear missile silos and Hubble Space Telescopes, but - do they have Irony?  NO THEY DON'T!
**  I should have added Apollo to the above, shouldn't I?  And perhaps used "CARBOXYLATED" to boot
***   And - Sharks Are Still Our Friends!