I Do The Clerihew

No!  It Is Not A Dance
Given that Conrad would be lucky if he possessed two left feet, this is a given.
     No, a clerihew is a bit of nonsense rhyme, with the scheme AABB, normally about a famous person, divulging unusual or unknown or - let's be honest - completely made up information about that celebrity. So, here's a couple I made earlier -

Eric Arthur Blair

Wrote works of rank despair.

Still, they continue to sell.

He's thus done superlatively, or well.

     Ha!  Do you see what I did there?  Here's another one just to allow me to massage my own ego, because there's never anything in the Comments that does the job for me*.

Drinking tea - because he's British!

George Orwell

Couldn't smell.

This wasn't much of a handicap.

You don't need smell when you're a clever literary chap.

     Well, they make me laugh.

Mind you, so does this

"War And Agriculture In Classical Greece" By Victor Davis Hanson
I've finished the main body of the text here, all that remains is some updated Commentary.  Despite what you may think, this is interesting stuff, with VDH going against the previously-established view that devastation of crops and farms between the seventh and fourth centuries BC in Greece had a major impact.  Using original sources and a bit of extrapolation, as well as practical experience of growing stuff, he rather disproves the old view.

Classical Greek - er - "negotiations"

     What Conrad appreciates is VDH translating his Greek text into the Roman alphabet, as my Greek is very sketchy indeed.  Thus you get "dendrokopeo", which means "ravaging of fruit trees" notably olive or fig; or "phtheiro" which is plain and simple "Ravaging" which might mean trampling a crop flat or nicking someone's window-shutters.  It's a small touch yet a welcome one.

<Insert Greek joke here>

More Of The Flop House
Nope, I checked my bank balance and they're still not paying me anything.  Free promotion, guys, surely that counts for something?
     I mentioned yesterday that "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" is returning later this month after a 17 year hiatus, which is either laziness personified or they lost their pens.  I didn't realise yesterday, but guess who the new writer for the show will be?
     No!  Neither Poskrebyshev, nor Arne Saknussemm.  Eliott Kalan, who is one-third of The Flop House staff, that's who.

The petite yet perfectly-formed Eliott

     The talented little swine also works at Marvel comics, and The Daily Show.  Here's a link should you wish to know more, but be advised there are a couple of rude words present.  However, I feel I can trust you on this.

http://www.avclub.com/article/daily-shows-elliott-kalan-will-be-head-writer-new--237120

     There you go, more proof that everything is connected to everything else.

"Line Of Duty"
This is a British police procedural, focussing on the work carried out by undercover officers investigating corruption.  It's not half bad, although it does feature large numbers of police who are not only corrupt but murderous with it.  Perhaps unsurprisingly, the real official Police didn't give any help with it.  None of which has anything to do with what follows, as this is how we operate here.
    It's the creation of one Jed Mercurio, which I suspected when glancing at the credits where I only saw the name "Jed" before they scrolled on.  He's won lots of awards for his work, but the one I wanted to bring to light is "Invasion Earth".  Art?

Yes, that is Fred Ward

     I've got the official tie-in book in a cupboard somewhere.  As a series it is recognisably British, although it does feature Fred Ward as a senior NATO officer, not least because of the ending, which is unremittingly bleak - in order to deny alien interdimensional portals from harvesting Earth's resources (which includes you humans), the area around every emerging portal has to be destroyed.  With nuclear weapons.  Cue end of series.
     Now, if this had been made in South Canada, there'd be a tearful reconciliation, an angelic choir, the aliens' heads would explode and we'd all have Nick Cage to thank for it.

No, Art, no!

     Well, I did have even more about The Flop House and music, except I'm not getting paid to promote them and we don't want to overdo it, lest you, gentle reader, get bored.




*  Not that I'm bitter or anything.  At all.

How Very British!

The Sound Of Willow On Leather
No, nothing seedy!  This is BOOJUM! after all, frightfully SFW and all that, so wash your dirty minds out.  I refer, of course, to the noble and ancient game of cricket - the bat is made of willow and the ball is encased in leather, or so I'm told.  Conrad knows very little about the game - there are two sides, it involves bats and wickets and Silly Mid On - but it is so British.  

A game of cricket - or so I'm told

Currently it is a central feature in an episode of "Father Brown", being played on a village green.  I would caution anyone else about watching like this, especially South Canadians, as it might bring about an overdose of Britishness and cause you to repeal the Revolution* in order to bend the knee to QE2.
     Oh I say!  Lady Felicia has just taken a stand at the wicket - I shall have to stop watching or I'll get the urge to invade a hot foreign country with exotic cooking -

The sound of Willow on soon-to-be leather.

Well, after that tea-and-crumpet evoking Intro, allow me to move on to the rest of today's piffling wibble.  Or is it wibbling piffle?  Nonsense anyway.

I Really Am Terribly Sorry!
About not supplying the answers for those Pub Quiz questions I posted earlier this week. Hopefully this has not annoyed too many people for too long.  Here they are -

Q10)  Which television detective's trademark was a lollipop?  Kojak.  Probably well before your time, frankly, but big in the Seventies.

The evidence

Q3)   The Los Angeles Lakers play what sport? (Nothing to do with swimming)  Basketball.  I trust that you didn't Google this.
Q14)  "Aqueous humour" and "Vitreous humour" are found in which part of the body?  (No!  Not the funny bone). The eye.

     And we won a round!  Which means four free pints of bitter, of which we have already consumed two.  Sic transit gloria mundi, and fermented drinks.

"Bleeding Edge" By Thomas Pynchon
Yes, a continuation of my occasional series that explicates the pop culture and accountancy references in TP's last opus.
Bribe Payers Index:  This is a metric from Transparency International, rating the 28 wealthiest countries by the likelihood of their bribing their way to success.  A bit selective as it only touches on 28 countries and hasn't been updated in 6 years.  Though it was relevant enough for when BE is set.
Corruption Perceptions Index:  A similar concept to the above, a metric about how corrupt a country is seen to be.  Please note the Allotment of Eden is at Number 10.  No, cheeky blighters, out of 167, not 20.

There we are, Number 10

"Black Orchid Serum": Perfume?  Otherwise no idea.  Google proved to be singularly unhelpful for this one.  You may add a Comment if you have any clue.
"Shviger": Yiddish, as I had already guessed.  A somewhat dismissive term for "Mother In Law".  There you go, quite simple.
"Frosk":  Wellllll - either this is Anglo-Saxon, from the Old German "Fruskaz", meaning "Frog" - OR - it refers to an enigmatic and mysterious person.  On balance, I believe the latter.

A frosk Frosk

The Flop House
Once again, Conrad reiterates that he's not getting paid anything by TFH, although I doubt they actually have much of a budget to begin with, unless Stu is independently wealthy.
     "Get on with it, Conrad," I hear you mutter.  " 'Line of Duty' is on soon."
     Yes, okay, here's a Facebook thread that had 165 replies last time I looked, which was several days ago - "What are your top 5 favourite albums?"
     Of course your humble scribe had to add his 5, and because I am a completist, here they are:

"Waiting for a miracle" - The Comsat Angels.

"Animals" - Pink Floyd

"Tyranny and Mutation" - Blue Oyster Cult

"Frengers" - Mew

"Close to the edge" - Yes

    Almost without exception everyone who posted a reply subsequently added "Oh and these as well - ".  Because I am a completist (have I mentioned this already?) and an anorak to boot, I shall make a note of what folks have put and investigate on Youtube.

Any excuse to promote the Comsats

*  Which, as far as Conrad is concerned, never happened. Never!