Why not?A bit of a challenge, stringing together a blog about it. Also it's Pub Quiz in an hour, so my time is further limited, and I'm baking Fruit Gingerbread - which I'd better go check as the tin it's in is larger than the recipe called for -
- it seems done, good job I checked and didn't leave it for the full 60 minutes.
What follows is technical and rather dull unless you like baking. It also lacks mustard, but it does have ginger, which has quite a bite of it's own.
Anyway - the recipe called for a 7" square tin, which would make the batter 49 square inches in area. I only have an 8" square tin, meaning it would actually be 64 square inches in area. A difference of 15 square inches, almost a third of the recommended area - so Conrad is aware that the baking time will be correspondingly shorter, and indeed at 40 minutes (two thirds of the recommended time) it did indeed seem done.
I've tented it with foil, poked some holes to let steam out and will go back in a few minutes just to make certain it's baked through.
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| Hilarious or scary? Only you can decide! |
Mustard
A condiment not liked by Darling Daughter. "Gross!" was her comment, and it did not vary when I recounted the different types. She's not going to shift on this "Mustard is evil" attitude.
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| Custard. Close enough |
English Mustard
This comes either as a paste or a powder. Behold:
| Mustard the dastard |
Dijon Mustard
We probably introduced the French to this whilst we were giving them a bit of a shoeing at Agincourt. Here you are, Dijon mustard:
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| Now, in "Wayne's World"doesn't Wayne ask a gent in a Rolls-Royce if he has any of this? |
Yes, this does exist, and they eat it in Bavaria. Lo:
| Damn! It looks like something crawled onto the plate and died there! |
Coarse Mustard
Conrad's favourite type! In this variant the mustard seeds are not all ground, giving a notably textured condiment.
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| The epitomy of deliciousness |
From the game "Cluedo", don't you know. The elderly, Brylcreemed ex big-game hunter, and this is the only true version of what he looked like:
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| Accept no trendy modern updates! |
"He's mustard"
A quote from "Snatch" - worringly a film now 14 years old - about Brad Pitt's character, who takes and delivers punches quite as ably as he ever did in "Fight Club" - sorry, shouldn't have told you that, should I?
Anyway, The Stath* is on the phone to the dodgy boxing promoter about Brad and states those two words about him, meaning that he is hot stuff in the ring.
| Bad pit. Close enough |
Here Conrad refers to "mustard gas", technically "1-1 thiobis (2-chloroethane)", nicknamed after the condiment because impurities in the manufacturing process make it smell that way.
This appalling stuff wasn't invented accidentally by some bored chemist thinking "What can I blow up/poison/disintegrate today?" No, it was invented by German chemists in the First World War. At room temperature it's a liquid that gives off fumes that cause chemical burns, most especially to any moist parts of the body - eyes especially. It causes temporary blindness a la that sober picture by John Singer Sargent:
It has absolutely no use except for making people ill and miserable, so if your chemistry flatmate ever says "Let's make mustard gas! Tremendous fun! Cleans stubborn stains!" you have Conrad's permission to defenestrate him.
Turun Sinappia
Ah, now this is obviously - obviously! - a Hungarian car made under licence from Skoda, and is a handy little compact useful for nipping around the twin cities of Buda and Pest, with good mileage to boot.
What's that?
It's not?
It's the Finnish company that makes mustard in Finland?
I should have seen that one coming.
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| The end. After all, it's <ahem> Finnish |
