IN THE STUDIO!
You need to have gotten up early in the morning to understand what Conrad is bloviating about here, for we are talking of events back in 1970, when an up-and-coming psychedelic rock band moved into avant-garde territory by including an orchestra and choir into their soundscape. Art!
Since this cannot possibly be The Comsat Angels, then it must be Pink Floyd, and are you ever correct. This is the choir and brass recording for 'Atom Heart Mother' in 1970, which is relevant thanks to their drummer Nick Mason being recorded, via distorted media, as shouting
Silence in the studio!
So now you know. The theme for this Intro will be less 'Silence' and more 'Silencers', for we are venturing into the third Heading of 'How Not To Die's list of methodology that will sustain your life when The Apocalypse arrives. This topic applies to both Zombie and Generic Apocalypses and will mystify and puzzle any denizens not native to South Canada. Why so? O I thought you'd never ask. Art!
This Heading is
THE QUIET SURPRESSOR FALLACY
Conrad seems to remember that Philip K. Dick had a protagonist whom invented a gun with a suppressor that actually increased the sound it made, which - you may be ahead of me here - is not what you want if your intent is to be sly and sneaky. Art!
To let you know, an unsuppressed gunshot is of the order of 160 decibels, and a suppressed gunshot is around 130 decibels. Does this mean your gun is now firing at the same kind of muted pew-pew that James Bond manages? Does it what! Art?
The sound is now only (!) at the level of a jackhammer. You see, suppressors, or silencers to give them an entirely inappropriate name, are only supposed to reduce decibels to mitigate hearing loss in the people using them, usually police or soldiers, not render them inaudible in the next room.
Getting into the technical weeds, HTND state that suppressed firearms are audible WITH ONCE AGAIN NO SOURCES QUOTED at between 50 to 500 yards in the open, and unsuppressed weapons 1 to 3 miles in the open. Rather a blanket statement since open terrain, urban echoes, wind, weather and ambient noise will all affect audibility. Art!
What you're looking at here is a British army sniper-location acoustic system called CLARIBEL, which they used in Ulster to define where the Provos were shooting from. The thing is, in urban terrain, yo get echoes and re-echoes of the echoes, which also echo, meaning it can be extremely difficult to determine where a shot has originated from. Thus zombies - whom do not have the best set of organic detection systems extant - are liable to wander off following fake leads. Art!
'The Last Of Us' goes into melee weapons bigly-style, for they are SILENT and do not attract more revs. Also no need for extensive maintenance, repair or ammunition. The unpleasant consequence is that you need to be able to keep wielding a sabre or lance or mace indefinitely, god bless your strong right arm.
We might be getting into the weeds of the weeds here, but I would like to go beyond HTND's list of options and into more esoteric answers. As an instance, did you know the .45 ACP round as used in the M1911A1 was subsonic? Art!
A round from this will put you on your bottom in a position from which you will not recover, and it will do it below sonic barrier performances, so - no loud CRACK when fired. Normally the enormously loud sound of a .45 firing will bring in all the zeds to see what's going on, except - Art!
Perfidious Albion invented this rifle version called the De Lisle Carbine, a weapon so treacherously quiet that the bolt cycling is the noisiest thing about it. It uses .45 ACP ammunition and the whispers are that it was used by the Sneaky-Peaky Keeni-Meeni Brigade in the Falklands and also Gulf War #1. If you have oe of these in your arsenal then Hello My Old Friend.
ANYWAY ANYWAY HTND also shies away from using decoy fireworks to divert zombie attention, as with 'Land Of The Dead', where this is a major part of the plot. Trust me, No Diversionary Fireworks = Much Shorter Film. Plus also see my fanfiction where they use motion-triggered children's toys. You're decoying zombies, chaps, it isn't too hard. Think Ruffian football fans, just with a lower IQ.
Right, we've got a lot to get through, so let's force baldly, or even boldly, on.
The Dorado Lounge Experience
Which is an eating venue in Warrington, lest ye be unaware. Where the assembled families sought to approve the prospective matrimonial bond 'tween Tom and Sal. Forsooth, have they not been a partnership for these <checks> thirty-seven years <checks diary again> thirty seven months - hang on - <checks 2020 diary> quite a while. Art!
Conrad is the furry white congruence at the back. I swear I was trying to look all Compos Mentis and Laughing. May need to work on that a bit.
Not Sure If This Is AI Or Simply Bad Camera
I have taken this illo from 'Canada Hates Trump', a Twitter channel that posts what it states, where - you may be ahead of me here - they Tweet about how Canuckistanians detest Candace Von Yamteats. Art!
Mister Triple-chin himself, in all his lunar-regolith skin quality only bettered by the exterior trunk analysis of an sequoia four hundred year-old tree. He looks as if his morning routine involves marinading his face in a gravy boat, or being shot-blasted with <REDACTED>
Apologies if you were expecting a paean to the Decomposing Dogbutt Dingleberry, that's not going to happen here.
Get Thee Behind Me, Brucie
You know, Bruce Pennington, the person of focus on 'Sci-Fi Art' and their portfolio they had of his works. Art!
One has to say that the Interpreter has as much Hom. Sap. to them as you have about your day-to-day shenanigans. Is he interpreting Swahili into Japanese, or Magyar into Finnish? We shall never know. Unless - hang on <digging commences> ah right - Earth under alien rule. Also, ironically -
The novel has been translated into several languages, including German, Portuguese, Dutch, French, Russian and Polish.
ANYWAY AGAIN lots of the background bobbles that Brucie likes, and The Interpreter of the title, yet none of the enormous three-limbed Nul whom have conquered and colonised Earth. Art!
Another Brucie because otherwise we'll never get through the 7-minute slideshow - this is only 2:40 into it, horrors!
ANYWAY ANYWAY another title cover with no preamble artwork and Brucie's staples of: a building made out of coral, a mystery skeleton and a queue of flying vehicles leading backwards to infinity, if the Coral Church weren't in the way. Conrad has the feeling that this work came out with a different title in Perfidious Albion. Am I right*?
Moving Swiftly Along
Nothing to do with Taylor. Rather, the dotty doyen of spotty dotty detailed dartwork is dead. Art!
Finally -
I have yet to crack the covers of the expensive hardback edition I bought in York, so it's nice to know that other people hold it in high regard. If it's so wonderful how come more people haven't bought a copy and thus gotten a cheaper paperback release, hmmmm? Art!
That's a verrrry old photo of Tom, by the way. He's got his teeth fixed since then.
* No, which is why I'm relegating the truth to a footnote.
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