Piping Hot Is What It's Not

The Bad Weather Is My Fault
But I have no money, so you can sue me if you like.  If you are a regular reader of BOOJUM! then you will be aware that Conrad rashly declared that "Winter is over!" some little while ago, because of the gradually lengthening days and shortening nights.  I did not take into account the actual temperature of the surrounding world, which I confess is a bit of a mistake.  Art?

Snow - or icing sugar accident?  Only you can tell!

     The scene on Thursday morning where Your Modest Artisan trudged upwards towards the bus stop outside the Pleasant inn.  When I got there, it was to ponder deeply on philosophical themes such as "Why does the freezing wind come in from all directions at once?" and "How come I cannot swipe my phone whilst wearing gloves?"  All questions of the age.  Art?

     You can tell it's early, we're here at 06:20 and there's only one set of footprints in the snow.  For once, the snow, sleet and slush had persuaded the usual drivers determined to die in order to get to work 30 seconds quicker to actually observe the speed limit.
     By the time my bus had descended the lowlands into Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell, all that snow had turned to rain.  Ah, me, what a Manchester morning!  Cold, wet and raining underneath a lowering sky.  U2 could never have made it if they came from Manchester, you know: can you imagine "Under A Leaden-Grey Sky" ever being popular or having appeal?

Close to the Edge*

     The reason I mention "piping" is because I have been using Youtube to listen and watch to a whole load of clips that include the bagpipes, for no other reason than that bagpipes are awesome.  There are a few other people around the globe who think the same way, because this is the foundation of the Edinburgh Tattoo, where you have displays of awesome music being played whilst demonstrating impeccable march discipline.  Art?

Bumbling cameraman to starboard

     Anyone who fails to like bagpipes is an utter scunner and Sassenach to boot.
     Motley!  Put on your sporran and skean dhu and we shall dance a reel!

Do the Skean Dhu

BOOJUM! Reviews Films
Because we can, and it's a good few weeks since we have done so.  Remember our wildly arbitrary rules for reviewing: 1) There aren't any and 2) If in doubt, see 1).  You want a proper film review, go see Mark Kermode or that other chap he reviews with, Simon Sauce or something.  Right!  Let the ravishings begin!
"Hunters": At last!  Recognition for one of the RAFs lesser know jets of the Fifties, the Hawker Hunter.  Art?

Loaded for Bear

     They built nearly 2,000 of these second-generation fighters, and in September 1953 one of them broke the world speed record.  They were a tremendous success, being built out of box girders and railway sleepers, as the saying goes, and the last ones to be flying only stopped in 2014.  They were exported all over the world and saw front-line service with other countries, just not here in the skies over This Sceptred Isle.  That Bear I mentioned?

Nosey Ruffians

     For some inexplicable reason the publicity posters I've seen for this prominently feature some South Canadian actors.  Strange, that.  Unless I've been overthinking this ...
"The Call Of The Wild": Conrad is pretty resistant to calls from the wild, as he likes his creature comforts such as hot running water, plumbed toilets, electric light and a fully-stocked fridge.  I am not Bear (that name again!) Grylls nor do I want to have to subsist on rabbit eyeballs for liquid sustenance (part of the British Army's training regimen).
     I am also concerned that the publicity posters feature Harrison Ford, who is getting on rather, and it seems to be cruel and abusive to stick an aging pensioner in the middle of Alaska.

Brrrrr.  That looks cold.

     Conrad is not going to see this, for the same reasons he never goes to music festivals set in muddy fields.
"The Invisible Man": Again?  Really?  Damn your eyes, H. G. Wells, do you see what you've fostered?  The tagline is "What you can't see can hurt you" well yes like a gamma-ray laser, for instance.  Or cyanide gas.  IIRC, the original invisible man went moonbats, although I'm not sure if he went round the twist thanks to being an incipient psycho in the first place, or if the elixir of invisible had some horrid side-effects.  Did he trial it experimentally?
     Anyway, the implication here is of some creepy invisible stalker threatening a young lady.  That's it?  Your original IM went on a campaign of terrorism, in order to Something because Something Else.  This one seems to lack vision**.

The original and still best
(Though I like the John Carpenter one)

I was going to blather on at length about another couple of sci-fi books on that bucket list but there's not enough left of the word count to make it work, that and I've not read or even heard of either one.  Maybe tomorrow.

Finally -
Conrad read a fascinating revenge story on ask/Reddit last night, from a sound technician who was working a festival in the London Docklands, which had been put on to celebrate the renovation of the docks area.  He cautioned that the company charged with managing this event were completely useless with absolutely no relevant experience, especially the "harridan" who was managing his particular stage.  She was equal parts incompetent and arrogant, belittling every single member of the technical crew.
     This did not go down well.  There would be repercusssions.
     Our hero coyly kept the name of the "superstar" present on his stage a secret, although they did insist on having their enormous concert grand present in her eyeline; which was about as diva-ish as she got.
     First sign that things were not going to proceed well was when eight coaches pulled up outside on the opening night, to disgorge 400 OAPs from local care homes, etcetera.  This was because the promoters had forgotten to publicise or advertise the event.
     Oh dear.  This, however, was only the beginning of things going pear-shaped -
     - which we will continue at a later date.

The deliciousness of the Docklands

Oh, by the way - there was going to be a different ending to the Intro, which I append here as an illustration (and to up the word count) Motley!  Let us storm the gates of freedom in our mobility scooters -

     And with that we are done!


*  Do you see what - O Yes you do
**  Pun entirely deliberate.