First Bus, I'm looking at you. Yesterday morning your humble scribe was late into work, thanks to the 409 not bothering to turn up, twice. I would have been later if the 83 hadn't itself been late, so I didn't miss that.*
Our saga doesn't end there. O no! For on the way home the 409 once again failed to arrive, and the next one turned up late. Another 35 minutes I'll never get back. Thank you, First Bus, THANK YOU SO MUCH!*
| First Bus spokesdemon says "And?" |
Nor is that all. O no. That wouldn't be exciting enough, so First Bus arranged an additional adventure. Five minutes out of the bus station the driver howked us all off his chariot because there was a fault, and "it has to go back to the depot". Art?
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| I'll say* |
Fortunately I had taken the precaution of being extra-specially early, for I am wise in the ways of the Bus, and I did still get in early.
Conrad shudders to think what's going to happen tonight. What's that famous line from Captain Oates? "I may be gone for some time".
Quite.
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| Captain Scott's oats. Close enough |
BOOJUM! Reviews Films
In our own inimitable way. Which is to say, arbitrarily, generalising wildly and pretty much making it up on the hoof. As I am wont to say, if you want a proper film review, you've come to the wrong place.
Here an aside. If you came here expecting to see reams and reams of prose about Lewis Carroll, once again you're in the wrong place. Atom bombs, zombies and tanks - those are our stock in trade. Bad puns are as close as we get to Alice, in either wonderland or chains.
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| What I meant. Quite what your dirty minds imagined is another thing entirely |
Okay! Let the hurling of metaphorical brickbats begin!
"The Shape Of Water": Alright, I've only read the title and I'm already annoyed (it doesn't take much, really). WATER HAS NO SHAPE! It will accommodate whatever container it is placed within. That, after all, is the essence of a liquid. You might as well call it "The Colour of Air or "How Far Is Up?" if you want a meaningless title. Also, it sounds unpleasantly wet; I live in a country that is also perpetually wet and I'd like a little escapism from that, if it's possible, ta, not to wallow in it.
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| Case proven |
"Red Sparrow": Really? All the sparrows I've ever seen were dull drab dowdy and dun-coloured. Dumpy, too. And, because they take what appears to be a bath in loose earth, that dismal colouration isn't going to change. And now I'm expected to believe that this one is red? Has Rael been running around with his spray-can again? Or is it the Magic Paintbrush? I think we should be told!
"Lady Bird": Ah, I see what they did there. Ambiguity designed in, eh? Is this another film about FEROCIOUS MONSTER INSECTS! or our feathered friends? - do you see what I - O you do. Also, Conrad strongly suspects that this is Oscar-bait, which is always a reason to treat a film with a pair of lazy-tong scissors and a gasmask. Although it does feature Saoirse Ronan, whom I was very impressed with when she featured in "City of Imber".
| Close enough |
Right, that's enou0gh witless drivelling about films. Who would have thought a strip of plastic travelling at 25 frames per second would have such longevity?
Conrad Is Worried
Which is pretty much my normal state of mind - not happy unless anxious about something. Usually something esoteric, like whether the Large Hadron Collider is going to create strangelets that will DEVOUR THE EARTH, and similar.
However, this bother is a little more mundane, and concerns my ceaseless efforts to big up the reputation of sharks. Art?
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| Shark in park (Well, a garden in reality, but they're close enough) |
"A bit small for a shark, frankly," I hear you quibble.
I remark that a shark is still a shark. They do not have legs, nor wings, so - how did this one end up on the greensward, eh?
It smacks of a publicity stunt carried out by those Sharknado rapscallions, who are probably even now working into publicity for Sharknado 7: Sharks and Recreation.
* This is irony. Just to be clear.
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