The Sinister Super-Susurrus Of SABOTAGE!

You Can Tell This Intro Is Going To Feature Language Derivation

"Susurrus" comes from the Latin <spit hack> 'Susurrare', meaning 'To whisper', so if it's a 'Super-' variety then that means it's enormously loud.  Is that clear?  Splendid!  As for "Sabotage", that comes from the French 'Saboter', idiom for 'To muck things up by being clod-hoppingly clumsy', or more exactly for 'To clatter in sabots' (wooden shoes or clogs).  Art!

     The kind of sabot that will definitely give you a right clattering.  

     ANYWAY the word 'Sabotage' can be taken to mean "The deliberate destruction, disruption or damage of equipment, a public service, etc. as by enemy agents, dissatisfied employees, etc."

     Please note that people may accidentally sabotage themselves, usually by being witless manglement idiots promoted beyond their stupidity level.  One's thoughts turn to a certain purveyor of clockwork wind-up motors or some such shizzle, or how the wicked wicked wicked EU refuses to help solve South Canadian issues over ova.  Art!

     ANYWAY I wanted to talk about the performance of actual physical sabotage during wartime, and an event that was utterly novel to me.  I am referring, as previously threatened, about the 'Black Tom' incident.  Art!

     Kudos to "The History Guy", who can always be relied upon to provide interesting and unusual insights into corners of history that have been forgotten or never reported in the first place.  Art!

     This is the location of 'Black Tom', so-called because it's original, undeveloped state resembled that of a tom cat's arched back.  Black Tom was a load of rubbish, very much so, being an enormous amount of landfill waste and refuse, dumped over decades around an original rock.  By the 1880s it had grown substantial enough and large enough to be developed as an artificial island of 20 acres.  Art!

     Note the piers and jetties and railroad lines allowing freight shipment.  Large warehouses were constructed along the piers to store New Jersey's outgoing or incoming freight.  By 1916 the Great War was really entering full spate in Europe, which sought munitions from South Canada.  The Central Powers of Austria-Hungary and Germany were prevented by the naval blockade imposed by Perfidious Albion from acquiring anything from technically neutral South Canada.  Great Britain (as we were known then) and France, on the other hand, ordered as much military kit as they could afford, so the warehouses and depots and rolling stock on Black Tom were stuffed to the gills with explosive ordnance.  Art!

Swinging Tom

     On the night of July 29th, the barge 'Johnson 17" was moored off Black Tom, as the captain didn't want to pay a $25 docking fee, so all the 100,000 pounds of ordnance remained on the barge, rather than being off-loaded into a warehouse.  There, they would have joined 2,000,000 pounds of other ordnance.  Or, 45 tons added to 893 tons.

     What could possibly go wrong?

     "At 00:45 a.m. the guards first noticed the fires -" is what can go wrong.  The fires seemed to have started in the furthest rail cars of ammunition waiting to be unloaded, and from there the flames spread to the Johnson 17.  The 45 tons of ordnance-containing Johnson 17.

    Stopping only to sound the fire alarm, the guards looked to guard their own skins first and fled.  Art!

     The first thing to explode, at 02:08, was the barge, which went up with such a bang that it woke people in Philadelphia, ninety miles away.  Next to go were railcars, at 02:38, and explosions kept occurring all morning.  Hundreds of thousands of windows were shattered, debris and shrapnel impacted buildings a mile away, and the Statue of Liberty had her arm damaged by debris.

     When the official investigation began, their first question was: what caused a series of explosions causing $20 million-worth of damage?  Art!

     The Teutons.  After all, all that ordnance was going to be used against them, so why not get rid of it before it crossed The Pond?  The sabotage device used was the same size as a cigar and used a time-fuse to delay detonation, after which it used a thermite core to melt it's outer casing.  Conrad cannot find any pictures of these devices, only the chap behind their use.  Art!

     Captain von Rintelen.  He was such a successful saboteur that Perfidious Albion conspired to have him recalled to Germany aboard a neutral ship, which they then forced to dock in England, where he was arrested.

     Post-war, it was proven that Wilhemine Germany had been responsible for the sabotage at Black Tom, as determined by a commission looking into war guilt and debt.  A judgement for $50 million was issued, which the Nazi Germany of 1939 sneered at and refused to pay.  A considerably meeker Federal Germany paid up in 1953, to the tune of $93 million, which payments only ended in 1979.

     There you go.  Black Tom - it went down a bomb.

Now It Can Be Told

Your Humble Scribe has finally finished "22.11.1963", which I'll avoid giving spoilers about, because you may want to invest several weeks of your time in reading it,  After a verrrry long and detailed description of Jake's experiences in 1963, we then get the conclusion, which then hastily wraps up the consequences of Jake's interference in time, also introducing a couple of plot twists from out of left field.  Art!

If they took all the bells and whistles off, close to this -

     Jake and his pal Al were so dead, absolutely unequivocably set on averting the Kennedy assassination that they fell into the Bolshevik's Blindness Befustication; which I may not have enlarged upon before.  The Bolshies, you see, concentrated all their efforts and energies and planning and strategy and tactics on seizing power, without thinking about what to do afterwards.  Thus with Jake.  He never stopped to think about the consequences, beyond "Eldrad must live".  Sorry, "Kennedy must live".

     Another one for the Dead Books Pile.

The Wehraboos Won't Like This

Conrad is posting extracts from a journal written by an anonymous Teuton corporal in September of 1944, from the collection of various documents that appear in "Blood And Steel".  He was part of 12 Company of the 719th Infantry Division, thus a plodding regular division lacking any glamour or cachet.  He seems to hold himself to a much higher standard than his fellow Teutons.

12 September 1944

Enemy patrol breaks in in our sector!  Smoke bombs and mortar fire.  They take a sentry from 3 Company with them.  This causes a hunt for partisans through all the houses in the village.  The wanton destruction and plundering is indescribable.  There are no more decent or respectable men left around me.

     Conrad's Commentary:  Ah, now they're 'partisans' no longer 'terrorists'?  I wonder where this change in parlance comes from, as the former implies a more efficient paramilitary operation.  The 'search' seems to be an excuse for looting amongst abandoned Belgian houses.  Rather a far cry from the disciplined Teutons of 1940, hmmmm?

"Trog"

Conrad was introduced to this Doncaster slang yesteryon, and presumes it is as novel to you as it was to me.  It means 'To eat excessively', which is Conrad's normal mode of food consumption, so quite applicable.

     It did, of course - obviously! - make me consider a previous encounter with the word 'Trog'.  Art!

     I think I've seen this as a late-night program filler.  It involves the troglodyte of the title, and ends up with him getting shot, perhaps?  'Twas a good forty years ago since I witnessed it last so don't quote me.

     Then there is the plural.  Art!

Close enough

Talking Of The Dead Book Pile

Merely to prove that it exists, and that I've been dealing with a few real breeze-block works of late, Art!

     There's at least 2,500 pages-worth of book there.  See!  See what I am sacrificing!

     Of course, I now need more fiction to fill the gap these have left.  Either Abebooks or the charity shops beckon.  Laterz, pilgrims!

Good Morning, Elong!

We Haven't Slandered Or Defamed Kaptain Ketamine In A While

Conrad has only skimmed the news headlines this morning, which are more notable for the death of Val Kilmer (excellent in "Heat" by the way) than anything positive about Muskie, much to the latter's pained regret.  Art!

     This is the moment when Val's character, full of bonhomie at having pulled off a massive bank robbery, instantly changes demeanour.  It precipitates a shoot-out that is deservedly legendary for it's attention to realism.

     ANYWAY to make a tenuous link, in the scene above there is so much lead flying around that OSHA would wince in anguish.  Who or what is OSHA?  O I thought you'd never ask!

     The Occupational Safety and Health Administration, is what. Art!

     This is the South Canadian federal agency entrusted with monitoring and regulating health and safety in the workplace.  It's an essential agency in protecting workers - so expect Elong Tusk to try and get rid of it - because most South Canadian employers deeply mourn the banishment of slavery.

     On to our story, narrated by the victim's offspring.  Glass-Cutting Dad, hereafter GCD, had worked in a glass-processing plant for decades, and was a master at his craft.  He'd even got a plaque from NASA for his work on the solar panels for Hubble, and an award from a church for his 15,000 hand-cut pieces of glass for a stained-glass window.  Art!

     Those panels have to work right first time, you can't recall and recut.

     ANYWAY the original owner died from old age, and his Bottomhole Offspring took over, as they often do, and proceeded to cut every corner imaginable to reduce costs.  They didn't charge for air only because they'd never seen "Total Recall".

     The literal crunch came when GCD was overseeing work on the shop floor and fell onto that very same (hard concrete) floor, injuring his back.  This is when the corner-cutting nature of the BOs came into play, as well as their servile minions.  Art!

For illustrative purposes only

    As per union and OHSA RULES AND REGULATIONS NOT AIRY-FAIRY NONSENSE WRITTEN IN COBWEBS ON POST-IT NOTES LEFT UNDER THE FRIDGE, after an accident like this the plant should be shut down, OHSA informed and an investigation conducted, with the plant not returning to operations until after the conclusion of said investo.

     But that would cost money, wouldn't it?

     There then followed a series of staggeringly stupid decisions.

     1) The Plant Manager refused to shut down the line.  The Union President, who GCD classed as 'a bottom-licker of epic proportions', and whom should have insisted the line be closed, merely nodded and did nothing.  Probably  tugging his forelock as he did so.

     2) They refused to call an ambulance because that would mean shutting down the line.

     3) GCD was shunted onto a bit of cardboard and dragged off to a side entrance.

     4)  Rather than an ambulance, they loaded him into a company panel truck, drove to the nearest hospital and dumped him there.  Art!

     

CAUTION! Not an emergency vehicle.  Not under any circumstances.

    The long medical story short is that this was the end of GCD's days in the factory, thanks to spinal damage.  GCD was happy to get a small settlement and  worker's compensation until he could hit retirement age and collect his pension.

     What could possibly go wrong?

     Hmmm, just everything from that point onwards.  You see, when the company lawyer turned up, as per instructions from the BOs, he offered only worker's compensation, no settlement and GCD needed to sign a waiver that stated he was to blame for the accident.

     It transpired that the accident had not only not been investigated, it hadn't even been reported, although everyone from PM to BOs lied and said it had.  After all, what could possibly go wrong?  Well, imagine you're Val Kilmer's character walking out of the bank with a jaunty strut - and then you see the entirety of the LAPD waiting for you.  That's how wrong it could get.  Art!

     GCD retained a personal injury attorney, with instructions to go scorched and salted earth on the company, which they did.

     What could possibly go wrong?  Well, the Plant Manager, HR and Union President were all fired, and only GCD's residual kindness prevented criminal charges being lodged against them.  The UP was also fined $25,000 and banned from his own union.

     The company really took a hit.  Remember OHSA? well, they seem to have decided to make an example of the BOs, for in the words of GCD's offspring, they descended on the plant 'like a plague of locusts'.  Thus business was hit with $6 million in fines - how much would they have lost to just shutting the line down for a couple of hours?  The whole plant was forced to close for 60 days, which also lost them $2 million in lost contracts.  They were banned from tendering for any government contracts for three years - goodbye working for NASA again! - which totalled losses of $4 million.

     $12 million down the dustpipe, which forced the BOs to sell off their company at a fraction of it's original value, to an acquisitions business from Sweden.  Art!

     The PM, HR and UP all blew through their retirement funds in no time.  UP now works in a shop, and the AI Art Generator thinks that above shows a 'spill in aisle three'.

     GCD retired early with a million dollars.  That's revengeance.  OHSAy can  you see, by the dawn's early light -

More Blasting From The Past

Is this a tailored advert?  If so, the algorithm has learned a thing or two since it began recommending 'Log Counting Software'.  I mean, a log's a pretty substantial thing, it would be hard to either miss or miscount a bundle of them.

     ANYWAY Art!

     I ask about targeting because these headliners were all big in the Eighties, so are they trying to appeal to music fans of Conrad's age?

     Conrad further noticed that "The Stranglers" are performing and so is their former frontman, Hugh Cornwell.  One would like to be a fly on the wall backstage when they encounter each other.  Conrad further further noticed that there's no prices given.  How very remiss.

On The Home Stretch

Your Humble Scribe has reached page 650 of "11.22.1963", which always seems odd when typed out.  As predicted, Ol' Steve is having his hero and heroine go down to the wire in terms of dealing with Lee Harvey Oswald.  I mean, where would the word count be if Jake merely walked up to Lee in the dark and plugged him dead?  Efficient and timely, yes, and the editor wouldn't have to try and cut down the 1,200 pages to something a tad more manageable, but it would kind of lack suspense.  Art!

Conrad Takes The Biscuit

And also the cake.  The Tunis Cake, that is.  Art!

     No, I don't know why the date is a year out.  ANYWAY here's the cake in all it's ganached glory.  It has to be a decade since I last made ganache and I think the double cream in this case was rather past it's sell-by-date, hence the trace of separated oils on the top.

Grumpy Gefreiter Gets Grumpier

Hopefully our little missives from the tetchy Teuton NCO are adding a little nuance to accounts of the fighting in Belgium, because as we have seen the German army had a lot of dross in their ranks.

11 September 1944

A patrol of 3 Company went to the other side of the canal in the night.  An enemy patrol was on our side at the same time.  Callenberg has been a deserter since 6 September.  Rumour of Von Kluge's suicide.  Model (55) his successor.  The Regimental Commander very dissatisfied with 3 Company's sector.

The 'Priest' is NOT A TANK!

Conrad's Commentary: The Teutons didn't like operating at night, whereas the British loved it and have practiced it ever since.  'Callenberg', whomever he is or was, doesn't seem to be infused with the dedication and discipline that Nazi Germany expected, quite.

     Von Kluge did indeed commit suicide, taking poison rather than return to Germany, where the Gestapo were waiting to have a little chat with him, as he was up to his Prussian ears in the plotting to assassinate Herr Schickelgruber.  Another one short on dedication and discipline!  Art!

     That's Model, the replacement, pronounced 'Moh-dell'.  He got around Herr Schickelgruber's constant and consistent interference by ringing Der Fuhrer's headquarters up every five minutes to ask permission to put butter on his crumpets, or to use a chinagraph pencil on his map sheets.  After a morning of non-stop pestering Ol' Schicky would lose the plot and leave him to carry on, uninterrupted.

Finally -

I've been so busy working and blogging that I've not had a chance to read about Elong Tusk's morning misery.  Allow me whilst I'm on my afternoon break, consuming both schadenfreude and cake.

Whisky No More!

We Do Seem To Be Dealing With This Spirit A Lot Of Late

Once again, whisper who dares, Conrad is not fond of the stuff.  It's okay as a flavouring for baking - Honey and Whisky Cake is a firm favourite - but not as a tipple of choice.  Art!

     Like any valuable commodity, whisky attracts criminals.  You might not dub those who 'rescued' or 'salvaged' the 7,000 cases of whisky from the wreck of the 'SS Politician' as criminals but the law did, and so did HM Customs and Excise.  

     Nowadays the criminals are a lot more white collar and wield laptops rather than oars, yet their end purpose is much the same: stealing your money.  Art!

     The problem has grown so pernicious that Your Humble Scribe was able to find this website with minimal searching, and I shall run through their Ten Tips just in case you feel the siren call of whisky cask investing.  

1)  "Hurry up and sign immediately NOW!"

This is a classic and signature mark of scams in general.  Conrad remembers the warnings that went out about pension scams a decade ago, where the scammers would send a motorbike courier to your door poste-haste so you could sign over all your money.  Art!

                               

     As WID cannily point out, whisky in a cask takes years, up to 15, to age to maturity.  Why does the investment company think a few hours are going to make a difference?

2)  The Moon on a stick

Or, in less flowery terms, promising 'Guaranteed Returns!', possibly without the exclamation mark.  NOTHING in the money markets is guaranteed, there is always risk involved and an unpredictable Black Swan Event may be just around the corner.  This problem is why the Financial Services Compensation Scheme exists.  Art!

3)  High Pester Factor

One way scammers draw in victims is to have a dearth of information about their business, their board, their premises, their stock and so on.  To find out what a reputable company would normally be upfront about, people have to provide their contact details.  This then leads to a flood of scam spam, which it is hoped will erode your will to live and common sense.

4)  Flee By Night

Rather than take any smooth-tongued charmer's word for it, or a flashy glossy brochure, or a website that sings and dances, WID recommend that you, the investor, merely check out the investors details at the Company House website, which is free.  This will show how long the company has been around, and in the case of scammers, this will not be long.  In fact you may well discover that the business investing in whisky is only one of a looooong string of dodgy failed companies.  Ooops.

5)  Look Look Gobbledygook

Surprise!  A business claiming to be licenced by the Royal and Ancient Order of Capybaras does not, in fact, have any more legitimacy than the next business.  What they MUST have is certification from HM Customs & Excise - remember them? they go to any and all lengths to ensure the government gets it's money - and their WOWGR permission.  If the 'investment business' has a list of certificates longer than a roll of Andrex but no WOWGR, then they're a scam.  Art!

What the AI Art Generator thinks "WOWGR" is

6)  Nix Nix

To quote that immortal bard, Elvis PQ Presley.  Compare what the investment business has present on any website they have, or whatever pamphlets they provide, and cross-reference with Company House's details.  They ought, at the very least, to match up and if they don't, caveat emptor.  WID also recommends checking out business sites such as Linkdin, whatever that is.  Essentially, a reputable business will have a large 'signature' for potential investors to check.  I'm not going to risk the AI with 'nix nix'.

7)  DYODD

No, it's not Welsh.  Bafune!  This is the acronym for "Do Your Own Due Diligence" and is a longer way of saying caveat emptor, which is Latin <hack spit> for be careful and don't purchase pigs in pokes.  WID, doing a bit of trumpet-blowing, did a quick search for 'whisky investors' and quickly found 16, of whom only 1 (!) bothered to list their stock prices.  WID then cut loose with a list of reasons why not listing stock is a very bad thing.  I shall add in a bit of their blurb:

WhiskyInvestDirect posts full details online of all its stock, with prices and costs clearly shown, ready for you to review as and when it suits you. This lets you compare our prices and costs against other offers and importantly see the live price you will receive when you sell.

     Not listing prices means risking investment in grossly-overpriced casks, which is one of the prime rip-offs these scammers inflict.  WID's language is quite prim but underneath the calm text you can tell they want to flay these scoundrels alive.

8) Provenance

This similar to the chain of ownership in forensic cases, establishing that the whisky is in fact whisky - there are rules about earning that title, believe me, lots of rules - and that it has the pedigree behind it that the investors claim it has.  Art!

9)  What's In It For Me And How?

Or, what profits will I be getting?  These are the questions to be asked about the end of the investment process, which scammers will typically gloss over, if they cover them at all.  In the wise words of WID:

• Who will buy my whisky?
• Is there an active market for my specific whisky?
• When was the last time whisky like mine sold?
• What was the last price paid for whisky like mine?
• What are the costs involved in finding a buyer and selling my whisky?

     The investors ought to be able to provide information on these subjects.  IF they are legit.

10)  If In Doubt, Stay Out!

Whisky has been around for thousands of years and is going to be here long after North Sea Oil has run dry, so there is no reason to be panicked into buying a cask of it because an investor is screaming down the phone at you to "BUY BUY BUY NOW NOW NOW!!"  There will be legitimate investment opportunities tomorrow and next week and the year after tomorrow.

     There you go, BOOJUM! making your world a saner safer place.

The Love Of Crunching Numbers

I'm going to pervert a superhero saying, because I'm horrid that way.

"In brightest day, in blackest night,

No profit for Disney's "Snow White" '

     Tee hee!  Art?

     Thanks to 'Box Office Mojo' for this data, which is for "Snow White".  I don't think we've put up a chart like this since "The Marvels", which was another Disney financial flop back in 2023.  Art!

    So, for the three days when SW ought to be making mint, they actually pulled less than the first Saturday.  This failure to maintain a healthy profit means another nail in the coffin, because hoping that this turkey of a film had legs was about the last gasp of Disney's execs.  Their other hope, that international audiences would suddenly develop a taste for Meleagris, also proved false.  Art!

     A 6% increase over Domestic isn't going to earn any executives early retirement with a golden handshake.  That $142 million at the box office translates into $71 million in profits, for a film that cost at least $270 million (before reshoots).

     Ooops.  And also tee hee!

One Conrad Can Get Behind

Since we're already over Count, I need a couple of picture items to fill out the rest of today's blog.  Art!

     Naughty naughty, not putting the title up so that people just have to click and find out.  Well, it's "Children Of Men" in case you were wondering, and it is indeed a masterpiece, especially the urban combat at the end, which is grimly realistic.  It does end on a hopeful note, so dystopian-with-a-shred-of-utopia.

Oh Look Who's Joining In The Fun

Conrad is no fan of "The Daily Mail", which sees itself as the unofficial voice of the Conservative Party.  However - a word unused today until now - they are also giving SW a good shoeing whilst it's down.  Art!

   "It exists", mayhap?

Finally -

Just to caution you that we're not done with Whisky Cask Investment Scams, not by a long way!