Titanic

No!  Nothing To Do With Ships
It will take a while to get there, but bear with me, because hopefully the journey and destination will be worth it.  And if not - well, you're not paying anything to read this, are you?
     Okay!  As you ought to know by now, Conrad is an odd, cold fish with unusual interests, two of which constitute Steely Dan and nuclear warfare.  The latter you don't bother to mention in normal company; the company you could mention it in all carry very high security ratings and frown on chit chat.  Oh well.
     Right.  Let us introduce - Titan!


Thermonuclear terror.*

     Meet one of South Canada's first ICBMs.  If memory serves, it mounted a 9 megaton warhead, which would make your eyes water even if it missed you by ten miles.  And there were lots of them.  Hence - Titanic.
     "But - but - but - what does this have to do with Steely Dan?" I hear you querulously bleat.
     So glad you asked!  It has to do with their track "King of the World", which is from their really quite splendid album "Countdown to Ecstasy".

They might be referring to this.  But probably not.

     I didn't realise at first, because SD lyrics are usually pretty tangential and opaque, but this song is about the aftermath of nuclear war.  Again, I didn't realise until seeing this in a set of comments on Youtube.  So, being an anorak (best kind?  worst kind?  Only you can tell!) Conrad very naturally sat down to analyse the lyrics.  This is a considerable departure from old custom, where BOOJUM! would mercilessly mock and maul a particular set of lyrics.  What can I say?  It's how we roil.  And here we have the end results.  Obviously if you don't like either Steely Dan or nuclear war, because both can be a bit of a buzzkill, you may skip to the end.**
     Okay!

Hello one and all
Was it you I used to know?
Can't you hear me call
On this old ham radio

     Well, there you have it, the collapse of Western civilisation in a single verse.  Our protagonist is broadcasting to anyone left who can hear him, using an amateur radio, because there are no functioning telephone networks anymore, and the public broadcasting system is permanently off the air.  Art?

Note:  no pork involved

All I got to say
I'm alive and feeling fine
Should you come my way
You can share my poison wine

     A plea for company.  Reading between the lines - something your humble scribe can do at length - our protagonist is horribly lonely, because everyone else is, not to put too fine a point upon it and neither to beat about the bush whilst cutting - okay, they're all dead.  There.  That's me being blunt.  Don (or Walt) is also a little confused about his wine.  The one thing that won't be poisoned after the Big Bang Bombs descend is bottled wine, because it's in a sealed container.  If there's a little fallout on the bottle, rinse it under a tap.  If there is no piped water - oh, just use a paper towel.

No marigolds in the promised land
There's a hole in the ground
Where they used to grow
Any man left on the Rio Grande
Is the king of the world as far as I know

     Well, the Rio Grand runs from Colorado, all through New Mexico and is the border between Texas and Mexico until it runs into the Gulf of Mexico, so there's quite a prospect of someone being alive along it.  Art?

Thus

     Bear in mind that the following was written in 1973, before I comment. 

I won't take your bread
I don't need no helping hand
I can't be no savage
I can't be no highwayman

     A fine moral stance!  Our protagonist is determined to retain the values of civilisation, rather than descending to the levels that we see in "Damnation Alley" as written by Roger Zelazny in 1969, which does indeed feature savages and highwaymen and piratical biker gangs.  Art?

Excellent cover art by Chris Foss

     Both Don and Walt were science fiction fans, so they were very probably aware of this novel even if they'd not read it; I mean, it won both the Hugo and Nebula Awards.*** Next verse!

 

Show me where you are
You and I will spend this day
Drivin' in my car
Through the ruins of Santa Fe

     There are a couple of suppositions here.  Firstly, that the car in question has a full tank of petrol, because if the grid is out, petrol pumps won't work.  Secondly, that EMP has not fried said car's electrical and electronic systems.  Santa Fe getting ruined implies bad things, too - it is the state capital of New Mexico and there are only 4 possible strategic targets in the whole state, so it sounds like there's been a "city-swapping" engagement where both sides deliberately target each other's population centres. 

Santa Fe (intact)

 Altogether a bit of a bummer, eh?  Carry on with this laughing japefest!

When you come around
No more pain and no regrets
Watch the sun go brown
Smoking cobalt cigarettes

     I don't think cigarettes containing cobalt would ever get approved by the FDA, so I assume Don (or Walt) is being sardonic here.

Cigarettes.
EVIL EVIL CIGARETTES!

  FYI, cobalt is added to nuclear warheads to produce extremely long-life fallout that lasts for years.  It also pigments things blue, which is an appropriate shade for this dirge song.  Next!

 

There's no need to hide
Taking things the easy way
If I stay inside
I might live till Saturday

     Hmmm.  I think Don underestimates the length of time he can survive indoors.  At least if he seals the doors and windows to keep the fallout away, or if he has an indoor refuge.  Even if fatally irradiated you can survive for up to two weeks before shuffling off this mortal coil.

A band?  Who knew!

Well, there you go.  Of course, I may be overthinking this ...

Sorry, couldn't resist

 *  You have to roll the 'r's
**  Congratulations.  You have now reached the end.
***  If you are not familiar with these, imagine it's the sci-fi equivalent of the Golden Globes and Oscar.