Balloon Antics

Yes, Once Again We Return To PERFIDIOUS ALBION!
Or, for those who are not familiar with Conrad's - ah - idiosyncratic terminology, Britain.  And the ostensibly barmy but actually horribly effective Operation Outward, that being the sinister plan to swap Nazi Germany with - balloons.
     Balloons armed either with incendiary bombs or very long trailing wires, the latter of which caused tremendous disruption to the Teuton power grid.  Shorting out cables, destroying insulators and even burning down an entire power station, causing constant interruptions to the supply of electricity - and all for less than £2 per balloon.

Close enough.  And also highly disruptive.

     Given the sheer havoc that these balloons could cause, the Teutons couldn't simply allow them to fly freely o'er the land.  Instead, they sent up aircraft to intercept them, or shot them down with anti-aircraft guns.
     "Ha!" I can hear you gloating, rubbing your hands together.  "Take that, Albion who is perfidious.  Serves you right, you treacherous stabbers in the back."
     Pausing only to frown at your shallow loyalty and dubious inclinations, I shall expound.  Art?

                    This -                                      versus this
     Factor in the cost of the airplane fuel, the ammunition, wear and tear on the airframe, the cost of anti-aircraft shells, flying time for the pilots - all of this far exceeds the cost of an Operation Outward balloon.  The estimate is that Op Outward cost £150,000 but inflicted, at the very least, £1,500,000 worth of damage upon the unfortunate Teutons.  Not bad for a collection of rubber and hydrogen.
     Well, I think we've just about exhausted all the possibilities of Op Outward.  Pausing only to hurl the motley into a skip full of medical waste, let us proceed!

Sigh
Yes, that swining rapscallion the Coincidence Hydra has sunk it's teeth into my nethers again.  Conrad can only assume that his flesh is oh so tasty, since this happens regularly.  I shall expound.  Art?
     

Conrad modestly points out the 17 minutes to completion time, my second-best ever

     The clue, if you care to know, was "They help users to grow better (5,7).  I thought the second word might be "Lessons" but came to realise this wasn't true when I got a couple of letters correct.
     What does this have to do with anything?  Why, not half an hour later I was in the kitchen of our floor in the Dark Tower, when Jo came in to water a plant.  It has to be said, the plant did not look well.  Jo mused that she had probably killed it off.  At which point that crossword clue came to mind.  Art?

The plant in question

     I suspect a little more than verdant digits will be needed to nurse this thing back to life.  But then I'm not a gardener, so what do I know?*

You What?
Conrad likes to hear of bizarre conspiracy theories, and there are some out there that really stretch the envelope of barmy, so here's one that really made my jaw sag:  Protochronism.  Never heard of it?  Neither had I.
     Well, it holds that everything in the world that matters - art, culture, language, writing, literature, sculpture, architecture, alphabets, everything of worth - comes from Romania.

Romania.  Just to be clear

     This - er - theory goes back all the way to prehistoric times, and invokes the Romanian's distant ancestors, the Dacians, and also the Thracians.  The reasoning behind it is rather facile, and to those who know their Romanian/Dacian history initially gape in astonishment at it, and then fall off their chairs laughing.

A chair.  Just to be clear.

     There are other conspiracy theories out there that make "crackpot" look like "Sound common sense", including that one which claims Finland does not exist, but I think you'll need to look hard to find one dafter than Protochronism.**

I Look Tidier
Well I do!  If you were paying attention earlier today, then you might have noticed your humble scribe went to get a haircut, which he did - eventually.  Getting to the hairdresser's was an event in itself, which you might get in a little more detail later on.  Anyway, let us see the trimmed thatch itself.  Art?

Aptly severe, don't you think?

     Since this look required walking a mile, getting frozen, having soaking wet clothes and feeling very annoyed indeed, you'd better appreciate it.



*  Quite a lot, actually.  But not about gardening.
**  Although I can always stand to be corrected