Super AI
To be accurate, if you want to take over the world.
IF!
A PRETTY BIG ASK if we look at your background.
Let me be clear here, in this Intro we are once again looking at how badly Hom. Sap. can mess up their daily life. This is Hom. Sap. doing their daily duties, aided or dissuaded by material circumstance. To be honest, if an over-arching AI were in the background, none of this bumbling incompetency would happen. Possibly because all human life would be extinct. Remember Colossus, the super AI of 'The Forbin Project' all those decades ago? Art!
It dealt with circumstances with remorseless AI logic: Hom. Sap would either obey it or else all be dead (it controlled all nuclear weapons at this point). A bit like a benevolent Skynet, or the AI Art Generator with a gun.
ANYWAY back to 'Discover Tech US' and their compilation of merry mayhem. Art!
"Ladders are for jessies"
The attribution doesn't help in this case. Besides which, his subsequent 'fall' onto a big pile of cardboard boxes looks staged, more like a deliberate jump than anything accidental, so that's all you get of this one. No machinery was involved in this clip, only the ambient stupidity of Hom. Sap. Art!
Further forklift frolics
Mike seems to be involved in warehouse safety and has other video clips of warehouse stack failures. Art!
Nothing to see here, move along please.
Until - Art!
Freddy the forkflat operator turns far too close to the stacked products and hits them with his load. No, that's not how you operate a forklift, lest ye be unaware. Those stacks are meant to support product, not accommodate impacts at their base, where shear forces are at their greatest. Art!
The cascade begins. THIS is why forklifts have overhead protection, to protect idiot Hom. Sap. whom cause accidents, because Colossus would never have made an error like this.
The cascade continues. Then the damage inflicted spreads further. Colossus sits in judgement on you, Freddy. Art!
Despite bringing down a whole rack, things haven't reached their peak just yet, because one part of that collapsing stack doesn't collapse vertically, it falls into the stack opposite. Art!
Which also collapses. Freddy - and the warehouse manager - is probably wishing he'd stayed in bed that morning. Art!
Under that sea of debris is Freddy. This is where the clip ends, so we don't know if he survived unscathed or not. If he wasn't crushed then the warehouse manager will have murdered him after reviewing this security tape. The pompous narrator chides the warehouse for having bought cheap stacking; Conrad asserts that being able to withstand several tons impact is rather beyond the specs for any shelving system*. Art!
Conrad is unsure who 'JNJdestruction' is, but I can tell you that 'Meyer's Trucking' is a still-extant logistics company based in north-west Pennsylvania.
Rather than forklifts or 18-wheelers being to blame here, we have good old Hom. Sap. being stupid. Art!
Norman The Numpty here has been tasked with retrieving a truck tyre. These things are heavy, typically at least 100 PROUD IMPERIAL pounds, so of course = obviously! - Norman has to muck around with it. Art!
How to lose a battle of wits with an inanimate object. The thing about a tyre, Norman, is that they are ROUND and can be WHEELED around from warehouse to truck. All it takes is two hands and a functional brain. The pompous narrator blathers on about head injuries, not about suffering a hernia from laughter when reviewing security footage. Humanity 0 Tyre 1. Art!
For your information, 'Pekozas Paracuarto' is a Mexican company based in Michoacan. Keep your eyes on the forklift to starboard. Art!
Let me illustrate how high a safe load is. Art!
Manuel, on day-release from the open prison 'Fawlty Towers', ignores piffling inconsequential things like safe loading height and - Art!
Loses his load. Whatever he was transporting is firmly wrapped in plastic sheeting, so the loads stay in one piece, meaning he doesn't have to clear up a debris field before being fired. Art!
 |
| Uh-oh, as Scooby would say |
Here Freddy is attempting to retrieve a pallet of what looks like soft drink cans, with his reach forklift. However - O that word again! - he turns too quickly before lowering his load, with the inevitable consequences. Art!
Uniquely, we get the rest from the perspective of another security camera. Art!
Only by the grace of God were there no people under that pallet, because a mass like that moving at speed would kill. Colossus is tutting and shaking it's metaphorical head. Art!
There's no narration on this one, but Conrad thought it looked like a turbine in operation. Then I checked on Ewgen, who has a Youtube channel, thus -
Conrad is correct again. Art!
Oooops, that doesn't look good.
Not bad enough to make matey in the background move beyond an amble.
And that's all from the compilation. Don't worry, Your Humble Scribe will dig up another one. I bet you can hardly wait.
More From The Museum Of Failure
Another item I'd never heard of, both because it was - you may be ahead of me here - a failure, and because it came out forty years ago. Art!
Behold the 'Groovestick'. This gimmicky product was intended for drummers who wanted to hit their hi-hat cymbal on both the upstroke and the downstroke. Art!
A hi-hat, for your elucidation
However - second time today - whilst the drummer could whang merry heck out of his hi-hat, the Groovestick was useless for anything else, such as, O, you know their drumkit. It isn't available as a product any more, I checked.
Torn From The Headlines
Art!
This is Solovyev, Putin's Propaganda Pimp, and anything that comes out of his flapping piehole will be Kremlin-approved. I'm putting this up as it must be a slow news day, Solly and his guests rant and froth over nuking the West or Western capitals, especially London** EVERY SINGLE WEEK. South Canada under Agent Krasnov would refuse to do anything if Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks gave the order to fire the instant-sunshine bombs, but Perfidious Albion and France have their own independent nuclear missile subs. Their target lists are Top Top Secret but I confidently claim that Moscow and Saint Petersburg will be large radioactive craters within 60 minutes. Solly and his mates never mention that consequence and Solly seems to ignore the fact that his son lives in London. Colossus approves.
A Little Gentle Shoeing
Because we can't let Agent Krasnov get complacent, can we? Art!
Again, is it a slow news day? Art!
The clue to when Donold is lying is when his lips move. The only time he's not lying is when he's sleeping through a meeting. Art!
This is an hilarious 01:14 second clip of a senile old man being ignored by everyone in the room, just standing around waiting for his Happy Meal. You get the feeling that his feet are being moved by someone underneath the floor with magnets. Yes, magnets, which utterly baffle and perplex him; he has a bit of a fixation about them. I will be so very sad when the fat old biffer shambles off this mortal coil, he generates so much content for free. Would it be tasteless to run a sweepstake for which month this mortal-coil shambling takes place?
Meanwhile, In Mordorvia -
Maria Drutska, in a Tweet on Twitter (ha! take that Elong Tusk!) points out some very bad news for Putinpot, which will probably result in someone drinking polonium tea or leaping from a window. To wit:
2025 budget originally expected $69.7/barrel, then $56: under $40 is a severe hit to finances
2025 break-even estimate per barrel is $46: every barrel loses moneyWhether they can still maintain their fleet of shadow tankers to transport loss-making product is another matter. Is that a smile on Budanov's face?
The orcses tried to poison him. They got his wife instead.
This is not someone you want to anger.
And with that, 28 minutes later than I'd hoped, we are done!
* Colossus might disagree.
** The UK has squatters rights in Putin's mind.
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