Wednesday, 30 April 2025

Our Experiment Continues

I Think We'll Persist

With that short story as written by 'Sapper', "A Day Of Peace", because it means all the creative heavy lifting has already been done and all I have to do is copy and pontificate.

What the well-dressed sapper of today wears

Also, the traffic algorithm on Blogger has gone potty again. Art!

One-hundred and eleven visitors as of 07:30 in the aye-em? Conrad rather thinks not. flattering though it is.

ANYWAY back to Sapper. In a long prose paragraph he lays out what - er - 'stakeholders' the Royal Engineers had whilst participating in trench warfare of the kind in vogue over a century ago. "In addition to the Infantry, other people thrust themselves forward in a manner which requires firmness and tact to deal with: gunners require O.P.'s or observation posts -"
Long gone were the days when gunners fired over open sights at targets they could see in front of them; the British found out the hard way at the Battle of Le Cateau that the Napoleonic method was dead. Art!

What you have here is an OP, where an observer for his gun battery is watching the Hun lines, telephoning back any target information. The OP has to be robust in order to shrug off shellfire or shrapnel or bullets, yet blend into the background so as not to be an obvious target.

"- other gunners require trench mortar emplacements"

Technically, if it's a trench mortar then the infantry will be manning it, not the Royal Artillery, who crewed the big medium and heavy mortars. The emplacement still needs to be constructed. Art!

There the mortar is, hiding at the bottom of a hole, painstakingly lined with wood to prevent the sides from collapsing either from muzzle blast or rain. This emplacement is entirely separate from the front line as the Teutons loathed trench mortars above everything, and would visit hurricane bombardments upon any they discovered.

" - dangerous men with machine guns sit up and take notice, and demand concrete and other abominations"

Nor did the Teutons love British machine guns with brotherly affection. Rather, they would attempt to blow them to little bits, so the crews liked to have a nice safe reinforced concrete pillbox or bunker to protect their delicate hides and their engine of destruction. Art!

That these things were robust is proven by the one above. These shelters can still be found in Flanders, over a century after they were laid down. The RE Captain in Sapper's story would have to prioritise whom got what shelter and when, as there was a perpetual shortage of men and materials. Whomever he satisfies will have two disappointed compatriots. Also -

" - while last, but not least, the medical profession demand secret and secure places in which to practice their nefarious trade."

Art!

This is a dressing station, which would have been located close behind the front lines, hence the need for concrete and plenty of it. If I were being conscientious I'd put up a picture or two from "Armageddon's Walls" because I definitely recall a large, multi-partitioned shelter for medical use in there. However - there goes that word again! - I'm not feeling at all conscientious.

The OC then goes on to discover that, of their official bicycles, six have been 'lost', which noun then becomes 'destroyed', as in a large Teuton shell landing on them and rendering them unto fragments. What had actually happened is that, left unattended, they had been 'stolen'. Reporting this would lead to all sorts of questions being asked, so the 'destroyed' is a lot handier. Art!

Then there were two bikes whose front wheels were badly buckled. Due to a couple of junior officers playing 'bicycle polo' with them, a sport that involved a half-brick being propelled by pick-axe handles. O what people used to get up to before teh Interwebz, hmmm?

Okay, enough of experiments for today. It only remains to display the Leach Trench Catapult. Art!

As deadly in 1915 as in 1195.

More Misery In Mordorvia

I am going to divide up a broadcast made by Big K (Konstantin if we're being formal) on his "Inside Russis" vlog, as he gave four examples of how badly the Ruffian economy is faring. Four, plus a bonus tale, is rather too much all at once, so here goes Tale Of Toxicity Number One. Art!

Taking care not to identify either the business nor it's owner's name, 'Company A' is a private manufacturing plant, making specialist plastics, specifically ones that cover cables and wiring used in the construction of buildings. They have been around for thirty years, definitely not a fly-by-night business.

So, in February and March of this year their sales fell to 0%. Nil. Nothing.

There have been recessions in Ruffia before, in 1998 and 2008 and 2015, but business never flat-lined in this fashion back then.

What's the problem? Simple, construction has stopped across Ruffia. No construction means no demand for cables or wiring thus no specialist plastics needed. Oooops.

We're Not Finished With The Bulls Yet

Certainly not! Not when I've got a couple of pages and a long list of further referrals in my Brewer's. What to choose first?

BULL'S EYE: Mentioned in passing yesteryon. "The name is also familiar as that of a black-and-white streaked peppermint-flavoured sweet." Yuck. You're not selling that very well, Mister Confectioner. Art!

Whose idea was it to christen them so? because they need a good shaking.

Also, "The term for a thick disk or boss of glass, such as one set into a ship's deck to admit light. Hence a bull's-eye lantern."

Art!

BULLROARER:Intruiging. This is a flat piece of wood, "about 8 inches long", which is swung around the head and thus making a loud moaning noise. As used by folks in Australia and South Canada for rain-making, initiation and fertility purposes. As Conrad also recalls, from the depths of his skip-like mind, also used in "The Last Train" to scare off a pack of feral dogs. Art!

BULL DURHAM: Just because.

Conrad Points And Laughs

We've had a long Intro dedicated to the First Unpleasantness, and if the following picture was in monochrome, and a bit more blurred, you'd be perfectly happy imagining that 'Popular Mechanics' of 1915 had inspired Ruffian military designers of the time. Art"

These are orcs wearing the very latest in 'anti-drone suits', which 'Bricktop NAFO' posted on Twitter (Ha! take that, Elong Tusk!) back on the 3rd of April. It is remotely possible that this is an April Fool's prank broadcast slightly late. The odds are against it, mind.

You What?

You should, if you know what's good for you, be readily aware that Conrad has 0% interest in sports. I am aware that Liverpool have won the Premium Laager (sp?) because Alex, my Team Leader, was at the match on Sunday that clinched this in terms of points. He had Monday off to recover from his hangover, wise chap. Art!

This was in the BBC's 'Sports' section of their News webpage. Whose skin does this person want to get under? Is his superpower turning into an ant? They're certainly pests. Is Leinster a person a la Murray Leinster? Or a corporate entity? Or i

Ah whatever, I cannot be bottomed to go any further. Maybe it will make sense to any of you out there who follow sports. Or not.

Tuesday, 29 April 2025

A Load Of Bull

First Of All

WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS! thank you. For this is BOOJUM! and we don't go in for any of that NSFW nonsense, not even innuendo. When I talk about a load of bull, guess what? that's exactly what I mean.

You see, I was inspired by Edna this morning. After blessing us with her presence and scoffing her breakfast, her action of choice is to barge her way into Wonder Wifey's room, despite the door being firmly shut. The word I thought most applicable was 'bulldozer'. If bulldozers came cat-sized and covered with fur. Art!

It has cat. Caterpillars, that is.

There you go, a bulldozer, just so we're clear, which is known as 'Buldozeris' in Lithuanian.

Naturally, because I am Conrad, this mean wondering where the word 'Bulldozer' came from. Typically one would expect it to have been invented by Henry Thomas Bulldozer or be a product of the Bulldozing Company out of Newhaven, Connecticut.

Not a bit of it. Here I took up my "Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable" (every home should have one). "The origin of the word is in the verb 'To bulldoze", which originally meant to intimidate by violence, probably from bull (the animal) and an altered form of 'dose'." A bulldozer was someone who threatened in this way, and the term then passed to the powerful machine used for levelling."

It would be a short intro, without many bulls, if that were it. So it's not. As ever, Conrad's eye strayed o'er the pages of my Brewer's and - so much bull! The first definition was that of a blunder. Art!

You and I might call leaping over a bull a blunder, but back in Minoan times on Crete they did this kind of thing for shizzle and giggle.

ANYWAY the other sense was that of a contradiction in terms, which is where the waggish of us immediately chorus 'Military Intelligence'. Supposedly the Irish are prone to this variety of bull, which is supposedly supposedly taken from the surname of one Obadiah Bull, an Irish lawyer present in London during the reign of Henry VIII. Art!

"I sentence you to death by - EXECUTION!"

Next is a coin, to wit: a five-shilling piece. Conrad has never encountered this form of specie before, so it must have gone out of use a long time before decimalisation. Art!

A coin. Maybe even the right one.

'Half a bull' was half a crown or, in our quaint old LSD currency AND ONCE AGAIN WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY MINDS 2/6 or two shillings and sixpence.
Another definition is the shortened version of 'Bullseye', which is what non-archers call the gold.

Then! there is the stock market version of 'Bull', which is a person who purchases stocks or shares as a speculative buyer, hoping that their value will rise before the day of settlement. Art!

Once again, according to Brewer's: "Since the early 18th century the terms 'bull' and 'bear' have been broadly used on the Stock Exchange to describe an optimist or pessimist in share dealing". I'm so glad that's been clarified.

Guess who gets a mention in these headings under the overarching 'Bull'? Why yes of course - obviously! - 'Bulldog Drummond', who gets the usual rather dismissive ' - his actions and attitudes are thus hopelessly racist, protofascist and anti-Semitic'. Hmmm so only 'protofascist'? Is that because, as created in 1920, he predates Mussolini and the rise of fascism in Italy? Art!

The irony of a Jewish film magnate making a film from anti-Semitic novels is not lost on me, and now it's not lost on you, either.

O another hearken back to Tudor times, under 'Bull-baiting' in Brewer's. This sport was popular under the Tudors and Stuarts, whereby a bull would be tethered and thus prevented from either escaping or turning on it's captors, and was then set upon by dogs. Sounds horrid to modern sensibilities, doesn't it? Probably protofascist as well. You will be happy to note that it was made illegal in 1835, which is before the abolition of slavery (1837) for all you fans of emancipation.

Good old English values at play. O what people got up to before teh Interwebz, hmmm?

I think that's enough of bull for today. Thus today's title.

Talking Of Provoking The Normally Placid

We normally avoid Politics here on the blog, as there is nothing more likely to cause strife and discord than nailing one's political allegiance to the mast.

However - you knew it was coming! - there has been a bit of an event in Canuckistan, where the Orange Land Whale has, thanks to his ceaseless braying about Canuckistanians becoming South Canadians, provoked quite a reaction. Art!

He won't like that!

For your information, Mister Carney used to be the head of the Bank of England, which is an assurance that he is absolutely top notch as a bloke. One can only imagine how cross the Canuckistanians must be at being traduced to the extent that they mount a protest vote and make Mike Myers put out an hilarious yet understated political advert. O Mike! Art?

Here's One I Made Earlier

Yes, I keep nicking that quote from 'Blue Peter' don't I, sue me. Allow me to motivate Art with this red-hot toasting fork -

Your Modest Artisan is about to finish off the last of the gingerbread made last week. What was on the opposite page of my '1,000 Recipe Cookbook', why 'Fruit Gingerbread'. For whatever reason, they require this one be baked in a square 7" tin. The 'Fruit' part was merely a couple of ounces of sultanas so I substituted the last remnants of a packet of raisins, sultanas and mixed peel, ha! t~~ake that Elong Tusk~~. Sorry. Habits die hard.

ANYWAY I lacked the half-tub of sour cream they said was a requirement, and the Co-Op didn't have any left on the shelves, so I topped it up with low-calorie Greek yoghurt. Structurally it seems to have done the job. I also upped the amount of ground ginger used, and sifted the flour as last time there were little specks of clumped uncooked flour. I have a slice later on Conrad will let you know it tastes. Proof of the pudding and all that.

A Bigger Bang

You know Conrad by now. The bigger the BANG the more interested he is. So, naturally this sidebar item caught my eye. Art! and stop whining, just rub a bit of Sudofed into it.

American volcano about to erupt after 66 earthquakes recorded in a week

Mount Spurr in Alaska has experienced 66 earthquakes in just one week, signaling increased instability around the volcano.

Okayyyyy. If it's only 'about' to erupt, why do they have a picture of a volcanic eruption in full flow? Methinks this is lazy editing and they've simply used a stock photograph in place of the actual Mount Spurr, because it looks better. Art!

Reverse-image search doesn't help much as it brings up a whole lot of un-named volcanoes erupting. Art!

That's Mount Saint Helens, a possible contender. Art!

That's Mount Spurr being treacherously quiescent. It has erupted previously in the Fifties and in 1993, so another eruption is not out of the question. Given that it's in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness one doubts any Alaskans are actually at risk, because even the densest person on the planet would get the message after 66 successive earthquakes.

"The War Illustrated Edition 207 29th May 1945"

Now I have to track down where those photographs are stored. Camera, phone or already on file? I blame old age and gin collectively.

The usual middle-page montage. Art!

Cross-referencing TWI with "The Story Of The Guards Armoured Division" I can tell you that these are Shermans of 1st Battalion the Coldstream Guards, firing on Teuton positions near Bremen, in April, whilst the war was still hot. Art!

Those are the tail-fins of a 60-pound HE rocket, normally used by aircraft. Late-war, the British had the ingenious and rather horrid idea of fitting them to the turrets of tanks, usually Shermans. They were not very accurate but the arrival of howling hurricane of HE even as a near miss would convince the stoutest-hearted of opponents to retire at great speed. Art!

A bigger bang and all that

Monday, 28 April 2025

It's A Steal

Conrad Recalls

(as I frequently do) a scene from a South Canadian police procedural television show, back in the days when I watched television. No, sorry, cannot recall the name. My point is that the criminal in this scene, by their intrusion and language, proved their guilt outright, and one of the police responded to the other that nobody said criminals had to be smart.

Well. it would make for a whole series if they were, wouldn't it? Art!

AI Art Generator strikes again

This apprehension came back to me when reading Quora, looking for anything that might make a good Intro, and I came across a heading thus:

My boss forged my signature on a document turned in to HR, which was something I supposedly stated and agreed to. Can I get her fired?

Their boss has to be an absolute moron to commit a crime like this. By forging any document they are providing physical proof of a crime and the risks do not justify the crime here - Your Humble Scribe did a bit of digging on Google and found that, at the lesser level of a misdemeanour, the criminal can still serve 90 days in jail and be fined $1,000. If classed as felony, then the sentence shoots up to 5 years in prison and $10,000. Art!

This brings me on to the first response to that question, and a doozy it was, too. You see, the Traduced Office Worker, hereafter TOW, had been defrauded by their boss, Blithering Idiot Boss, hereafter BIB, whom had been taking deductions from TOWs payroll for medical insurance, but not paying the relevant insurance company.

Planning your cunning criminal strategy as being Cross Fingers And Hope came back to bite BIB when TOW's newborn went into the intensive care unit -

And wasn't paid for. Ooops.

TOW sued BIB for insurance fraud and Peak Stupid came in a meeting between the two men and their attorneys - TOWA and BIBA. You see, BIB produced a document that TOW had allegedly signed, that stated he knew his insurance wasn't being paid and he was taking money under the table to compensate - what is known in legal terms as a whole lot of hooey. Stop me if I get too technical. Art!

AI Art Generator is unable to count*

BIBA and TOWA both wanted copies of this document, which BIB instantly jibbed at, proving something was fishy.

After the copies were provided, TOW made a production of putting his credit cards on the table between them, signature side up. Both attorneys compared his signature with that on the document he'd supposedly signed.

'Do you always mis-spell your signature?' asked BIBA.

TOW explained that he'd always done this since the age of 18, as it was an elementary anti-forgery measure. Forgers, you see, tend to spell the names they are forging correctly. Another ooops moment.

BIBA promptly fired BIB as a client having WITNESSED HIM COMMITTING A FELONY. Recall that line about criminals not necessarily being smart? His parting advice was to settle out of court with TOW, because if it did go to court then he, BIBA, would be able to bear witness against him - no attorney-client privilege here. Oooops again.

Well, it took all of until next week before BIB caved and settled out of court with TOW. No details were given about the amount settled for but it must have been a sizeable sum in order for TOW to pay his attorney and cover the costs of his child in hospital. South Canadian healthcare ain't cheap. Art!

The case between TOW and BIB ended there, but that's not the end of the tale, for TOW, revealing a vindictive streak, had passed on all the details of his errant employer's criminal endeavours to the insurance company.

Who came at BIB with their own attorneys and got him indicted and convicted on 26 charges. Unfortunately, no information given about the sentence, yet it wouldn't be light and we're talking years in prison and fines of hundreds of thousands of $$$. Yet another Oooops moment. One hopes it was worth it. BIB: as sharp as a spoon.

The Errinwright Factor

You ought to remember Errinwright, from "The Expanse". He was the driven, ruthless Earth politico who was willing to commit any crime if it meant putting Earth at an advantage versus Mars and the Belt. Art!

Bad guy good cause

One of his more trenchant criticisms of his political superior was (slightly censored)

"If he spoke to a janitor, he'd be passionately declaiming about a f****** mop."

Art!

Other people have commented that the Orange Land Whale, without JD Vance or Pete 'Braindeath' Hegseth (I made that one up all by myself, can you tell?) in attendance, seems to have taken aboard what Prez Zed said. He was even mildly critical of Bunker Midget Grandad, which caused Putinpot to suffer loose bowels and instantly talk about negotiations. Possibly a flash in the pan - hence the Errinwright quote - but we'll see.

"The War Illustrated Edition 207 29thMay 1945"

As already mentioned, by the time of this edition's publication the Allies were already running rampant across Germany, occupying vast swathes of the gimcrack empire. Art!

As it says here "On Hitler's Birthday Nemesis Came To Nuremberg" and if Herr Schickrlgruber was still alive at this point he would be tearing out his hair by the fistful and gnawing at the carpet whilst frothing at the mouth. Sorry if you can't unsee that image. The Nuremberg stadium (at top)was where the biggest and pompiest rallies of Nazi Germany took place, and now there's a Sherman tank sitting on the field. I think this is before the giant swastika got explosively demolished as it's slightly out of shot at top of frame. Tee and hee!

Conrad Cavils

I saw this on my news feed and felt obliged to retort. Art!

It's not 'forgotten' as much as it's very difficult to get to. If Art can drum up a little cartographic help -

Landlocked and a long way into the Himalayas. If it had been magically transformed into a European nation, then it most certainly wouldn't have been 'forgotten'. On the other hand, if the Sanjak of Novi Pazar had swapped places with Bhutan in our magical switcheroo, then nobody would have ever heard of it and it would be 'forgotten', too. Art!

The Sanjak. Yes it is a real place. How dare you doubt me. It even gets a mention in one of Thomas Pynchon's modern fables, even if for the life of me I cannot remember which.

Zenith And Nadir

That first word ought to be in quotes and coloured taupe, because it's 'Zenith' and there isn't a nadir, I just felt like waxing poetic.

I am now ploughing through the various issues of "200AD" that make up "Phase Three", scattered over six months. You can bet I'm going to make the most of this lot because of the sheer effort it took to hump these issues down from the Comic Cavern. Art!

Cover illo by Steve Yeowell, and oddly enough Conrad prefers his much starker black and white artwork, which, perversely, I'm not going to show you, because I'm horrid that way.

* But it is free and I'm lazy

Sunday, 27 April 2025

I Finally Did It

If You Have Been Dutifully Reading The Blog

AND I WILL KNOW IF YOU HAVEN'T then you'll remember that I was humming and hawing about 'Zenith: Phase Three" and whether to buy it or not. Art!

£50 is a bit steep, plus another £7 for post and packing. The alternative? Art!

Humping all those comics and boxes to get the two I wanted. The first box I dragged out was one of the two, and of course - obviously! - the second was the very last box I got access to. Art!