Conrad Can Tell What You're Thinking
No! Because you are transparent and predictable, NOT because I still have the DARPA Telepathy Helmet, I GAVE IT BACK I keep telling you.
<ahem>
ANYWAY you would be incorrect in thinking of the board game, mentioned to detrimental effect in "Red Dwarf" - by Arnold Judas Rimmer, naturally - and if Art will get off his Stinking Corpse Lilly stool* -
I don't know if you're familiar with the game, so I shall bore you senseless about it. As you can see from the board above, the world map is divided up in to six continents, which are staked out by the players. They receive reinforcements at the start of every turn, and attempt to CRUSH THE OTHER PLAYERS and conquer the world. Excellent practice for aspiring global dictators.
Conrad is unsure where exactly the 'Risk' of the title comes from. You are not guaranteed to win battles against your opponents, despite the odds, because combat is resolved by dice rolls, and you can never predict what they will turn out as (said the wry wargaming victim of countless miserable die rolls that I'm not bitter about nor obsessing about).
Then again, there is the risk that your opponents will gang up on you and render your back unto a knife block, either by saying so in front of you, or, far more worryingly, doing it by subtle winks and nods.
 |
| "They're behind you!" |
Inevitably this Intro is not about 'Risk', but rather about 'risk', which is defined in my "Collins Concise" as 'The possibility of incurring misfortune or loss'. It is derived from the French 'Risque', which has quite another meaning (being bordering on NSFW), which is derived from the Italian 'Rischiare' or 'To be in peril'. Art!
Let me introduce you to Paul Warburg, who has a Youtube channel called - you may be ahead of me here - 'Paul Warburg'. Paul doesn't bother with fripperies like graphics or visuals, it's all him talking to the camera. His topic in the vlog as above involves what levels of risk are being experienced by the Ruffian banking system.
You may not be aware that Putin, as of two days into his Special Idiotic Operation, forced private Ruffian banks to give loans to the military-industrial complex at preferential rates. After all, this thing would only last a few weeks, right? A short-term solution.
Yet here we are three years later. Art!
Normally, banks are very very risk-adverse, because they are essentially conservative institutions who baulk at putting money in peril. Should they ever take risks with their money, then they will charge very high interest rates to compensate.
Not so in Ruffia. In fact the banks were forced to shell out at very low interest rates, in a situation of high risk, which Paul compares to the finance model of a speculative start-up. Most of which go toes-up. Art!
It may be a truism yet bears repeating: "Things that get destroyed are not a very good investment". Very apt. You can't wash clothes or watch soap operas on a rusting T-72 hulk, can you?
Things can get worse. You see, as Ruffia's GDP contracts, as it is doing in reality rather than the fiction RT pumps out, the less money the banks have to lend to the military-industrial complex, thus undercutting the whole of the contemporary economy.
'Bank runs'? Well, banks that lend out money only hold a certain percentage of the total they have lent. In the normal process of supply and demand, profit and loss, revenue and deficit, this isn't a problem. When the general population, as in Modern-day Mordor, starts to worry and panic, especially when told by state media that there is nothing to worry or panic about, they descend on their banks and withdraw their money. Suddenly - there isn't any money left. Art!
If the military-industrial complex collapses when the war ends, rather like a punctured balloon, the Kremlin is in a bit of a pickle. Normally - a word that rarely applies to Ruffia- the government would bail out the MIC. Doing this would instantly stoke inflation AND take up 50% of the federal budget - on top of the 30% already allocated to defence spending. Dare Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks risk it?
We'll definitely see within the next ten months, pilgrims.
"The War Illustrated Edition 202 March 16th 1945"
To the last, largest picture of the central-pages montage. Art!
There's a lot of detail here. The caption along the bottom states that these are British reinforcements headed into the Reichswald Forest, which was a large and unpleasant woodland studded with bunkers, fanatical Teutons, bad roads and mud mud mud. It's difficult to tell which way this column is heading, but Conrad is guessing that the tank to starboard is leaving the front line, because the infantry crowded aboard it look ever so happy. The censor hasn't had to remove any unit or divisional markings as everything is either covered with camouflage, tracks or road wheels, the better to resist Teuton Panzerfausts. To port are a column of Bren Carriers, laden with petrol, and apparently towing anti-tank guns. In fact they are hauling so many jerricans, and are so close together, that getting up to the front line is a distinctly dodgy idea. Note the chap sitting atop the rearmost carrier; he's wearing one of the British 'pixie-suits' for armoured vehicle crews, which were incredibly comfortable and warm in miserable weather like this, and much envied by the South Canadians.
As a final post-script, the caption states that the Reichswald was finally cleared on 13th February, so this information has been delayed by a month to ensure no advantage is gained by the opposition. Art!
May You Live In Interesting Times
As the old Scottish curse goes. The inhabitants of Santorini, née 'Thera', are quite possibly feeling this expression made concrete, as their island paradise has been severely troubled this past week with earthquakes. Art!
For your information, the Santorini island group is actually the caldera of a volcano that exploded in the 17th century BC, destroying much of the island. There is some intelligent speculation that this disaster may have seen the birth of the Atlantis legend. Perhaps. Art!
The 'Kameni's have been formed by volcanic action over decades and are uninhabited. Santorini and Therasia, the inhabited islands, are rapidly emptying of inhabitants as 11,000 of the usual 15,000 have left until the island stops wobbling about. We'll see whether that happens or not, and probably soon. Art!
Before After
Colour Conrad Conflicted
As you should surely know by now, Your Humble Scribe is a big fan of "Hellboy", the iconic demonic hellspawn fighting for truth, justice and pancakes, who was brought to the screen in most excellent fashion by the pairing of Guillermo Del Toro and Ron Perlman. Art!
The role was a real ordeal for Ron, thanks to all the prosthetics and colouring used, as well as having to get his dad bod into shape, so you can appreciate him not wanting to get back into the role. Conrad has to say that the two GDT films really capture the essence of the comics, so - if it wasn't with him, then better nothing than a triumph of Meh. Da don't Ron Ron.
No dairy and only an ounce of plain flour, which I could have substituted with rice flour or gluten-free if I'd only thought about it. Taste-testing tomorrow!
Finally -
You may want to skip this, and definitely don't read whilst eating. The gaping diabetic ulcer on my starboard big toe is healing in most excellent style, according to Ruth The Foot Nurse, and it may only need another change of dressing before being discharged, if you see what I mean. Great. I've not been either walking Edna nor strolling down into Lesser Sodom to keep pressure off it, and am now looking at a shortage of loose-leaf Darjeeling. Horrors!
* What can I say, they were going cheap at Aldi
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