A Dutchman, A Finn And A Brit -

It's Not What You're Thinking
You were expecting a terrible joke with a dodgy punchline, weren't you?  Plus a picture of a shark's fin and a swede, because there are no vegetables called Netherlanders.  Yes, The Netherlands is the correct name for our-low-lying neighbours; Holland is only one of their provinces.
     I suppose you could have had a picture of tulips, or windmills.  How about a picture of lots of pens?  Nothing to do with the Dutch, I admit, but your humble scribe likes pens.
     Let us get back on track.  Art?
     

Salmiak Klinkers!

     These were a present from Janice, after her Holiday From Hell In Holland - "Netherlands" doesn't begin with an "H" before you ask - even though she is from Cameroon.  I didn't put that in the title because it would then resemble a small novel, and I won't explain about the holiday because I don't have permission.
      I don't think there's a sinister context here in that these liquorice items are called 'Oldtimers'.  I will check with Janice when next we meet.
     The Finnish bit comes because our cousins from Suomi (Finnish for 'Finland') are big fans of savoury liquorice chunks - Salmiak.  Quite how the Dutch picked up on this is a moot point.  Janice explained that the kind of liquorice we here in the Allotment are familiar with is known in Ho Netherlandia as "English Liquorice".  Art?

Allotment Liquorice

     The Salmiaks are definitely an acquired taste, being savoury and a lot harder than the above; however, you know Conrad - he has acquired the taste.

The Human-Shaped Cushion Of Last Resort
You can tell that the rest of the family are busy dealing with a newly-acquired mass of curtains, and are thus unavailable for being sat upon, because of this:

     Having had Edna settle there, I didn't have the heart to move her - I know, I know, such tenderness sits ill with an apprentice World Dictator - which meant very awkward one-handed typing on the laptop.  You see?  You see what goes on behind the scenes at BOOJUM!

They Don't Know Who They're Dealing With
I obtained the book below from the British Heart Foundation, and have taken a photograph to prove that they really don't know who, or what, they sold the book to.  Art?

The fools!

     The mad impetuous fools!  As though their ape brains could hold the secrets of the Krell - oh, wait, that's 'Forbidden Planet', isn't it?  Sorry.
     What I meant to say is that, once Conrad gets his hot sweaty hands on a book, it is his forever.  It does not get donated back to anyone, ever.  This is why there are well over 700 books in my Sekrit Layr*.

Perfidious Albion Is -
- perfidious.  There has been much coverage in the recent news of the South Canadian MOAB weapon dropped in Afghanistan, which constitutes an unhealthy mixture of both Politics and Current Affairs, so we won't go there.
     However, Conrad is happy to say that the perfidious British were there first, back in the Second Unpleasantness, where that clever chap Barnes Wallis designed a 5 ton bomb known as "Tallboy", because it was.  Art?

Bomb with puny humans for scale

     This little cracker was designed to drop from a great height, reach a terrific terminal velocity and go through yards and yards of reinforced concrete before going bang.  Concrete, or earth; a Tallboy went through 60 feet of said earth to explode inside the Saumur Tunnel in June 1944, completely wrecking it and preventing the Teutons from using it ever again.
     Barnes - I can call him that as we're such terrific chums - also intended that these weapons destroy targets through what he called the "earthquake effect"; hitting the target directly didn't matter, as the bomb's explosion deep underground created an  underground cavern.  Everything above ground, which would have already been severely damaged by shock waves, would then collapses into the cavern**.

The Brits were here

     Now, I'm sure you're looking at us  perfidious lot with a touch of respect, possibly tinged with a touch of horror as well - after all, who lets people come up with ideas for 5 ton bombs? - but Ol' Barnes had another trick up his sleeve, one that made Tallboys look a bit puny.  This was Grand Slam, which was a 10 ton bomb.
     Of this more later ...

No, Art, no.

*  Don't tell Wonder Wifey.  Women don't understand the male drive to collect stuff.
**  Perfidious, like I said.