On Top Of It

You'll See Just How Extraordinarily Clever That Was

Though in a little while.  First off, I'm currently watching a shockingly gory and suggestive film on Netflix  called "Polar", which is apparently adapted from a Dark Horse comicbook.  Never heard of it, so I have Googled a little.  The comics seem to be done in a very stylised fashion, using only black, white and orange.  Art?

Thus

     Whereas the film uses a very bleak palette indeed for the scenes set in Montana.  This is understandable, as Montana is not the Fun Capital of anywhere; it also allows a notable contrast with the scenes set in Miami et al.   And whereas the comics don't bother with dialogue at all, the film does: not surprising, really, since silent films went out in the Twenties.  Though the incredibly dour Mads Mikkelsen is pretty damn laconic, mind.

The players

     No idea why it's called "Polar".  Perhaps Mads' character is not bipolar, merely -

     Okay, that was a nice short Intro.  Let's see if the motley can escape a pack of Robot Attack Squirrels riding on Cyborg Zombie Were-weasels!*

Topology

Ah.  Yes.  Er - another one of those words that popped up in my head and led to today's post.  I remember it being the only part of Mathematics taught at school that I enjoyed.  I'm not sure how to explain it succinctly yet accurately.  It concerns the study of the properties of space that remain consistent under manipulation.  In topology, a Polo Mint - Art?

Thus

     - is mathematically the same as, oh, say a glassless window frame -

Thus again

     I know, I know, one is small and suckable, not to mention round, whereas the window frame would break all yer teeth if you were uncommon daft enough to try biting it.  However, if you imagine that they're both made of an infinitely flexible medium, one can be made to resemble the other.  Try imagining a Cola Cube -

<sighs at what he cannot have>

     - because, topologically, this is the same as <thinks> - aha!

A gold ingot

     Except, once again, in the matter of taste.  I don't care how immensely valuable gold it, it's a heavy metal that cannot be good for you if ingested.**

     So there, topology.

Top field

Topo Gigio

You must have been expecting this, surely?  For does not the mind of your humble scribe hop around like an amphetamined flea in a microwave?*** And we need more than one item mentioning "Top" to justify today's title.

     And so to Topo.  Art?

The mouse in question

     Topo began life as a character on an Italian children's program, and went on to conquer Italy in short order.  He is still around today, performing at festivals, and is a recurrent character in Italian pop culture.  He broke into the big time by appearing on "The Ed Sullivan Show" in 1963, just like The Beatles.  Unlike they, he has never grown old.

     Hmmm.  Not sure exactly how your modest artisan comes to know about him.  Another bit of mental flotsam!

Twelve Minutes Of Terror!

Okay, let us immediately detail the English Electric Lightning, the Brylcreem Boy's fastest ever jet, basically a cockpit strapped to two mighty engines.  Art?

Lightning strikes!

     This thing could shift.  It was designed a short-range interceptor, meaning it had to get off the ground fast in order to shoot down those intruding Sinister bombers.  To aid in this it had afterburners, which means you could squirt fuel into the burning exhuast, at which point your previously high acceleration would seem like a gentle bike ride.

     Here an aside.  Conrad has actually seen one of these beasts do just that whilst cycling to Lytham.  It was probably working out of British Aerospace's plant at Warton.  There it was, whizzing along very low, until it canted up at an angle and WHAMMO!  Out of eyesight in seconds.

BAE Warton

     We shall now move along to 1966 and the 33rd Aircraft Maintenance Unit, commanded by Wing Commander Taffy Holden at RAF Lyneham.  The unit's job was to get jet aircraft ready for despatch to other RAF squadrons, which they had done to everything bar a single Lightning which had persistent electrical problems.  Taffy was supposed to wait until an experienced Lightning pilot arrived to fly the jet, which would have taken weeks.

     The solution was obvious.  Since the plane didn't need to actually fly, merely taxi along the runway, Taffy himself would sit in the pilot's seat with a notebook and record what happened when he pressed various switches.  A few trial runs like this and the aircraft fitters would be able to work out what the problem was.

What Taffy needed to check out

     This raised another problem:  Taffy was a mechanical engineer, NOT a pilot.  He'd flown small propeller planes to get a flying licence, but never a jet, and certainly not a Lightning.  So, one of the ground crew with experience talked him around the cockpit controls for five minutes, mentioning the afterburners, and Taffy got on with it -

     And we'll pause it there.  But I bet you can see where this is leading ...

Very very frightning -
(Hmmm, that sounds familiar -)

Oh Goody!

I see that the BBC has, wisely or not, opened up the Comments section about some Premier League ballfooot games so that we the people can "Have Your Say".  Conrad laughs himself sick at some of the biased and egregious slander which fans post there, since he knows nothing about the ballfoot game and cannot be bothered to comment himself.  After all, what could I add to the discussion?  "Hey, I'm pretty good at baking cakes!"

                                  One of these tastes better than the other.

     And with that, we are done.  Catch you later!

*  Probably not.  Were-weasels are fast.

**  How many "King Midas Cookbook"s do you see?

***  900 Watt output.