Neat, Petite But Definitely Not Sweet

No! This Is Nothing To Do With "The Addams Family"

Whom I always preferred over "The Munsters".  Although the Munsters did have the far cooler car.

     ANYWAY none of that preamble has to do with London's subterranean rivers, which I need to mention in order to make sense of what we'll be talking about later on.

     'Subterranean rivers' may conjure up images of "Xanadu" THE POEM "KUBLAI KHAN" NOT THE DREADFUL FILM thank you very much.  Art!

     He's flirting with disaster there.  Mrs. Tazer and the Cat-o-Nine-Tails will be seeing you later, Art.  Shall we try again?

ART!

"Where Alph the sacred river ran, through caverns measureless to man -"

     What I want to refer to, you see, is the River Fleet, one of London's 'lost' rivers, in the sense that it's now completely covered up for the length of it's journey to mee the Thames.  It's the longest and best-known of these streams, and is responsible for giving Fleet Street it's name.  Art!

The Fleet when not beneath the street

     There are a couple of points along the Fleet's urban course where you can hear it rushing along below.  Today it performs all the functions of a sewer, with an outlet near Blackfriars Bridge, which is visible when the tide is very low and there's been lots of rain.  Art!

CAUTION! not suitable for bathing as typhus and dysentery can annoy

     Mention of London's covered rivers came up on Twitter a couple of weeks ago, when one Tweeter - possibly "Sir Fatuous Pauper" whom I doubt is either en-nobled or penniless and who's definitely not fatuous either - about the Redhill Brook.  This didn't crop up in any lists of London's subterranean rivers that I've seen so far, so a little digging is in order.  Art!

    Note how it vanishes when it reaches the outskirts of Redhill, which is a dead giveaway that it's been either culverted or completely covered for it's length.  A little more digging is required, one feels.  Art!

     It's not easy to discover where it runs when covered over, but I think this is one entrance.  There appears to be a short stretch of the Brook exposed to daylight alongside Noke Road, visible on a town flood preparation plan.  Art!

     Let us now skip lightly o'er the landscape and across to Asia, specifically to South Korea, which you may be aware is highly urbanised and modern, especially in the cities.  Mark my words, they'll have self-driving cars that pour you a beer, tell jokes and offer a massage before 2030.

     ANYWAY to prove that they're not merely obsessed with the material, money and motorways, they took aim at a particular autobahn that had been a fixture in the city of Seoul for decades.  It stood squarely upon what had been the Cheonggye Stream, an urban waterway that had become little more than an open sewer (say Hello Fleet!).  Art!

CAUTION! not suitable for bathing as typhus and dysentery can annoy

     Come the end of the Korean Unpleasantness, and the Koreans concreted it over, the better to build motorways.  Let no slummy scummy stream stand in the way of progress!  Art?

     In time, the natural ecology of Seoul came to mean that it became a motorway, for is the car not mightier than the minnow or duck? or some such Confucian aphorism.  Art!

     In 2005 this monument to the God Of Gridlock was demolished and the Cheonggye Stream uncovered, excavated and canalised.  It is highly-managed as a waterway, true, yet it looks like a haven of tranquil bucolic charm in the middle of one of the world's most up-to-the-second cities.  Art!

     Airborne pollution decreased sharply, as did temperatures in summer thanks to water replacing concrete and rubber.  Property prices nearby rose as people and businesses wanted to be near the easy-on-the-eye river.  As you can see above, the locals like having a water feature they can dabble their feet in.
     The technical term of this is 'Daylighting'.  There is a proposal for it at Redhill, which is quite acceptable.  The Fleet, on the other hand, would need canalising separately from the sewage it serves and surges at present.

     We may come back to this, it has legs (or fins).

Conrad Is ANGRY!

First of all, Art has been at the medium-level radioactive isotopes again, which always sends him further round the bend.  Then, my lack of posting vitriol about the liberties that Codeword compilers take has been assumed as being no longer full of Frothing Nitric Ire.

     WRONG! O SO WRONG! SO VERY WRONG!

     It's because I've had lots of other work on.  Now it's time to explain why the Remote Nuclear Detonator is getting overtime in.

IMPUGN: To variously carp, cavil or criticise, and yes, it has it's origins in Latin <hack spit>.  Come on, when's the last time you read or heard this word in use?  It might have been fashionable in the days of Dickens, not now in the days of Tony Parsons.  Art!

You can impugn
This bafune

ERNE: "A fish-eating sea eagle" according to my dictionary, and the only reason I didn't look askance at this solution is that I remember it cropping up in a sci-fi short story, by Cyril Kornbluth, I think.  

     Ah, it was actually by Fred Pohl, who collaborated frequently with Cyril.  Art!

Close enough

BIJOUX: For this one I hit the RND eighty-seven times.  That'll teach those compilers!  Yes, it is Breton, which folks would rather you didn't dismiss them as merely 'French'.  Of all things, it refers to a finger-ring 'Bizou' and has, apparently, come to mean a small delicately-worked object.  Bah!  Art?

The very definition of bijou

Clickbait Check, Mate

Another thing that annoys, or even irks, Your Humble Scribe, are the news pages on Bling that try to cause a click to find out more information, because they don't supply enough in the first place.  This is a prime example.  Art!

     They are at pains to NOT mention the title involved, nor even add in a picture.  Well, Conrad had the last laugh on the Daily Malice, because I went and Googled that headline, and do you know what?  Art!

     Never heard of it.

 

I Found It!

Conrad has mentioned a BBC News item he wanted to go back to, which had timed-out on the main page and which didn't come up on any searches I tried.  Well, I did say I wouldn't be beaten, and now I've tracked it down.  Art!

     I now need to dig up a few 'Malicious Compliance' or 'Pro-revenge' stories on Youtube to go with this title.  I guarantee 99.9% will be from South Canada, whose employers think that paying a salary makes their workers indentured serfs but one step above outright slavery.

Bring It On, Bernie

Conrad is somewhat  miffed at "Print", who have a long selection of Bernie Wrightson artwork, without bothering to give even basic details such as date of publication, media used, title and which comic it featured in.  Take this one - Art!

     The attention to detail here is remarkable.  Note the creased fabrics, and the weeds growing in the stonework, not to mention the crumbling facade.  Yes, the lady looks a little like a scarlet harlot, especially with that off-the-shoulder style, and the chap with an axe seriously needs to get himself another hobby.

     This being Ol' Berni, you can guarantee what the shadow hides here would scare the ever-loving bejesus out of Ol' Axey.  However, that's all there is for this artwork, it seems to have been a single page in his "The Monsters: Colour The Creature Book"

Finally - 

Payday, and not a day too soon!

The Meg, The Smeg And The Maga

That'll Throw The Facebook Mods Into Confusion

Don't worry, it doesn't have anything to do with a certain orange-hued South Canadian cult.  It does have to do with certain publications that end in "-zine" in case you were wondering, and even if you weren't.  First of all, we need to do a little definition, because to military history anoraks of seventeenth and early eighteenth warfare, a 'Magazine' was a large depot of stored military materials.  Art!

     That's 'HMS Barham' exploding in 1941 after being torpedoed in her -

     Magazine.

     Let us now consult the ever-faithful 'Collins Concise Dictionary', which tells us: "A periodical publication containing articles, fiction, photographs, etcetera" which is far less martial and violent than battleships blowing up.  The term comes down to us via the French 'Magasin', itself derived from the Italian "Magazinno", which ultimately comes from the Arabic (Not Greek or Latin hurrah!) "Makhazin", meaning 'Storehouses'.  Hmmm, so the martial and violent origins.  Art!

     This is the one we're interested in, from 1731.  Originally composed of reprints, it later also featured original works.  Art!

Enter the "Megazine"

     Ah yes, a play on the term 'Magazine'.  This is a publication put out by Fleetway, when they still published "2000AD", and derives from Ol' Stony Face's primary location, Mega-City One, a.k.a. the Big Meg.  Art!

     This is the first 20 copies, which came out monthly.  Allow me to break down the first edition, because if I went to the bother of taking pictures, you are most certainly going to see them, like them or no.  Art!

     This was a special gate-fold cover that gave any browser or purchaser a very brief intro to the world of JD.  Next up was the credits page, all together rather than placed in the strips themselves.  Art!

     Being published only once a month rather than once a week meant that artists could work on longer stories thanks to a longer deadline, and they were all in colour.  Art!

     This is where they switched to a fortnightly schedule, and re-numbered issues from 'Number One', which made compiling them in order a bit of a nuisance.  Having to crank issues out once every two weeks now meant that at least one story wasn't coloured.  Not a problem when the artists were up to scratch, such as - Art!

     "Maelstrom" with art by Colin McNeil.  You have to pay attention to the artwork here as it fills in gaps the narrative doesn't make clear.  Art!

     Then, almost 30 years ago - a timeframe that makes me wince - they changed the format again, and re-set the numbering back to 'One' again.

     What you may have guessed from Volume Two Issue One is that Your Humble Scribe never bothered to open up any of the freebies that came with the Megazine, so there are badges, tattoos and even a very small jigsaw still gracing their respective front covers.  One presumes these were to tempt browsers into becoming buyers.  Art!

     Behold the "Red Dwarf Smegazine", which title was a double pun.  Firstly, it came out about two years after the first "Megazine", so it can be seen as either ripping it off or paying homage.  Secondly, the term "Smeg" was consistently used by characters, especially Lister, as a futuristic insult-cum-swear that the censors might squint disapprovingly at, but whom couldn't actually ban.

     It only lasted 23 issues but Conrad is pretty sure he has all of them in a box somewhere in the Comic Mountain.

     Another variety of 'Magazine' did occur to me after looking back at the beginning of this Intro, and if Art will put down his bowl of coal - 

     The band, that is, who were pretty good whilst they were around, and they had the good grace to break up in 1981 and not churn out the same stuff slightly re-arranged.  They didn't do themselves any favours with that debut album cover, mind.

For Shizzles And Giggles

Conrad was pondering upon the subject of fire-engines, because he chews these sorts of things over whenever he walks Edna or strolls into Lesser Sodom, and seemed to recall that "Thunderbirds" featured several.  Here's one that actually belongs to International Rescue.  Art!

Scale engineering model

     As the blurb has it, the 'Firecat' can shoot either water or foam from the rear-mounted cannon.  They also mention 'nitro-glycerin' shells, and I think they may have confused the explosive used, because nitro is one thing you don't want to propel onwards with a sudden shock.

     This vehicle would be just the thing to tackle a large flammable fuel fire, wouldn't it?

     What a shame IR doesn't exist in real life, said a certain pygmy dictator.  Art!

More Of Mister Wright-On

Our journey with Bernie Wrightson continues, with yet another standalone picture from the "Print" webpage that gives absolutely no details about it.  Art!

     I'm guessing that this is a winter landscape, judging by the bare trees and the footsteps in what one presumes is fallen snow.  Note the body - alive?  dead?  Unconscious? - being hauled off by the central character, and the subtly defined mountains limned by a setting sun.

     Hmmmm.  A bit of reverse-Googling shows that this is a close-up of a larger picture.  Art!

"Hunter"

     This appears to have been a painting that Bernie did in 1976, not for commission, just out of sheer creative zest.  It is apparently a vampire returning to his lair with the latest meatbag victim, which he thought one of his best works.  It is currently in a private collection and te owner has 0% intention of selling.  So now we know.

Proof That Italy Works Differently

What kind of fauna does the Italian peninsula play home to?  The usual farm livestock, domestic pets such as cats and dogs, and birds that survive the Italian passion for shooting them out of the air.  Perhaps - goats*?

     A quick Google reveals that they also have bears, boars and badgers.

     But - elephants?  Art!

     The Roman who filmed this had trouble driving, he was laughing so much.  The pachyderm was headed for the supermarket seen in the background, "Eurospin".  Calabrian police confirmed later that the animal had escaped from a zoo and had been returned there.

     The BBC news-people reporting on this couldn't resist a joke.

The BBC contacted the police, but authorities avoided addressing the elephant in the room and were unable to confirm the story.

     Let me guess, it was captured on a trunk road?

     There was another story about a black bear cooling off in a South Canadian's backyard pool, but two feel-good animal stories in a single blog is too much.

Dog Buns!

The BBC News website had an article on employment legislation in Australia, which Conrad thought had potential, as it would link in to any number of Youtube Reddit stories about how abusive, invasive and slave-working South Canadian employers are.  I even went so far as to look for suitable stories on YT.

     Now, the item has dropped off the webpage and I can't find it under any search terms.

     This is annoying and I'm not going to take an absence for an answer.  Art!

I need to mocker the Ocker!

Finally -

On the 07:45 - 15:45 schedule this week, whoopee!  This means a finish early enough that I can get up to productive mischief elsewhere.

*  Chamois.  Close enough.

Meet The New Boss -

Different From The Old Boss

Ha! Got you there, didn't I?  Yes, it's a perversion of a line from that Who classic "Won't Get Fooled Again", although I'm not going to bring up a picture of Pete and the lads otherwise the Facebook twod mods might get their nether undergarments all of a twist.

     What sparked this off will come as a separate item below.  Rather, I am now well into Longenrich's "Heinrich Himmler", where our titular character is now not only Reichsfuhrer SS, but also Chief Of Police.  Art!

     Yes, that's HH as perceived by the AI art generator.  You didn't think I was going to post a dirty great photo of him preening in front of his minions, did you?

     ANYWAY during the transition from Weimar to Nazi Germany, HH had to stamp his vision of the future on all he was responsible for, and also to try and grab as much power as possible, because at this time there were turf wars between himself and Wilhelm Frick NO SNIGGERING AT THE BACK and Goering.  The SS's intelligence headquarters (the SD) moved from Munich to Berlin and back to Munich.  HH cleverly managed to acquire control of the political police in Prussia, which was Goering's fiefdom.  He also successfully ensured the Gestapo would operate without any legal checks or balances, because absolute power doesn't tolerate any boundaries.  Art!

He pushed this narrative a lot

     People have described the Nazi regime as operating along the lines of 'gangster politics' - which made for some interesting AI images - but I would compare it more closely to that of a medieval court.

     Righto.  Of course - obviously! - this is only partially-relevant to what comes next, which is - Art!

     ELECTRO-MOTIVE DIESEL!

     Yes, another case study of a locomotive manufacturer, because I'm interested, and be thankful I don't go all "Jago Hazzard" and turn into a railways buff.  I'm warning you.

     Waaaaay back in 1922, there was a company called the "Electro-Motive Engineering Corporation", which made railcars, which were propelled by the (at the time) brand spanking new petrol-electric engine.  They were off to a slow start, but by 1925 they were into full-scale production, making dozens of railcars in that year.  Art!

     If you're at all familiar with South Canadian business, you'll be aware that there are always bigger companies seeking to become ever-bigger by acquiring smaller successful ones.  Thus General Motors, an enormous industrial combine, bought up EMEC in 1930.

     They also changed the name, to "Electro-Motive Company", meaning new letterheaded paper was needed and a whole raft of new bosses.  The emphasis on EM was deliberate, as other railcars needed overhead wires for power.

     From this point, EMC was involved in creating new diesel engines for locomotives, further developing them into an efficient diesel-electric model.  Art!

DOOMED!

BLESSED!

       This was the beginning of the end for steam locomotives in South Canada, because EMC's diesel-electric models didn't need constant topping-up with water.

     THEN! in 1941 came another major event.  No, no, no, not Pearl Harbour*.  Well, yes, Pearl Harbour, but also another name change to: "Electro-Motive Division" whereupon their stationery suppliers rubbed their hands with glee.

     There was also a subsidiary company based in British America, called "General Motors Diesel".  O happy stationers! O unhappy employees trying to get their head around exactly whom they worked for!  Art!

     That's a GMD GP9, a diesel model so successful you can call it the 'Model T' of trains.

     I will skip the intervening fifty or so years as it's a tale of technological engine and locomotive development that would bore all but horsepower nerds to tears.  The crunch came in 2005, when "Electro-Motive Division" was sold to an investment group, who, wouldn't you know it ("Meet the new boss") RE-NAMED the business to "Electro-Motive Diesel".  Cue modest burst of applause from stationers, because most comms are electronic by now, and a groan from employees who have to deal with a new tranche of bosses.  Art!

     But hist! for the tale does not end there.  O noes.  You see, in 2010, Progress Rail, a subsidiary of the mighty Caterpillar corporation, bought up EDM.  Thankfully, for this Intro is already long enough, they didn't change names again, by which time there weren't any stationery businesses left to cheer.  Art!

     Which is close enough to where we came in.  Toodles!

A Suspension Of Belief

You may not be aware, but Bloaty Gas Tout, a.k.a. Putinpot, has several looky-likeys that he sends out into the wider world as he cowers in his bunker.  Which bunker?  Ah, that's a tale in itself.  He has umpteen of them, all decorated identically to his roost in the Kremlin, so His Enemies - who increasingly bear on his mind nowadays - have no idea which one he's lurking in so th

     ANYWAY back to the body doubles.  Art!

     This is the one I've called 'Charlie Chipmunk Cheeks' in the past, because he stores his nuts in those cheek pouches.  Or perhaps tobacco?  Art!

     This is the one I call "The Ghoul" because he looks three days dead.  And miserable.  Probably wondering how long he's got before resembling Puffy-Phaced Petroleum Pimp becomes a liability not an asset.

"The War Illustrated Edition 193 November 1944"

Let us now look at one of this publication's staples, that of the battlefield map, this time in North-West Europe, which will be current as of late October 1944.

     Here you can see that the unthinkable has happened to the Third Reich: the Teuton border has been crossed and the city of Aachen has been surrounded and besieged.  At this point the punishment meted out to various villages, towns and cities across occupied Europe is now visiting the Teuton homeland; the harder they fight for a location, the less will be left of it.  Art!

Aachen after Allied re-modelling

Kyle's Isles

Let's have a more bucolic and tranquil item after such horrid Hom. Sap. happenings.  Therefore, one of Kyle's Interesting Islands from his "Geography King" YT channel.  Art!

     So, South Bass Island, in Ohio and in Lake Erie.  This is one of those real islands with no land connection via bridge with the mainland, except in winter, when ice allows people to walk across to it, if the fancy takes them.  Not for Conrad, thanks.  Art!

     The beating heart of South Bass and the only way in unless you have a light aircraft.  It doesn't have any cars, either, only golf carts.  The permanent residents number only 150, but their numbers are considerably boosted in spring and summer when the tourists arrive.  Art!

     Plenty to see and do, until winter.  Then it's dormant.  Unless, again, you risk the ice bridge.

"Like A Catcher's Mitt With Teeth"

I know, I know, it's cruel to mock elderly men affected by dementia, but that phrase above made me laugh out loud.  To whom do I refer?  Art!

     At this point I think a certain someone's example of having body doubles ought to be followed, because this - <long pause> - I really don't know how to describe it.  Did he put his makeup on with a kitchen spatula in the dark whilst experiencing clear-air turbulence?  He keeps mocking Kamala Harris' skin colour but as someone apparently using 'Light Excrement #3' that phrase about pots living in conservatories comes right back.

Finally -

The clouds are thinning!  Not gone, not yet, but they are on their way out.  By nightfall they ought to be gone!

     No - hang on -

*  Note correct spelling