Done Almost To A Tea

Almost!
     Conrad has been without his Bodum teapot since yesterday, until Wonder Wifey managed to snaffle another model for £1.70 yesterday evening, and tonight, in a paroxysm* of excitement, off Conrad went to get it.
     Here it is:

Full of Russian Caravan Tea, which is shortly to be filling Conrad

I'm happy again!

Egad!  What?
     Stopping in the old velocipede at traffic lights near Mills Hill Station, what did a thunderstruck Conrad espy?

Tut.  Can't spell.

Unusually, words fail Conrad.  Is that Brian Blessed?

On a giant hoarding.  I'm unsure quite which gods these are supposed to be, nor why they are in a canal, and what connection mythical deities have with <frowns> Bingo - I don't know.  Perhaps you have to be human to get it.

47 Ronin
     Another oddity noticed on a bus poster as it flashed by en route to the office.  "47 Ronin" is a particularly specific number, isn't it?  Why not round it up to 50?  "50 Ronin" sounds like better value than a mere 47.  Or why not "A Whole Horde Of Ronin"?  Then you don't need to be very specific and you could have a script with only 30, or 20 at a pinch.  Maybe "Many Ronin" is too vague to be appropriate.  "Bags of Ronin" - too English.  "Une Masse de Ronin" - too French.  "Atomic-Powered Ronin With Laser Cannons" is, of course, too manga.  And silly, to boot.

2 Ronnies.  Close enough

The Crying Of Lot 49
     I've mentioned this book a couple of times.  Hard to describe in any brief, meaningful way, except that it does follow Pynchon's characteristic "herringbone" structure.  It is much shorter than his other major works, so consider it a slice of pie as opposed to the whole pie.  It introduces the exemplar of all multi-nationals, Yoyodyne**, there are frequent songs, a very long description of an entirely fictional Jacobean revenger tragedy, hardly-credible but true entities, and the Trystero conspiracy.  That's just 70 pages in so far, with no clues as to what "Lot 49" actually is.  There may be more feedback but no spoilers.

Semiotic sigils of sinister conspiracists.  Is that enough "s"'s?

This Week's Car CD Is -
     "Wonderful, Glorious" by Eels.  I have decided that I really like the opening track, "Bombs Away", and the mighty closing track "Wonderful, Glorious".  Some of the intervening ones are good.  Overall the production is a lot crisper and clearer than the sometimes muddy values on "Shootenanny", and while there are good tracks on WG, it doesn't feature a strong closing set as with old Shootie.
     Still, early days yet.  I may be able to whistle every track by Friday.

Seals.  Close enough

Friedrich Nietzsche, Philosopher
     Nietzsche, born 1844 in Prussia, established his credentials as one of the principal philosophers of the 19th Century, whose ideas inspired those who came after in the 20th and indeed 21st Centuries.  You may be familiar with one of his quotations "That which does not kill me makes me stronger."
     Yes well never mind all that blather, look at this!

Respect to the tash!

What an awesome moustache!  Conrad bows in acknowledgement at the supremacy of that lip-devouring monster.

Edna the Domesticated - Yeah, Yeah, That Joke's Not Funny Anymore
    I was tasked with getting some better photographs of the little imp today.  How do these grab you?

Demon dog

Distorted dog

Sorry Anna.  Will try harder!

Right.  I have to go iron shirts. O lucky man!

Helios, Hermes And Holy Cr@p My Bodum!

First Things First*

     Helios, Greek god of the sun.  Apparently he noticed my rantings about February the First and - Hay Pesto*! - we get a nice sunny day.

     Given that it's already February and we've not had a sniff of snow, I wonder if we'll see any at all this year of 2014?  No snow.  I wonder why -

"Aliens are subverting your reality, Conrad.  It's the only reason that makes sense."

More Fun With The Elements

     Today we have the element Tin, whose chemical symbol is of course Sn, after the Latin "Stannum".  Nobody knows where Stannum comes from.  All very mysterious.  Anyway, tin. Used to line the inners of steel cans due to it's low toxicity, hence "tin cans".

     If you want an element with an explicable, reducible and recognisable name, then why say hello to - Francium, symbol Fr.  Named after - France.  No surprise there.  Say hello also to - Americium, symbol Am.  named after - America.  Say hello also to Germanium, symbol Ge, named after - Sweden.  No, only joking, it's indeed named after Germany.  Then we have Polonium, symbol Po, so named by it's discoverer (Marie Curie) in order to publicize the partition of Poland between the Hohenzollern, Hapsburg and Romanov empires.  

     Let us finish with Helium, symbol He, named after Helios - sounds familiar? - because it was detected in spectroscopic studies of the Sun.

Helios.  Thank heavens for stratgically-placed cotton sheet underwear!

Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge

     The boys from Bolton Atlantic Challenge made landfall in Antigua in the small hours of Sunday morning our time.  What did this event look like?

Bunch of piratical desperadoes, if you ask me ...

If you get splashed at the bus-stop on the way to work, remember these lads put up with perpetual wetness, being capsized, losing their auto-helm and so having to steer by hand, having a seat break and so only able to row singly instead of in pairs, monsoon weather, shortage of electricity because it was generated by solar power, and having a sore arse all the time whilst rowing.  Suddenly the trip to the office doesn't seem so bad, eh?  Check it out at:

http://www.taliskerwhiskyatlanticchallenge.com/news-centre/

Edna The Domesticated Wolf Day Four

     Yes, the appealing little rascal is worming her ways into the affections of the family.  She seems clever, almost toooo clever - discovering a way out of her crate yesterday that us Foolish Humans had missed.

Lulling us all into a false sense of security ...

My Bodum

     'What is a "Bodum"? ' I hear you cry.  Essential equipment for all tea snobs:

What mine looked like.  WHEN IT WAS ALL IN ONE PIECE!  Ahem.  Thank you

This teapot is - obviously! - made of glass.  This means you can see what strength your tea is.  The metal filter keeps all the leaf detritus out of your cup, and the wonderfully ergonomically-efficient spout allows you to pour from a distance of up to 2 feet, if you practice frequently.

     Alas, our local Border Terrier pup was dancing about in the kitchen this morning - she danced right up to Beej the tomcat, who is a fearful coward, causing him to spring atop the worktop where lived my Bodum.

     You can guess the rest - it's round, so it rolls easily, and Beej knocked it onto the floor, where it's delicate glass nature proved unequal to the task.

"Oh sh1t.  I've annoyed the Boss.  Time to stay outside for 5 weeks."

Once Upon A Time

     I remain unsure how you can sit on an immaterial concept like time, but that's how the phrase goes.

     Conrad's readers may remember his boldly deciding to arrange and sort his books in size order, and also that he declared this would take days since he would - obviously! -  end up reading said books.

     Well, kind of.  The thing that distracted me today were short stories I'd written years ago - decades ago in some cases.  There was a series of tales about a police officer about 20 years into the future; several Doctor Who fan-fictions written before that concept and the internet existed; a background to explain how superheroes suddenly start arriving in the mid 21st Century; and a faux-guide on how to report sightings of hostile aliens to UNIT, which looked frightfully official:

HOSTILE SIGHTING COMMAND PROTOCOL

 PHASE ONE  

Stage One: Receipt of Unconditional/Unconfirmed/Provisional sighting from Non-Registered Source.  For definition of "hostile" see Appendix A ...

...Stage Three 

Political

UNITED KINGDOM

Home Secretary:  Inform that "under the terms of Clause 127 of the Emergency War Powers Act (Amended) 1968, he/she is required to declare a state of martial law in the following Borough/Town/City/County/Region within one hour of this notification.  Should he/she fail to do so, automatic assent will be assumed."

Quite!  There are several pages of this thing, which looks quite convincing.  Heaven forfend it should ever get out into the wide world.

Oh, and here an example of Conrad's handwriting at least twenty years ago:

Thin and spidery, just the way I like it.

I should probably type this up lest it be lost forever.  Which some might say would be a very good thing!

So - Tanks?

     No.  Not today.  But in the spirit of "Hostile Sighting Command Protocol", here's Fylingdales BMEWS

Ballistic Missile Early Warning Station

Nicknamed - obviously! - the Golfballs.

* Obviously.  If it wasn't first, it would be second.  Or last.  Not first.

     

Feb The First Is, Simply, The Worst

February You Painted Strumpet!
     I mean, first we get a splendid display of blue skies, sunshine and crisp air.  For a couple of hours, until the totally overcast skies, gale-force winds, rain and general dampness arrive.
     "This is what you can't have!" taunts February, the Jezebel of all months.
     Well <rude hand gesture> to you February!  At least we only have you for 28 days - ah, yes, that hit home, didn't it?  February, the runt of the litter.

Edna's rubber-centipede slaying skills were coming on in leaps and bounds

Let me introduce you to a genuine runt of the litter, except she's a whole lot more charming than you, February.  Yes, go away and sulk why don't you <does that mean more rain?>

Fun With The Elements!
     No, not the weather*.  Earlier in the week we had the Periodic Table, all 117 elements of it.  I say that total but it tends to creep up every decade as some new, incredibly short-lived element is created in a nuclear reactor.
     So - Tungsten!  
     Chemical symbol is of course "W".  Say what?  The "W" is for "Wolfram"** which is Swedish, in order to differentiate Tungsten ("Heavy Stone" in Swedish) from Steelite.  Is this all clear?  It will be if you're reading by the light of an incandescent bulb, because the filament of same is made of - tungsten.  As are/were the core of high-velocity anti-tank rounds.  No, this isn't the "So  -Tanks?" for today.
     So - Antimony!
     Yes, I know it sounds like something the Occupy movement would chant as they smash windows on Wall Street  however - look at the spelling - chemical symbol "Sb".  Derived via Arabic and Greek and Latin, "Stibium".  Used in cosmetics since classical times, since you ask.

Grond.  A wolf ram.  Close enough

Cold War Cars
     Yesterday I mentioned the Skoda, the Trabant, the Moskvitch and the Lada Riva.  Oddly enough during the Cold War, our Communist enemies, who thirsted for Capitalist blood with the longing of the most deprived vampire evah, managed to sell their cars in the West.  Hard currency comes before political purity, one feels.
     Anyway, the Lada.

Optional colour scheme: Capitalist Blood, Triumphant Bolshevik or Worker's Victory (all as above)

This car took an old Italian design and made it much, much worse. For some reason unfathomable to the rational mind, it was made to resist close-range detonation of megatonne nuclear warheads, a design feature not noted in any other car in the world.  Allow me to link you to Top Gear's hilarious demonstration of how cr@p Cold War Communist cars really were

http://www.topgear.com/uk/videos/communist-cars-1

So - Tanks?
     In the spirit of Commie-bashing** once again, may I introduce the T-62.

It's laying a smokescreen!  Not exploding!

Inspired by the same design rationale as behind the Lada, this progression in Soviet tank design emerged in 1962.  For positive points, as with it's predecessor, the T-55, it was compact and lightweight compared to it's Western opponents.  Not only that, it had a smoothbore gun that generated incredibly high velocity for it's anti-tank rounds.
     There were other points about the T-62, however, which we might call, for a better word, "bad" points.  The gun, although mighty beyond compare, rarely hit anything.  Russian crews dubbed it "The Almighty Tank That Always Missed".  The tank was just as cramped and uncomfortable and horrid to work in as the T-55, with the additional bother of an automatic ejector.  This was supposed to eject the used shells outside the turret but it more usually sent them bouncing around the tank's interior, interacting with the crew, i.e. bruising them black and blue.  The tank was slower than the other military vehicles it was supposed to be protecting, and it was expensive.
     Say what you like about the Lada, it wasn't expensive!

Scheduling Conrad's Weekend Tasks
     As my regular readers - both of them! - know, I occasionally put down in written form what I plan to do over the weekend, since this will impel my idle arse into action.  Today I have decided to get all the books hidden up here

Most but by no means all of the papyrus rascals

 onto the floor in order to organise them properly, since they went up into the cupboard in the order I bought them.  Here they are in a slightly more dispersed form:

Yes that is the "Golden Turkey Awards"

The idea is to get them back up there in size order.  I confidently expect this to take easily three or four days as I come across a book and pronounce "Wow I don't remember buying/reading/taking notes from this one, I'll just crack the cover open for a second or two ..."

Abstemious
     Nothing daunted, once again Conrad ventures forth into the English language so that you, dear reader, can come away better educated for it.
     "Abstemious", as pronounced, cannot be anything other than a verb derived from the early to mid-nineteenth century, when Western Europe saw an asymptotic rise in the type and number of machineries that replaced hitherto-irreplacable skilled tradesmen.  Luddites (named after the mythical "Ned Ludd") would destroy the steam engines, weaving looms and carding machines that threatened their way of life.
     What's that?
     It's not?  
     It just means "sober"?
     <sigh> I preferred BOOJUM!'s version of reality.

If this is "abstemious" - BEER! bring me BEER!

Coincidence?  Only You Can Tell!
     During my manhandling of several hundred books from the high cupboard to ground level, I re-discovered my "Dictionary of Phrase and Fable".  I flicked over a few pages and what did I come across?  "Fretful porpentine".
     I've just been reading "Jeeves in the Offing" and what does Bertie Wooster mention at length?  Yes, the "fretful porpentine".  Bertie?  Any opinions?

"Aliens are subverting your reality, Conrad.  It's the only reason that makes sense."

In Finis
     We usually end up with a cuddly animal here, don't we?  Let us gaze upon the walrus -

O bloody hell no!  Quick, get a plush version -

- not the Greater Vampire Walrus - 

Slightly better .....

Oh I give up - let me get that liniment and I'll be off polishing my brass hand.

* But let's pretend it is the weather, just to mess with February
**  Let us be clear - it is the stupid political system BOOJUM! is mocking.  Not Russians.  Russians are cool.  They have Tolstoy and Tchaikovsky.  Also vodka.